K
KCtheMommy
Guest
So the mayor of crazy town (grandma) called back on Friday afternoon and I easily let it go to voice mail. No more spoiling my labor or stressing me out/calling me names.
Saturday morning early my cell phone is ringing so I go look and see it’s from a Bay Area area code, but don’t recognize the number. I learn through VM it’s my cousin, and I realize they are pulling out the big guns now, having my male cousin call…he is the other sane (ok that’s relative he can be really judgemental and uncharitable about other’s too) person in the family, BUT overall he’s a peaceful guy who wants everyone to get along.
So I call him back. He explains that he had spoke to my mother for two hours the night before and said he would call me to see if she could speak to or see my children. I explain I am about to give birth any moment, and no, I am not getting involved, nor or my kids right now. He was so very cool about it all “I don’t blame you. I am just the middle man – the messenger boy, I promised my aunt I would call you, and that’s all I am doing, I am so not putting pressure on you. I don’t blame you at all. We all saw this coming, your mom has a LONG history of this kind of drama, and I don’t blame you one bit for saying enough!”
So we had a nice talk. I did learn some more pertinent facts which make me feel good, meaning I actually got facts not drama as I would from my g-ma. After all, even if I stay far far away from her, I do care as she is still my mother. I learned her “husband” is going to court on these charges – being pressed by the DA NOT her – on Dec. 18th. He has previous convictions on assault, domestic battery, and domestic abuse. It is being said he’ll receive 6-8 months in jail because of the priors. Good. My mom does have to testify, and apparently they are presenting full body pictures of her and she was literally beaten head to foot. That very day he will be served with divorce papers. Good again.
I am glad all is being taken care of and I do not feel the slightest tinge to jump in and rescue, nor the slightest urge to be involved.
AND FINALLY I think I got it through their heads, at least my cousin’s – who can pass it on to the rest of the family:
It’s not this particular husband. If it were not him it would have been somebody else. She made her choice over her family. HER choice. She is still very sick in the head. This behavior or even line of thinking is not condusive to my small children. Therefor, NO, just because she got beat up and her husband is going to jail – after turning her back on her own daughter and grandkids for two years – does not mean we are welcoming her back with open arms. NO.
Toxic toxic toxic.
Until she actually receives help and turns her life around (including ditching the men again) she is not welcome NEAR my children. Right now the drama is on high octane, and I can’t have that around. I can love my mom from afar, as is the safest thing for my kids, my DH and for me.
Oh and TRUST ME when I say I am not expecting her to change, to get help, or to give up her selfish ways at all, just laying out my conditions. Even those conditions don’t seem very appealing to me. She broke that promise before. 
I’m playing it by ear, and my resistance is HIGH.
Why though does she, and the rest of the family think just because he’s gone I should just open my heart and house to this again? No way! She messed up big time, not HIM – her! It’s so sad she’s calling all the relatives and manipulating each one to work on me. That angers me. Cousin told me he would tell everyone to lay off, no more calls until I have the baby.
Thanks for all your (name removed by moderator)ut on my previous thread. I just wanted to update you guys and let you know I am doing really well, and I feel good that I FINALLY got through to someone who actually understands and will hopefully aid me in getting the harassment to stop. He laughingly said “well it is Christmas…” Yeah can you bring me a big box of INSANITY wrapped up in pretty paper and a blue bow? Haha No thanks.
Oh and grandma called again this morning. STRAIGHT to Voice Mail. Get the HINT lady. I feel like sending a video of me with my fingers in my ears going “LA LA LA LA I can’t hear you!” LOL
Better call my cuz back and tell him to tell g-ma to back it off too!
OK that’s that. Hope your first day of Advent was lovely (mine was!) and now I’ll go back to nesting and preparing to give birth…
Any day now…
Saturday morning early my cell phone is ringing so I go look and see it’s from a Bay Area area code, but don’t recognize the number. I learn through VM it’s my cousin, and I realize they are pulling out the big guns now, having my male cousin call…he is the other sane (ok that’s relative he can be really judgemental and uncharitable about other’s too) person in the family, BUT overall he’s a peaceful guy who wants everyone to get along.
So I call him back. He explains that he had spoke to my mother for two hours the night before and said he would call me to see if she could speak to or see my children. I explain I am about to give birth any moment, and no, I am not getting involved, nor or my kids right now. He was so very cool about it all “I don’t blame you. I am just the middle man – the messenger boy, I promised my aunt I would call you, and that’s all I am doing, I am so not putting pressure on you. I don’t blame you at all. We all saw this coming, your mom has a LONG history of this kind of drama, and I don’t blame you one bit for saying enough!”
So we had a nice talk. I did learn some more pertinent facts which make me feel good, meaning I actually got facts not drama as I would from my g-ma. After all, even if I stay far far away from her, I do care as she is still my mother. I learned her “husband” is going to court on these charges – being pressed by the DA NOT her – on Dec. 18th. He has previous convictions on assault, domestic battery, and domestic abuse. It is being said he’ll receive 6-8 months in jail because of the priors. Good. My mom does have to testify, and apparently they are presenting full body pictures of her and she was literally beaten head to foot. That very day he will be served with divorce papers. Good again.
I am glad all is being taken care of and I do not feel the slightest tinge to jump in and rescue, nor the slightest urge to be involved.
AND FINALLY I think I got it through their heads, at least my cousin’s – who can pass it on to the rest of the family:
It’s not this particular husband. If it were not him it would have been somebody else. She made her choice over her family. HER choice. She is still very sick in the head. This behavior or even line of thinking is not condusive to my small children. Therefor, NO, just because she got beat up and her husband is going to jail – after turning her back on her own daughter and grandkids for two years – does not mean we are welcoming her back with open arms. NO.
Toxic toxic toxic.
Until she actually receives help and turns her life around (including ditching the men again) she is not welcome NEAR my children. Right now the drama is on high octane, and I can’t have that around. I can love my mom from afar, as is the safest thing for my kids, my DH and for me.
Oh and TRUST ME when I say I am not expecting her to change, to get help, or to give up her selfish ways at all, just laying out my conditions. Even those conditions don’t seem very appealing to me. She broke that promise before. I’m playing it by ear, and my resistance is HIGH.Why though does she, and the rest of the family think just because he’s gone I should just open my heart and house to this again? No way! She messed up big time, not HIM – her! It’s so sad she’s calling all the relatives and manipulating each one to work on me. That angers me. Cousin told me he would tell everyone to lay off, no more calls until I have the baby.
Thanks for all your (name removed by moderator)ut on my previous thread. I just wanted to update you guys and let you know I am doing really well, and I feel good that I FINALLY got through to someone who actually understands and will hopefully aid me in getting the harassment to stop. He laughingly said “well it is Christmas…” Yeah can you bring me a big box of INSANITY wrapped up in pretty paper and a blue bow? Haha No thanks.
Oh and grandma called again this morning. STRAIGHT to Voice Mail. Get the HINT lady. I feel like sending a video of me with my fingers in my ears going “LA LA LA LA I can’t hear you!” LOL
Better call my cuz back and tell him to tell g-ma to back it off too!OK that’s that. Hope your first day of Advent was lovely (mine was!) and now I’ll go back to nesting and preparing to give birth…
Any day now…
I got to a point where I realized that I didn’t want my kids to have to learn the same type of coping skills that I had to learn to deal with my mom. Shutting down and repressing my anger was not healthy. I don’t want my kids to learn this type of behavior due to dealing with grandma.
