Amusing verses in the Bible

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Actually the whole story of Jacob and Laban is hilarious, the way they keep tricking each other!
Jacob had experience in trickery. He tricked his father out of the blessing by posing as Esau in Genesis 27: 1-29, and had to flee to Laban to escape Esau’s planned revenge Genesis 27:41-28:5.

In Genesis 32:28, God renames Jacob Israel. I have heard that this implies a change from Jacob the trickster to Israel who is without guile. Jesus refers to this in John 1:47 when He refers to Nathanael as an Israelite incapable of deceit.
 
Jacob had experience in trickery. He tricked his father out of the blessing by posing as Esau in Genesis 27: 1-29, and had to flee to Laban to escape Esau’s planned revenge Genesis 27:41-28:5.

In Genesis 32:28, God renames Jacob Israel. I have heard that this implies a change from Jacob the trickster to Israel who is without guile. Jesus refers to this in John 1:47 when He refers to Nathanael as an Israelite incapable of deceit.
It’s really amazing, isn’t it, when considering that a good deal of the sainted people of the Bible were cunning frauds and spineless cowards, nepotists, exploiters, doubters, liars, and lecherers, folks who achieve their goals through questionable means? In short, like the rest of mankind. 😃
 
Jacob had experience in trickery. He tricked his father out of the blessing by posing as Esau in Genesis 27: 1-29, and had to flee to Laban to escape Esau’s planned revenge Genesis 27:41-28:5.

In Genesis 32:28, God renames Jacob Israel. I have heard that this implies a change from Jacob the trickster to Israel who is without guile. Jesus refers to this in John 1:47 when He refers to Nathanael as an Israelite incapable of deceit.
Jacob didn’t get the blessing alone. He would not have recieved the blessing if it were not for the help and cunning of his mother.

Remember that Jacob was faithful to his mother Rebecca. He stayed at home, obedient to his Mother whom he loved, and he did exactly what she told him to do - kill not one but two kids, put on the skins, etc., and so secured the blessing for himself. He didn’t get that blessing all by himself. His mother helped him. Esau on the other hand, is always seen as the victim, but he was always running around in the world hunting things, looking for things, and didn’t once give a compliment to his mother or lend her a hand.

If Rebecca is the image of Mary, who leads us to the blessings of our Father, then who would we rather be, Jacob or Esau?

The one who was so strong, such a great hunter and a man who knew how to secure for himself material goods, wound up with nothing gut tears. The one who everyone thinks is a thief and liar wound up greatly blessed, with the help of his mother whom he was happy to serve at home.

It might just be a lesson about running around looking for things in the world vs. remaining in our Father’s house with our Holy Mother.

-Tim-
 
It’s better than that. The stay-at-home brother ended up having to run around foreign places working for strangers (albeit a relative), and the far-hunting brother ended up staying home tending his own herds and family.

It all worked out pretty well for Esau, if you read the end of the story, and he was pretty much instantly forgiving of his brother. (Meanwhile, the younger brother was so scared of Esau that he had yet another Cunning Plan in motion.)
 
I always liked the “Who is the greatest?” argument. In Mark 9:33-34 it starts,
They came to Capernaum, and when he was in the house he asked them, “What were you arguing about on the road?” They said nothing, because they had been arguing about which of them was the greatest.
I love that they haven’t been around Jesus long enough to stop arguing about who’s greatest, but that they have been around him long enough to realise how ridiculous it would be to explain. Also, that they were bickering all the way along the road, and Jesus waited until they were in the house before dealing with them.

Or the great wisdom of Isaiah 1:8,
The daughter of Zion is left
like a shanty in a vineyard,
like a shed in a melon patch, like a besieged city.
A shed in a melon patch? Jerusalem is like… a shed in a melon patch?

And, my favourite for a lot of reasons, Ecclesiastes 7:10,
Never ask, “Oh, why were things so much better in the old days?” It’s not an intelligent question.
Over 2000 years old!
 
Jacob didn’t get the blessing alone. He would not have recieved the blessing if it were not for the help and cunning of his mother.

Remember that Jacob was faithful to his mother Rebecca. He stayed at home, obedient to his Mother whom he loved, and he did exactly what she told him to do - kill not one but two kids, put on the skins, etc., and so secured the blessing for himself. …

-Tim-
Note that both Jacob and Rebecca were punished for the deception. They were immediately parted and never saw each other again.
 
Note that both Jacob and Rebecca were punished for the deception. They were immediately parted and never saw each other again.
I don’t really see it that way. It would be normal for a man to go out and seek a wife, and the wife is really a replacement for his mother.
 
A pun:
“Esau said to Jacob, ‘Give me a mouthful of that red stuff there; I am exhausted’ – hence the name given to him, Edom.” [Eat 'em] - Genesis 25:30

The King James Version sometimes describes a male child thus:
“So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.” - 1 Samuel 25:22

Take care when reading aloud Ephesians 6:16.
At Mass during one of The Happening in Christianity teen retreats years ago, a friend of mine, while reading the Epistle, inadvertently switched the first letters of two words:
“In all things taking the shield of faith, wherewith you may be able to extinguish all the fiery darts of the most wicked one.”
 
Acts 19
[13] Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists undertook to pronounce the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, “I adjure you by the Jesus whom Paul preaches.”
[14] Seven sons of a Jewish high priest named Sceva were doing this.
[15] But the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know; but who are you?”
[16] And the man in whom the evil spirit was leaped on them, mastered all of them, and overpowered them, so that they fled out of that house naked and wounded.
 
Genesis 3:6: When the woman saw that the** tree **was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit of it, and ate; and she gave some to her husband with her, and he ate

Please note : The Tree was good for food and not the Fruit
 
[BIBLEDRB]Philippians 3:8[/BIBLEDRB]

Paul considers all things as poop when compared to Christ. I personally think this was an awesome thing for Paul to say. :clapping:
Wonderful! Thank you!
QC
 
Like a dog that returns to its vomit Is a fool who repeats his folly.
Proverbs 26:11
Middle School boys love this one. Dog vomit in the Bible.
 
Ezekiel 4.1 "And now, son of man, take a large brick and set it down in front of you. Then draw a map of the city of Jerusalem on it. 2 Build siege ramps against the city walls. Surround it with enemy camps and battering rams. 3 Then take an iron griddle and place it between you and the city. Turn toward it and demonstrate how the enemy will attack Jerusalem. This will be a warning to the people of Israel. 4 "Now lie on your left side and place the sins of Israel on yourself. You are to bear their sins for the number of days you lie there on your side. 5 You will bear Israel’s sins for 390 days – one day for each year of their sin. 6 After that, turn over and lie on your right side for 40 days – one day for each year of Judah’s sin. 7 "Meanwhile, continue your demonstration of the siege of Jerusalem. Lie there with your arm bared and prophesy her destruction. 8 I will tie you up with ropes so you won’t be able to turn from side to side until the days of your siege have been completed. 9 "Now go and get some wheat, barley, beans, lentils, millet, and spelt, and mix them together in a storage jar. Use this food to make bread for yourself during the 390 days you will be lying on your side. 10 Ration this out to yourself, eight ounces of food for each day, and eat it at set times. 11 Then measure out a jar of water for each day, and drink it at set times. 12 Each day prepare your bread as you would barley cakes. While all the people are watching, bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread.

God was pretty strange in his requests in this passage!
 
The King James Version sometimes describes a male child thus:
“So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.” - 1 Samuel 25:22
Gotta love Hebrew idioms. “he who pees on the wall” equals ‘male’, “to cover one’s feet” probably means ‘to defecate’, etc. 😃
 
Psalms 56:9

**“This I know, that God is on MY side.” **😛

Great verse to end an argument! (ok, emphasis is mine)
 
[BIBLEDRB]John 11:39[/BIBLEDRB]

This is a case where Old English makes it funny. “He stinketh.”
 
Besides Paul putting people to sleep and talking them literally to death, the passage I always get the biggest kick out of is the story of the three “visitors” who told Abraham that he and Sarah would have a child in spite of their age. Sarah chuckles and wonders if she’s going to have sexual pleasure again, which is so cute. I can just imagine her old face turning young at the thought… 'But the Lord said to Abraham: "Why did Sarah laugh and say, “Shall I really bear a child, old as I am?” Is anything too marvelous for the Lord to do?..Because she was afraid, Sarah dissembled, saying, “I didn’t laugh.” But He said, “Yes you did.”

I didn’t. Yes you did. No I didn’t. You did, too. No, no, really I didn’t. But I heard you and you definitely did…
 
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