Am I weird?

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katiebelle08

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Okay well I am discerning a religious vocation to the religious life and I have never been in a relationship with a guy. Not even just a date. Now many orders I look at say that you need this experience before you can enter. I totally agree. But what if you know that it would be absolutely pointless? What I mean is I’ve never been attacked to a man in a deeper respect that I could love him in a romantic, dating kind of way. I mean don’t get me wrong I love men, but I love everyone. I just don’t know that I can fake a relationship or even have a relationship at all when I know in the long wrong that I’m going to enter a religious community.

Do you tell the guy? Does he even want to know? Most people have this weird feeling that they don’t want to date someone who is going to be Christ’s Bride. So in saying that should you keep it a secret from the guy you’re dating?
 
I thought that dating was part of checking out someone when one wanted to marry. The concern must be rather particular for you, even if they have run into it before to make it rather a general proscription. Perhaps it has to do with the natural high school kind of dates, like prom, etc. Some people get left out of those, and, who knows why, though.
 
I thought that dating was part of checking out someone when one wanted to marry. The concern must be rather particular for you, even if they have run into it before to make it rather a general proscription. Perhaps it has to do with the natural high school kind of dates, like prom, etc. Some people get left out of those, and, who knows why, though. My sister went to a girl’s school, because at that time one did go at their freshman year in HS to a school within the convent grounds. I think that she did not participate in the events with the boys’ schools, dances, etc. She left the convent shortly at the age of 25. And married rather quickly, avoiding spinsterhood, I guess. After her divorce at the age of 50, she dated rambunctiously, until her annullment; as far as I know, has not had a date since.
 
Saint Catherine of Sienna, whose feast day was yesterday, know at an early stage in her life that she wanted to be a bride of Christ. She never was interested in men or wanted to get married. There is nothing wrong with that. It could be that particular order is not the right one for you and that is a message to keep searching for the one which fits you better and one where you will be better able to use your gifts from God.

Blessings,
 
Saint Faustina knew too…

I find this so interesting , the call to be a nun.

God Bless you!
 
Honestly, as a future Sister myself, I’ve never been that interested in dating either. I’ve gone on maybe one date, but it was a “dutch” date where I paid for myself, too. I’ve never really been asked out, either. I’ve asked a few guys out, but that’s a story for later.

I can’t see myself getting married in the traditional sense. I believe that I am called to be a Carmelite Sister, and I’ve already applied to the order where I feel called. I think it’s a bad idea to start dating just because an order wants you to have that experience. In fact, none of the orders I was ever in contact with listed dating as a requirement.

I think that if you are absolutely serious about religious life, and you have a spiritual director who believes in your call, then you should abstain from dating. It may get your discernment on the wrong track. But if you are not really sure whether you are called, then yes, it may be a good idea to date.

Hope this helps!
 
I used to date and I NEVER enjoyed the experience. Maybe it was the men I dated. But I am glad God never let me get serious about anyone–if I had, then I never would have been able to see what my true vocation was. Because there was a point in my life where all I cared about was approval from men and I based my whole self esteem on whether a guy liked me or not. And if I had gotten serious about a man during that time period, I never would have developed spiritually because I would have been finding my “happiness” in the wrong place. Of course, you can’t explain this to a lot of vocations directors. So many of them just eye you with suspicion–I have no idea what they see or how they have been trained to “screen” candidates.

In the old days, before the sexual revolution of the 1960s, I don’t think religious orders had this much scrutiny on your dating history, your relationships with men. But we live in 2009 where the entire world is viewed through the lens of the sexual revolution and unfortunately, that includes religious orders.

If you know you are being called into religious life, it would be cruel to date a man. As you pointed out, why would you date someone just so you can reject them? Some people know from a very early age what they are being called into. Just as someone might know from the time they are three or four they are going to get married.
 
👋 I don’t think any community would require past dating experiences. They just want you to be sure that you know you are not called to marriage. I have friends who have been in relationships since middle school :rolleyes: I was never interested in that. I had plenty of guy friends and I found that sufficient. I never desired anything more than their friendship. I know I would feel awkward going out on dates knowing I have no intention of looking for someone to marry. 😛 God Bless you during your time of discernment
 
katiebelle08 said:
Okay well I am discerning a religious vocation to the religious life and I have never been in a relationship with a guy. Not even just a date. Now many orders I look at say that you need this experience before you can enter. I totally agree. But what if you know that it would be absolutely pointless? What I mean is I’ve never been attacked to a man in a deeper respect that I could love him in a romantic, dating kind of way. I mean don’t get me wrong I love men, but I love everyone. I just don’t know that I can fake a relationship or even have a relationship at all when I know in the long wrong that I’m going to enter a religious community.

Do you tell the guy? Does he even want to know? Most people have this weird feeling that they don’t want to date someone who is going to be Christ’s Bride. So in saying that should you keep it a secret from the guy you’re dating?
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If it is absolutely necessary to date before entering the convent I suggest you ask a male cousin if he would like to attend something platonic with you. Examples might be a good movie, a church lecture, or just a lunch at a restaurant. Or, maybe you know someone discerning the priesthood who would help you fulfill your obligation of making small talk with a male. Sports could be fun and platonic…eg, bowling, hiking in a group, boating, etc. Other than that, I think it would be wrong to flirt with a guy just to go out for that obligatory date.
 
I used to be a seminarian, and having been one when I meet young men thinking about discerning I would *always *advocate that they at least hold a girl’s hand before entering the seminary.

That said, I think it’s different for girls. 😊 Am I sexist? I’m sure this isn’t true in all cases, but girls with vocations sometimes have this aura, and I think God puts the aura on them, that says “Don’t mess with her; She’s Mine!” 😃

So I don’t think you’re weird and I wouldn’t worry about it. There are people with vocations to marry, but because they’re religious they feel like they might have a religious vocation, and they say “But I don’t *want *to be a nun/brother/priest!” That usually means they don’t really have a religious vocation.

And I think it’s true on the other side of the equation. People with religious vocations thinking they may have a vocation to be married if only because most of the people they know are married. If their reaction is “But I dont *want *to date!” I’d say they should listen to that.
 
The same can go with the guys too. My local Diocese pretty much requires that you have 100% explored the possibility of marriage.
 
katiebelle08 said:
Okay well I am discerning a religious vocation to the religious life and I have never been in a relationship with a guy. Not even just a date. Now many orders I look at say that you need this experience before you can enter. I totally agree. But what if you know that it would be absolutely pointless? What I mean is I’ve never been attacked to a man in a deeper respect that I could love him in a romantic, dating kind of way. I mean don’t get me wrong I love men, but I love everyone. I just don’t know that I can fake a relationship or even have a relationship at all when I know in the long wrong that I’m going to enter a religious community.

Do you tell the guy? Does he even want to know? Most people have this weird feeling that they don’t want to date someone who is going to be Christ’s Bride. So in saying that should you keep it a secret from the guy you’re dating?
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First of, no good Catholic man should think that you are wierd if you are diserning to join a convent. The decision to serve God is not easy, and each sister deserves much respect.

I think they want you to make sure your not destined for marriage. My best friend’s mom was set on taking religious vows. After being a postulant, Mother Supieror told her to go back to college and get her degree, she met her future husband and decided to get married. My religion teacher also served as a brother for one year, then decided to get married. You just never know what our Lord God wants you to do. But, I think you diserning is absoluely wonderful, and I hope God will bless you with wisdom to make the right choice for you.

-Jeanne
 
Nom_the_Wise said:
I’m sure this isn’t true in all cases, but girls with vocations sometimes have this aura, and I think God puts the aura on them, that says “Don’t mess with her; She’s Mine!” 😃
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Nom, you made my day when you said that! 🙂 Thank you.

katiebelle, I’ve never dated either, and have also had the weird experience of being told by a religious Order that they won’t take me till I’m twenty-six and have some life experience. (Odd thing to tell a nineteen-year-old, as I was then: did they seriously never do the basic subtraction and work out that seven years was a bit long for a potential vocation to drift around navel-gazing?)

As AdvanceAlways says, it’s normal that they want to know whether you’ve considered marriage as a vocation; but hopefully, it will be sufficient to say honestly that you’ve thought about it and decided it’s not for you. (That’s what I’m hoping will happen in future when I approach a community.)
 
Nom_the_Wise said:
I’m sure this isn’t true in all cases, but girls with vocations sometimes have this aura, and I think God puts the aura on them, that says “Don’t mess with her; She’s Mine!” 😃
Click to expand...
:D:D:D

Nom, you made my day, too.
 
katiebelle08 said:
Okay well I am discerning a religious vocation to the religious life and I have never been in a relationship with a guy. Not even just a date. Now many orders I look at say that you need this experience before you can enter. I totally agree. But what if you know that it would be absolutely pointless? What I mean is I’ve never been attacked to a man in a deeper respect that I could love him in a romantic, dating kind of way. I mean don’t get me wrong I love men, but I love everyone. I just don’t know that I can fake a relationship or even have a relationship at all when I know in the long wrong that I’m going to enter a religious community.

Do you tell the guy? Does he even want to know? Most people have this weird feeling that they don’t want to date someone who is going to be Christ’s Bride. So in saying that should you keep it a secret from the guy you’re dating?
Click to expand...
I have read somewhere that a nun suggests that it is better to first seek and find out if you have a vocation to religious life “First”. I think you are wise if you don’t want to date, you don’t want to date. Besides you’re not missing much by not dating, believe me. The best advice I can give is to get one spiritual director and let the spiritual director guide you. But if you feel compelled to go on a date the best way to start is to go out as friends, perhaps meet for lunch at a restaurant. Bring your own car so you’r not stuck and the opportunity for any sexual advances are eliminated.
 
If you feel compelled to go on a date, don’t go to a restaurant!! Take your date to daily Mass or a Holy Hour!! Then you can honestly tell the vocations director at the religious order you are applying to, “well I tried to date but we just weren’t interested in the same things!” (P.S.–If he takes you up on the offer to go to daily Mass or a holy hour, pray for him the entire time that he will become a priest!:p)
 
You are not weird, Katie. You’re young and if you don’t feel like dating, maybe it is b/c Jesus is calling you. I’m married to a wonderful man, but before I met him, I dated a lot and you are not missing anything. Look at different orders before deciding which one. I’m not a nun, but I don’t think anyone should tell you to date.
 
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