Am I the only wife who has a higher libido than her husband?

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taryn237

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Really really wondering about this. I definitely initiate 4 out of 5 times. I know that partly that is because I keep our NFP charts so he doesn’t necessarily know if we are ‘good to go’ or not… but I really do want that intimacy more than he does. He is ok watching sports on the couch with a beer 6 nights a week whereas I want to be in bed together every other night. I am also having a really hard time abstaining during my fertile period but it doesn’t bother him at all. (I am just back into having cycles after two years - pregnancy and postpartum breastfeeding so maybe I just need time to adjust to all these wacky hormones again…).
 
taryn237 said:
Really really wondering about this. I definitely initiate 4 out of 5 times. I know that partly that is because I keep our NFP charts so he doesn’t necessarily know if we are ‘good to go’ or not… but I really do want that intimacy more than he does. He is ok watching sports on the couch with a beer 6 nights a week whereas I want to be in bed together every other night. I am also having a really hard time abstaining during my fertile period but it doesn’t bother him at all. (I am just back into having cycles after two years - pregnancy and postpartum breastfeeding so maybe I just need time to adjust to all these wacky hormones again…).
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Starting in the mid twenties male libido starts dropping whereas female libido rises
 
I’m 30 and he’s 31 so maybe that’s what is happening… there are just so many posts about husbands having a hard time with NFP I feel like the only women who does.
 
It’s more common for men to have higher libidos than women, but for some couples the pattern is reversed. You face an issue that many, probably most, couples face…that of differing sex drives…but this doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with either of you.

As with all matters in marriage, communication is the key to resolving any issues this differing sex drive causes.
 
I’m a regular reader of the Abby/Landers columns, and I see this problem frequently reflected there. I have thought (strictly tongue in cheek – no flames please) that there ought to be a national holiday where everyone could get together, and the high-drive wives could trade their low-drive husbands to low-drive wives for the low-drive wives’ high-drive husbands 😛
 
Nope… you’re not the only one. And whatever normal is, it’s not me. 😉
Steph
 
You are not alone. And my husband and I are in our mid 20s. It normally doesn’t bother me too much but I initiate almost every time.
 
I’m in my mid-thirties. Hubs is early 40s. I’m the one with higher drive. 😉
 
You are not alone! In the same boat as you, definitely! I researched this issue and asked doctors; could be number of things, stress, depression, anxiety, work problems, anxieties about performance/failure to satisfy you, etc. I’ve tried very gently to talk to my hubby about it - I get no response other than “I don’t know”. I’ve tried everything, from taking care of my body, wearing sexy lingerie, cooking his favorite meals, etc. - not much reaction. I still have to initiate 4/5 times.

He likes his new job so things are a little better - but he’s also very out of shape, does not exercise or watch what he eats, and I think that has a lot to do with his lack of libido. He’s also in his 40s. I’m in my late 30s.
 
taryn237 said:
I’m 30 and he’s 31 so maybe that’s what is happening… there are just so many posts about husbands having a hard time with NFP I feel like the only women who does.
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I wouldn’t say mine is higher… but definitely equal. I initiate about half the time and we openly talk about my charting on a regular basis.
Mostly these days our issue is logistics and timing. With 4 kids, working full time (both of us), and crazy busy schedules it can get a little complicated… but when there’s a will, there’s a way. 😉

So no, you’re not alone in having a healthy libido. 🙂
 
Not only are you alone, you are mythical and don’t really exist yourself. All women are complicated and require approximately 5,423 criteria to be satisfied before they can be in the mood, many of which are only achievable between the hours of 1pm and 5pm (doh!). It’s all rather bewildering. She’s got it easy. All she needs to do is check me for a heartbeat to know…

Please do not disabuse me of this notion that all women are more complicated than a Ferrari with Lucas electronics. I need it to be true. Thanks! 😉
 
We are in our early 30’s. I find that I also have a stronger libido than my husband, which at first made me feel somewhat frustrated and confused. He still initiates - it is just less often than I would be open for.
You are not the only one.
Perhaps you could talk openly with him about it, maybe that could help your relationship, just knowing how each other feels and what your expectations are.
 
I had the same problem. It was so bad that I was considering asking the doctor for meds. to suppress my sex drive.

Now, I pretty much just gave up. I have to wait for him to initiate so I won’t be rejected. It’s horrible.

I think our problem is that my husband is getting “older” though he wouldn’t like to admit it.

just one of many many many issues we are having.

Oh yeah, and not to freak you out, but if he is secretly masturbating, he won’t be as interested in sex.
 
I initiate almost all of the time. 😉

For ever time I’ve turned him down he’s probably turned me down three times over!

However, since we’ve started using NFP he turns me down far less…he knows how disappointed I would be and that it’s one more green light day we can’t take advantage of.

I do think NFP has changed our sex life substantially because we are far more aware of our sexual relationship then we were before. When we used ABC it cheapened our sex life because we could have it whenever we wanted.
Now we both know when we have to abstain so it makes the sex we can have far more special.

As a result, he wants it more.

But I know I have a higher sex drive then he does anyway. We are both in our late twenties.
 
From a male perspective, sometimes women initiating can be something we like! Personally I think you should talk to each other about it. I have the higher libido in my marriage and I am 37 with no signs of a lessening libido but there could be some issues for him there. Also It can be common that masturbation or porn could lessen marital intimacy. I’m not accusing anything but it is something that many couples struggle with and sometimes it is a shock to the other partner when they find out.
 
And yes, check if he may be masturbating and then not interested in intimacy with you because he’s already helped himself. It’s a delicate subject to raise but we had to face those issues in our marriage - God, I hate porn. It seems that my hubby is only aroused when there are images of women having sex, say, in a steamy romance movie.

All those years of porn may have made him unable to get seriously aroused unless there was some serious visual stimulation first - Makes intimacy in our marriage very difficult at times and a wife like me is left feeling very rejected. But he’s making progress - he does try to initiate more than before but just once every couple weeks is not enough for me. 😦
 
Hello – I can’t speak from the point of view of a guy who is married, as I am not married ( still single ). …

… BUT, the idea of having a wife with a high libido is the only realistic option for a guy like myself. See, I have a very high libido, and I can only see myself with ( even though it might not be realistic to find her ) a woman who would have the desire to have intercourse with her husband every single day.

Sorry if that answer doesn’t help, but, as a single guy, I would consider myself lucky to find a woman with a libido higher than mine, as it would mean that I am not a sexual burden on her. It’s very unlikely though that I would ever find a woman who comes even close to matching my libido.
 
johnsmith2025 said:
Sorry if that answer doesn’t help, but, as a single guy, I would consider myself lucky to find a woman with a libido higher than mine, as it would mean that I am not a sexual burden on her. It’s very unlikely though that I would ever find a woman who comes even close to matching my libido.
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I think you’ve somewhat missed the point of this thread…being the partner with the higher sex drive is a burden too. You say you don’t want a woman with a lower sex drive, but you’d be happy if her sex drive was higher. That would only transfer what you perceive to be a problem onto your spouse. If you’re not prepared to be the spouse with the higher sex drive, you shouldn’t expect your wife to be that spouse either.
 
underacloud said:
I think you’ve somewhat missed the point of this thread…being the partner with the higher sex drive is a burden too. You say you don’t want a woman with a lower sex drive, but you’d be happy if her sex drive was higher. That would only transfer what you perceive to be a problem onto your spouse. If you’re not prepared to be the spouse with the higher sex drive, you shouldn’t expect your wife to be that spouse either.
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You bring up a good point there.
I guess I just meant it hypothetically — But I’m sure in my situation though, hers would not be the one who is higher.
 
underacloud said:
I think you’ve somewhat missed the point of this thread…being the partner with the higher sex drive is a burden too. You say you don’t want a woman with a lower sex drive, but you’d be happy if her sex drive was higher. That would only transfer what you perceive to be a problem onto your spouse. If you’re not prepared to be the spouse with the higher sex drive, you shouldn’t expect your wife to be that spouse either.
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Yes , I never thought I would say I would prefer a woman with a lower sex drive then me.

I now understand what women have been supposedly going through for years being chased and bugged by their husbands. I’m on the other end of it and it can be a burden. Constantly having to satisfy a women sexually is tiresome. And, being bugged for it is a turn off somewhat. Can I believe I’m saying this? No. Be careful when wishing for the supposed “best of things”. The solution: get creative or an oxygen tank.
 
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