As an example - I sometimes feel that, because I can’t recall any sins that stick out in my mind, that I may have no sins to confess.(!) However, I also know that the moment I assume that I haven’t sinned…I have already sinned of pride. This is not scrupulousity.
It is in fact awarness of other areas that are not so obvious such as sins of omission.
Whereas, there was an occasion where I shold’ve said something or done something [good] and I didn’t. Or not said or done something [not good] and I did!
I just want to point out that this definition (what is or isn’t scrupulous) depends on the person in question. If you don’t tend to dwell on sins overly long or live in undue fear of sinning, this can be a good rule. But a scrupulous person can’t tell the difference so easily. I have suffered from it in the past and on occasion still do. I’m currently trying to discern the difference between healthy spiritual growth and burdensome concern about sin, so it’s a subject near to my heart. If it were just a matter of comparing kinds of concerns at face value, it would be easy to overcome scrupulosity. True, sometimes scruples are obviously ridiculous, though these are none the less torturous. But at other times, I believe scrupulosity can be trickier than that and masquerade as a legitimate concern. There is a certain place for someone (hopefully a priest) with a spiritual gift of discernment to help a scrupulous person understand what concerns are legitimate. For instance, when you mentioned that thinking you hadn’t sinned was itself a sin and then stated that this wasn’t scrupulosity, I realized that this could have sent scrupulous people into a lot of anxiety. Suddenly they could feel pressure to remember a sin to confess and hence may label things as sins that, in fact, aren’t, or if they can’t remember they will become tormented because they feel that since they are acknowledging they don’t remember any sins they are sinning. It’s a horrible world to be trapped in.
I think confession can be very hard for scrupulous people. It would be easier to overcome if there wasn’t such a constant reminder of sin–helpful for so many people, but a terrible source of anxiety for the scrupulous. Yet I think it can be a great source of spiritual growth, if the person’s priest is helpful. What I’ve learned over the years is the depth of God’s mercy and love and beauty; I have had to learn to emphasize the freedom we are given in Christ. I often remember this as a guideline: whenever I start to feel a brick on my chest accompanied with worry about sinning or what God thinks of something, I find I am drifting away from true knowledge of God. It’s like being exiled, because those feelings of anxiety rise up like a wall between you and God and keep you from simply acting out of love for him. We must remember: God is love, not rules. Rules are just a human verbal description to help us remember what sorts of things are or are not in line with him. We don’t just avoid sin because he will be displeased; we avoid it because we know it will kill us and, eventually, because the last thing we want to do is act in a way opposed to his infinitely loving and glorious nature. We, as Christians, are being made into the image and likeness of God–and that means being made more ourselves than we ever could imagine. To sin is nothing other than to fall backwards out of the warmth and solace of love and into the cold and dark of the dead and lonely world. We douse the fire of love in us when we choose to sin, and who wants to be rock cold? I think the mature Christian learns to instinctively recognize what is of God and what isn’t (that includes sin as well as oppression), and as the Holy Spirit guides him, actually
wants to be in line with God and dislikes sin because he knows that’s nothing other than a fancy word for death. As my Christian Moral Principles professor said, “Jesus didn’t come to make bad people good: he came to make dead people live!”
The Christian life (this is good for everyone to remember, scrupulous or not) is not about doing all the right things and not doing all the wrong things. It’s about being resurrected from the dead. Avoiding sin is, ideally, just the result of the Christian who has fallen so in love with Life that he or she doesn’t want to be separated from it. It’s pursuing the bounding depths of glory over the plastic sequin-covered darkness of sin. Who wants to be alone in the dark when we’ve been called into glorious light? We’re SAVED from sin because sin wanted to own us and kill us. Sin is our enemy, because Life is our love. There is no list of dos-and-don’ts in heaven; just God himself and, believe me, that far outstrips any list in beauty and accuracy. You know why gossip or slander is wrong because you know what faithfulness
is. We only know a sin is wrong in reference to what it is
not. Sin isn’t simply this other reality we have to be paranoid about avoiding…it’s the distortion of everything good and beautiful. We hate sin only because we love what is good. So for everyone, and especially for the scrupulous: fall in love with God, and you will learn to instinctively hate sin. Insist that he give himself to you and make you hungry for him, and you will find that sin gives you indigestion. Don’t focus first on what you “must” and “mustn’t” do. Focus first on learning why this Jesus is the love of your life and your life-breath. If you can’t live without him, you’ll find he has begun gently leading you away from sin. And you will find that when you do sin, it will be more and more natural to “come to your senses” in remorse, and confess simply because you love something greater. God is love. And where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom: sin is nothing but a slavemaster, and we are called to be children of the Most High. That is freedom indeed!
