Am I the only one? Re:Facebook

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skigirl1689

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I’ll admit, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It’s absolutely wonderful for keeping in touch with my family, who live far from us, and my friends from a summer camp I attended as well as from college.

But it’s caused a lot of hurt too. Three years ago I found out my uncle had died via FB, it was expected, but still a horrible way to find out, at school (college) but I was still living at home.

And then there’s tonight where I found out my cousin got married today, totally out of the blue, thought the wedding was next February. I expected it to be a small family wedding and did not expect to be invited. But it’s like, is nothing important enough to tell family first before telling the entire world first?

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, belonging to the wrong generation. It just seems I find out more and more family news via FB and it kind of makes me uncomfortable with the trend.

Am I the only one???
 
My husband and I have a joint facebook account but we don’t constantly update it. I think putting too much information about yourself and your family is actually putting yourself in danger because we really do not know what is in the heart of other people especially distant friends and acquaintances…

I too prefer announcing special events and special happenind via a personal phone call, private email or person to person chat. That is the natural way of doing things.
 
Try seeing your only sister post pictures on Facebook of her “wedding” with my parents and my grandmother and you weren’t invited.

She was originally planning on having a big traditional wedding (with me as the maid-of-honor) but changed her mind at the last minute and she and my BIL decided to elope. My sister and I weren’t getting along at this time anyway…but come on.

She let my parents know last minute and some of her friends. I never heard from her and only found out the night before from my mother.

We’ve since made up but I will never forgive her for doing what she did and then flaunting it on Facebook with a family photo and one person blatantly missing from it.

I cannot stand Facebook. I had it for about a year and then got rid of it after more then one incident from my family. In this same week my SIL was posting nonsense about my husband that he saw on my wall (he has never had a Facebook page). He asked me to please get rid of Facebook and I did.

Yeah sure, it’s nice to keep in touch with family and friends that I have all over the world but it’s not worth the added stress and aggravation of one photo or one post on your wall.
 
Kelfa28 said:
Try seeing your only sister post pictures on Facebook of her “wedding” with my parents and my grandmother and you weren’t invited.

She was originally planning on having a big traditional wedding (with me as the maid-of-honor) but changed her mind at the last minute and she and my BIL decided to elope. My sister and I weren’t getting along at this time anyway…but come on.

She let my parents know last minute and some of her friends. I never heard from her and only found out the night before from my mother.

We’ve since made up but I will never forgive her for doing what she did and then flaunting it on Facebook with a family photo and one person blatantly missing from it.

I cannot stand Facebook. I had it for about a year and then got rid of it after more then one incident from my family. In this same week my SIL was posting nonsense about my husband that he saw on my wall (he has never had a Facebook page). He asked me to please get rid of Facebook and I did.

Yeah sure, it’s nice to keep in touch with family and friends that I have all over the world but it’s not worth the added stress and aggravation of one photo or one post on your wall.
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I’m so sorry this happened to you! That must have been unbelievably difficult for you. I keep mine for my friends from my past and it means a lot to me. But it seems all of my issues are with family too. I really monitor what I post and usually it is just random observations or something I know I’ve told everyone who needs to know in-person first.

And then she had the nerve to say “yes we eloped and you weren’t invited.” It just seems a bit crass…but who knows.

I guess I should be happy my aunt told me they were engaged:shrug:
 
skigirl1689 said:
I’m so sorry this happened to you! That must have been unbelievably difficult for you. I keep mine for my friends from my past and it means a lot to me. But it seems all of my issues are with family too. I really monitor what I post and usually it is just random observations or something I know I’ve told everyone who needs to know in-person first.

And then she had the nerve to say “yes we eloped and you weren’t invited.” It just seems a bit crass…but who knows.

I guess I should be happy my aunt told me they were engaged:shrug:
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No, she just never said anything to me about it. No phone call, no e-mail, no nothing!
She also ignored my mother who was pleading with her to give me a call and invite me.

Needless to say it was a huge mess and my parents were caught in the middle. A small misunderstanding/disagreement that Christmas had evolved and grew into a massive fight by March and Facebook had quite a bit to do with it over that time.
Comments were posted on walls and people were de-friended and the snowball grew and grew until it climaxed at what was supposed to be one of the most important days of my sister’s life and she refused to let me (her only sister) share it with her.

Forgiveness is a very powerful thing and it’s something I continue to work on. I do love my sister and my BIL but I understand that their view of how the world works can be quite selfish at times and it’s been difficult for me to live with that.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I’ll admit, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It’s absolutely wonderful for keeping in touch with my family, who live far from us, and my friends from a summer camp I attended as well as from college.

But it’s caused a lot of hurt too. Three years ago I found out my uncle had died via FB, it was expected, but still a horrible way to find out, at school (college) but I was still living at home.

And then there’s tonight where I found out my cousin got married today, totally out of the blue, thought the wedding was next February. I expected it to be a small family wedding and did not expect to be invited. But it’s like, is nothing important enough to tell family first before telling the entire world first?

Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, belonging to the wrong generation. It just seems I find out more and more family news via FB and it kind of makes me uncomfortable with the trend.

Am I the only one???
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I think " Face Book " and all this recent communication craze is just nuts, absolutel nuts. :hammering:
 
skigirl1689 said:
Am I the only one???
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Nope, I feel the same way. I find it in poor taste when people announce such things via FB. I understand it is easier than phoning or writing to people. People are busy and can’t waste their precious time. I found out about a cousin’s wedding just like you - we are not super close and I wasn’t expecting to be invited, but still. Two of my friends announced their engagements via FB. Apparently they were so excited and wanted to change their relationship status immediately. I simply don’t understand that. I guess I’m not in step with the times. When I have relevant news, I prefer to tell people in person, or phone or write to them. Several of my friends refuse to open a FB account for this very reason - they want to keep communication real. So no, you are not the only one.
 
Kelfa28 said:
A small misunderstanding/disagreement that Christmas had evolved and grew into a massive fight by March and Facebook had quite a bit to do with it over that time.
Comments were posted on walls and people were de-friended and the snowball grew and grew until it climaxed at what was supposed to be one of the most important days of my sister’s life and she refused to let me (her only sister) share it with her.
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Insane. Insane. Insane. FB is such a terrible way of dealing with dissagreements. Wall posts, de-friending…how childish can it all get? But it is so easy to write something for hundreds of people to see, and so difficult to sit down and have an adult conversation. I am so sorry you experienced this.

I don’t update, I very rarely comment, on occasion I ‘like’ something. The only reason why I keep my FB account alive is because there is a playgroup for toddlers that I belong to and we keep in touch this way.
 
People will misuse anything, including Facebook.

I have strict rules for myself - Facebook is only for family and real friends and colleagues. I expect everyone to behave themselves, if not they get de-friended. I never put anything on Facebook that I don’t want the whole world to know. Simple.

It’s been a great blessing for me because I have relatives scattered over the whole planet.
 
skigirl1689 said:
I’ll admit, I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. It’s absolutely wonderful for keeping in touch with my family, who live far from us, and my friends from a summer camp I attended as well as from college.

But it’s caused a lot of hurt too. Three years ago I found out my uncle had died via FB, it was expected, but still a horrible way to find out, at school (college) but I was still living at home.
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But think of it through your aunt’s or cousin’s point of view. Many of my family and friends found out about my Mother’s death through Facebook. Why? Because calling every family member and every friend would have taken days. Her immediate family was here and her best friend’s were here. I called a few people, but I could have never made 50 calls.
And then there’s tonight where I found out my cousin got married today, totally out of the blue, thought the wedding was next February. I expected it to be a small family wedding and did not expect to be invited. But it’s like, is nothing important enough to tell family first before telling the entire world first?
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Maybe I’m just old-fashioned, belonging to the wrong generation. It just seems I find out more and more family news via FB and it kind of makes me uncomfortable with the trend.
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Am I the only one???
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You aren’t the only one, but I wonder if the people that have a problem with information being passed this way have been in a situation that would have necessitated so many calls. 🤷
 
maryjk said:
But think of it through your aunt’s or cousin’s point of view. Many of my family and friends found out about my Mother’s death through Facebook. Why? Because calling every family member and every friend would have taken days. Her immediate family was here and her best friend’s were here. I called a few people, but I could have never made 50 calls.
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It was not a member of my uncle’s immediate family who posted about his passing…and in my family, there is a chain of who calls who when there is a death. So it was completely tasteless to do it when it was not this person’s place to do so.

Go figure, my mother is seething now because I posted pictures, because it makes it look like she never does, which she doesn’t because she doesn’t know how to. They were of my dad and I and my sisters and future brother-in-law, nothing questionable. I apologized twice and she’s barely speaking with me. New personal policy, just don’t post, just lurk, I guess.
 
I do not have a facebook acc… nor will I ever have… and for all the aforementioned reasons… In my view it is supposed to be for communications… Im finding more and more it is discommunicating … if there is such a word.
 
I have a FB account that I am thinking about deleting.

I think it is creepy the way the site likes to track you over the internet. I think I last posted something in January. It is not cancelled yet because of high school people that contacted me.

However, that may not be a good enough reason to keep it open.

I have found that family communication over electronic media is often a mistake. People cannot see you or hear you and they can read intention or emotion into communication that is not there. Feelings get hurt and relationships suffer. Even email can do this.

It is better to pick up the phone or write a note on paper. I think a note on paper signals that you actually care about the person. FB and email don’t carry that signal.
 
facebook has its pros and cons. Like alot of people on this particular thread,I believe Facebook causes you to lose connection with the people who are right in your backyard but is good for catching up with friends faraway, therefore its a double edged sword. I do find another disadvantage and that is adding or even letting your coworkers know about your facebook account because then your personal life has been broadcast to everyone you work with.

If anyones workplace is like mine its gossip,gossip,gossip and everyone knows your business or has to know your business. Adding Co workers is a big mistake
 
dedo said:
I have a FB account that I am thinking about deleting.

I think it is creepy the way the site likes to track you over the internet. I think I last posted something in January. It is not cancelled yet because of high school people that contacted me.

However, that may not be a good enough reason to keep it open.
**
I have found that family communication over electronic media is often a mistake. People cannot see you or hear you and they can read intention or emotion into communication that is not there. Feelings get hurt and relationships suffer. Even email can do this.**

It is better to pick up the phone or write a note on paper. I think a note on paper signals that you actually care about the person. FB and email don’t carry that signal.
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Read it in my signature.

I forgot where I found this stat, but it’s been proven in several different scientific studies. Body language is critically important to communication, so is the tone of our voice. When we listen to people on the phone we can say the exact same script, but with different tone it’s like a completely different conversation to the person listening.

Communicating on the internet is always going to be worse than face to face. I guess you could Skype… but that’s not the majority of the internet. It’s a shame that the internet is where the majority of society goes to discuss things now. Because scientifically the depth of that conversation will be far less than if it were held in real life.
… as for Facebook, it will be a lot harder. I’m not considering it right now.*
 
I’ve become more and more particular about who I add to Facebook and have pared down my friend list based on the ridiculous behaviors of some. The inappropriate sharing of your own or others’ information is one of the things that really drives me nuts. I have a cousin who doesn’t seem to understand that the sharing of certain life events should be up to the person experiencing them. She’s spilled the beans on at least three pregnancies (including one of ours), four births (including one of ours, each time revealing the baby’s name and birth details before the parents could), a couple divorces and numerous break-ups. We tend to tell her last whenever anything big happens in our lives. At the same time, we’d love to call two of our closest friends and tell them we’re expecting again, but we know that the second we do, the wife will start posting about it on Facebook.

At the same time, we have family members who seem to only share information on Facebook. This is fine for the ones who are on there and who they haven’t blocked, but for the ones without an account or who have been placed on blocked lists (which seems to be the latest thing with some of my family), they’re always missing out on big events. Everything from engagements to divorces, births to deaths and everything in between has been shared exclusively on Facebook in the last year and a half or so. It’s awkward and upsetting for the ones who aren’t on there, as well as for the ones who mention these major life events to them not knowing that nobody had the decency to call them and let them know. I try to keep that in mind and make sure that the non-Facebook crowd gets a call or at least an email whenever we have something to share.
 
I like it for seeing family photos.

The drama I can do without, but some people cause drama in person just as much as on line. I might rather read about it than experience it in person! 😛
 
Like others have said, it has it’s pros and cons. For people with hobbies, it is the best thing since sliced bread. It allows people to connect with others that is simply not possible with phone calls. In my own case, I’m a martial artist, and I always know what is going on in other schools and what events and seminars they are having. Facebook allows these events to be posted to hundreds of people at a time. Actually contacting people individually, or even simply calling others schools, takes up a tremendous amount of time. Same deal with, say, musicians. Most gigging musicians are one FB, which allows tremendous networking ability for posting gigs, finding musicians available/wanted, etc.

Obviously some people can control themselves. That’s what unfriending is for. I’ve dumped everyone that uses FB for a political sounding board.
 
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