O
Ophelia23
Guest
Well, friends. I know I have been sporadic this past year. I know that some of you have been aware of what is happening in my marriage, and have been patiently and lovingly (and sometimes bluntly) encouraging me to seek intervention and get help. Many of you have said to get out.
I have done just that. A month ago, I asked him to leave the house. He has been staying with his parents. We see one another for small stretches of time, and he has still continued to show his abusive behavior. His words say “I am so sorry,” and “I love you,” and “God will take care of us, give me a chance”. But the moment he becomes upset in any way, he immediately goes back into the verbal abuse. He tries to manipulate me, to belittle me, to get me to doubt myself.
I have asked for a divorce. I never wanted this in my life. I never imagined it would be a part of my life. It STINKS. But I think it is right. Yesterday, he came to the house and raged at me in front of the kids. He shouted at them, “I’M NEVER COMING HOME! YOUR MOTHER WON’T LET ME! WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE!!” I am so angry that he would do that. Our children deserve better than to be yelled at. I had not talked to them yet about the divorce. He had no right to throw it in their 6 and 3 year old faces like that. He shouted all of the ‘F-you’s’ and called me a selfish bit** in front of our children. I ushered them into the house to get them away, and he yelled over my shoulders at them about me. THIS is why we need a divorce. Instances like this happen every several months. And when he is not raging and out of control like this, even when he is being friendly and calm, he is always manipulating. He is always taking my weaknesses and using them against me. Holding them over me. He has encouraged me to feel guilty where there is no need for guilt. He has encouraged me to feel ashamed of who I am, when I’m not ashamed of who I am. He even said, “Oh, you want to be the kind of woman who pulls away from her husband? That’s what you want? That’s who you want to be? Some goal.” Well, guess what. I am the kind of woman I want to be. Yes, I am certain of it. Surely I have plenty to improve, but I am not as flawed, I am not as unintelligent, I am not as dense, I am not as thoughtless or careless or unfunny as he has told me I am.
And, I am terrified of what is next.
But I am taking this next step.
It will be ok. God will provide. I am ready to file.
Please, continue to pray for me and my children. And for my husband, who is very, very unwell.
I have done just that. A month ago, I asked him to leave the house. He has been staying with his parents. We see one another for small stretches of time, and he has still continued to show his abusive behavior. His words say “I am so sorry,” and “I love you,” and “God will take care of us, give me a chance”. But the moment he becomes upset in any way, he immediately goes back into the verbal abuse. He tries to manipulate me, to belittle me, to get me to doubt myself.
I have asked for a divorce. I never wanted this in my life. I never imagined it would be a part of my life. It STINKS. But I think it is right. Yesterday, he came to the house and raged at me in front of the kids. He shouted at them, “I’M NEVER COMING HOME! YOUR MOTHER WON’T LET ME! WE’RE GETTING A DIVORCE!!” I am so angry that he would do that. Our children deserve better than to be yelled at. I had not talked to them yet about the divorce. He had no right to throw it in their 6 and 3 year old faces like that. He shouted all of the ‘F-you’s’ and called me a selfish bit** in front of our children. I ushered them into the house to get them away, and he yelled over my shoulders at them about me. THIS is why we need a divorce. Instances like this happen every several months. And when he is not raging and out of control like this, even when he is being friendly and calm, he is always manipulating. He is always taking my weaknesses and using them against me. Holding them over me. He has encouraged me to feel guilty where there is no need for guilt. He has encouraged me to feel ashamed of who I am, when I’m not ashamed of who I am. He even said, “Oh, you want to be the kind of woman who pulls away from her husband? That’s what you want? That’s who you want to be? Some goal.” Well, guess what. I am the kind of woman I want to be. Yes, I am certain of it. Surely I have plenty to improve, but I am not as flawed, I am not as unintelligent, I am not as dense, I am not as thoughtless or careless or unfunny as he has told me I am.
And, I am terrified of what is next.
But I am taking this next step.
It will be ok. God will provide. I am ready to file.
Please, continue to pray for me and my children. And for my husband, who is very, very unwell.
