An update if anyone is interested

  • Thread starter Thread starter Jay417
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
J

Jay417

Guest
Hello.

I’ll keep it brief.

I was served and signed divorce papers two weeks ago. I paid all the fees associated for her. I will ask for an annulment as soon as the final decree comes from the judge.

She has become a drug user, I know because her job called me to let me know she failed a drug test. She is now a practicing Satanist with her live in boyfriend, I know because her friends are terrified and called me for advice. She tried to commit fraud by claiming I lived with her and was unemployed in order to get food stamps. I know this as the state office contacted me, and I corrected the lie.

Now for me,

I am going back to graduate school, something I postponed in order to have kids or so I thought.

I am seeing someone casually, yes it is very soon, and no I did not seek this out. I am taking it slow, and it is not sexual. It is more of a friendship that may one day blossom into something more.

I am okay. I stay heavily involved in my parish.
 
Thank you for the update. I’ll be keeping the situation in my prayers.
 
Hang in there; soon this will be behind you and you can put your life back together. Pray for your wife, she is lost right now, but it’s not hopeless. Good luck in school!
 
Glad you’re on the mend.
Pray for her. She desperately needs it.

Good luck in school too!
 
Praying for you. Praying to the Holy Spirit to give your wife guidance, direction, strength fortitude & wisdom in her time of need.
 
Wow! I wish you the best… please remember, though, you are a married guy still so be careful, you are not in a position to be seeing anyone, and you really don’t want to find yourself in a difficult position later down the road… Prayers for clarity in seeking God’s will!
 
12345678 said:
Wow! I wish you the best… please remember, though, you are a married guy still so be careful, you are not in a position to be seeing anyone, and you really don’t want to find yourself in a difficult position later down the road… Prayers for clarity in seeking God’s will!
Click to expand...
Indeed. Don’t presume on the annulment being granted.
 
Inquiringperson said:
Indeed. Don’t presume on the annulment being granted.
Click to expand...
I’m doing nothing to jeopardize my soul. I’m being cautious. Also, my divorce will be final on August 16th. As for getting an annulment, I am not assuming it is a guarantee, but I admit I feel it is merited.

I am at a loss with certain feelings I am wrestling with. I took my marriage seriously. It wasn’t a game to me. Yet here I am stuck with a divorce. I feel that I may never want to marry in the church in the future. I feel somehow it is not the strong, binding sacrament I once believed in. Who knows though right? It’s in God’s hands.
 
Jay417 said:
I feel that I may never want to marry in the church in the future. I feel somehow it is not the strong, binding sacrament I once believed in. Who knows though right? It’s in God’s hands.
Click to expand...
It is a sacrament and a source of grace, but we also have free will.
I’m sorry for your going through this; I’ve been through it. Praying for you.

.
 
Dear Jay417,

I have been reading your story for a long time and I truly sorry for you. It seems that things have truly gotten worse and I am praying for you.

As a matter of interest, do you use this username for any other sites?
 
Jay417 said:
I’m doing nothing to jeopardize my soul. I’m being cautious. Also, my divorce will be final on August 16th. As for getting an annulment, I am not assuming it is a guarantee, but I admit I feel it is merited.

I am at a loss with certain feelings I am wrestling with. I took my marriage seriously. It wasn’t a game to me. Yet here I am stuck with a divorce. I feel that I may never want to marry in the church in the future. I feel somehow it is not the strong, binding sacrament I once believed in. Who knows though right? It’s in God’s hands.
Click to expand...
You know, not too long ago, you were distraught over your wife, and now you are already casually dating someone that you weren’t out looking for. You say you are connected to your parish and then you say you don’t think you will ever want get married in the Church again.

You need to be alone for a while and get your thoughts in order. You say it’s in God’s hands, but you don’t wait long enough to do anything. As someone else mentioned, you are not free to date, nor do you seem ready to be getting involved with anyone.
 
^^^
This.
The train has only just now left the station. Don’t book another ticket!

You need time to heal, and also to carefully discern what happened, what led to this nightmare you’ve been living, and what it means for YOU and your soul.

Continue to pray for your “ex” and allow yourself time alone. This is not a time to lean on another woman. Don’t put HER through that.

Marriage is not the problem.
Learn from this.
 
No this username is unique to this website and one email account

I want to clarify, I am not dating. I used the phrase seeing someone a bit too loosely. I am friends with a woman who knows my situation. She is respectful that I am not yet free to be more than friends, and is in no way pushing me. Now, could it become more one day, after the annulment? Possibly. I am glad she is in my life as a wonderful support system and as a genuinely caring person. If it matters, she experienced a painful divorce over a year ago due to an unfaithful and abusive husband. We met through a charity as volunteers and became friends. Nothing shady.

I pray none of you ever go though what I am enduring.

Yes I was distraught. But once a person you loved kicks you over and over you start to back away. I cannot post here the awful things I witnessed the last two weeks my ex was in my home. I tried but moderators removed the post. It was pure sexual perversion. I’ve had men attempt to attack me on her behalf.

In other words, I am done. There is no saving my marriage, and two priests agree that it is time to move for annulment. Do I pray for her? Yes I do.

I believe so strongly in the church and in the sacraments. This shook me to the core, and I am admitting to doubts. I plan to meet with a priest for spiritual counseling.
 
I can only imagine how difficult this all has been. I read your posts as this was all going on, I’m sorry you had to go through all of this.
I was hesitant to post, and I still am because at this point you really need support, but I have seen on more than one occasion how two people that are going through tragedies, or one that is going through one being supported by another that has gone through it, may start off wanting to stay “only friends” but end up so close because of everything that romantic feelings take over. In two cases I know of marriages actually ended because of this (friendships that “blossomed”). You have the added temptation that society will see you as single as soon as you are divorced. Your friend is in an emotionally fragile state as well, and if she went through a divorce then there is not one but two potential marriages that can be an impediment. I am just telling you this because I see red flags that you may not be able to see. Does your parish have some sort of men’s group (prayer group, bible classes, other types of groups) you could join? It is certainly important for you to receive the support you need, but it just seem from the outside you are seeking it in the wrong place at this time.

Marriage is still a very strong and important/beautiful sacrament. One of two thing probably happened here, either the marriage was never there, or she made use of her free will after the bond took place and really defiled marriage and you as her spouse.
Jay417 said:
No this username is unique to this website and one email account

I want to clarify, I am not dating. I used the phrase seeing someone a bit too loosely. I am friends with a woman who knows my situation. She is respectful that I am not yet free to be more than friends, and is in no way pushing me. Now, could it become more one day, after the annulment? Possibly. I am glad she is in my life as a wonderful support system and as a genuinely caring person. If it matters, she experienced a painful divorce over a year ago due to an unfaithful and abusive husband. We met through a charity as volunteers and became friends. Nothing shady.

I pray none of you ever go though what I am enduring.

Yes I was distraught. But once a person you loved kicks you over and over you start to back away. I cannot post here the awful things I witnessed the last two weeks my ex was in my home. I tried but moderators removed the post. It was pure sexual perversion. I’ve had men attempt to attack me on her behalf.

In other words, I am done. There is no saving my marriage, and two priests agree that it is time to move for annulment. Do I pray for her? Yes I do.

I believe so strongly in the church and in the sacraments. This shook me to the core, and I am admitting to doubts. I plan to meet with a priest for spiritual counseling.
Click to expand...
 
12345678 said:
I can only imagine how difficult this all has been. I read your posts as this was all going on, I’m sorry you had to go through all of this.
I was hesitant to post, and I still am because at this point you really need support, but I have seen on more than one occasion how two people that are going through tragedies, or one that is going through one being supported by another that has gone through it, may start off wanting to stay “only friends” but end up so close because of everything that romantic feelings take over. In two cases I know of marriages actually ended because of this (friendships that “blossomed”). You have the added temptation that society will see you as single as soon as you are divorced. Your friend is in an emotionally fragile state as well, and if she went through a divorce then there is not one but two potential marriages that can be an impediment. I am just telling you this because I see red flags that you may not be able to see. Does your parish have some sort of men’s group (prayer group, bible classes, other types of groups) you could join? It is certainly important for you to receive the support you need, but it just seem from the outside you are seeking it in the wrong place at this time.

Marriage is still a very strong and important/beautiful sacrament. One of two thing probably happened here, either the marriage was never there, or she made use of her free will after the bond took place and really defiled marriage and you as her spouse.
Click to expand...
Thank you for your support and concern. No, my parish does not have any groups like that as we are VERY small. I am involved in the KofC, and grand knight is very supportive. He is divorced as well through no fault of his own, so he gets it.

I am being cautious with my new friendship. As for her divorce, she already has an annulment. She is the person who approached me, and has acknowledged a desire for more later on. But neither of us is in a place to even think about romance or sex. If things should turn in a direction that isn’t appropriate I know I can remedy it. I should add we only hang out perhaps once a week if that, and it is in public places, we don’t go to each other’s homes.
 
Jay417 said:
Hello.

I’ll keep it brief.

I was served and signed divorce papers two weeks ago. I paid all the fees associated for her. I will ask for an annulment as soon as the final decree comes from the judge.

She has become a drug user, I know because her job called me to let me know she failed a drug test. She is now a practicing Satanist with her live in boyfriend, I know because her friends are terrified and called me for advice. She tried to commit fraud by claiming I lived with her and was unemployed in order to get food stamps. I know this as the state office contacted me, and I corrected the lie.

Now for me,

I am going back to graduate school, something I postponed in order to have kids or so I thought.

I am seeing someone casually, yes it is very soon, and no I did not seek this out. I am taking it slow, and it is not sexual. It is more of a friendship that may one day blossom into something more.

I am okay. I stay heavily involved in my parish.
Click to expand...
I am so sorry you have had to go through this - and I cannot help but think what a blessing this experience will be for you when someday you are called to be of service to someone else. Thank you for staying Faithful.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top