An ugly ugly problem - please advise

[TheRealJuliane]

Grandma only gets her own rules if the child’s Mom and Dad say so. That is a trust call on their part.

Granny’s rules better dovetail with the parents’ rules on anything truly important, and Granny’s attitude had better be respectful of the parents’ morals and ethics in any case. Not her own rules, but a relaxed version of THEIR rules, period.

I had to give my son specific examples of how destructive it would be to undermine a parent’s authority, he didn’t understand. I told him, “How would it be, if you and your future wife decided to be atheists, and I went and baptized your child without your knowledge?” Or if he and FW were vegetarian and I fed their child hamburgers at my house? To undermine the parents is BETRAYAL and it’s a very serious offense.

I am not saying that this Granny and Gramps are doing that…but with the attitude they are displaying, it wouldn’t be surprising if that is where things are headed. The grandparents have a great deal of responsibility because the children automatically love and accept whatever they say as the Gospel truth. They have the child’s admiration and love automatically, and the power is theirs if they choose to abuse it.

 

[latin_rite]

You are not seriously going to try and justify that completely rediculous post? Why judge the grandparents? Because they want to have their grandkids all day, without their mother, with a man in the house who is a very questionable example at best. That’s like saying, “Why judge the grandparents just because they’ve let radon build up in their basement?” or “Why judge the grandparents because they happen to have a vicious pitbull that menaces small children?” It doesn’t matter whether or not they caused the failings of their son! The point is, he is there, around her kids, without her supervision! The OP seems perfectly happy to let the grandparents spend time with the kids in her home or on a day trip. She isn’t punishing anyone and unless I’m missing something, grandparents don’t have an inalienable right to keep their grandkids at their own home every weekend, without the supervision of their parents. A person that doesn’t “judge” the safety and well-being of any environment her children are spending time is called “a negligent parent”.

I am not trying to do anything. She is judging the grandparents by the actions of another adult. She has their son pegged as a possible pedophile. Even though we all know that a Ward Cleaver figure is just as likely to be a pedophile. SHe judges her In-laws very harshly. She even insults both her own children and the grandparents by labling her kids “prozacs”. So what if the grandparents enjoy their grand kids company? And she even says the BIL doesn’t even drink at home. Wheres the problem?
It’s like “OMG. Their son is a “drunk” keep my kids away from them they are dangerous.”
No. The OP biggest problem is that her parent in-laws don’t like her. She should get over
it. Or at least be honest. Tell them that she doesn’t trust her kids near them cause their son turned out a drunk who visits brothels… So that makes him a pedophile.
And don’t forget to mention how them not liking her sticks in her claw too. In fact after reading her posts. I wonder why they “don’t like” her? Perhaps she could stay home and let her husband take his kids to see his parents if she is that worried? Of course in issue of all fairness. The kids should not be left unsupervised with her own parents.

 

[louisak]

Even though we all know that a Ward Cleaver figure is just as likely to be a pedophile.

That part is very true.

But everything else you have written is devoid of any validity. The OP has described behavior on the part of her in-laws which is highly disturbing and inappropriate, as most of the others posting in this thread have agreed, yet you seem unable to recognize that, and you accuse her of judging them harshly. Also, you have shown a serious lack of Christian charity by implying that the reason her in-laws don’t like her is probably because she is unlikeable. This is disgraceful coming from a self-described traditional Catholic.

Your judgement is extremely poor and I really beg you to stop posting on this thread. You are irritating the rest of us and not accomplishing anything positive.