Anger and forgiveness

[Gospel]

How does one begin to forgve another who has seriously wronged you? I have a person in my life that I am very angry with, and am having a hard time forgiving. Whnever I thenk of forgiving this person , my stomach turns and my blood pressure rises. I almost feel like I am dieing when I try to forgive this person. I feel like I am losing and am admitting that I am to blame in this situation, when I am not.

I know I must forgive, but how do I do it?

 

[JimR-OCDS]

How does one begin to forgve another who has seriously wronged you? I have a person in my life that I am very angry with, and am having a hard time forgiving. Whnever I thenk of forgiving this person , my stomach turns and my blood pressure rises. I almost feel like I am dieing when I try to forgive this person. I feel like I am losing and am admitting that I am to blame in this situation, when I am not.

I know I must forgive, but how do I do it?

Is it possible to speak with this person, and let them know your feelings, is reconciliation possible?

Either way, prayer is the only way I know of and even then, it takes time for the healing process to complete.

Jim

 

[PhilotheaZ]

Take it to prayer.

Ask Jesus, who has forgiven injuries much more serious than whatever was done to offend you, to show you how.

Pray for the person who offended you. That in itself is a demonstration that you are beginning to forgive.

Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean that you have to admit that you were wrong, nor does it mean that you have to indicate approval of what the person has done. Sometimes, in fact, fraternal correction can be an act of charity.

Forgiveness does not mean that you have to act like “best friends” (unless, perhaps, it is your spouse — in that case a more profound reconciliation may be necessary).

It means that you cannot desire that harm come to them, but rather you should desire good (especially spiritual good) for them.

If you can pray for that person and greet them civilly (perhaps not warmly), you are well on your way.

 

[MarcoPolo]

As well, your frustration could be God’s way of bringing you closer to Him. If you are able to let go, out of true love, letting go of the pride of being victimized, then you are closer to God, and you have committed an act of charity, which is efficacious for us all as members of the Body.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Very often forgiveness is simply the will to forgive - to desire and pray to forgive…while our hurt and tender feelings are still smarting. The journey to feeling that one has forgiven and forgotten can be a relatively long journey. I read somewhere that forgiveness is to give up the right to be hurt when we are offended - the journey to that sort of forgiveness I think would cover a lifetime.
I think we need to strive to forgive in the fullest sense of the word and prayerfully…and to be prepared to thus go on a journey of learning to forgive and to allow ourselves to be the imperfect beings that we are - and acknowledge that imperfection as we strive against it. We are constantly in need of conversion and repentance somewhere or other. If one is able to talk over the hurt with the person who has done the hurting and in a charitable and gentle manner, this too can be a positive move - but this may not always be possible.

Here is an address by Mother Abbess of a Benedictine Monastery here in Australia on the subject of forgiveness that really apealled to me.
jamberooabbey.org.au/homilies/Homilies.html

Blessings and Peace…Barb

 

[Hlafdige]

This page (you have to scroll down a bit) contains some of the best, and toughest, things I have ever heard said about forgiveness: what it is, and what unforgiveness costs us.
oswc.org/SelfHelp/SevenSteps.asp

Some of the difficulties in forgiving lie in the nature of memory: Learning psychologists say that if you want to be sure of remembering something (e.g. foreign language vocabulary), link it to emotion.

“Forgiveness is the choice to live with the consequences of another’s sin” (from the site linked above) – that pretty much says it all. It’s a choice that has to be made every time the memory comes back, again and again and again.

 

[stbruno]

My own mother took some of her bitterness to the grave with her and I pray for her all the time.
What that taught me is that life is too short to hold that hurt inside of you…when you forgive someone, it lifts you up so incredibly. It’s as if you no longer have to carry that heavy load anymore…you have tossed it away.

Many times, the person that has made you feel angry or hurt, doesn’t even know it. I found that out. So a lot of times, just discussing it with that other person will help. And as all the previous posters, this is an act of divine intervention, so pray on it, pray always, especially that God will put the right words in your mouth if you do indeed approach the one who has caused you so much pain. All things are possible with God’s help.

 

[silentdeb]

How does one begin to forgve another who has seriously wronged you? I have a person in my life that I am very angry with, and am having a hard time forgiving. Whnever I thenk of forgiving this person , my stomach turns and my blood pressure rises. I almost feel like I am dieing when I try to forgive this person. I feel like I am losing and am admitting that I am to blame in this situation, when I am not.

I know I must forgive, but how do I do it?

You’ve had some truly excellent advice here, and I’ll only add one bit … I’ve found that when someone has seriously wronged me, and I know I need to forgive them to remove the distance between myself and God (when I really just wish I could punch the person ), I’ve had to start small … by praying that God shows them how their behaviour was hurtful, and stops them from inflicting the same hurt on other people. It’s a start - you’ll probably still feel angry for a while, but doing this (at least for me!) is sort of a transition into genuinely praying for the person… and eventually, forgiveness comes. You might not be aware of it, but eventually you’ll notice that you don’t see red anymore whenever you lay eyes on them.

Hope it helps you as it has me!

 

[Neil_Anthony]

A priest told me that to forgive can be as simple to decide that you do not want the person to be punished in any way for what they did.

I think that must be the most basic type of forgiveness, because I imagine you could still have a lot of anger to work through even though you have made it to that stage where you would be willing to ‘let them off the hook’ if you had a chance to get them back.

How does one begin to forgve another who has seriously wronged you? I have a person in my life that I am very angry with, and am having a hard time forgiving. Whnever I thenk of forgiving this person , my stomach turns and my blood pressure rises. I almost feel like I am dieing when I try to forgive this person. I feel like I am losing and am admitting that I am to blame in this situation, when I am not.

I know I must forgive, but how do I do it?

 

[janman55]

What helped me once was prayer and really focusing on the crucifix. Really meditating on the horrible wrong that was done to our Lord and how he asked His father to forgive them. It made my issue, that was big to me seem small. I felt humbled. Sometimes my inability to forgive is my own sin of pride.

 

[cheeto1]

I don’t believe you can do it, especially if the person’s not sorry.
But yet we are commanded to so it must be possible. Here’s
how I do it: I do the part I can. When I pray the Our Father, I
see if I have any bad feelings about anyone (including myself).
For me, there’s always something. I say, “I forgive (so-and -so)
for (what they did).” It is like shooting an arrow of the power
of God at it. Then next day, I do it again. But since I’ve started
this in January, I often forget to forgive the main person I started
this all over. That is proof to me that it is working. I’m using
God’s power to forgive, not mine. He’s better at forgiving than
I am. Also, I have never had to forgive someone for
crucitying me.