Am I wrong?

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mmc80

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My husband, our three children and I are living with his ex brother-in-law (long story), Gil. Gil has three children of his own. It is very difficult living with another family. Gil’s children are here every Wednsday and every other weekend. When we know his kids are going to be here we hide certain groceries (i.e. cereal, snacks etc.) because if we don’t they will eat almost all of it. They stay up later than our kids and when we wake up in the morning we are in shock to see that they just have no regard or consideration for the fact that we bought those groceries and we have kids of our own to feed. So now we hide the food. We feel bad but have no other choice. We don’t want to start any types of problems so we don’t tell Gil anything. We don’t have enough money to be shopping twice a week in order to not have to hide food. I feel so bad. 😊 We are planning on moving out in May. :gopray2:

Jackie :confused:
 
Are you paying Gil rent? If so, then, no, I wouldn’t feel bad. However if he’s opening his house to you and you’re begrudging his children snacks, it’s an entirely different story.
 
mmc80 said:
My husband, our three children and I are living with his ex brother-in-law (long story), Gil. Gil has three children of his own. It is very difficult living with another family. Gil’s children are here every Wednsday and every other weekend. When we know his kids are going to be here we hide certain groceries (i.e. cereal, snacks etc.) because if we don’t they will eat almost all of it. They stay up later than our kids and when we wake up in the morning we are in shock to see that they just have no regard or consideration for the fact that we bought those groceries and we have kids of our own to feed. So now we hide the food. We feel bad but have no other choice. We don’t want to start any types of problems so we don’t tell Gil anything. We don’t have enough money to be shopping twice a week in order to not have to hide food. I feel so bad. 😊 We are planning on moving out in May. :gopray2:

I will pray as well–it is hard to live with others…I know what you mean. May I ask–are you paying any type of rent/stipend for living there? Utilities? Water? If so, then I can see hiding the food, if not, he may view it as ‘fair’ if he is giving you room and board. But, if you are giving him some type of payment to stay there…then, it’s rather rude on his kids’ part. I would probably say to him–we’re going to the store–I have noticed your kids like a lot of what we buy (haha) and would you like to chip in say $25 for us to buy some additional snacks, etc? That way, no one feels bad…there’s no hard feelings…and it drives the point home that his kids have been eating your food. Maybe give that a try-in the meantime, and see if it helps.
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kevinsgirl said:
Are you paying Gil rent? If so, then, no, I wouldn’t feel bad. However if he’s opening his house to you and you’re begrudging his children snacks, it’s an entirely different story.
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we’re starting to think alike on here:p
 
Oh, we definetely pay rent and utilities. Our problem is that we need our groceries to last all week. Sometimes we don’t shop until Monday when we know the kids won’t be there. And on Wednsday we put some of the food away in our room. I can’t help feeling bad for doing this. I just wish I didn’t have to do this. I mean, he does buy groceries for his kids. But they like what we buy better.
 
mmc80 said:
Oh, we definetely pay rent and utilities. Our problem is that we need our groceries to last all week. Sometimes we don’t shop until Monday when we know the kids won’t be there. And on Wednsday we put some of the food away in our room. I can’t help feeling bad for doing this. I just wish I didn’t have to do this.
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seriously–do what i’m suggesting. throw it out there…before you go to the store, make a grand announcement…and ask him for money to buy his kids these snacks…he should get it, and not quibble too much. I’m Italian and I’m in sales–I guess I just don’t mince words when it comes to money. 😛 I hope not anyways–:o
 
Well, I know if you get caught eating food, or drinking beverages, or any other type of consumption/usage of another student’s personal property in a shared dorm, you get fined and moved.

You are paying rent, you are buying you’re own food. His kids need to buzz off.

If you want to be kind to exBIL, broach the subject in a positive way:

“Hey, exBIL, I noticed your kids love our snacks. What type of meal-planning can we do to make sure all the kids have snacks and everyone stays on their food budget”

Or you can do it the concerned parent way:

“In the morning, the food is gone. I’m really worried about junior. Eating sugary food at 2am is going to make him sick! What can we do to stop this unsafe behavior?”
 
**I wouldn’t feel bad for hiding it. You can’t afford to be feeding two sets of kids. If you were hiding it just to be a grump then you should feel bad, lol.

What if you pick one of the snacks of yours that they seem to love and offer them ONE thing each time they visit? Then they get a treat, you get to be generous, and you don’t break the food budget?

The kids don’t know any better. Food is food…they’ll go for what they like first…they don’t understand that it is “yours”. If you need to take it up with anyone, it should be your BIL.
**
 
It sounds like Gil doesn’t know how to discipline his children.
 
I’d hide the snacks so well his kids confront me. Then I tell them they should ask. Then I give my kid a tiny piece to share and say, “Wasn’t that nice of ___ to share his food when he has so little? Say thank you.” Then their dad comes to me saying, “Why don’t you share more?” Then I say, “Look. This is our budget. This is how many of us there are. We share what we can afford to, like you do.” That’s my hypothetical situation.😃
 
I wouldn’t feel bad. I have the same problem with my own family. I have taken to hiding snack food in the trunk of my car so my 14 yo son does not eat it all in one night. Otherwise, what I would buy for a week would be gone in a day or two. It’s either that or don’t buy any snack food.
 
I’d say keep your mouth shut, and move out in May as you planned. 🙂
 
If you are definitely moving out in May, I’d keep my mouth shut and hide the stuff, guilt-free.

If you’re not definitely moving, I’d take whatevergirl’s suggestion. It’s really very smooth, and polite, and makes you look like a very good person (which you are!).
 
We had a similar situation about 12 years ago. We lived with my BIL and his wife, their six kids, her four younger sisters, her brother and his wife. Seventeen people–seven children under age ten, four teenagers, and six adults (including two that acted like teenagers!)

Grocery days were nightmares. We usually shopped at Sam’s Club and trying to split the grocery bill evenly was tough (we had only one kitchen and usually shared meals unless the brother’s wife was cooking in which case my husband refused to let me and my son eat it!) Milk was the big issue. Six gallons barely lasted a week. My family of three used about a gallon a week ourselves and I took to buying an extra gallon (out of our personal money, not the grocery “kitty”) and writing my name on it. It still disappeared.

My son was not big on sweets, but he did like those Dum-Dum pops (he was two at the time) and Wal*Mart used to sell the huge 2 lb. bag for like $1.50. I would give the kids each ONE pop a day (that’s all my son ever had) and hide the rest because when I left the first bag I bought (out of my own personal money) in the kitchen cupboard, it was gone in a week!

DH and I were on the verge of buying a small fridge to put in our room to keep “our” milk, “our” cheese, “our” Snapple (okay, “my” Snapple) and his beer (no one drank the beer but DH, but it took up too much room in the kitchen fridge, so we kept the beer in our room and every day after lunch, I’d put a beer or two in the fridge for DH when he got home from work) but we ended up moving back home after six months, since our house back here hadn’t sold and we couldn’t afford a place of our own.

It was nice to have our own fridge again. 😃
 
dulcissima said:
I wouldn’t feel bad. I have the same problem with my own family. I have taken to hiding snack food in the trunk of my car so my 14 yo son does not eat it all in one night. Otherwise, what I would buy for a week would be gone in a day or two. It’s either that or don’t buy any snack food.
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You know you have teenagers in the house when you hide food from them.

I went to get a bottle of water the other day, none to be found - DH said “wait a minite” - he has a case of them hidden in the back of his van. There is soda hidden in the carport… our house is like a treasure trove of hidden goodies.
 
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