Am I serving my neighbor or harming myself?

[mimmizozo]

It’s not that I make myself so crucial and important for the group, it’s rather they who put that expectation on me because they can’t seem to do a good job on their own according to themselves, complaining about how numbers went up after i started attending. And being highly sensitive, I practically feel and think what they feel and think sometimes, being unable to tell where i begin and where they end, so the line between doing something because i want to and what they want to, or, the line between knowing what is my problem and their problem, becomes extremely diffuse.

 

[aroosi]

It’s not that I make myself so crucial and important for the group, it’s rather they who put that expectation on me because they can’t seem to do a good job on their own according to themselves, complaining about how numbers went up after i started attending.

I am a bit puzzled by this comment. I thought people are going to Mass mostly to encounter God. Once I went by chance to a church in which one of the parishioner was a national celebrity. He was very focused on the Mass and even if he briefly greeted outside the church some of his fans, he kept everything very simple and private.

 

[TwoNames]

I’m a highly sensitive person as well - with OCD. Every person must know how to say NO. It’s one of the hardest things to do, I am sure you agree with me on this. I am learning. People were offering me drinks at a birthday party, the celebrant already poured two shots, one for herself and one for me. I had to say no. And it was not easy and since it was in front of many people it might have make her feel kind of embarssed. But I don’t want to get drunk or tipsy and I knew that if I don’t say NO, that I will just feel angry at myself later.

Just a short story. God wants you to have free will in all situations.

 

[Lucy_1]

The way you can best serve your neighbor at events like these is to relax and be in the present moment. Yes, we want to notice if someone needs more wine, or offer to take their plate. We want to be attentive listeners and connect with people.

But there’s no need to try to manipulate the situation or yourself so that people can have a good time, or disconnect from yourself, which is what it sounds like is happening.

And what’s worse, throughout the event, I seem to degrade and demean myself for the sake of other people’s entertainment

Please don’t do this. It makes people uncomfortable. And you are a person worthy of love and respect. If ppl seem to be entertained it’s probably because they probably don’t know you well enough to politely stop it.

It is difficult when you want to serve people out of love for God to find the line between selfless and doormat. I have really struggled with this myself. My conclusion was: whatever you give, only commit to what you can do with a good attitude. At the end of your self-giving if you end up exhausted, or bitter, or resentful in some way, then your service really didn’t amount to much. It’s better to give or serve a little cheerfully, and I think it’s more pleasing to God. If He’s specifically asking you to do more, He will give you peace.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

they who put that expectation on me because they can’t seem to do a good job on their own according to themselves, complaining about how numbers went up after i started attending.

This sounds more like they may have been trying to give you a compliment that you may have misinterpreted due to your sensitivity issue. I sincerely doubt that you or anyone else is so irreplaceable that one individual’s presence at or absence from a parish dinner is going to make the numbers go up or down.

In all honesty, I think you should continue to discuss with your therapist because the things you are saying about your fellow parishioners and your priest on this thread sound like you are having some confusion understanding and interacting with them in a normal way.

 

[0Scarlett_nidiyilii]

So…

What would happen if you werent the life of the party? If you showed up just as you are? With a pleasant demeanor, but not seeing yourself as the entertainment committee?