American Catholicism and feelings of inadequacy

[DL82]

Since moving from Scotland to America, I have found myself feeling really inadequate in my faith. Even living in a relatively secular and liberal part of the country, I am always surprised by how well attended my local parish is, and how wealthy it is, with soup kitchens, elementary school, etc. all supported without state assistance (Scotland has state funding for Catholic schools, and I think most parish schools would struggle to stay afloat without it).

Confession is available for 30 minutes once a week (‘or by appointment’ - do Americans tend to ask their priest for private appointments for confession? I have noticed that priests here are more interested in having a conversation about sins rather than just dispensing penances.) Even with so little time available, there is rarely a line, yet nearly everyone receives Holy Communion at Sunday Mass, even at Christmas Mass when the Church was full with people I had never seen before (I guess they were home from other places to visit their families).

I feel incredibly inadequate and sinful compared to American Catholics - I rarely go a month without falling into some mortal sin, and maybe I’m not as quick as Americans in making an appointment for confession when I am aware of sin. I don’t give enough for the support of the parish (a letter from the parish showed what 5, 10 and 20% of various income levels would be, and I noticed that these were pre-tax percentages, I don’t give close to that in pre-tax terms). My wife was extremely offended that someone in our parish choir asked her what she had done that made her unable to receive Holy Communion - I was always taught that you never ask this question. She feels too uncomfortable with the Church to go back, and has always felt judged by American Catholics.

Yet I find it hard to square these facts with what I have heard about the American Church, that there are numerous diocese that have filed for bankruptcy after payouts relating to the clerical abuse scandal, that more than 90% of American Catholics disagree with the Church’s stance on artificial birth control according to some studies. I feel more tempted in the environment of American secular society than I ever did in Scotland, yet the American Catholics I see seem almost bulletproof against this.

I realize that Catholicism is expressed differently in different cultures. I only see the outside of it, and am trying to understand. How do American Catholics do it? Is it because of better schools (not being subject to state funding and control) that you have holier congregations? Should I call my priest and schedule a confession whenever I am aware of mortal sin, instead of waiting until the scheduled half hour? Do you avoid all the temptations to waste money by tithing before the paycheck even hits your bank account? Is there some other thing I ought to be doing differently? There seems to be such a disconnect between the fraternal correction of sin my wife experienced in the Church and the radical non-interference in others lives that I find in the outside world that it seems jarring and judgmental - I suppose again this is a feature of the better catechesis you have here, and I feel psychologically too weak to take their charitable correction. Is there some way I ought to prepare for it? I just feel extremely inadequate in this country, and would appreciate any advice.

 

[Tigg]

Confession is available for 30 minutes once a week (‘or by appointment’ - do Americans tend to ask their priest for private appointments for confession? I have noticed that priests here are more interested in having a conversation about sins rather than just dispensing penances.) Even with so little time available, there is rarely a line, yet nearly everyone receives Holy Communion at Sunday Mass, even at Christmas Mass when the Church was full with people I had never seen before (I guess they were home from other places to visit their families).

Your post is so long, I don’t know where to start, but let me just say I am so sorry for your problems.

Not every parish is like this. Before we moved a few years ago, we were used to waiting in line for an hour or more; imagine our surprise the first time we went to our new parish to not see another single person waiting to go. It is a sad fact that many priests do not avail themselves to the administration of the sacrament of Reconciliation, (for whatever reason) nor are the faithful catechized to the necessity of frequenting it often. Our former pastor used to tell us that the thing he was most proud of, was the long confession lines because this made for holiness through the awareness of sin.

I too, know people who do not see the need for Confession. This does not speak well for the American Church and is a spiritual sickness caused by secularization.

I feel incredibly inadequate and sinful compared to American Catholics - I rarely go a month without falling into some mortal sin, and maybe I’m not as quick as Americans in making an appointment for confession when I am aware of sin…

My wife was extremely offended that someone in our parish choir asked her what she had done that made her unable to receive Holy Communion - I was always taught that you never ask this question. She feels too uncomfortable with the Church to go back, and has always felt judged by American Catholics.

This insensitivity is really appalling; please do not think this typifies American behavior. If I were you, I would try to find a more orthodox parish.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

In general, I follow this dictum – compare and despair.

And then consider something St Francis de Sales said …

“Truly charity has no limit; for the love of God has been poured into our hearts
by His Spirit dwelling in each one of us, calling us to a life of devotion and inviting us to bloom in the garden where He has planted and directing us to radiate the beauty and spread the fragrance of His Providence.”

This is often rendered as “Bloom where you are planted.”

---

Also note that there are around 75 million Catholics spread over 195 dioceses in the USA. The idea of that there is a single expression of “American Catholicism” (especially the way you’ve broad-brushed it) strikes me as a bit odd.

As far as quoting statistics, recall the adage that 83% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

 

[DL82]

This is interesting. So do you think that people not going to confession is a sign of their lack of awareness of sin, rather than of their holiness? I simply assumed the long lines for communion meant people were all in a state of grace, although I suppose the lack of awareness that they may not be is equally plausible.

I was trying to give others the benefit of the doubt.

There are up sides, of course, I’m sitting in a cafe where the Dubliners are being played over the PA (in honor of St Patrick’s Day I guess) and even the rebel songs have no political significance here, which feels nice.

 

[sw85]

This is interesting. So do you think that people not going to confession is a sign of their lack of awareness of sin, rather than of their holiness? I simply assumed the long lines for communion meant people were all in a state of grace, although I suppose the lack of awareness that they may not be is equally plausible.

I was trying to give others the benefit of the doubt.

There are up sides, of course, I’m sitting in a cafe where the Dubliners are being played over the PA (in honor of St Patrick’s Day I guess) and even the rebel songs have no political significance here, which feels nice.

Well, I know that’s the popular thing to think. But charity doesn’t require that we believe nonsense. The trends are definitely not encouraging. If 20 people show up to confession and 200 show up for communion, we can believe one of two things: either that that parish is bursting with saints or that communion is being received unworthily by a large number of people. We should be able to tell if the former is the case.

Certainly, Church-wide, the numbers are not encouraging. Many, perhaps even most, Catholic laity are out-and-out heretics, some because of ignorance and poor catechesis, some because of pride.

Of course we shouldn’t assume that any particular person we see receiving communion without prior confession is necessarily receiving it unworthily. But it’s probably a safe bet that of the large number of people who do, a sizable portion probably are.

 

[coachkfan1]

Hello. I am sorry that you are experiencing the feelings that you are. First off, that was an extremely rude and inappropriate question that woman asked your wife. It is no ones business why someone is not receiving communion. Myself and many others have also asked the same question regarding the disparity between the confessional line and the communion line. Frankly, I think that many American Catholics do not see the need for confession as they ought to. Finally, as to the holiness of congregations and and Americans in general, you must understand that God and religion have been an integral part of this country’s relatively young, albeit mostly protestant, history. From the Puritans to the Founding Fathers and the Church of England up to the establishment by the Spanish of Catholicism in the Southwest, God has been at the center of American life. Although it is not quite the way it used to be, many European countries still consider Americans to be prudes.

I wish you the best and encourage you to remember one of the best things about Catholicism is the universality of it. Do your best to see the things that you saw in your Church back in Scotland and remember that we are all sinners, despite what some may think.

 

[Splagchnizomai]

This is interesting. So do you think that people not going to confession is a sign of their lack of awareness of sin, rather than of their holiness? I simply assumed the long lines for communion meant people were all in a state of grace, although I suppose the lack of awareness that they may not be is equally plausible.

In my parish, we have confession three times a week. In a neighboring parish, there is confession every day for thirty minutes. In yet another parish, they are offering 90 minutes of confession five evenings each week during Lent. And then there’s a parish just across the way that offers confession once a week for 30 mins.

These parishes are within a short drive of each other. How can I be sure where folks are going to confession?

Recall that we are commanded to love our neighbor – we are not commanded to judge our neighbor’s worthiness to receive communion, but perhaps it is translated that way in Scots?

 

[Tigg]

This is interesting. So do you think that people not going to confession is a sign of their lack of awareness of sin, rather than of their holiness?

Imo, yes, most definitely. Who frequented confession most often and had access to spiritual directors; who were the most horrified at the very thought of sinning and who agonized over the state of their souls? The saints of God, of course.

I know nothing about Scotland, but assume like Ireland, you too, have had a loss of faith and an apostasy from the Church. It’s a sign of the times and is everywhere. I have friends who receive Communion every Sunday, even tho they have been divorced and re-married without benefit of an annulment. It is not uncommon for Catholics in this country to use contraception and still go to Communion. Although I know this constitutes very serious sin, I am not in a position to judge their souls, but I can and do judge their actions. So I find your humility very refreshing, and would hope that our seriously flawed consciences and moral relativism do not rub off on you and your wife. Please retain the truth in your hearts and keep searching until you find a parish more suited to you.

 

[Anna_Claire]

This may be a bit of a stretch to you but While I do not advocate doing or saying what that woman said to your wife(it’s rude and no ones’s business) it’s interesting and brings to mind that our sin is not only a personal matter but is hurtful to our relationship with the community as well. The Catechism teaches that just as acts of charity benefit the community, sin does the opposite and causes harm.
Also, regarding mortal sin…Catholics traditionally have been taught that for sin to be mortal, three conditions have to be met: serious matter; sufficient reflection; full consent of the will. These are still valuable criteria. They are comprehensive in including conditions which pertain to the action and to the person before we can speak of mortal sin in its truest sense. I’m not sure how well you were catechized in Scotland but most Catholics should know what makes a sin “mortal”. With that I am wondering (not knowing you makes it hard to say…i don’t know your heart and mind) if perhaps there is a chance that you are over thinking and some of what you believe to be “mortal” is in fact not.
Here in the US (and I have witnessed long lines in parts of Europe too) Catholics believe that full,conscious and active participation at mass means sharing in frequent communion…and that mass prayers ask for God’s mercy and we are granted forgiveness of "venial"sins. There have been some of the significant changes in our understanding of sin in recent times. Some believe they are bad changes but most Catholics do not. The Church wants us to be reconciled and have a change of heart which often doesn’t happen if we are thinking in legal mode. One thing that hasn’t changed, though, is our concept of God’s love and mercy. We do not believe that God wants us to be weighed down with a distorted sense of guilt and responsibility. Our God is a merciful God.

One more thing…the Sacrament of Reconciliation is always available. If this church you are attending offers it by appointment only and you don’t care for that method…seek out another place where it is offered at scheduled times.

 

[King_Lazy]

I feel incredibly inadequate and sinful compared to American Catholics - I rarely go a month without falling into some mortal sin

Now I feel like I’m on the highway to hell. Since I’ve become Catholic, I don’t think I’ve ever gone a month without committing mortal sin.

And what you describe sounds a lot like most of the churches here in England are like. There are typically quite a few people staying behind in the pews during Communion, though, and I am, quite typically, one of them.

I remember being in a Catholic Church in East Asia, and I was literally not permitted to remain in the pew, but was pushed into line and forced to come up to receive communion. I insisted on receiving a blessing and not the Body of Christ, but even the priest seemed surprised and wasn’t sure what to do. That was quite a bad experience for me, since I was already trying not to draw attention to myself what with my being the only white guy there.

What is one to do but to offer one’s trials up to God?

 

[odile53]

I"m so sorry that you and your wife have encountered this in the United States. I doubt we are better catechized or any holier than our brothers and sisters in the UK!

As far as tithing is concerned, I find it difficult to believe that all that many people actually do it, despite the encouragement of the Church to do so.

Culturally over here, almost the whole congregation goes to communion, and I’m in no position to judge their motives or the state of their souls to be suitable to receive communion. So I don’t speculate. I was once told by a very wise and competent priest to avoid comparing my spiritual insides with other people’s perceived spiritual outsides, and have had much peace of mind return to me as a result.

Conversely, posted confession times have contracted through the past few decades. Time was when there would be a few hours blocked off for confession. Nowadays, perhaps an hour is, and sadly, not too many show up. Other times, especially during Advent and Lent, people get turned away. It really doesn’t make any sense.

Vis a vis receiving communion: I’ve found it best to follow what I have been taught (e.g., observe the one hour fast, examine my conscience,) and if I believe I cannot worthily receive communion on any particular occasion, I remain in my pew. I have never been asked the reason why I did not receive communion after Mass by anyone, and would not hesitate to ask such a person why on earth they felt they needed an answer to that question!

As an American Catholic, who would not presume to attempt to assess another’s supposed worthiness to receive communion, I’m actually a little embarrassed about the behavior you’ve encountered on the part of my fellow countrymen. Please don’t think that we are all like that!

You can try going to your diocesan website and checking on the various parishes to see if there is more frequent confession offered anyplace in your diocese.

 

[Tigg]

Here in the US (and I have witnessed long lines in parts of Europe too) Catholics believe that full,conscious and active participation at mass means sharing in frequent communion…and that mass prayers ask for God’s mercy and we are granted forgiveness of "venial"sins.

Yes, frequent communion is advantageous…just as long as one is properly disposed.

There have been some of the significant changes in our understanding of sin in recent times.

Really? I wasn’t aware of this. What are they?

 

[Tigg]

Regarding sin, as catechists we are still required to teach the 10 Commandments and the Examination of Conscience as it relates to each one; the kids must still be taught the seven capital sins and we are to encourage them to go to confession as often as possible. We are called to holiness and without the sacrament of Reconciliation, even for venial sins, the light of piety can quickly be extinguished and our consciences can become dull. This is where we find the blossoming attitude that missing Mass on Sunday is no longer a big deal, even though Church teaching has not changed and it is still considered serious sin.

Theology teaches that sin is real and human nature remains the same since Eve first bit into the apple – subject to concupiscence, although Satan’s gospel would darken your mind and have you believe otherwise.

When we got a new bishop two years ago his very first official act was to institute Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration in this diocese and promote the Rosary. Our lenten observances still encourage mortification and penance as a means of combating this post-modernistic age in which it is so easy to absorb new and highly questionable philosophical ideas.