J
JMJDevotee
Guest
This is going to be a little long bc the story starts 9 years ago.
Please bear with me…
After my frist mariage ended due to my ex’s abuse and addiction, I did not date for a long time. One day my folks decided I needed to “get back into the game”. So against my better judgement, I escorted one of my mom’s friends to dinner. At that time I had 3 kids, who spent the night frequently with my mom bc she lived on the beach. That night, they were not at home. The man I went out on raped me in my own home. I never reported it, never told my mom about it. It took a long time to get over that. Due to other health issues, I did not find out until 10 weeks later I was pregnant.
I made the wrong choice. I chose to abort, bc everyone around me said I was not strong enough to handle it, I already had 3 kids I could barely feed, it would give my ex ammunition to take my kids. I was not offered counseling, I was not told about the after effects of the procedure. No one told me I would suffer from guilt and depression the rest of my life, no one told me about the potential for eating disorders, drug/alcohol addiction. No one told me I would have suicidal thoughts. But the biggest lie I was told is that the “fetus” was not a real baby. I never knew the gender of the baby.
Every September, January, & March, I get really depressed and angry and take it out on those around me. When I converted to the Church in '04, the priest I went to for my 1st Confession told me for the first time I was forgiven. He also warned me that I would still suffer from guilt and depression. I did but it was less than it had been previously. He also said I would feel the need to confess it over and over until I understood emotionally the Truth of God’s mercy and forgiveness. He was right on all counts.
This year, when the National Right to Life Week was going on, I could not escape the guilt, I could not get away from what I had done. Tonight was different. Tonight was the turning point. I went to the Holy Hour for Vocations that our Bishop offers every First Friday. I decided to go to Confession, a much needed Confession. I met with a priest I had never seen before. I started out by telling him how hard this particular sacrament was for me. We walked through the Sacarment. When I told him I still felt the need to confess my guilt over my abortion, he said that I had already been forgiven, but that God knew I still carried guilt. He said to take it to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I would find my healing.
During the silent prayer/adoration time, I tried to focus on the Blessed Sacrament, but was distracted by a priest. He was restless. But God used that to draw my attention to the Bishop and the priest who had heard my Confession. They were both in such deep prayer and contemplation. I could only cry out in my mind for help in obtaining that kind of focus. Lo and behold, it came…all others, including my dear sis-in-law disappeared from my eye. As I prayed, the years of guilt and anguish came pouring out, not in heaving loud sobs, but in a quiet desperation. In those moments, I felt the presence of Our Lady. She was not a vision, but a physical presence. I felt her arms wrap around me in love, as in an embrace. She quietly and gently reassured me of her love, of the Father’s love, of His mercy and forgiveness. She also had words of comfort in showing me that my daughter was with her and she loved me and forgave me and had known the joy of Christ all of her life. Our Lady said that my daughter was proud of me for working so hard to love Jesus and to show Jesus to others. Our Lady also said that I would still struggle with guilt and depression, but that I would have more of a sense of peace, knowing my daughter was well loved and cared. She told me that she and my DM-I-L were caring for my daughter until I get to heaven. At that moment, in the midst of the scent of the insence, I began to smell roses, my M-I-L favorite flower and lotion scent. I know this was not a dream, nor a fantasy. My S-I-L who was sitting beside me smelled the roses too and said that Terry was there.
Mary asked me what my childs name was to be. Since I did not know until tonight if she was a boy or a girl, I never named her. So tonight, I named her MaryGrace Theresa. MaryGrace, bc it is a grace of Mary that I am beginning this road to healing and Theresa as it is my M-I-L’s name.
I came home and told my DH about it all, and he agreed that when we build our Marian prayer garden this summer, with his mothers statue of Mary, we will make some special reminder of MaryGrace Theresa and the daughter his first wife aborted, Cecilia Marie. I hope this is beginning of peace and healing for both of us.
Please bear with me…
After my frist mariage ended due to my ex’s abuse and addiction, I did not date for a long time. One day my folks decided I needed to “get back into the game”. So against my better judgement, I escorted one of my mom’s friends to dinner. At that time I had 3 kids, who spent the night frequently with my mom bc she lived on the beach. That night, they were not at home. The man I went out on raped me in my own home. I never reported it, never told my mom about it. It took a long time to get over that. Due to other health issues, I did not find out until 10 weeks later I was pregnant.
I made the wrong choice. I chose to abort, bc everyone around me said I was not strong enough to handle it, I already had 3 kids I could barely feed, it would give my ex ammunition to take my kids. I was not offered counseling, I was not told about the after effects of the procedure. No one told me I would suffer from guilt and depression the rest of my life, no one told me about the potential for eating disorders, drug/alcohol addiction. No one told me I would have suicidal thoughts. But the biggest lie I was told is that the “fetus” was not a real baby. I never knew the gender of the baby.
Every September, January, & March, I get really depressed and angry and take it out on those around me. When I converted to the Church in '04, the priest I went to for my 1st Confession told me for the first time I was forgiven. He also warned me that I would still suffer from guilt and depression. I did but it was less than it had been previously. He also said I would feel the need to confess it over and over until I understood emotionally the Truth of God’s mercy and forgiveness. He was right on all counts.
This year, when the National Right to Life Week was going on, I could not escape the guilt, I could not get away from what I had done. Tonight was different. Tonight was the turning point. I went to the Holy Hour for Vocations that our Bishop offers every First Friday. I decided to go to Confession, a much needed Confession. I met with a priest I had never seen before. I started out by telling him how hard this particular sacrament was for me. We walked through the Sacarment. When I told him I still felt the need to confess my guilt over my abortion, he said that I had already been forgiven, but that God knew I still carried guilt. He said to take it to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament and I would find my healing.
During the silent prayer/adoration time, I tried to focus on the Blessed Sacrament, but was distracted by a priest. He was restless. But God used that to draw my attention to the Bishop and the priest who had heard my Confession. They were both in such deep prayer and contemplation. I could only cry out in my mind for help in obtaining that kind of focus. Lo and behold, it came…all others, including my dear sis-in-law disappeared from my eye. As I prayed, the years of guilt and anguish came pouring out, not in heaving loud sobs, but in a quiet desperation. In those moments, I felt the presence of Our Lady. She was not a vision, but a physical presence. I felt her arms wrap around me in love, as in an embrace. She quietly and gently reassured me of her love, of the Father’s love, of His mercy and forgiveness. She also had words of comfort in showing me that my daughter was with her and she loved me and forgave me and had known the joy of Christ all of her life. Our Lady said that my daughter was proud of me for working so hard to love Jesus and to show Jesus to others. Our Lady also said that I would still struggle with guilt and depression, but that I would have more of a sense of peace, knowing my daughter was well loved and cared. She told me that she and my DM-I-L were caring for my daughter until I get to heaven. At that moment, in the midst of the scent of the insence, I began to smell roses, my M-I-L favorite flower and lotion scent. I know this was not a dream, nor a fantasy. My S-I-L who was sitting beside me smelled the roses too and said that Terry was there.
Mary asked me what my childs name was to be. Since I did not know until tonight if she was a boy or a girl, I never named her. So tonight, I named her MaryGrace Theresa. MaryGrace, bc it is a grace of Mary that I am beginning this road to healing and Theresa as it is my M-I-L’s name.
I came home and told my DH about it all, and he agreed that when we build our Marian prayer garden this summer, with his mothers statue of Mary, we will make some special reminder of MaryGrace Theresa and the daughter his first wife aborted, Cecilia Marie. I hope this is beginning of peace and healing for both of us.
:angel1: