An odd feeling...

[Flavius_Aetius]

Hello, I’m posting on a strange darkening feeling I had while in Mexico. I was in Mexico for a cousins Quincenera and we went to a mass for this event. Now I do admit that on this particular day I had a heavy load of stress on my shoulder from my younger sister crying , and the rush in getting ready. When I got to the Church I first was impressed with the architecture, but then I saw a huge eyesore to this magnificent building.

Their were pidgeons everywhere on the building, and I got this feeling like these stupid birds were desecrating this Church. I know I might sound crazy but seeing this and the fact that I basically had to spend the mass outside of the Church; I got this feeling like if my faith was simply Stone and Marble that could be desecrated and hallow. I felt so empty that some tears came out and I was at the level of just wanting to cry. The biggest stake in my heart was that about a week ago I probably had the highest level of faith in the Catholic Church for a long while. Now at the moment I feel a bit leveled but more to the doubting and hallow faith, minus the extream unhappiness.

I felt I needed to share this because at times I acually wish to become a priest but then moments like this make me think that I’m just speaking on the moment and that I could spend seven years learning and find I’m not spiritually fit to be a priest.

 

[pentecostbaby]

I think as per your first problem with the pigeons (not the most important, but the first you mentioned), I can understand your view. They do soil churches and monuments, and that can be very annoying and ugly. On the flip side, St. Francis loved all creatures, so I guess maybe we’re called to ignore it .
Sometimes we all have extreme moments of doubt. Mother Theresa went through an entire life this way - other saints, such as St. John of the Cross, felt the same way. It might help if you find some books about these saints - maybe through their trouble, you can find some peace. I think that’s one of the real reasons that Christ allowed them to suffer that way: so they could help other believers.
You also seem to be doubting that you have a vocation. The only way to find that out is to pray, pray, pray. And if God decides to lead you to the seminary, only to have you leave after 7 years - it’s His will, and there must be reason.
I know that where you are it must be very hard to trust in His love, grace, and care for you. Keep praying and asking for help.
I will remember you in my Rosary today, and especially ask the Blessed Mother to keep you under her love and guidance.

 

[puzzleannie]

Hello,
Their were pidgeons everywhere on the building, and I got this feeling like these stupid birds were desecrating this Church. I know I might sound crazy but seeing this and the fact that I basically had to spend the mass outside of the Church; I got this feeling like if my faith was simply Stone and Marble that could be desecrated and hallow. t.

I think God allowed a natural occurance–pigeons and buildings–to lead you to a meditation on what real faith is, what really constitutes desecration. If it leads you to meditate further on your own spiritual growth, and how you can discern a vocation that will help in your own small way to purify the Church, that is a good thing. Pigeons and churches are age-old, God made the pigeons too. The pigeons in St. Mark’s square in Florence are legendary, and part of the experience. It is man who desecrates the Chuch, not God’s birds and animals. And the descecration we bring into our own souls through sin is far worse than natural elements damaging a building.