An Argument I had Today

  • Thread starter Thread starter RC_Sojourner
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

RC_Sojourner

Guest
Ok, I got in an argument with my stepdad this morning, and I’m pretty sure I handled it fine, but he still said some things when I got home from work…

So, basically, after I finished my shower this morning, I was going to eat some breakfast, then go to work. He had just cleaned the kitchen, so he said I had to wait. And, I said, that I need to eat food now, bc I have to, and then I have to go to work. He said no.

So, I went back to my room, and left for work, -]deciding/-] accepting this fast, which was not my decision. I worked lunch shift today (11-2), so I didn’t get a lunch break at work. Therefore, its pretty important on days I work lunch shift to eat a big breakfast, and a big dinner, bc I don’t get any lunch.

Anyways, he was starting to raise his voice, and insisting that I should’ve gotten up earlier. I knew that I was about to lose my temper, so I immediately started praying Hail Mary’s right then and there. Well, it succeeded in me keeping my cool. I went back into my room, and prayed more, then sang a Marian hymn.

Anyways, it was those Hail Marys which caused the greatest disagreement. My stepdad is a self defined “Catholic”. But, in the past he’s told me I don’t need to go to confession, I should just pray in my room for forgiveness. And, today he told me, “don’t start that” [IE: The Rosary] and “don’t say those words” [IE: Hail Marys].

I defended my saying them, and called him out, and he never apologized for trying to forbid me from praying. He kept repeating his justification: “you need to listen to me, you don’t need to bring Jesus or Mary into this”.

And, when I got home he said, “You don’t have enough faith to not get angry without praying. You’re a child, you need to grow up, and stop being so childish. You need to leave Jesus and Mary out of a conversation you have with me”.

I told him: “Real men pray the Rosary. There is nothing more manly, nothing more mature than praying the Rosary. Time spent in prayer is time that is spent perfectly. I would rather spend my time in prayer, than spend it talking to you”.

Should I be sorry for what happened? I don’t think so. I mean, I’d rather not have an argument. But, I maintained my composure. And, the only two things which I did which could be viewed as wrong was choosing to starve today, and saying some Hail Marys.

I respected my stepdads wish to not enter the kitchen, even at the expense of not getting to eat anything since dinner yesterday to 3pm today, and I refrained from getting angry (which I honestly did), by praying to Mary. And, I feel the above things which were said to me are very wrong.

If I’m the one in the wrong here, please let me know.

Please pray that I’m able to get along with my stepdad more. I’m living with him and my mom for 5 more months…
 
Is it wrong to interrupt someone with Hail Marys, rather than continue speaking to them, because you know if you don’t, you’ll start yelling and become angry?

Honestly, my stepdad has to be one of the most ill-tempered individuals I’ve ever met. He won’t even consider things to be an argument. “I’m not yelling” “I’m not angry” “I’m not arguing”.

I mean, if someone says don’t yell, don’t raise your voice etc… UGH, I mean, its like he’s in denial. He doesn’t even know he’s arguing. He argues so much that its just normal life for him, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with it.

Well, I do, and I’ve been trying to deal with it. And, this is just an idea I had. If I can’t speak to him, then I’m just going to start praying right then and there. And, he can say whatever he likes to about that.

… :coolinoff:

… … I’ve told him in the past, that I hardly ever have arguments. Before I moved here, I could go several months on end without having a single argument.
 
I told him: “Real men pray the Rosary. There is nothing more manly, nothing more mature than praying the Rosary. Time spent in prayer is time that is spent perfectly. I would rather spend my time in prayer, than spend it talking to you”.

NOTHING, is truer then the words you spoke to him that “real men pray the Rosary” and I applaud you for your fortitude. Undoubtedly you are the real man here and your stepfather (?) would be wise to learn from you as I see his faith rather small and yours beyond price.

It’s not important when I ask your age, but it is very clear to me that I see you as the teacher and your stepfather as the student and he can learn much from you.

Your words are a breath of fresh air and I can only urge you to deepen your spiritual relationship with the our Mother in heaven.

I will pray for you to continue to inspire those within this wonderful forum and your stepfather to realize the depths of your faith. Be blessed, Hal
 
Based on what you described, I think you handled it well. Next time in a similar situation maybe you could silently pray the Hail Mary in your heart for the sake of avoiding confrontation. Try to eat breakfast before he cleans the kitchen so you won’t stay hungry. Also, pray for your step father. It sounds that he needs prayers.
 
It sounds like you handled this well. Know one should suggest to leave prayer out of anything in life, especially when there is an argument. If prayer keeps you from building up anger or getting hot, then go for it.

Try to have something on hand that you can eat on the run. You know: Snack bars, an apple, banana, crackers. This can keep you out of the kitchen if necessary.

You said you have 5 more months to be there. Hang in there, spend your time focusing on what you need to do when you leave and do your best to keep the peace. One thing that can really upset a habitual arguer is having someone who simply will not argue back.

I will always defend my faith, but have learned to do so in ways that seem to take the fire out of those who want to make a fight out of things. Sometimes it is all in the phrasing. So in this case you might say something like: “Oh I am sorry that my praying the Rosary annoys you, but it really helps me stay calm and focused on God.” Use a slightly (notice I said slightly) sweet, tone when you say this, and keep your voice calm.

Later if you have to “yell or scream” do so in a pillow and talk it out with God.😛
 
Really, there is nothing wrong with praying aloud. Never be ashamed of it! I commend you for trying to keep your cool and for turning to prayer. Please be careful of a couple of things, though. Don’t let this turn into an opportunity for spiritual pride. If you do pray aloud in your stepdad’s presence again, make sure you’re doing it only to speak with Mary and Jesus, not as a show to “teach him a lesson.” Don’t use it to rub in his face what he ought to be doing. That would defeat the purpose of prayer, and you would be doing it out of Pride. Also, use these conflicts as an opportunity to grow in humility and charity, to bear all wrongs patiently. Turn the other cheek, and try to take any insults with a smile. This will be very hard to do, but it’s an awesome chance to grow in holiness!

If praying DOES help you in these circumstances, don’t try to censor yourself or quiet yourself down. Just look deeply inside to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Does that make sense? peace!
 
It sounds like he was trying to pick a fight with you. You went without breakfast and did not complain but he insisted on arguing about it anyway.

You handled it well and well done for defending your faith in such a mature way. Indeed, real men do pray the rosary. But maybe you could pray silently next time so you don’t provoke his anger. I know well what it is like to live with people who think arguing is a normal way of communicating and it is really difficult. Just hang in there, keep praying and stay out of his way as much as you can. You will soon live in peace again.
 
IBombAtomically said:
Please be careful of a couple of things, though. Don’t let this turn into an opportunity for spiritual pride. If you do pray aloud in your stepdad’s presence again, make sure you’re doing it only to speak with Mary and Jesus, not as a show to “teach him a lesson.” Don’t use it to rub in his face what he ought to be doing. That would defeat the purpose of prayer, and you would be doing it out of Pride. Also, use these conflicts as an opportunity to grow in humility and charity, to bear all wrongs patiently. Turn the other cheek, and try to take any insults with a smile. This will be very hard to do, but it’s an awesome chance to grow in holiness!

If praying DOES help you in these circumstances, don’t try to censor yourself or quiet yourself down. Just look deeply inside to make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Does that make sense? peace!
Click to expand...
Yes! Thank you very much. I’m trying to keep that in mind reading this. All of your responses have been great (but of course I don’t want to get prideful about it).

Idk, if I’m the “teacher” and my stepdad is the “student”… but, well, I’ve been trying to persevere since I’ve been here. I realized when I started living with my mom and stepdad again that I was going to have to be more patient NOW. 😃
40.png
Cricket2:
You said you have 5 more months to be there. Hang in there, spend your time focusing on what you need to do when you leave and do your best to keep the peace. One thing that can really upset a habitual arguer is having someone who simply will not argue back.
Click to expand...
Hmm, well, idk if I’ve heard the term “habitual arguer”, but I’d say its probably accurate. Idk what his deal is honestly. But, me and my mom are extra careful to do things a certain way, just to avoid him getting mad about something. Its really ridiculous when you think about it. And, I realized that today, I mean, I got up to go to work, and I found I couldn’t even get some breakfast, and then somehow he’s arguing about that… like, c’mon?

Anyways, if you all can just pray for me, I would really appreciate it.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
It sounds like he was trying to pick a fight with you. You went without breakfast and did not complain but he insisted on arguing about it anyway.

You handled it well and well done for defending your faith in such a mature way. Indeed, real men do pray the rosary. But maybe you could pray silently next time so you don’t provoke his anger. I know well what it is like to live with people who think arguing is a normal way of communicating and it is really difficult. Just hang in there, keep praying and stay out of his way as much as you can. You will soon live in peace again.
Click to expand...
Yeah, I’m going to definitely try just praying silently next time (which, unfortunately, there’s going to be a next time…).

Idk, I mean, I’ve been trying very hard to get along with him. But, he’s just a very difficult person to get along with. I mean, I think he could benefit from the saying, “Choose your battles carefully”… bc he just chooses battles over the stupidest most pointless things.

Yeah, next time, I’m going to focus on probably not responding to the points he’s making. Just say what I need to, and end it. If he wants to spend his time arguing, I’m not going to be able to help him do that. That’s why I started praying today, there was simply nothing that I could say to end it ammicably.

So yeah, thanks again. And, please pray for me, and my stepdad. Thanks in advance!
 
It does seem that you do see yourself as completely in the right. 🙂
It also could be a good thing to honestly check if one is sufficiently humble and if one isn’t being just a little self-righteous.

It can be annoying to the best of people to hear someone acting out, even if they mean it, that “I’m holier than you are”. “I’m praying out loud and singing hymns out loud, (because I mean it) but also secretly to show you so how wrong you are and how right I am.” Humility and respect for other people in the house would require you to pray without putting it on display in that manner.

What you are doing is good on one level, but is forcing your step-father to become further polarized from prayer, because it is so annoying when there is that little bit of pride and self-righteousness in how you display the practice of your faith. I understand that you don’t see it. There isn’t one sign of compassion for your step-father in anything you have written, It’s all about you.

Yes, your step-father may be acting out passive-aggressive, but you by now have possibly caused a high level of frustration to build up in him. Maybe he’s not entirely reasonable, but though I don’t know that you’ll accept it, so are you it appears to me. Anyway, be sure he will be as glad when you leave as you will be to leave, but please God, by your almost aggressive religiosity, you haven’t driven your step-father further from his Catholic faith in reaction to your outward behavior. Given his level of frustration, that is quite possible.

You may have overlooked the words Jesus spoke in ◄ Matthew 6:6 ►

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

God bless your step-father and you…and I had a step-parent who wasn’t always kind, but usually both step-parent and older child have much to learn. 🙂
 
Does your mother know about how your step father wouldnt allow you to eat…i think thats terrible…make sure you have some kind of snacks in your room incase it happens again e.g peanuts,crackers, cookies, potato chips, bananas and apples, trail mix, or some of those breakfast bars and breakfast cookies ( kelloggs and some other brands sell them )…

If you dont think it will make things worse then id tell your mum about your step fathers behaviour towards you in general including telling you to stop praying
 
crystal_waters said:
Does your mother know about how your step father wouldnt allow you to eat…i thinl thats terrible…make sure you have some kind of snacks in your room incase it happens again e.g peanuts,crackers, cookies, potato chips, bananas and apples, trail mix, or some of those breakfast bars and breakfast cookies ( kelloggs and some other brands sell them )…

If you dont think it will make things worse then id tell your mum about your step fathers behaviour towards you in general including telling you to stop praying
Click to expand...
Actually if the OP is a minor she might let the authorities know. Bet that would not go over very well with social services. Just a thought.
 
hi,
i notice your term, 'self defined ’ catholic, which reminded me what an old priest politely told in his homily/ having catagories of catholics-not to judge-of course-his homily allowed the listener to decide in a prayerful way-this being conversion over a life time…

Here is my version:

the herd catholic
he is like those african wilder beasts, he is a follower, living in society/ he follows the herd leader, across crokodile enfested waters-You could infer that the movement of the herd migrates in wild areas as if by a certain drum beat…

the gutter catholic-he esteems himself from the gutter-there in proof of societes’ ills, to relate to even the street’s gutters, the dirty dark spotty snow, with condoms-drug syringes…pornography…

the snow man catholic-the opposite affect of the above-that the snow is remelted, filtered, melted, refrozen-with a spiritual purity/he esteems himself differently than the gutter catholic.

the sailor catholic-he climbs the mast of the sailing scooner-the church-the mast appears tall-like a cross, of that old fashioned sailing ship…he is ascending in the climb, is slightly punctured by a protruding nail-drops of blood flow on his fore arm-he still still climbs higher to complete the task / -he realizes that his blood does not heal the worlds sins-that instead that would require the sacrificial blood of Jesus-the sailor catholic looks down from his perch-to inquire- whom is the helmsman? and it is Mother Mary at the rudder.

the sailor catholic knows, the ship is the church/ and that even by the power of the rosary, that Mary is dependable in her guidance/ She does not abandon you on the storms of life/she always says,“Listen to Jesus” (to esteem yourself in Him) and to listen to the living heart of the risen Lord, Jesus…
I end-thanks for your post, and Peace Brother…
 
Cricket2 said:
Actually if the OP is a minor she might let the authorities know. Bet that would not go over very well with social services. Just a thought.
Click to expand...
I totally agree with you…it is abuse for a parent or step parent to deny their child food just because they dont want to mess up the kitchen.
 
AussieTrish said:
It does seem that you do see yourself as completely in the right. 🙂
It also could be a good thing to honestly check if one is sufficiently humble and if one isn’t being just a little self-righteous.

It can be annoying to the best of people to hear someone acting out, even if they mean it, that “I’m holier than you are”. “I’m praying out loud and singing hymns out loud, (because I mean it) but also secretly to show you so how wrong you are and how right I am.” Humility and respect for other people in the house would require you to pray without putting it on display in that manner.

What you are doing is good on one level, but is forcing your step-father to become further polarized from prayer, because it is so annoying when there is that little bit of pride and self-righteousness in how you display the practice of your faith. I understand that you don’t see it. There isn’t one sign of compassion for your step-father in anything you have written, It’s all about you.

Yes, your step-father may be acting out passive-aggressive, but you by now have possibly caused a high level of frustration to build up in him. Maybe he’s not entirely reasonable, but though I don’t know that you’ll accept it, so are you it appears to me. Anyway, be sure he will be as glad when you leave as you will be to leave, but please God, by your almost aggressive religiosity, you haven’t driven your step-father further from his Catholic faith in reaction to your outward behavior. Given his level of frustration, that is quite possible.

You may have overlooked the words Jesus spoke in ◄ Matthew 6:6 ►

“But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

God bless your step-father and you…and I had a step-parent who wasn’t always kind, but usually both step-parent and older child have much to learn. 🙂
Click to expand...
This. 👍

Jim
 
crystal_waters said:
Does your mother know about how your step father wouldnt allow you to eat…i think thats terrible…make sure you have some kind of snacks in your room incase it happens again e.g peanuts,crackers, cookies, potato chips, bananas and apples, trail mix, or some of those breakfast bars and breakfast cookies ( kelloggs and some other brands sell them )…

If you dont think it will make things worse then id tell your mum about your step fathers behaviour towards you in general including telling you to stop praying
Click to expand...
A. Well, I’m not a minor, I’m 22.

B. I did tell my mom. And she apologized FOR my stepdad. She’s done that a couple times since I’ve been living with them… and of course, it is basically a worthless apology. If someone can’t apologize themselves, then another person can’t just excuse their behavior, if they aren’t sorry for it.

Also, my mom did ask him why he couldn’t have waited until I left to do the cleaning, as he was staying home all day that day anyways.

… and yes, I will be stocking up on food soon. Probably on Monday actually. It needs to happen. 🙂
 
Also, an update from today:
  1. I went to confession today, and had a great day.
  2. I learned some things about my stepdad’s views today (I’ve been living with him for almost 3 months, so this is rare).
    Anyways, so we’re eating dinner, and the Pope comes up. And, without relaying the whole conversation. Basically, my stepdad said that it was ok to make jokes about the Pope or anyone, because people need to laugh.
My mom said, “well you know I love comedy, but I don’t think its right for it to be about the Pope”. I basically agreed.

Then, through the conversation my stepdad asks: “Do you know who has the richest paintings in the world?” I of course did know, so I said, “well those were donated, they weren’t bought”.

Still, my stepdad leveled the age-old attack. That the Vatican has the most expensive paintings, etc. And has too much power. And, this attack, in light of the first comment is pretty bad. I mean, not only are jokes about the Pope okay, but he’s not even saying that he still respects the Pope, and passing them off as just jokes. He’s saying, the jokes are acceptable, AND the Pope is too rich/ powerful. [IE: He’s saying the Pope *deserves to be made fun of, not that the Pope is equally open to being the subject of a joke as anyone else]… 😦

As the saying goes, “they think they’re a better Catholic than the Pope”. I don’t know enough to say that about my stepdad, but the saying did come to mind…

The humility of Pope Francis, and Pope Francis himself was never mentioned. There’s just no pleasing some people… I imagine this conversation would’ve been exactly the same under Pope Benedict, and that all of Pope Francis’ pontificate have counted for nothing…

Please pray for my stepdad.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top