Am I the only happpily working mom here (and is this how working dads normally feel)?

[Litcrit]

I gave it a month before I decided to post anything… just to make sure my initial enthusiasm for my new job isn’t clouding my perception.

And I can’t help it, I really enjoy being a working mom.

I feel no pangs of guilt or grief as I leave my 21 mo daughter with her dad. I don’t worry about her while I work. When I head back home, though, I look forward to seeing her, and, having what for me seems to be the perfect balance, I now really enjoy spending all my free time with her.

I love seeing how she’s developing a special bond with her dad and love it when he tells me about their day and all the cute things she said and did, and I don’t feel jealous for having missed any of it. I feel this is the way it’s supposed to be and I’m proud of them.

The thing is, I haven’t met many women IRL or here who feel this way . Most working moms here have expressed the desire to become SAHMs if possible, and only seem to work because otherwise their families would starve. Most working dads, OTOH, seem to feel the way I do - they love their children but don’t feel an overwhelming need to be with them all the time and know their children are happy and being lovingly taken care of while they work to provide for them.

And, as you might remember, I have this constant nagging doubt that I’m not feminine enough or not a ‘real’ woman. So, does this make me more ‘manly’ and ‘fatherly’ and less ‘womanly’ and ‘motherly’ or not? Are there other women like me? Are there men UNLIKE me, who hate having to work because it separates them from their kids?

Thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it this far.

 

[KCT]

By working mom, do you mean a mom of young kids?

I recently returned to work after being home to raise and homeschool our kids. Our youngest is a high school senior who is finishing her credits at the community college.

I was quite surprised to find that when I’m at work (I teach middle school) I don’t think about my family at all! I pictured myself wondering what my dd was doing, did she get to school on time, are her classes going well etc. Didn’t happen!

 

[Litcrit]

By working mom, do you mean a mom of young kids?

I guess I do… my daughter is 21 months old, that’s young. But moms get a year of maternity leave here, so I guess I don’t mean moms of babies - I don’t think I could leave a baby who still nurses a lot for longer than an hour or so. Luckily, that’s a choice I’ll never have to make.

I was quite surprised to find that when I’m at work (I teach middle school) I don’t think about my family at all! I pictured myself wondering what my dd was doing, did she get to school on time, are her classes going well etc. Didn’t happen!

Yeah, me too. Maybe it’s because I trust my dear husband so much.

 

[Jennifer_J]

11 years ago, I went back to work (teaching music) when my darling baby was 6 weeks old. He was in the care of his father. I hated nearly every minute of it, but was glad he was with his father. A few years later we added a daughter, but dh’s works schedule wasn’t as flexible so they ended up in daycare for the school year–part time. I hated that even more and my daughter was 6 months old at the time. By the time baby #3 came along I was able to stay home and don’t regret a day of it. That being said, if you’re happy, then what’s the problem? You’re lucky that your dh can take care of her, she’s old enough to really enjoy being with dad AND you’re happy. What’s the issue? I guess I wonder why you always seem to be second guessing yourself? Be happy that you have the situation you do and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing/feeling.

 

[Litcrit]

11 years ago, I went back to work (teaching music) when my darling baby was 6 weeks old. He was in the care of his father. I hated nearly every minute of it, but was glad he was with his father. A few years later we added a daughter, but dh’s works schedule wasn’t as flexible so they ended up in daycare for the school year–part time. I hated that even more and my daughter was 6 months old at the time. By the time baby #3 came along I was able to stay home and don’t regret a day of it. .

Thanks for yor response. I would have hated leaving babies too, I’m sure.

That being said, if you’re happy, then what’s the problem? You’re lucky that your dh can take care of her, she’s old enough to really enjoy being with dad AND you’re happy. What’s the issue? I guess** I wonder why you always seem to be second guessing yourself?** Be happy that you have the situation you do and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing/feeling.

I wonder that too.

I guess I’ve always felt like a freak, like I never fit in with the girls around me… and didn’t mind that. Until I started practicing my faith and my confessor told me I was *supposed *to be *feminine *because I was a woman. So now I seem to wonder too frequently if I’m not actually more masculine than feminine.

 

[whatevergirl]

11 years ago, I went back to work (teaching music) when my darling baby was 6 weeks old. He was in the care of his father. I hated nearly every minute of it, but was glad he was with his father. A few years later we added a daughter, but dh’s works schedule wasn’t as flexible so they ended up in daycare for the school year–part time. I hated that even more and my daughter was 6 months old at the time. By the time baby #3 came along I was able to stay home and don’t regret a day of it. That being said, if you’re happy, then what’s the problem? You’re lucky that your dh can take care of her, she’s old enough to really enjoy being with dad AND you’re happy. What’s the issue? I guess I wonder why you always seem to be second guessing yourself? Be happy that you have the situation you do and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing/feeling.

Hi Jennifer;

Good for you! I am a happily working mom, also…I view everything we do in life, as a vocation and blessing from God. I was a SAHM for a while when my kids were younger, but I now enjoy working very much …love what I do, and know that I’m following what and where God wants me to be …serving my family in this way now, at this time in my life. So–yep–I’m a happily working mama.

 

[Litcrit]

. What’s the issue? I guess I wonder why you always seem to be second guessing yourself? Be happy that you have the situation you do and stop worrying about what everyone else is doing/feeling.

And, in a completely opposite vein, I guess if I found that I was more like ‘average’ dads, I’d feel like a good parent, although not necessarily the perfect mom. Does any of this make *any *sense at all?

 

[whatevergirl]

Thanks for yor response. I would have hated leaving babies too, I’m sure.

I wonder that too.

I guess I’ve always felt like a freak, like I never fit in with the girls around me… and didn’t mind that. Until I started practicing my faith and my confessor told me I was *supposed *to be *feminine *because I was a woman. So now I seem to wonder too frequently if I’m not actually more masculine than feminine.

I understand your sentiments, but we are not what we do…we are children of God, special and unique…and feminine or masculine (depending on gender) …because God made us. Not because we work outside of the home, or don’t. Our vocations don’t dictate if we are living as authentic females or males. I think there are way too many labels cast upon people in America…causing men who stay at home with their kids to feel like they are somehow shirking their responsibilities ‘as men,’ or women being made to feel one way or the other, if they are working outside of the home. Like many threads I have posted in relating to this topic, it is what is in the best interest of one’s family, and children…and most importantly, if God has led you to something, then His point of view is all that matters. God bless!

 

[Litcrit]

Good for you! I am a happily working mom, also…I view everything we do in life, as a vocation and blessing from God. I was a SAHM for a while when my kids were younger, but I now enjoy working very much …love what I do, and know that I’m following what and where God wants me to be …serving my family in this way now, at this time in my life. So–yep–I’m a happily working mama.

Thank you for your response. I always love to hear your balanced views on this and every other issue.

 

[whatevergirl]

Thank you for your response. I always love to hear your balanced views on this and every other issue.

Hi Litcrit…nice seeing you. Glad to add my two cents, for whatever they’re worth!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

**I think that it is more about trusting who your little one is being cared for by while you are at work than anything else…

I know my hubby would love to be a SAHD…but he doesn’t spend his work days feeling guilty or wondering if Lily is cared for. Just as if I was the one working and he was staying home, I would miss her (and personally I would rather be with her than working) but I wouldn’t be racked with guilt or depressed…

Most of the working moms I have seen guilt/depression from are the ones who HAVE to work and HAVE to use daycare…it wasn’t a choice.

Now, in your personal situation, if it works for you, your hubby, and your little one, then there is NO problem:thumbsup:**

As for whether you are more masculine or feminine, best something to take back to your confessor since it may apply in a totally different way than you are assuming. You can be a feminine working mom (who is happy) as well as your husband can be a masculine stay at home dad. I don’t think who does what defines their gender traits.

 

[Crystal_H]

Litcrit,

I am a working mom… I love my job. I am the primary income for our family and I have to be away from my 2 sons and husband during the week . I think that every family is different and I think that everything that we contribute for the sake of the family is important. I love it that my Dh is able to be the primary caretaker of our family and home. I don’t think my kids are suffering from this arrangement and that it makes me any less womanly.

Whatever you do do it for the glory of God and love for your family.
Crystal

 

[Litcrit]

I understand your sentiments, but we are not what we do…we are children of God, special and unique…and feminine or masculine (depending on gender) …because God made us. Not because we work outside of the home, or don’t. Our vocations don’t dictate if we are living as authentic females or males. I think there are way too many labels cast upon people in America…causing men who stay at home with their kids to feel like they are somehow shirking their responsibilities ‘as men,’ or women being made to feel one way or the other, if they are working outside of the home. Like many threads I have posted in relating to this topic, it is what is in the best interest of one’s family, and children…and most importantly, if God has led you to something, then His point of view is all that matters. God bless!

Again, thank you.

I don’t even live in the US, but I’m influenced by this site a lot… Most women here work anyway, but many wish they didn’t have to.

I’ve always felt like I had a mission in life somehow related to my professional and scholarly life… I remember playing ‘scientists’ (writing down ‘data’ in a little notebook) and ‘scholars’ (reading thick books all night long) when I was little. I love teaching university students - I love interacting with people aged 18-22. My husband, OTOH, never felt compelled to finish college, because he just wasn’t interested, and is now happily raising our daughter. He says he needs one more soon because this one is too easy .

I guess I either need to know I’m a ‘good enough’ woman or that I’m the ‘man’ of the family. Either of the two would help me towards finding my identity.

 

[Litcrit]

**I think that it is more about trusting who your little one is being cared for by while you are at work than anything else…

I know my hubby would love to be a SAHD…but he doesn’t spend his work days feeling guilty or wondering if Lily is cared for. Just as if I was the one working and he was staying home, I would miss her (and personally I would rather be with her than working) but I wouldn’t be racked with guilt or depressed…

Most of the working moms I have seen guilt/depression from are the ones who HAVE to work and HAVE to use daycare…it wasn’t a choice.

Now, in your personal situation, if it works for you, your hubby, and your little one, then there is NO problem:thumbsup:**

As for whether you are more masculine or feminine, best something to take back to your confessor since it may apply in a totally different way than you are assuming. You can be a feminine working mom (who is happy) as well as your husband can be a masculine stay at home dad. I don’t think who does what defines their gender traits.

Thank you so much! It means a lot coming from you, because I know how much effort you put into being an awesome SAHM!

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

I guess I either need to know I’m a ‘good enough’ woman or that I’m the ‘man’ of the family. Either of the two would help me towards finding my identity.

**Honestly, no matter what we tell you, you won’t be convinced that you are “good enough” until you believe it. That comes from within. But I sure hope you can work towards that realization since your husband and little one deserve a mom who knows she is good enough! But, for what’s it’s worth, I will tell you my opinion…you ARE good enough and you are NOT the man of the family

edit: if you are expressing the opinion that you may be more of the “man” in your family you are by default calling your husband the “woman” of the family… maybe when you think of it that way it’ll make more sense since you would probably never consciously call your husband womanly:thumbsup:
**

 

[Litcrit]

Litcrit,

I am a working mom… I love my job. I am the primary income for our family and I have to be away from my 2 sons and husband during the week . I think that every family is different and I think that everything that we contribute for the sake of the family is important. I love it that my Dh is able to be the primary caretaker of our family and home. I don’t think my kids are suffering from this arrangement and that it makes me any less womanly.

Whatever you do do it for the glory of God and love for your family.
Crystal

Oh, thank you! I’m NOT the only one!

 

[Jennifer_J]

Thanks for yor response. I would have hated leaving babies too, I’m sure.

I wonder that too.

I guess I’ve always felt like a freak, like I never fit in with the girls around me… and didn’t mind that. Until I started practicing my faith and my confessor told me I was *supposed *to be *feminine *because I was a woman. So now I seem to wonder too frequently if I’m not actually more masculine than feminine.

I guess I would take this back to my confessor and ask what he means by feminine? Is he talking about wearing dresses and makeup? Doing the taxes? If he hasn’t explained more about this to you, I would ask for more info, some examples, what does he mean by more feminine? Because some of these things are just preferences. I like skirts but not so much makeup and pants are okay, too. I got along better with males because females are (generally) too “catty”. I like pink, but dark green is my favorite color. I played with dolls and cars as a child. Please find out what he means!!

God bless

 

[Em_in_FL]

I’ve worked since I got out of college (7 1/2 years now) at the same job… minus 3 maternity leaves for 12 weeks each.
It’s a decision that we made as a family, and I don’t mind taking the role of “working mom” because it was the best choice for our family right now. I’d PREFER not to work, but for our family that would be a purely selfish decision on my part. My dream would be a part time job, or maybe as a teacher at my kids’ Catholic school… so that I could be more involved at my kids’ school - I’d be there volunteering ALL the time if I could!.. and I pray that God leads my life in that direction.
But for now, I do what’s best for our family. Not thrilled, but not totally disgruntled either.

 

[Litcrit]

**Honestly, no matter what we tell you, you won’t be convinced that you are “good enough” until you believe it. That comes from within. But I sure hope you can work towards that realization since your husband and little one deserve a mom who knows she is good enough! But, for what’s it’s worth, I will tell you my opinion…you ARE good enough and you are NOT the man of the family

edit: if you are expressing the opinion that you may be more of the “man” in your family you are by default calling your husband the “woman” of the family… maybe when you think of it that way it’ll make more sense since you would probably never consciously call your husband womanly:thumbsup:
**

Actually, no… . My husband himself often feels he has some ‘typically feminine’ attributes… as in noticing mess and taking care of it without a word… or sometimes nagging about it… washing the dishes as soon as they begin to pile up… not being professionally ambitious and not caring about degrees obtained or money earned… wishing to be at home all the time and wishing his spouse would take care of all outside stuff, including paying bills… shy…

He is very manly, BTW. Dark and broad-shouldered and strong and all that. He just has some characteristics that are typically feminine.

We’re both happy, but I often wonder if we’re swapping roles in our marriage. If we are, I know that this is right for us, but in order to know more about my identity, I need to know if this whole gender-based providing/nurturing thing is real or just a fiction. Or something.

 

[pnewton]

We kind of have the best of both worlds. My wife works as a special needs case manager at a high school, keeping school hours. I work shift work, 12 hour days. The net result is we need less than half the day care of other SAHM’s, with long breaks in the summer, Christman, spring break. Another upside is my 3yo son has become a social butterfly and his Church run day care. The only downside is I frequently do not get enough rest when I am on nights. Having differing schedules offers unique opportunities.