An elderly lady I know told me she doesn't go to confession

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I thought perhaps she meant she doesn’t go one on one , but to a communal penance…She said she never goes any more she doesn’t believe in it

I didn’t know what to say to her, she wasn’t asking for advice…Someone else chimed in we confess our sins in the Our Father and in the confetior (sp)…I mumbles something like, but that doesn’t give you absolution

She is a very nice person, and I think a good woman.She always attends mass, but I am worried about her soul…I guess I should mind my own business, but I really wish people would keep this stuff to themselves…I really don’t want to know things like this
 
redrosetea said:
I thought perhaps she meant she doesn’t go one on one , but to a communal penance…She said she never goes any more she doesn’t believe in it

I didn’t know what to say to her, she wasn’t asking for advice…Someone else chimed in we confess our sins in the Our Father and in the confetior (sp)…I mumbles something like, but that doesn’t give you absolution

She is a very nice person, and I think a good woman.She always attends mass, but I am worried about her soul…I guess I should mind my own business, but I really wish people would keep this stuff to themselves…I really don’t want to know things like this
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tanbooks.com/index.php/page/shop:flypage/product_id/558/keywords/confession/

Find your local Catholic bookstore, buy that booklet, and give it to her. Offer a Communion and a Mass for her, that she goes to confession.

I think that because she told you, it’s quasi-your business – if you want it to be.
 
Wow. I guess it would be hard to convince someone who is firmly believing that they don’t need Confession that they actually DO need it. I am forgetting the exact verse, but in the Bible it says that “The holy man sins seven times each day”. So even if you’re holy, you need confession. If she ever brings the subject up again, maybe tell her that. And did she say exactly why she doesn’t believe in Confession anymore?
 
No she never mentioned it, and I doubt that I can say anything to dissuade her…She also grumbled about the corpus on the cross and kneeling during the mass

She has had some health issues and sometimes when she speaks I haver trouble following what she is trying to say…She sort of talks in riddles at times

I am not sure if there might be some mental confusion problems or not…She is in her 70s so I try to be gentle and respectful…It is very awkward for me…I guess I just wanted to unload to someone about it…She is a nice person and never speaks unkindly to anyone but I can’t believe she is a catholic
 
Discuss this with your priest. You don’t have to mention anyone by name. I would say something like this:

*Father, other members of the congregation have stated that they don’t attend Confession because they don’t think that it is necessary. They said that they confess their sins in personal prayer and in the Confiteor during Mass; but they never receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I’ve always believed the Sacrament of Penance is very important and necessary for salvation. I’m concerned about this. Could you please teach us all about the Sacrament of Penance, perhaps in a sermon?
*
Your priest has a duty to instruct his entire flock in matters pertaining to doctrine. I think he’ll be alarmed that there are parishioners who neglect the Sacrament of Penance through ignorance of it’s necessity. I’m sure he will thank you for bringing this to his attention, and I am sure the elderly lady will thank for encouraging her to receive the mercy of Christ in the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
 
Thanks I might try that Dempsey…I try to be careful about things like this because if you aren’t delicate you could lose a friend and I wouldn’t want to do that…and I still might not change her mind, only change her mind about me
 
Thanks I might try that Dempsey…I try to be careful about things like this because if you aren’t delicate you could lose a friend and I wouldn’t want to do that…and I still might not change her mind, only change her mind about me
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Your friend’s soul is at stake. Her salvation depends on her repentance. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This lady is no exception. There is a very strong chance that she has sinned, and it is a shame that she is preventing herself from receiving the grace and mercy of Christ through the divinely instituted Sacrament of Confession. Don’t worry about offending her. She may not appreciate you discussing this with her and this is why I would ask your priest to preach on the necessity of confession. Christ wants to forgive this lady through the ministry of his priests in the Sacrament of Confession. You must indirectly help bring this fact to her attention.
 
redrosetea said:
Thanks I might try that Dempsey…I try to be careful about things like this because if you aren’t delicate you could lose a friend and I wouldn’t want to do that…and I still might not change her mind, only change her mind about me
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Dempsey1919 said:
Your friend’s soul is at stake. Her salvation depends on her repentance. All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. This lady is no exception. There is a very strong chance that she has sinned, and it is a shame that she is preventing herself from receiving the grace and mercy of Christ through the divinely instituted Sacrament of Confession. Don’t worry about offending her. She may not appreciate you discussing this with her and this is why I would ask your priest to preach on the necessity of confession. Christ wants to forgive this lady through the ministry of his priests in the Sacrament of Confession. You must indirectly help bring this fact to her attention.
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I see how you don’t want to offend, RedRoseTea, and I agree that it is something uncomfortable to be disagreeing with a friend who is so stubborn on such a sensetive matter. Because, let’s face it, admitting that you are a sinner is a bit of a sensetive topic, for some more than others. But I agree with what Dempsy said. If your friend doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing now, then when she reaches final judgement and sees how you have been trying to help her, she will surely appreciate it then. If you try everything you can and she still won’t see reason, then just pray for her.
 
redrosetea said:
I thought perhaps she meant she doesn’t go one on one , but to a communal penance…She said she never goes any more she doesn’t believe in it

I didn’t know what to say to her, she wasn’t asking for advice…Someone else chimed in we confess our sins in the Our Father and in the confetior (sp)…I mumbles something like, but that doesn’t give you absolution

She is a very nice person, and I think a good woman.She always attends mass, but I am worried about her soul…I guess I should mind my own business, but I really wish people would keep this stuff to themselves…I really don’t want to know things like this
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I would speak to the priest about it immediately, as well as give her a booklet of some kind that made clear the necessity.
 
I told the deacon tonight and guess what? He put it right back on to me…He said the next time I talk to her I am supposed to tell her how much confession means to me…I think some direction should be coming from the pulpit in the form of homilies and articles in the bulletin
 
Way off topic here, but I love confession (after I have gone). Anyway, I was talking to a Muslim friend of mine not too long ago. He is a male and we are friends because we respect each others devotion to our faiths. Anyway, he confided to me that he has had sex with somone outside of marriage. He felt vey bad about this and was very hard on himself (perhaps as he should). The only thing I kept thinking was, too bad you don’t have confession. Not that it would take the sin away, but that he could feel some sense of peace and a resolve to “sin no more”. We are so fortunate to have this sacrament. I have needed it so much in my life and it has made such a huge difference for me in the way that I live my life. Maybe the deacon is right, you should talk moreabout what it means to you? I don’t really know. You have to go with what you feel is the best course of action.
 
redrosetea said:
I thought perhaps she meant she doesn’t go one on one , but to a communal penance…She said she never goes any more she doesn’t believe in it

I didn’t know what to say to her, she wasn’t asking for advice…Someone else chimed in we confess our sins in the Our Father and in the confetior (sp)…I mumbles something like, but that doesn’t give you absolution

She is a very nice person, and I think a good woman.She always attends mass, but I am worried about her soul…I guess I should mind my own business, but I really wish people would keep this stuff to themselves…I really don’t want to know things like this
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I ran into an older guy who I hadn’t seen in years, and he struck up an argument about this matter, of confessing directly to God.

Well, the NT is very short on details, but the OT is very explicit, in the book of Leviticus, about how people confessed sins to the priest in the Temple. They had to take their animal offering – which was obviously a public action and a conspicuous one for sure – to the priest, tell him what the sin was, so that the priest would conduct the correct rite according to the teaching.

(now, nobody don’t go and get sidetracked on animal sacrifices, that’s not my point). Leviticus dictates the offering for various sins and how they are to be presented. And, before the book closes, there are prohibitions from offering such a sacrifice out in the field, which was a pagan practice to begin with. That wasn’t good enough, to make your own confession and sacrifice out in the field someplace.

So, by analogy, the practice is carried over but bloodlessly. (I prefer not to say that the confession to a priest is Jewish, I prefer to say the OT practice was very Catholic in its general form.)
 
Perhaps the lady in question doesn’t believe she is in a state of mortal sin?

No mortal sin = no obligation to go to confession. It’s in the Catechism.
There’s no blanket requirement to go to confession.

Pray for her. encourage her, by all means, but don’t get caught up in the trap of thinking there is only one way of doing things.
 
paperwight said:
Perhaps the lady in question doesn’t believe she is in a state of mortal sin?

No mortal sin = no obligation to go to confession. It’s in the Catechism.
There’s no blanket requirement to go to confession.

Pray for her. encourage her, by all means, but don’t get caught up in the trap of thinking there is only one way of doing things.
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It is a precept of the Church that we must go to Confession once a year. This is even if it is only to confess a single venial sin. We still receive graces from this sacramental absolution.
 
redrosetea said:
I told the deacon tonight and guess what? He put it right back on to me…He said the next time I talk to her I am supposed to tell her how much confession means to me…I think some direction should be coming from the pulpit in the form of homilies and articles in the bulletin
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I think he’s right. The woman raised it with you, not the deacon.

It is a spiritual work of mercy to admonish the sinner. I think it is a wonderful idea for you to discuss with her the graces you get from confession.

God Bless, and Happy Easter!
 
He also wants me to escalate it by raising it with her when we speak once again…I am not comfortable doing this…We are not close friends and I would feel I was being very much dictating to her

She didn’t ask for help or an opinion…She made an announcement…I told her honestly that she was not absolved from her sins…the rest is up to her and God
 
need_to_know said:
It is a precept of the Church that we must go to Confession once a year. This is even if it is only to confess a single venial sin. We still receive graces from this sacramental absolution.
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We must recieve the Eucharist at least once a year, but not confession UNLESS there is mortal sin.

Please refer to the Canon law which is provided in this thread. It seems this a common misconception.

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=305173

Pay special attention to the posts of “Verbum Caro”
 
Well personally I don’t know of anyone that can go for over 30 years without sinning except for Christ and the BVM
 
redrosetea said:
I thought perhaps she meant she doesn’t go one on one , but to a communal penance…She said she never goes any more she doesn’t believe in it

I didn’t know what to say to her, she wasn’t asking for advice…Someone else chimed in we confess our sins in the Our Father and in the confetior (sp)…I mumbles something like, but that doesn’t give you absolution

She is a very nice person, and I think a good woman.She always attends mass, but I am worried about her soul…I guess I should mind my own business, but I really wish people would keep this stuff to themselves…I really don’t want to know things like this
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  1. I’m surprised that an elderly woman, as described, would not go AT ALL - if anything, the elderly might have been trained earlier on and prefer some sort of confessional…be it private box or one-on-one with the priest. I don’t think our Faith allows a choice in this matter. ***“Whose sins you shall forgive, they are forgiven them. Whose sins you shall retain, they are retained.” ***Those words of Our Lord say it plainly. The Apostles and their priestly descendants were bestowed a gift solely to them - with a purpose - and that means it’s not up to us to personally confess our sins without going to a priest.
  2. As for keeping this to herself, I understand that you wish she’d kept it to herself. Yes, it’s a heavy responsibility that God has given you but I think you must take the opportunity to delicately, privately, speak to her - and/or to her parish priest? I don’t know which/who first. It’s sensitive territory - but so is receiving the Blessed Sacrament without confessing within a reasonable amount of time. I believe Easter Duty requires Penance, as well as Holy Communion, once a year. You may make an enemy of this woman unintentionally. You also don’t know the condition of her soul and have no right to judge. But do you want to place yourself on enemy territory with God by withholding completely?
I think you should explain this to a priest you trust privately - without mentioning names, situation, ages, etc. Ask for advice on this one. He may say it’s a matter of conscience, and you have done pretty much your best. But, unless he gives other advice, you then have the opportunity of encouraging her privately from time to time - without becoming annoying - to go back to confession. Then, it’s out of your hands - but always in God’s Hands. Pray for her.
 
You can show her this verse:

James 5:16
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another, that you may be healed.”
 
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