Am I receiving communion validly?

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I have a question that has been bugging me since my confirmation 2 years ago. I am a convert and I was married at 20 years old to my high school boyfriend. We were married in a Baptist Church (which neither of us were attending) I was baptized and I am 99% sure he was not. 9 months into our marriage he had an affair - a pretty long one with my best friend. After that, we sought counseling and attempted to have a baby (that was my idea of a marriage). Thankfully I did not become pregnant with his child as he displayed no desire to have children soon into the descision of trying and regularly went out drinking with his father and friends at minimum two nights a week. This lifestyle was nothing unusual even in the beginning of our marriage. We essentially were living seperate lives. I later caught him embracing another woman one night at a bar after I had been informed he was there while I had been working a long shift at work. This kind of stuff continued and tragically (my opinion) I later found myself recieving attention from another man who was very attentive emotionally and socially with me in my lonliness which only led to an affair on my part. We just continued to live seperate lives but under the same roof rarely seeing one another. My marriage finally ended when I physically caught my husband in the act with another woman in our home. I was 26 when we divorced and I later remarried and have been married for 19 years to a terrific guy. My priest permitted me to go through with my confirmation without the annulment as he felt it was not necessary -only if I wanted to…so I didn’t… but now I am second guessing myself for the fact that I wonder “what if” I am in a state of mortal sin (adultery) since remarriage. My pastor made feel like all is fine but I just need some sort of confirmation that I am legitimate in receiving communion. I have talked to two people who do not understand how I get to receive the eucharist and it makes me question my validity.
 
TJS312 said:
I have a question that has been bugging me since my confirmation 2 years ago. I am a convert and I was married at 20 years old to my high school boyfriend. We were married in a Baptist Church (which neither of us were attending) I was baptized and I am 99% sure he was not. 9 months into our marriage he had an affair - a pretty long one with my best friend. After that, we sought counseling and attempted to have a baby (that was my idea of a marriage). Thankfully I did not become pregnant with his child as he displayed no desire to have children soon into the descision of trying and regularly went out drinking with his father and friends at minimum two nights a week. This lifestyle was nothing unusual even in the beginning of our marriage. We essentially were living seperate lives. I later caught him embracing another woman one night at a bar after I had been informed he was there while I had been working a long shift at work. This kind of stuff continued and tragically (my opinion) I later found myself recieving attention from another man who was very attentive emotionally and socially with me in my lonliness which only led to an affair on my part. We just continued to live seperate lives but under the same roof rarely seeing one another. My marriage finally ended when I physically caught my husband in the act with another woman in our home. I was 26 when we divorced and I later remarried and have been married for 19 years to a terrific guy. My priest permitted me to go through with my confirmation without the annulment as he felt it was not necessary -only if I wanted to…so I didn’t… but now I am second guessing myself for the fact that I wonder “what if” I am in a state of mortal sin (adultery) since remarriage. My pastor made feel like all is fine but I just need some sort of confirmation that I am legitimate in receiving communion. I have talked to two people who do not understand how I get to receive the eucharist and it makes me question my validity.
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Hello,

I think you should get a second opinion from someone educated in these sorts of problems (such as the judicial vicar of the diocese or someone else at the Tribunal). It seems there are some issues that need to be examined more fully.

Dan
 
I would second Dan’s statement. On the face of it, your priest gave you very, very bad guidance. An annulment isn’t something you just get if you want to. It is there to establish that a marriage never took place and that you are free to attempt marriage again.

Out where I live a person in a second marriage that has not received an annulment for the first is not allowed to go through the Rite of Welcome until their marriage situation is resolved. In my local diocese it is not uncommon for candidates to wait 2 - 3 years before they can be received into the Church while their marriage situation is normalized. It is an unfortunate side effect of the dissolution of understanding of marriage in the world today.

The reason for this is that a second marriage is considered invalid until the first is proved to be null or the previous spouse has died. Since it is not possible to be married to two people at once, the Church assumes that the first marriage is valid and relations with another (even legal spouse) is an act of adultery. Adultery being a grave sin can rise to the level of mortal sin assuming it is committed with full knowledge and will. Receiving the sacraments in a state of mortal sin is a further act of sin known as sacrilege. It is for that reason that this area tends to avoid putting people in a position while their marriage situation is in an irregular state.

As Dan said, talk to someone in the diocesan tribunal office. Ideally you can talk with the Judicial Vicar as they are both knowledgeable about canon law and a priest. Personally? I would refrain from receiving the Eucharist until I had talked to someone.
 
The best advice I can give is to talk to your priest, or a priest at another parish. Most likely, they will ask some questions and if it seems necessary, help you begin the annulment process for your first marriage.

Was your second (current) marriage a valid, Catholic marriage by a priest or deacon? Also, were you Catholic at the time of the second marriage, or did you convert afterwards?
 
It’s probable that since you weren’t Catholic at the time of your first marriage that your first marriage is considered valid, which would mean you are currently in a state of adultery. I know when I was going through RCIA last year I had plans of marrying my fiance prior to being baptized, but when they found out my fiance is previously married they said if I married him that I would need to hold off on baptism and confirmation because I’d be living in an adulterous relationship.

I second previous comments that you should get a second opinion, check to see if your diocese/archdiocese has a canon lawyer on staff.
 
A second opinion is certainly a good idea. Be sure to mention that you think that your first husband was not baptized though - if he was not, then (while you might still have a process to go through) the process might be different/simpler.
 
TJS312 said:
I have a question that has been bugging me since my confirmation 2 years ago. I am a convert and I was married at 20 years old to my high school boyfriend. We were married in a Baptist Church (which neither of us were attending) I was baptized and I am 99% sure he was not. 9 months into our marriage he had an affair - a pretty long one with my best friend. After that, we sought counseling and attempted to have a baby (that was my idea of a marriage). Thankfully I did not become pregnant with his child as he displayed no desire to have children soon into the descision of trying and regularly went out drinking with his father and friends at minimum two nights a week. This lifestyle was nothing unusual even in the beginning of our marriage. We essentially were living seperate lives. I later caught him embracing another woman one night at a bar after I had been informed he was there while I had been working a long shift at work. This kind of stuff continued and tragically (my opinion) I later found myself recieving attention from another man who was very attentive emotionally and socially with me in my lonliness which only led to an affair on my part. We just continued to live seperate lives but under the same roof rarely seeing one another. My marriage finally ended when I physically caught my husband in the act with another woman in our home. I was 26 when we divorced and I later remarried and have been married for 19 years to a terrific guy. My priest permitted me to go through with my confirmation without the annulment as he felt it was not necessary -only if I wanted to…so I didn’t… but now I am second guessing myself for the fact that I wonder “what if” I am in a state of mortal sin (adultery) since remarriage. My pastor made feel like all is fine but I just need some sort of confirmation that I am legitimate in receiving communion. I have talked to two people who do not understand how I get to receive the eucharist and it makes me question my validity.
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Please call the diocese and talk to someone in the marriage tribunal.

You are likely to get all sorts of answers here, many of which are likely to be inaccurate.

Dan is a canon lawyer and he has given you the best advice-- talk to the judicial vicar or someone at the tribunal in your diocese.
 
Thanks to all of you! I have met with our new parish priest and he has validated all that you have said…He and I are actively working on the annulment process as I type this. I am excited that I recieved grace from him in speaking with him and he has made me understand that my conscience was correct to question the direction I was given. I actually found out this weekend that my ex was baptized as a Catholic so if we are able to obtain proof from his parish when he was a child then it appears it will not be such a difficult process. I pray that this happens because it is very important to me. I have refrained from communion and want to be obedient to the teachings. Continue to pray for me…I appreciate all of your comments and directions. Thank you!
 
Your wish to obey faithfully the teachings of Christ and His Church are a reminder and an example to all of us. God bless you. I will pray for you.
 
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