Am I right to be miffed at my confessor?

[isw49017]

I have had ocassion to confess to a priest, who after hearing my confession, indicated that I didn’t have the right appreciation on how the sacrament worked, as it had only been one or two weeks since my last confession. I felt that what I confessed was grave matter. What the priest said really ticked me off. I am 59-years-old and have been going to confession for most of my life. Do I have good reason to be upset, or should I just let it go?

 

[Michelle_Arnold]

While it is no doubt upsetting to be chastised when trying to do the right thing, it is possible that the confessor was right about your understanding of whether you needed to confess but tactless in conveying that message to you. For example, you may have believed that the sin you confessed was grave matter, but perhaps it was a venial sin. The only way to know for sure is to politely question the confessor. For example, here is a sample dialogue:

Confessor: It’s only been a week since your last confession and you’re here again. I’m afraid you don’t have a right understanding of the sacrament of confession.

Penitent (speaking in an earnest, concerned voice): Really, Father? Was what I confessed a mortal sin?

Confessor: No. It was a venial sin.

Penitent: I’m relieved to know that. How often do you recommend that I confess my venial sins?

You can also ask for guidance in determining whether a sin is mortal. If the confessor recommends a long break between confessions (say, longer than a month), you can ask why he is recommending such a long period. If you believe it is too long for you, you can quote to him this paragraph from the Catechism of the Catholic Church:

Without being strictly necessary, confession of everyday faults (venial sins) is nevertheless strongly recommended by the Church. Indeed the regular confession of our venial sins helps us form our conscience, fight against evil tendencies, let ourselves be healed by Christ and progress in the life of the Spirit. By receiving more frequently through this sacrament the gift of the Father’s mercy, we are spurred to be merciful as he is merciful (CCC 1458).

The overall point here though is not to dismiss a confessor’s advice out of hand, however tactlessly it may be given. Politely question where necessary both to gain clarification and to respectfully challenge the assumption that regular confession is unnecessary.