Am I wrong to love passionately?

[CSN]

Has anyone read the writings of Sr. Josefa Menendez? As a predecessor to St. Faustina, she was also given a vision of hell, where she saw some shadowy characters plotting of the easy ways to snare men. This is a quote from the net → "The devil answered: ‘Insinuate yourselves by inducing carelessness in them. …but keep in the background, so that you are not found out. …by degrees they will become callous, and you will be able to incline them to evil. Tempt these others to ambition, to self-interest, to acquiring wealth without working, whether it be lawful or not. Excite some to sensuality and love of pleasure. Let vice blind them. …As to the remainder. …get in through the heart …you know the inclinations of their hearts. … make them love. …love passionately. …work thoroughly. …take no rest. …have no pity. Let them cram themselves with food! It will make it all the easier for us. …Let them get on with their banqueting. Love of pleasure is the door through which you will reach them. …’ "

The part about loving passionately…how do we separate love from lust?

I was born and raised Catholic. As a child, going to church was a major hassle, and sometimes I really didn’t want to go. But now, I find that I want to go, and if I don’t, I feel that something is missing.

It was a bad breakup that made me come closer to God. Yeah, maybe for all of you, it sounds trite, but it’s true. I met a girl, only the second one that, to this day, I can say that I have really loved, and because of her I came closer to God. Not only the usual sadness and longing that makes people do desperate things and search for answers, but also the realization that the way I felt about her is maybe the way God feels about us. Maybe those with kids feel it more genuinely, but anyway, for me, the rage, and the jealousy, and the sadness, and ultimately, the love, made me realize this.

When we turn away from God, it makes Him so angry, but it’s only because He loves us so much, and wants nothing more than for us to love Him.

Am I wrong to say this?

So anyway, back to my point. Or rather, my question: am I wrong to pine for this girl? Am I wrong to ask God to, if He wills, let us be together again? Is my love wrong? If she came back to me today, and agreed to come to church with me, I would marry her in a second…

 

[jrabs]

I got more in-line with the church as a result of a similar reason as you did - a broken relationship.

I came to realize that there are times when God uses situations to bring us closer to Him. There are also times when He will bring people into our lives for a reason - but maybe not the reason WE would like to think. Maybe marriage was never God’s intention.

In this situation, it is OK to mourn, but not to dwell. I think Karl Keating’s letter in Aug. 2nd, addressed the harm of pining for things of your past. An excellent read. forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=67159

It is good to ask God’s will in this situation. He will place you with the very best person for you in His timing, if that is His will. It is hard to see that now - but trust in God is essential.

May God grant you peace with this relationship.

 

[Mary]

Jrabs answered most of your post… And very well…

The part about loving passionately…how do we separate love from lust?

As to this question… I’ve had to explore this question over the past few months as I’m in a serious relationship, one that is leading both me and my boyfriend to marriage… We love each other very much, and we are striving to have a Christ-centered relationship… (we met at church, we were friends for six years and really helped each other grow in faith before starting a serious relationship) but it’s extremely difficult, especially as we’re both passionate, sensual people…

There’s nothing wrong with loving passionately, but we have to watch that our passionate love does not blind us… We have to keep our vision unclouded. So although we may love another human person, we must remember who we must love above all else, who is our strength when we lose those we love… That is a struggle… while letting ourselves love other people, we must place all our trust in Christ, believing with a firmness of heart that we don’t NEED another person, we only need Christ.

(Just a side note- as to love/lust in demonstrating love for another person physically… I always think when I’m embracing my boyfriend… am I loving him in this embrace? Is this a true expression of my love for him, or am I using him? I often think of these embraces as prayers- I thank God for my boyfriend when I’m kissing him, or hugging him… that keeps my mind pure and makes this expression of affection pure…)

but also the realization that the way I felt about her is maybe the way God feels about us.

I love that! If you read any of John Paul II’s books or teachings on human sexuality (Love and Responsibility, Theology of the Body- for a “layman’s read” Christopher West has succintly written books about John Paul’s writings… “The Good News about Sex and Marriage” and “Theology of the Body for beginners”) you’ll realize that we ARE called to love as Christ loves… and while we must love everyone as God loves us, there’s a special way of expressing that in a couple’s marital relations… I won’t go into detail here… But the Creative aspect of our sexuality… the self-giving… there are parallels with Christ’s relationship with the Church… It’s incredible… and very beautiful…

Hope this helps!!

God bless,

Mary

 

[Pro_Iesu]

Wow. I feel just like you do. . .

Being Catholic and being in my first relationship we were friends. We are both catholic and we had many things in common. But we got a bit passionate so I felt as if my conscience was being hard pressed. So i broke it off. But it has been a few months since that, and i’ve come to believe that there is a purpose for the breakup, but furthermore i long for her too, not the kisses or the hugs, but the intimacy we created when we talked and such.

I started going to confession a lot more regularly after it as well as been making visits to the blessed sacrament in the tabernacle. I’ve gone over many of the pslams and asked for God to direct me. All thats happened though seems like I’m yearning just to be with her again. I’m really confused if this is just me or God’s call.

So basically I’ll be praying for you and I feel the same way my brother in Christ. May the Lord Bless you every day of your life and keep you pure.

 

[Agricola]

I’d just like to second some things from the other posts. They were great by the way, I just want to put them in point form if I may.

• Always keep Christ as the center of your relationships. He is the source of love, and the ultimate end of love.
• Love passionately, by all means, but keep in mind that love is self-sacrificial, not self-satisfying.
• God uses our mistakes to make us stronger and to give us deeper understanding of His will for us.
• Take time to ask God to show you what He wants. He will… just be patient.

I’d focus on your love for God during this time CSN. Though you are pining for a creature, constantly remind yourself that God is who you really ought to want the most. Pine for Him. It helps the pain of longing, believe me.

(Oh, I like one of the previous poster’s approach to signs of affection between her and her boyfriend. I think its beautiful. I do the same with my girlfriend. I normally don’t get past looking into her eyes before I start praying though. )

God bless,

Agricola

 

[CSN]

Thank you for your kind responses and blessings, all.

It’s been two years since it ended, and, for the most part, I have been fine, at least outwardly. However, I think about her every single day, and just recently, being near the 2 year mark, and also near Christmas time, I have suddenly become extremely sad…

Pro Iesu, you seem to be in the same situation as me, and I believe the bible says “an eye for an eye… and a prayer for a prayer”.

I will pray for you too, that, if it is not against God’s will, please let us be with our loves again.

And if it is against His will, to allow us to forget quickly.