Anger, what a waste of time

[prodigalson12]

I keep seeing this running theme in peoples lives. They get angry about their job, yet stay with it and are miserable, they get angry with their spouse, they get angry with their children, they get angry with their friends and relatives, they get angry at everything and anything and are all together too quick to get that way.

Let’s look at it though, honestly, can you think of a single instance where being angry and acting upon it has benefited you in any way? How about when you have to deal with someone who is angry, does reciprocating their actions benefit them? Can God work with you if you are angry? An angry mind distorts reality itself, it drains your energy, it only makes you less effective with everything that you do, so why is it that people give into it so easily?

I’ve been subjected to angry parties in the past, I’ve watched them tear apart everything they have built up and observing this, seeing they are literally being controlled by their anger. Why on earth would one allow this simple emotion to totally override all common sense? If you lack self control in this area, it’s in my opinion lack of maturity, for we all know that as children, we are subject to our emotions, that as adults we are supposed to temper them with reason, yet too often people throw that out the window and in too many cases, simply breaking down what is making you angry, reacting logically to it, you can no longer be angry any more. If you are true to yourself, you will take note of each time you have observed your actions taken while in an angry state in all cases work against yourself, that if you are angry, you are actually angry with yourself and a house divided cannot stand.

If you are subjected to someone that cannot control their anger, the first thing to understand is not to get caught up into their trap when they try to vent or get you to reciprocate, take a step back, remain calm, show indifference at best emotionally and you will find these outside parties burning themselves out upon it, you also will diffuse the situation entirely because it no longer affects you and you behaving like an adult will drive them kind of crazy, for their are acting like children. They say misery loves company, with an angry person, nothing can be closer to the truth. In my own life I’ve had to deal with people that could not control their anger, I’ve watched them throw away business ventures in an instant, I’ve watched them tear apart their families and cause scars that last forever, and I’ve seen them cause serious automobile accidents, I’ve seen them completely seperating themselves from God’s grace itself. Why on earth would one not learn from these experiences is beyond me.

If you are having problems dealing with your anger, it’s time to stop and figure out exactly why you are angry, be honest with yourself, you will find that there is no logical reason for it, that you can decide to be in control, or let it be in control over you.

 

[Eric_Hyom]

Greetings and peace be with you prodigalson12

I love this quote about anger…

Anger is like picking up a burning coal, with the intentions of throwing it at the person you are angry with, but the person who gets burned the most is yourself. The longer you hold onto your anger, the hotter the coal becomes…

 

[Luke_K]

prodigalson12, I have problems with controlling my anger, especially lately, and your post comes off to me as more judgmental about the irrationality of people who get angry than actually being helpful. I will be honest though, and say that I have felt the exact same way you have and almost verbatim said the same things you have in my mind. I used to think of how childish anger is, because it shows a lack of self-control.

My dad has struggled with his temper my whole life, and I always hated how he got so angry and I was very openly judgmental of him.

Then a few weeks ago I got a second job. I work starting at 5am at my first job, and it involves stocking lumber and vinyl siding. Let me tell you, it can get really frustrating. When you’re shoving 4x4x16’s on the bottom shelf and you have to bend over, and then they hit the sides of the bin and don’t go in, and it’s 5:30am, and there are still 20 more pieces on the stack to slide, well, it’s pretty darn easy to get frustrated. Then I have to go to my second job which is entirely outside in the summer sun, and I miss out on a lot of sleep and don’t have much time to relax, and I haven’t had a day off for two weeks.

So I found that my patience was very lacking in the past week, and I was getting angry with people very easily. I have realized that my patience has never really been tested in the past, and that’s what made it so easy for me to judge people like my dad or all the angry construction workers that would come in to buy stuff at my job.

I’ve been subjected to angry parties in the past, I’ve watched them tear apart everything they have built up and observing this, seeing they are literally being controlled by their anger. Why on earth would one allow this simple emotion to totally override all common sense? If you lack self control in this area, it’s in my opinion lack of maturity, for we all know that as children, we are subject to our emotions, that as adults we are supposed to temper them with reason, yet too often people throw that out the window and in too many cases, simply breaking down what is making you angry, reacting logically to it, you can no longer be angry any more. If you are true to yourself, you will take note of each time you have observed your actions taken while in an angry state in all cases work against yourself, that if you are angry, you are actually angry with yourself and a house divided cannot stand.

If you are subjected to someone that cannot control their anger, the first thing to understand is not to get caught up into their trap when they try to vent or get you to reciprocate, take a step back, remain calm, show indifference at best emotionally and you will find these outside parties burning themselves out upon it, you also will diffuse the situation entirely because it no longer affects you and you behaving like an adult will drive them kind of crazy, for their are acting like children. They say misery loves company, with an angry person, nothing can be closer to the truth. In my own life I’ve had to deal with people that could not control their anger, I’ve watched them throw away business ventures in an instant, I’ve watched them tear apart their families and cause scars that last forever, and I’ve seen them cause serious automobile accidents, I’ve seen them completely seperating themselves from God’s grace itself. Why on earth would one not learn from these experiences is beyond me.

Quite frankly, based on how I felt when I thought these same things, it seems like you’re angry yourself. You openly express your total lack of understanding as to how angry people can be angry, and instead of trying to understand, you criticize them as much as possible for not being logical, and for acting like children. Are you angry at people in your life for being angry?

EVERY vice stems from a lack of self-control. Why do you think that an obese person keeps eating excessively, a smoker keeps smoking, a shoplifter keeps stealing, a masturbater keeps looking at porn, or a gossiper keeps spreading rumors? Telling that person how illogical their actions are will not help them stop. You can tell a smoker or obese person how deadly their lifestyle is and how immature they are, but look at how many people know those things yet still continue doing it.

If your desire truly is to help people to calm down and control their anger, and not to just rant about how stupid being angry is, then you should try and discover what life circumstances might be fueling that anger. Let them vent their emotions with you in a controlled manner. More likely than not, they just want someone to sympathize with what a pain their life is right now compared to what they think other people are going through. Anger can often stem from pent-up thoughts or feelings, especially with guys who like to keep their troubles to themselves.

Yes, self-control is what eventually must be mastered, but that must be developed in the afflicted person with the help of someone in a loving, understanding manner. I’m sorry I was harsh on you with this reply, because I truly relate to how you feel about anger. But I just have a new-found perspective on the issue now that I’ve experienced to some degree the frustrating lifestyle that others live with daily that can cause them to lose patience.

 

[Rascalking]

For the most part, prodicalson gets it right.,

However, we should never, ever forget that righteous anger over the cruel and inhumane (abortion, mistreatment of other people) is a good and healthy thing!!!

 

[prodigalson12]

Luke, thank you for your post, I can see a lot of anger within it and it’s entirely your choice to take it out on me, making my point here quite clear.

You get frustrated over a piece of wood not going the right way? Honestly, can you think of something that would eleviate that system from being so difficult? I tend to fine tune what ever task I have on hand at work, sometimes I have to think completely out of the box, but in the end, it’s my choice to either fix it to make it go more smoothly, or I laugh it off as something dysfunctional that I have to put up with, knowing full well someone is paying big bucks for no good reason.

My dad, my mother, my brother and my sister all have anger issues, I limit my contact with them for that very reason. You would think I would have the same problems as they, but I chose not to, I choose to break the chain and during times where I have been pushed, I try to keep in perspective, what would Christ do, how would he react, what does scripture tell us when facing adversity, when facing ridicule, when facing slander and when facing false witnesses? It’s clear, this is an emotion we all have, it’s just we can overcome it and choose to think for ourselves logically or choose to let our emotions get the better of us.

In the military they teach you to set aside your emotions so that you can make important decisions and take action unabated, they do this so that you will survive on the battle field, you see what’s at stake is your very life and it’s an edge I have attained through that experience myself. It has came in handy throughout my life often and is something that has never really left me.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

I believe most of my family has had anger issues for years, but until a talk I had with my sister a few years ago after she’d had gone through some counseling, I thought I was the only one who’d given it any thought. I recognized it early in my marriage when I found myself yelling at my wife and son over something relatively minor and seeing that they were actually frightened by my behavior. I’ve never been a big proponent of counseling (I’ve had several friends have very bad experiences with it) and instead decided to try to work through it on my own. That began a long exercise in self-awareness that eventually brought me back to the Church (I’d pretty much given up going to mass in my late teens and even though I tried to get back into right after our wedding, it wasn’t until several years later that it finally happened). I won’t deny that I still tend to have a bit of a temper, but I seldom direct it at my family and am usually able to re-channel it into something constructive.

After talking to my sister about it, it became a lot easier to see the same issues with others in my family. It doesn’t necessarily make it any easier to deal with it when they’re having issues, and they certainly don’t want to hear anyone suggest that they have anger problems, but it does make it a little easier to deal with some of the fallout.