Am I wrong to be acting this way?

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Obsidion

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There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?
 
Obsidion said:
There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?
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What you’re doing sounds fine, but it’s obviously not quite enough.

“I need to review my notes before class, Harvey,” might do the job. And then dive into your notes. If he persists, you can tell him, “I need to concentrate, Harvey.”
 
Xantippe said:
What you’re doing sounds fine, but it’s obviously not quite enough.

“I need to review my notes before class, Harvey,” might do the job. And then dive into your notes. If he persists, you can tell him, “I need to concentrate, Harvey.”
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This will be especially effective if his name *isn’t *Harvey, fyi.
 
Maximilan_Kolbe said:
This will be especially effective if his name *isn’t *Harvey, fyi.
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😃

Whatever you do, be firm and stay consistent. I knew a person like this who always tried to guilt trip me into talking to him - don’t let him do this. And be really, really obvious about concentrating on something else.

If you get a chance, maybe you could let him down gently (somehow?) . In all seriousness, it isn’t fair to you if you have to keep pretending to be absorbed in something else to get him to leave you alone.

Lou
 
According to your bio you are 22. So I am assuming both of you are adults.

It is not your fault he has no social skills or is as dumb as a post and does not see you are not interested in him.

You are absolutely within your rights to say to him “I am not interested in you. Please do not bother me.” Sometimes the direct and blunt approach is what is needed. He has to learn to take it. If he can’t, he has to learn sometime.
 
Be more direct. I had a few characters like these in university pester me each new semester, and I set a statute of limitations of two weeks on being annoyed before telling them to leave me alone. It’s rude to continue to demand your attention when you are showing no reciprocal interest. Keep I short, something like, “I prefer to be left alone and am not interested in talking to you.” Make sure your language is specific to the individual so he knows it is his attention, and not someone else’s, that is unwelcome.

It sounds cruel, but you’re doing you both a favor. Socially inept behavior persists because it is allowed to. Sadly, you may be one of the first people in this individual’s life to correct him. Maybe the next time he tries to meet someone, he will be more successful because of your feedback.
 
Obsidion said:
There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?
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Sometimes, not often, this can be a dangerous situation if he is obsessed with you. Make it very clear that you are not interested and that if he persists he will be reported. If this does not work have a male friend, brother, cousin come to class with you and have him explain to this guy that you are not interested.
 
HelenRose said:
Sometimes, not often, this can be a dangerous situation if he is obsessed with you. Make it very clear that you are not interested and that if he persists he will be reported. If this does not work have a male friend, brother, cousin come to class with you and have him explain to this guy that you are not interested.
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I really don’t think he’s weird like that. I doubt that would happen. Honestly, this is only the second day that I’ve had to deal with him (school just started back up again this week). I just want to nip it in the bud right now as it starts before it gets any worse. I appreciate all of your responses.
 
Obsidion said:
I really don’t think he’s weird like that. I doubt that would happen. Honestly, this is only the second day that I’ve had to deal with him (school just started back up again this week). I just want to nip it in the bud right now as it starts before it gets any worse. I appreciate all of your responses.
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Then you are doing nothing wrong. Be honest. Be as kind as possible. Be vigilant
 
coachdennis said:
According to your bio you are 22. So I am assuming both of you are adults.

It is not your fault he has no social skills or is as dumb as a post and does not see you are not interested in him.

You are absolutely within your rights to say to him “I am not interested in you. Please do not bother me.” Sometimes the direct and blunt approach is what is needed. He has to learn to take it. If he can’t, he has to learn sometime.
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I mean no offense, but to hear someone who identifies themselves as “Catholic” speaking in the manner you did of another, its very off putting. Perhaps he’s autistic or something?
 
AnneElizabeth said:
I mean no offense, but to hear someone who identifies themselves as “Catholic” speaking in the manner you did of another, its very off putting. Perhaps he’s autistic or something?
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If he’s autistic, he might need a lot of bluntness.
 
Obsidion said:
There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?
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No.
You are fine.
It would be rude if you bluntly told him how you feel.
 
Where on earth in the Catechism does it say a Catholic can not be blunt? Tell him you are not interested and to stop talking to you. No charity, sugar coating, or anything of the sort needed. Some guys need to be told flat out, knock it off (more or less)
 
Obsidion said:
There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?
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depends on what you mean by “obviously likes me”

is he saying inappropriate things?

or just trying to strike up a conversation

honestly, and I mean no offense, the way it comes across in your post, actually sounds kind of mean

maybe you can clarify a bit?
 
angell1 said:
depends on what you mean by “obviously likes me”

is he saying inappropriate things?

or just trying to strike up a conversation

honestly, and I mean no offense, the way it comes across in your post, actually sounds kind of mean

maybe you can clarify a bit?
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It’s inappropriate to keep talking at somebody who isn’t giving any encouragement.
 
pianistclare said:
Well, you came to the right place. CAF is chock-a-block with Los Lonely Boyz :D;)
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Ha ha ha! There she goes again. You better watch out for Clare, she’s our resident matchmaker! 😉 😛 😃

ETA: Wait a minute, wasn’t there another recent thread like this started by a single Catholic guy? :whistle:
 
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