Am I too critical or am I searching...?

[cmom4]

I will try to keep this brief because I can go on and on about the subject.

Our family is currently in a parish in our small town, we joined one year ago after attending our previous parish for 10 years. As our faith deepened we began to search for more, deeper meaning to the Liturgy and structure at that church.
Certain things became quite bothersome and distracting which many parishes face I believe (at least I think), not only an annoying music ministry but what seemed to be a lack of reverence.

Once we joined the church in our own town we felt at home. Perhaps the honeymoon is over again, but we just don’t feel fed. Homilies where bags of potato chips are used as props and the theology of another homily is wrapped around the various color purples in our world (Lenten homily) has gotten us wondering again about ourselves. Where do we belong? Are we too critical? Grin and bear it?
I often feel judgmental while leaving Mass, though outside of the Mass I do not feel like a judgmental person at all.

Today, for example, was First Holy Communion. Yes, it bothered me that the kids did not process to the altar, the priest went to them at their pews. They were apparently not taught to make the sign of the cross after receiving our Lord and also did not kneel afterwards (some parents told them to). Not sure if I am over scrupulous or if we are just more of a traditional family (well, I know that we are more traditional than most at this parish).
Our pastor told the families at the beginning of Mass to not take any pictures as to not disrupt the Liturgy…but the first thing he did after the opening prayer was to ask everyone (who had already been making the church sound like a cafeteria before Mass) to turn around and say ‘hello to your neighbor’. Ya know what? I don’t want to say hello to my neighbor once Mass has begun! We don’t allow our kids to talk at all once we enter church. Everyone bursts into talking, laughter and it feels so irreverent. These are small examples, as I said I could go on and on.
Does anyone else face this week after week, or has anyone found a solution? (certain prayers? novenas?) We are going to visit other churches over the summer though we are far away from any we haven’t been to since we live in the country. The chances of finding one within 30 miles are nil.
At the very least please offer up a prayer for us to find some comfort. We love our faith and want to live it fully!
God Bless.

 

[MarkThompson]

Once we joined the church in our own town we felt at home. Perhaps the honeymoon is over again, but we just don’t feel fed. Homilies where bags of potato chips are used as props and the theology of another homily is wrapped around the various color purples in our world (Lenten homily) has gotten us wondering again about ourselves. Where do we belong? Are we too critical? Grin and bear it?
I often feel judgmental while leaving Mass, though outside of the Mass I do not feel like a judgmental person at all.

It may surprise you to hear this statistic, but according to studies fifty percent of Catholic Masses are below average.

 

[Philomeena]

Making the sign of the cross after receiving communion is not part of the Liturgy, therefore it is not appropriate to judge the reverence or supposed lack thereof of people who do not make this gesture.

 

[damooster]

Making the sign of the cross after receiving communion is not part of the Liturgy…

I second this: the Sign of the Cross is a prayer and not required after receiving Holy Communion. See this thread for further explanation:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=226529

Having said that, I wouldn’t move; I’d confront the problem at the parish. There’s no reason why you should have to drive for hours to assist at a properly celebrated Mass. If you were in the city, where there’s a parish every other block, I may agree with you leaving, but you’re in the country and have a right to sound liturgy.

I’d talk to the pastor about your concerns. If you aren’t satisfied with the results, take it higher. Nowhere in the GIRM does it say it’s ok to institute a meet-and-greet during Mass. In fact, the GIRM forbids anyone adding or changing anything to the Mass.

 

[benedictgal]

According to Redemptionis Sacramentum:

…it is the right of all of Christ’s faithful that the Liturgy, and in particular the celebration of Holy Mass, should truly be as the Church wishes, according to her stipulations as prescribed in the liturgical books and in the other laws and norms. Likewise, the Catholic people have the right that the Sacrifice of the Holy Mass should be celebrated for them in an integral manner, according to the entire doctrine of the Church’s Magisterium. Finally, it is the Catholic community’s right that the celebration of the Most Holy Eucharist should be carried out for it in such a manner that it truly stands out as a sacrament of unity, to the exclusion of all blemishes and actions that might engender divisions and factions in the Church.32

Thus, if there are serious anamolies occuring in the liturgy that should not be there, the faithful do have a right to address these issues first with their pastor and second, if the pastor is unreponsive, to the diocesan bishop. If the bishop does not respond, then the faithful have recourse to the Holy See.

The Church already provides us with a greeting at the beginning of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass: The Lord be with you. It’s not, “Hello, how are you? My name is so and so, nice to meet you.” It’s “The Lord be with you.” We are entering something out of the ordinary. We are entering God’s time where the veil between heaven and earth and time and space is lifted.

 

[BernadetteM]

The Mass you attend sounds pretty typical of the ones I have attended outside of my own parish.

I remember when my triplet grandchildren received their first Holy Commuion, the person preparing them told them they must receive in the hand. Well the little girls received on their tongues (they are independent) the boy recieved in his hand. The girls still receive on the tongue. No priest can deny a person from receiving on the tongue, but it seems many try to discourage it.

All I can say is pray that God will change your parish into a more reverent one. It really depends on the priest. I attended a reverent parish and then the priest got ill and had to retire, the new one changed everything, more like the parish you attend.

I believe the Lord led me to my current parish, it is wonderful, with very holy priests and the parishioners follow his direction. It is like night and day.

God Bless

Bernadette

 

[puzzleannie]

if you don’t like the way the priest conducts Mass–that is if there are genuine abuses, not simply things not according to your personal preference–simply ask him about it. Father your reflection on today’s gospel was so intriguing and thoughtful, but I am afraid I missed the significance of the potato chips, could you give me some more guidance?

If you don’t like the way children are prepared for first communion in your parish, that is grand, because this is the time of year for volunteering to teach them and getting your training. If you are unhappy with catechesis in general yet do not become a catechist, I have a really hard time appreciating your sincerity.

In fact if there are any problems you observe in your parish from the pew, yet you never take it out of the pew and get involved, I don’t know how deep that concern goes. Especially if you are someone who does have the education and formation to make a real difference, or at least the desire to get good formation, not to share your gifts is a real loss to the parish.

 

[JerrySeibert]

Cmom4
I will pray for you. And I need prayers as well. For I am struggling with some of the same issues.But, it is not our place to judge. I choose to set a good example.
It is a struggle but I had to let go of pride as it is a sin. I realized I was no better than the Pharisee who admonished the tax collector even though Jesus said the tax collector was the only one of the two whos prayers were acknowledged.
Pray for them, then seek the counsel of your Pastor. At least you can say you tried.

 

[cmom4]

If you don’t like the way children are prepared for first communion in your parish, that is grand, because this is the time of year for volunteering to teach them and getting your training. If you are unhappy with catechesis in general yet do not become a catechist, I have a really hard time appreciating your sincerity.

In fact if there are any problems you observe in your parish from the pew, yet you never take it out of the pew and get involved, I don’t know how deep that concern goes. Especially if you are someone who does have the education and formation to make a real difference, or at least the desire to get good formation, not to share your gifts is a real loss to the parish.

Thanks all for responses. I guess if I were to answer my questions as if they were coming from someone else I would have said the same thing…“talk to your pastor”. Well this is why I didn’t go on and on. I know the pastor pretty well…have spent enough time with him to know his personality so I am aware of what he thinks and how he wants things to run. I am the Respect Life Coordinator and have met with him on many occasions and had hands thrown up at my appropriate suggestions on involving the parish etc. I’ve heard from him how other people want things too much…don’t do things right…do too much…too little.
I’m not saying he’s a horrible person but I"ve seen many priests honor their calling much deeper than he. So, puzzleannie, you need not question my sincerity or my concern. As I stated in my original post, my faith is my life…I long to see it appreciated by all in my parish. “Cast not your pearls before swine” says the Lord. He wasn’t being judgmental when He said that…I believe He was cautioning us to not expect too much from those who can offer little.
As for making the sign of the cross being a sign of reverence or not…true. But it isn’t ‘wrong’ to do it, just as it isn’t wrong to not sit (or to remain standing after receiving Eucharist), but our actions can be made as a person deep reverence to the Lord and I hope the church (mine and all) do not start kids out w/ short-cuts because there is a deep beauty in such actions…IMHO.
I still hope to hear from others who might be feeling the same way I am and help me to overcome my frustration. Thanks so much.
God Bless

God Bless.

 

[cmom4]

If you don’t like the way children are prepared for first communion in your parish, that is grand, because this is the time of year for volunteering to teach them and getting your training. If you are unhappy with catechesis in general yet do not become a catechist, I have a really hard time appreciating your sincerity…

Oh----about this suggestion. I homeschool my 4 children so we receive the Sacraments with our hs group so I do not need to ‘worry’ about my kids being cathecised in my parish. Yet, I have felt like I would like to get my self in their to teach this kids some serious Catholicism! The trouble is I don’t have 2 spare hours on Saturdays to do so and to be realistic, I feel skeptical and discouraged that 2 hrs a week with me when these kids don’t get any other Catholic education during the week is a losing battle. Not to say I couldn’t make an impression…but a 3rd or 4th grader in the country has little chance of getting himself to Mass alone. The attendance dropped off by at least 50% when ccd ended. This is what we are facing here. I would be one zealot (haha!) teacher among a bunch who were told “don’t worry about what you know about the faith, you just follow the book”.

 

[puzzleannie]

. So, puzzleannie, you need not question my sincerity or my concern.

rereading my post I cannot understand why you got the impression I was questioning your sincerity or concern, which are obvious, or you would not be asking. You can parish shop of course, and you should if there are things going on so bothersome that your spiritual life is suffering, but I think we all have realized by this time there is never going to be a perfect parish, a perfect pastor, perfect parishioners and perfect RE or CCD all in the same place. we probably have to focus on what is most important and be prepared to tolerate some other issues. But it is still good to simply ask the priest when it is something nutty, especially if it seems out of character for him. and got bless you for starting the respect life ministry, sadly we have fewer than 10 parishes out of at least 70 that have even one person, let alone a group, for this.

I really wish homeschoolers would in general consider teaching CCD, we have a few, and they are so good, we never have to worry about them being properly educated in the faith, or the teaching and classroom management. It is of course a burden after being with your own kids all week, but they really do make wonderful catechists. Any chance you and others in your hs group can be kind of a bridge with the parish, to maybe get some sparks burning. yes now I do see the word sincerity but I meant “you” in a general editorial sense, not personal, but it is hard, since I get so much of it this time of year with 1st comm etc. to hear criticism loaded on w/o corresponding offers of help. You are the parent I wish my parents would emulate, but how can they if they never get to know you and never get to benefit by your example?

 

[cmom4]

Thank you puzzleannie for your thoughts & clarification.
It is true that there will always be something ‘wrong’ with each parish since it is filled with imperfect humans! I just wish there could be a little more balance I guess. We receive the Eucharist each week and that is the #1 important thing. I just don’t know how to deal with the occasional homily (once a month by the deacon) that is so embarrassingly bad (!!) that I can’t even look up at him I am so embarrassed for him. Again, not to be judgmental, but I once saw a witty nun with a huge sense of humor poke fun at the “inspirational” felt banners so popular in Catholic churches in the 70’s and 80’s. “Nothing inspires like felt!” she joked. And that summed up my feelings of my parish----that the majority of people at this parish are indeed inspired by felt.
I see your frustration in the complaints of parents yet the unwillingness to help—that must be awful. We are the only hs parent at our parish so I have no other family to bounce ideas off of. There is no youth group for the kids. There are two sites to our parish (2 merged parishes). After 2 years (literally) the other site was finally told they need to start kneeling during the Consecration! This is how slowly things move around here.
I know the devil delights in my ‘frivolous’ (??) frustrations so pray for me. At least we aren’t sneaking into the catacombs to celebrate Mass! I have to overcome this…somehow.

 

[damooster]

I know the pastor pretty well…have spent enough time with him to know his personality so I am aware of what he thinks and how he wants things to run. I am the Respect Life Coordinator and have met with him on many occasions and had hands thrown up at my appropriate suggestions on involving the parish etc. I’ve heard from him how other people want things too much…don’t do things right…do too much…too little.

I still think you should talk to him. Ignoring the problem won’t make it go away and maybe there are others who have talked to him about your same concerns. You would be reinforcing their observations.

As for making the sign of the cross being a sign of reverence or not…true. But it isn’t ‘wrong’ to do it, just as it isn’t wrong to not sit (or to remain standing after receiving Eucharist), but our actions can be made as a person deep reverence to the Lord and I hope the church (mine and all) do not start kids out w/ short-cuts because there is a deep beauty in such actions…IMHO.

There’s no way to determine how much reverence someone has for the Lord, especially when you want to put something you like on someone that is not required. Just because it’s not wrong doesn’t mean we should do it. In fact, that sounds like an argument someone would make to justify holding hands during the Lord’s Prayer. I don’t make the Sign of the Cross after the Confiteor like most people around me do. Does that make me less contrite?

Not trying to be argumentative, I’m just saying.