An invalid marriage?

[Hawkeye916]

My cousin is getting married in a few months, and she is getting married to a divorced man. They applied for an annulment, but his case has only just begun and they plan on getting married before they get approval from the church that his first marriage was invalid. Would it be permissible for me and my family to attend this wedding? Or perhaps only the reception? Or not go at all? They don’t have the go ahead from the church and that makes me think I would be participating in an adulterous marriage by attending.

 

[TheLittleLady]

If I were planning to do something that I knew was objectively wrong according to the Church, the last thing I would do is expect my Catholic family and friends to be happy about it.

Of course the sad reality is most families do not discuss these things until the invitations have been mailed out (remember, talk to your kids about their responsibility to date people who are free to marry and to marry in the Church and talk about it often from the time they are little kids).

Unless you are very close to this cousin, at this point you may not be able to have a meaningful conversation. Talk to your priest.

 

[1ke]

Would it be permissible for me and my family to attend this wedding?

This is a matter of prudential judgment, and I suggest you talk to your pastor about whether it’s prudent to stand witness to an invalid marriage attempt.

They don’t have the go ahead from the church and that makes me think I would be participating in an adulterous marriage by attending.

That sums it up.

 

[margaret42]

That’s the thing-“until the invitations have been sent out”. If a person can decline an invitation at other times-and there are many good reasons to decline-they can certainly decline on moral grounds; but no one ever seems happy with that. I don’t know why.

 

[TheLittleLady]

It is one thing to politely decline a wedding invite from an extended family member or less than close friend, or if the wedding is far away and travel is difficult.

It is another if you are very close, they live in town, and you have never had a discussion about Catholic marriage in the past (as I said, my family talks about it often, no surprises around here about Church teaching) to say “sorry, bro, this is a sin so I am not going to be there”.

 

[Nikolaite]

If it’s not possibly a valid marriage, it’s not going to be a wedding. It seems to me that going upon invitation would be to acknowledge the event as a wedding. Were it me, I’d stay away.

 

[VanitasVanitatum]

Or perhaps only the reception?

No. NEVER go to the reception without going to the ceremony. If you want to skip the ceremony you have to skip that part. I recommend doing something else together at a different time. It’s like showing up after Mass and then helping yourself to some refreshments they came up with. Receptions can be costly to the people getting married and skipping the boring ceremony and attending the reception makes it look like your intentions are not the best.
It also gives them a chance to get their “revenge” and refuse to allow you to be there. They could probably bad mouth you too whenever they talk about it in the future.

 

[margaret42]

And you know, another reason that civil weddings bother me, is that it’s become a pattern among my nieces and nephews -at least some of them- to marry “outside of the church”… and they are Catholics. Marriage is sacramental to me, and it’s very discouraging to attend a service where God is left out. I’m only afraid there’s going to be more than just two, and I don’t want to spend the next ten years going to non-Catholic weddings. Make any sense?

 

[TheLittleLady]

t’s not going to be a wedding. It seems to me that going upon invitation would be to acknowledge the event as a wedding.

That is a strange thing to say.

The wedding will happen whether you believe in it or not. This wedding may not result in a valid marriage.

 

[Nikolaite]

Nikolaite:

t’s not going to be a wedding. It seems to me that going upon invitation would be to acknowledge the event as a wedding.

That is a strange thing to say.

The wedding will happen whether you believe in it or not. This wedding may not result in a valid marriage.

A wedding is the marriage ceremony. If there is not even possibly a valid marriage, then you know for certain going in that you’re not witnessing a wedding.

There may indeed be a ceremony, and a paper registered with the county clerk to record a civil union, but marriage was defined by God before the fall. If it ain’t happening, then neither is a wedding.

 

[Nikolaite]

And you know, another reason that civil weddings bother me, is that it’s become a pattern among my nieces and nephews -at least some of them- to marry “outside of the church”… and they are Catholics. Marriage is sacramental to me, and it’s very discouraging to attend a service where God is left out. I’m only afraid there’s going to be more than just two, and I don’t want to spend the next ten years going to non-Catholic weddings. Make any sense?

Makes sense to me. I get a lot of invitations from relatives to witness their “weddings”. I decline.

 

[margaret42]

My next “approach” to attacks of my decisions is just to say “why don’t you look up what the Catechism has to say about these weddings. Cause i’m not going!”

 

[TheLittleLady]

If the Catechism had a directive “do not attend invalid weddings” it would be more convenient, wouldn’t it!

 

[margaret42]

Yes indeed!

 

[Nikolaite]

Secondly, on a personal note, the annulment is something that the Church has gotten too accustom to. I disagree with it completely. So whether or not an annulment is granted, if the person gets remarried, I still feel they are in an adulterous act if getting remarried.

The subject matter is not one in which feelings apply.

In truth, if an annulment is granted, then that couple was found never to have married. They would be single, never-married people (unless they were widow/widower from a prior marriage).

In the case of those people, they would not be fettered from taking a husband or wife in the future because they would have no impediment to marriage speaking solely of a prior marriage. There was no prior marriage. That means that to marry in the future does not involve adultery at all.

 

[Nikolaite]

First of all, you aren’t participating in a marriage. The marriage is between the two people. A Priest is there to witness the marriage of the two individuals.

The priest presides over the ritual, but it is also required for the sacrament to occur that two other witnesses be present; it is part of the “form” of the sacrament. Therefore, witnesses do “participate” after a fashion in the marriage.

 

[TheLittleLady]

So whether or not an annulment is granted, if the person gets remarried, I still feel they are in an adulterous act if getting remarried.

The Church does not grant annulments. She determines if a wedding resulted in a valid marriage. If the marriage is invalid, it is null. The person is free to again attempt marriage.

 

[margaret42]

Just to add another example to our agreement- would anybody say, “well, because I support you, i’ll watch you rob a bank?” Not likely, because stealing is also a sin, just like Catholics attending “invalid” marriages.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

Well, they aren’t getting married so no reason to go. Nothing to witness, nothing to celebrate.

 

[MiserereMeiDei]

While there are sacramental marriages that have been declared null, which is heinous and wrong, there are also plenty of invalid “marriages” that can rightfully be decreed null. We are in fact, discussing the latter here. Moreover, being present actually does make you a witness. In this case a witness to sacrilege mascarading as a marriage.