Am I wrong to be acting this way?

[Obsidion]

depends on what you mean by “obviously likes me”

is he saying inappropriate things?

or just trying to strike up a conversation

honestly, and I mean no offense, the way it comes across in your post, actually sounds kind of mean

maybe you can clarify a bit?

He kept trying to talk to me and follow me when I was trying to make it as clear as possible that I wasn’t interested without even saying anything. That’s the nicest way you can send someone the message that you’re not interested. But he wouldn’t get the hint. And it was frustrating and embarrassing. I was actually trying to brush him off as nicely as possible.

 

[pianistclare]

Ha ha ha! There she goes again. You better watch out for Clare, she’s our resident matchmaker!

ETA: Wait a minute, wasn’t there another recent thread like this started by a single Catholic guy?

Ah…sharp as a tack that one. As I recall, all of the married CAF ladies declare him a nice guy!

 

[Convert_in_99]

Ah! Here he is!

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=994555

 

[EasterJoy]

I mean no offense, but to hear someone who identifies themselves as “Catholic” speaking in the manner you did of another, its very off putting. Perhaps he’s autistic or something?

Have you ever been to an American Chemical Society meeting? I have. No, a man does not need to be autistic to lack social skills around women.

Good grief, didn’t you go to high school? Have you never seen someone’s social awareness evaporate around someone they find attractive? Honestly, if it has never happened to you personally, you’re kind of fortunate.

 

[EasterJoy]

He kept trying to talk to me and follow me when I was trying to make it as clear as possible that I wasn’t interested without even saying anything. That’s the nicest way you can send someone the message that you’re not interested. But he wouldn’t get the hint. And it was frustrating and embarrassing. I was actually trying to brush him off as nicely as possible.

Keep being kind and yet unequivocal. Don’t worry that unequivocal may not always be as kind as you would like it to be. If it gets really bad, you can say, “Bob. Please stop following me around. I don’t appreciate it.” If you have to repeat it, you say, “Bob. I asked you to stop following me around. Do I have to say something to the TA? Really…I mean it. This is a chemistry lab, not a pick-up bar.”

If this doesn’t work, I would tell the TA that you’ve asked this student to quit harassing you, and he will not leave you alone. I would use the word “harass,” too. If this guy were to ignore a blunt request that he leave someone alone, it would be considered workplace harassment. People don’t have to put up with that.

You will eventually have to tell him bluntly that you will ask for intervention if he does not leave you alone. He deserves to be given notice that you will not take it any more.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Have you ever been to an American Chemical Society meeting? I have. No, a man does not need to be autistic to lack social skills around women.

Good grief, didn’t you go to high school? Have you never seen someone’s social awareness evaporate around someone they find attractive? Honestly, if it has never happened to you personally, you’re kind of fortunate.

I agree. Having two autistics in my family, autism is far different than simple social awkwardness, especially around the opposite sex.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

I agree. Having two autistics in my family, autism is far different than simple social awkwardness, especially around the opposite sex.

Being an Electrical Engineer by trade, I agree they are different.

Engineers and Sciencey-types are wayyyyy more awkward around non-robotic, corporeal lifeforms, but that is a topic for another time.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Being an Electrical Engineer by trade, I agree they are different.

Engineers and Sciencey-types are wayyyyy more awkward around non-robotic, corporeal lifeforms, but that is a topic for another time.

Lol!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?

Don’t make this harder than it is. “Sorry I can’t talk right now I need to focus on the subject at hand”. Then be firm if you have to.

Do you struggle with social interactions?

 

[Obsidion]

Do you struggle with social interactions?

Yes, I do. I’m not outgoing at all and I’m not a people person. I’m super introverted and independent. I have a hard time connecting with most people my age. I relate a lot better to either people younger than me or adults far older than me (I’m 22 years old).

I think a lot of people would describe me as aloof. I’m not unfriendly or mean at all though, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been told that I’m really sweet. But I am who I am.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

There’s this guy in my organic chemistry lab and recitation who obviously likes me, but I have no interest in him whatsoever. In fact, I really don’t like him. He’s really annoying and keeps talking on and on and I can’t stand it. He keeps trying to come near me and talk to me, so I just keep trying to play on my phone and act like I’m not interested but he still won’t take the hint. I just smile and give short replies and just go back to playing on my phone even while he’s still talking. I am trying not to come across as rude, but I want him to get the hint that I don’t like him so that he’ll leave me alone and quit embarrassing me with how obviously he likes me. Am I wrong to be acting this way? What should I do?

Yes, I do. I’m not outgoing at all and I’m not a people person. I’m super introverted and independent. I have a hard time connecting with most people my age. I relate a lot better to either people younger than me or adults far older than me (I’m 22 years old).

I think a lot of people would describe me as aloof. I’m not unfriendly or mean at all though, don’t get me wrong. I’ve been told that I’m really sweet. But I am who I am.

It is good to be honest and self aware. I can see that you are. But consider future employment and perhaps you could work to change some of this before you are in the workforce. Consider it part of your education.
O Chem indicates a science or medical degree… You will have to deal with all kinds of people in the future, young old and annoying.

 

[Obsidion]

O Chem indicates a science or medical degree… You will have to deal with all kinds of people in the future, young old and annoying.

Yes, I’m majoring in kinesiology for my undergrad. I eventually want to go onto graduate school and become a physician assistant ¶.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Yes, I’m majoring in kinesiology for my undergrad. I eventually want to go onto graduate school and become a physician assistant ¶.

What a great field! Good luck!

 

[Allegra]

I don’t really feel comfortable drawing a conclusion from the limited information provided, because I think this could go either way. The guy could actually be making inappropriate romantic advances, or he could be just a normal guy making completely appropriate conversation and the OP is overly nervous about strangers or worse, a complete snob looking for affirmation for her rudely excluding another student because he isn’t up to her social caliber in her own mind. It’s really not possible to know which situation we are dealing with.

However, I have a couple thoughts. If the content of this guy’s conversation IS really suggestive, rude, too personal, or otherwise inappropriate (and this isn’t a case of “I’m so embarrassed that someone that nerdy would have the nerve to talk to me! What if someone sees me talking to him? I’ll never get to sit at the cool-people table again!”) then there is nothing wrong with being blunt and saying, “I don’t like the way you are talking to me. I’m not interested in you. Please stop.”

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that a person is obligated to politely interact with others in a social environment. It’s mean and unprofessional to treat one’s classmates or coworkers as if they are an inconvenient infringement on your solitude. If a person requires a certain amount of solitude, they should assign themselves regular private time in a place where it’s reasonable to seek one’s own company undisturbed. A classroom where students are gathering for a science class is simply not that place. They should not feel entitled to scowl at, brush off, or be rude to people who have the gall to greet them and ask them how their weekend was. Self-proclaiming oneself to be an introvert does not a valid excuse make, particularly since this behavior can actually be really hurtful to someone who is sensitive.

The OP is the only one who was there so she is the only one who can determine if the guy in her class’ behavior legitimately earns a brushoff or a blunt dismissal, or whether she should just suck it up and let the guy tell her about his stamp collection.

 

[angell1]

I don’t really feel comfortable drawing a conclusion from the limited information provided, because I think this could go either way. The guy could actually be making inappropriate romantic advances, or he could be just a normal guy making completely appropriate conversation and the OP is overly nervous about strangers or worse, a complete snob looking for affirmation for her rudely excluding another student because he isn’t up to her social caliber in her own mind. It’s really not possible to know which situation we are dealing with.

However, I have a couple thoughts. If the content of this guy’s conversation IS really suggestive, rude, too personal, or otherwise inappropriate (and this isn’t a case of “I’m so embarrassed that someone that nerdy would have the nerve to talk to me! What if someone sees me talking to him? I’ll never get to sit at the cool-people table again!”) then there is nothing wrong with being blunt and saying, “I don’t like the way you are talking to me. I’m not interested in you. Please stop.”

On the other hand, I am of the opinion that a person is obligated to politely interact with others in a social environment. It’s mean and unprofessional to treat one’s classmates or coworkers as if they are an inconvenient infringement on your solitude. If a person requires a certain amount of solitude, they should assign themselves regular private time in a place where it’s reasonable to seek one’s own compan as the OP describedy undisturbed. A classroom where students are gathering for ns

a science class is simply not that place. They should not feel entitled to scowl at, brush off, or be rude to people who have the gall to greet them and ask them how their weekend was. Self-proclaiming oneself to be an introvert does not a valid excuse make, particularly since this behavior can actually be really hurtful to someone who is sensitive.

The OP is the only one who was there so she is the only one who can determine if the guy in her class’ behavior legitimately earns a brushoff or a blunt dismissal, or whether she should just suck it up and let the guy tell her about his stamp collection.

thank you, allegra, this is sort of what I was getting at, though hardly as eloquently as you put it

I have a similar personality as the OP described, as you said, I do have limits with social interactions.

however, as you said, I do not really have the right to tell someone else to go away, if they are making normal conversation. it’s my responsibility to find my own quiet time elsewhere

but if this guy is flirting/making suggestive conversation, different story

but if he’s just the overly extraverted outgoing type, then, I would say this reaction is inappropriate

 

[AnneElizabeth]

Have you ever been to an American Chemical Society meeting? I have. No, a man does not need to be autistic to lack social skills around women.

Good grief, didn’t you go to high school? Have you never seen someone’s social awareness evaporate around someone they find attractive? Honestly, if it has never happened to you personally, you’re kind of fortunate.

I never said a man had to be autistic to lack social skills. I was saying that he could have a problem with something LIKE that and thus the OP be cautious to it, allowing for it in her response.

I don’t know what you are talking about with the rest of what you wrote as it has nothing to do with my comment I was trying to make.

MY COMMENT WAS TO THE POSTER I QUOTED …that I thought the way he spoke about this man in question was inappropriate if he calls himself a Catholic. Do we really have to call people ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb’ behind their backs? Lack of charity there. Just calling it out like the LORD instructs.