An unusual vocation?

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buckr02

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Hey all,

Lately I’ve been thinking about my vocation (obviously), and there’s this one idea that has struck me pretty hard, but I think it’s a bit unusual (in a good way).

I’ve had this idea that I’m supposed to try to adopt children from women that are thinking about having abortions. I feel like I should be seeking out these girls as they go to Planned Parenthood or the like and really try to convince them to give birth to the baby and then give them to me to raise. If I get a well-paying job after I graduate college (which is a good possibility, but not necessarily immediately), I could even support these women with all the costs carrying the baby may have and even help them afterward (although obviously I can’t pay for all their expenses forever).

Has anyone ever heard of something like this? The idea just popped into my head as I was reading Mother Theresa quotes a few weeks ago and it has continued to pop into my mind at random times. I feel like it might be difficult if I’m not married, but that finding a woman that would feel called to that with me would be difficult - it seems like most people would prefer to have children of their own. But I feel like the more children I can save, the better.

Any thoughts?
 
Hello!
Just about two weeks ago, I read an article in the newspaper about a Catholic man in Vietnam who is doing exactly what you envision.
Perhaps do a google search and see if you can find the article…I will also look for it and post it if I can find it.
God bless! 🙂
 
buckr02 said:
Hey all,

Lately I’ve been thinking about my vocation (obviously), and there’s this one idea that has struck me pretty hard, but I think it’s a bit unusual (in a good way).

I’ve had this idea that I’m supposed to try to adopt children from women that are thinking about having abortions. I feel like I should be seeking out these girls as they go to Planned Parenthood or the like and really try to convince them to give birth to the baby and then give them to me to raise. If I get a well-paying job after I graduate college (which is a good possibility, but not necessarily immediately), I could even support these women with all the costs carrying the baby may have and even help them afterward (although obviously I can’t pay for all their expenses forever).

Has anyone ever heard of something like this? The idea just popped into my head as I was reading Mother Theresa quotes a few weeks ago and it has continued to pop into my mind at random times. I feel like it might be difficult if I’m not married, but that finding a woman that would feel called to that with me would be difficult - it seems like most people would prefer to have children of their own. But I feel like the more children I can save, the better.

Any thoughts?
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I think it would be more effective to work through an organization.

Help support the pregnant girls, and help them place their babies for adoption. There are thousands and thousands of couples in the U.S. waiting to adopt newborns.

This way, you could help save many, many more babies than you could care for personally.

God Bless
 
bilop said:
I think it would be more effective to work through an organization.

Help support the pregnant girls, and help them place their babies for adoption. There are thousands and thousands of couples in the U.S. waiting to adopt newborns.

This way, you could help save many, many more babies than you could care for personally.

God Bless
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Are there organizations in the US already set up for this purpose?

I’d also wonder how effective they are - from what I have heard, many women do not want to put their children up for adoption because they don’t want them shuffled around through the foster system, living depressing lives. I thought if I guaranteed a steady home and they knew I had a good salary, they’d be more comfortable with it.
 
buckr02 said:
Are there organizations in the US already set up for this purpose?

I’d also wonder how effective they are - from what I have heard, many women do not want to put their children up for adoption because they don’t want them shuffled around through the foster system, living depressing lives. I thought if I guaranteed a steady home and they knew I had a good salary, they’d be more comfortable with it.
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There are many Catholic organizations to help unwed mothers.

The point is to arrange direct adoptions, not put them in the foster system.
 
bilop said:
There are many Catholic organizations to help unwed mothers.

The point is to arrange direct adoptions, not put them in the foster system.
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Duh, I knew that there were Catholic organizations for unwed mothers, I was thinking of something else, sorry.

I could always work for an organization, but I could also raise some of the children in addition. But might it make more sense to support an organization and have my own job so I could also raise the children? I am not sure which would be best (my mathematical mind is trying to optimize).

The options seem to be:
  1. Work for an organization to try setting up mothers with a family to raise their child and not raise any myself
  2. Get married, work for an organization like this, raise some children by myself
  3. Have my own job and raise more children than I probably would be able to in option #2 (because I’d have a better salary), and not work for any organization
I am not sure which would be ideal. Like I said, my goal would be to save as many children as I can. #1 seems least ideal to me.
 
buckr02 said:
Duh, I knew that there were Catholic organizations for unwed mothers, I was thinking of something else, sorry.

I could always work for an organization, but I could also raise some of the children in addition. But might it make more sense to support an organization and have my own job so I could also raise the children? I am not sure which would be best (my mathematical mind is trying to optimize).

The options seem to be:
  1. Work for an organization to try setting up mothers with a family to raise their child and not raise any myself
  2. Get married, work for an organization like this, raise some children by myself
  3. Have my own job and raise more children than I probably would be able to in option #2 (because I’d have a better salary), and not work for any organization
I am not sure which would be ideal. Like I said, my goal would be to save as many children as I can. #1 seems least ideal to me.
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How old are you? Unless you are considering a religious vocation, you will probably marry and have your own children. Now, you could also adopt a small number of children, which would be admirable. However, this will likely be limited to a small handful. Adoption agencies will be unlikely to place children with a single.

If you wish to help many children, the best route would be to work for, or with, a larger agency.

God Bless
 
What if you worked at an orphanage? (Do they still call them orphanages?) That way you’d be raising a ton of children every day without the finances.
 
Your passion is admirable, but have you taken a moment to think through the situation? Simply approaching a woman off the street and asking to adopt her child carries with it a huge legal and financial commitment.

I know volunteers who will do this temporarily, such as offer temporary shelter and housing, offer to help pay immediate emergency bills, offer to pay for the delivery and baby medical care, etc.

Adoption has a lot of red tape and a lot of money attached to it. With so many organizations out there already trying to save mothers and babies, why not contribute your passion to them instead of working alone?

Here is the one I help:

www.ourladysinn.org
 
Your desire to save and raise unwanted children is admirable, however, one theme I hear throughout your posts disturbs me. You keep saying over and over about “a good salary”, “better salary” etc. in relation to your ability to raise these children you want to adopt. I trust you realize that it takes much, much, more than money to properly raise children. It takes maturity, faith, love, patience, and yes, “money”. It is also takes two parents. I’m not saying it can’t be done as a single parent; I’m a single parent. Speaking from that vantage point I can tell you it is not the ideal situation. Also, of all the things necessary to raise kids, money is actually not the most important. Your heart is definetely in the right place and with time and some guidance, I’m sure you’ll find a suitable outlet for your benevolence.

God Bless You.
 
I would tend to agree with Regina Caeli above. You are obviously motivated to save children (and I think it’s a wonderful thing to adopt) but have you considered the realities of even having to raise 1 child? I can’t tell if you are a woman or a man (but I think you are a man by something you said in a post) so I’ll go with that.

If you are caring for an infant you will not be able to work for awhile, just like any new mother (sans the physical recovery). This time away from work, if granted (because you’re male?), will keep you from advancing your career quickly, and getting that “better salary” that you would like to have. That’s the harsh reality many female professionals face when having a family. When you return to work, you could easily burn out working more that you care to just to regain footing. When you’re working, where are these children? Childcare? School? How are they getting there and home? What about when they’re sick? That’s an expense that will keep you working more and spending less time raising them, and becomes a vicious cycle for many single parents. Also, if you’re not married, your children will miss out on having a mother. Not only is it missing out on having another adult to earn another income, or help maintain a household, or co-parent your children, but they will miss out on seeing your marriage relationship at work. They won’t have a realistic model for commitment until death - of being spiritual partners, lovers, and dealing with conflicts from “who left the surprise on the toilet seat” to raging matches about financial woes. And once you are their father, you are their father for life. If you are a father at age 25, you are still a father at age 65.

Obviously, then, there’s a lot more that goes into being a parent than just having a good income. It is probably the case that the woman who walks into a clinic (whose child you want to rescue) understands all this and knows she is not in a position to be a mother. Maybe she is married, or has a great salary, or whatever, but in some way is not cut out for it at this time. I’m not excusing abortion, but she should be congratulated for recognizing this reality. If so, she is probably not going to respond favorably to a man on the street who offers to snatch up her baby in a few more months.

I think you would be best to research what agencies do for abortion prevention, adoption matching, and child-raising in your area and contribute your time, talents, and treasure to that. It may be the case that there is plentiful material assistance and counseling for new mothers, but that it’s near impossible for them to find safe, affordable housing near the schools, and reliable, affordable transportation to her job. On top of that, she cannot afford childcare. These are problems that she could have very little help with for the next 18+ years because the system forgets about her unless she has another baby to be saved… Perhaps if you’re young, innovative, and well-off, you could apply your gifts to helping these women (and men) break a cycle of injustice that can start unexpectedly and leave a family broken and impoverished, rather than risk entering that system yourself.
 
ReginaCoeli said:
Your desire to save and raise unwanted children is admirable, however, one theme I hear throughout your posts disturbs me. You keep saying over and over about “a good salary”, “better salary” etc. in relation to your ability to raise these children you want to adopt. I trust you realize that it takes much, much, more than money to properly raise children. It takes maturity, faith, love, patience, and yes, “money”. It is also takes two parents. I’m not saying it can’t be done as a single parent; I’m a single parent. Speaking from that vantage point I can tell you it is not the ideal situation. Also, of all the things necessary to raise kids, money is actually not the most important. Your heart is definetely in the right place and with time and some guidance, I’m sure you’ll find a suitable outlet for your benevolence.
God Bless You.
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I don’t think my realization that having a steady, decent salary is in fact necessary to raise should “disturb” you, I’m being realistic. While money is not number 1, it most certainly is important.

I’m not being naive here, I just kind of assumed that the abilities to raise a child were a given in my case, and I wasn’t look to discuss that part of the picture. I am confident I can raise a family, not only because I feel like I’ve been training my whole life to be a father, but also because I always know that if I ever set myself to something, I can succeed. And this isn’t just an ideal or a hopeful goal, this is something I prove to the people around me day in and day out - that I never give up on anything when I know that I can do it.

As far as getting involved in these organizations which support unmarried mothers, I don’t see that happening. I’m already preparing for my career and have goals in mind that I don’t want to give up. The way I see it, if you were to give everyone the advice I have been given and everyone followed it, there would be tons of people out there working for these organizations to support these mothers, but no one to actually adopt and raise their children.

Also, I should have been more clear. If I felt like this was my vocation, I would certainly get married and I would not exclude the possibility of having my own children in addition.
 
buckr02 said:
I don’t think my realization that having a steady, decent salary is in fact necessary to raise should “disturb” you, I’m being realistic. While money is not number 1, it most certainly is important.

I’m not being naive here, I just kind of assumed that the abilities to raise a child were a given in my case, and I wasn’t look to discuss that part of the picture. I am confident I can raise a family, not only because I feel like I’ve been training my whole life to be a father, but also because I always know that if I ever set myself to something, I can succeed. And this isn’t just an ideal or a hopeful goal, this is something I prove to the people around me day in and day out - that I never give up on anything when I know that I can do it.

As far as getting involved in these organizations which support unmarried mothers, I don’t see that happening. I’m already preparing for my career and have goals in mind that I don’t want to give up. The way I see it, if you were to give everyone the advice I have been given and everyone followed it, there would be tons of people out there working for these organizations to support these mothers, but no one to actually adopt and raise their children.

Also, I should have been more clear. If I felt like this was my vocation, I would certainly get married and I would not exclude the possibility of having my own children in addition.
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Why don’t you approach Priests for Life…they may help you.
 
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