An old romance has reappeared while I'm discerning!

[m134e5]

I am in the process of trying to discern if my calling to the priesthood or even religious life is viable and/or agreeable to the Church (if you are interested see thread "I have been avoiding this forum, why?). A past romance has appeared and I don’t think I can share with her my calling as she is orthodox Jewish by birth and very sensitive to religious issues. Still, I care for her and love her to a certain degree. I believe she may want more than friendship, possibly even a secular living arrangement with all that implies—since we could not be married in either of our traditions due to conversion issues wholly our own. Since meeting her again I have begun to doubt my calling; have seen another priest for reconciliation, who says that Chastity sins can be a barrier to a vocation (“If you tend towards sins against Chastity then it is probably better to not become a priest.”), but who saw in me a persistent desire to be a priest. Just a few days before this encounter with my past romance, I accidentally found a copy of the book “The Divine Office …for Dodos” a Catholic Press book on sale in Barnes and Noble for 87 cents after discounts. When I found that book I thought it might be a sign, but was quickly relieved of that notion when I met up with her. I’m so confused as to the point of bewilderment. Additionally, I am facing the situation of a very ill mother. This woman is a good person and I can see myself with her on a long term basis; on the other hand, from what I’ve read about celibate life, you often must deal with just these types of situations. Please offer thoughts.

Since you are discerning, I suggest you avoid this woman- even if she is a nice girl, you care about her, and she basically is a good person, you are unsure of your vocation. You can’t seriously think about one vocation when you are actively pursuing another.

By the way, don’t believe “if you tend towards sins against chastity then it is probably better to not become a priest.” EVERYONE has to live chastely, and priests and seminarians have sex drives too. If God calls you, he will give you the grace you need.

 

[Michael19682]

Since you are discerning, I suggest you avoid this woman- even if she is a nice girl, you care about her, and she basically is a good person, you are unsure of your vocation. You can’t seriously think about one vocation when you are actively pursuing another.

By the way, don’t believe “if you tend towards sins against chastity then it is probably better to not become a priest.” EVERYONE has to live chastely, and priests and seminarians have sex drives too. If God calls you, he will give you the grace you need.

Just want to ask: why can I not seriously think of (I presume you mean discern between) two vocations simultaneously? Please help me with understanding your meaning.

Also, the advice the priest gave me was given “outside” of the confessional and not part of my penance counseling. Just wanted to clarify that. It was of course private location, and I strongly doubt anyone else could have overheard.

 

[Michael19682]

Since you are discerning, I suggest you avoid this woman- even if she is a nice girl, you care about her, and she basically is a good person, you are unsure of your vocation. You can’t seriously think about one vocation when you are actively pursuing another.

By the way, don’t believe “if you tend towards sins against chastity then it is probably better to not become a priest.” EVERYONE has to live chastely, and priests and seminarians have sex drives too. If God calls you, he will give you the grace you need.

Thank you again. I will stay away from her. I am due to return some of her belongings through a mutual friend.

 

[Michael19682]

Michael…if I may ask…of what age are you?

Just turned 43 past December 22.

 

[m134e5]

Just want to ask: why can I not seriously think of (I presume you mean discern between) two vocations simultaneously? Please help me with understanding your meaning.

Also, the advice the priest gave me was given “outside” of the confessional and not part of my penance counseling. Just wanted to clarify that. It was of course private location, and I strongly doubt anyone else could have overheard.

Generally, you will be required to be celibate for a time before you can enter seminary. That doesn’t just mean no sex- it also means no dating relationships. You can start dating if you discern that you should, but you can’t just stop dating and go to the seminary two weeks later if you discern that you really ought to go to the seminary- you would have to break off the relationship, and wait for a time (in my diocese, it’s two years- the time length depends on the requirements of the diocese/order).

If you think you might be called to go in one direction in your life, why would you start to walk the other direction- which would slow down your efforts to go in the direction you think you are called to go- until you’ve received guidance (through prayer and possibly spiritual direction) on the matter?

 

[Michael19682]

Generally, you will be required to be celibate for a time before you can enter seminary. That doesn’t just mean no sex- it also means no dating relationships. You can start dating if you discern that you should, but you can’t just stop dating and go to the seminary two weeks later if you discern that you really ought to go to the seminary- you would have to break off the relationship, and wait for a time (in my diocese, it’s two years- the time length depends on the requirements of the diocese/order).

If you think you might be called to go in one direction in your life, why would you start to walk the other direction- which would slow down your efforts to go in the direction you think you are called to go- until you’ve received guidance (through prayer and possibly spiritual direction) on the matter?

Makes a lot of sense. Thank you!