Anger with friends after mom’s passing

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@Monica12345, I am sad to hear about your Mom. I am sure she would be very proud of you for caring for her in the way you did. Your Mom is now gone home to Our Lord!

For some giving an expression of condolences can appear to be abrupt, hurtful and uncomfortably awkward. It depends where that person is in their life. A response that is infelicitous may be through their own thoughts or understanding of death, dying and the afterlife. Such an event may bring home their own mortality.

Keep in mind a motto: “this is where they are at at the moment, they mean well”. At times as the bereaved we become the counselors too.

Monica, you and your family, including your Mom are in my prayers.
 
I find a better way to look at it is, prayers and Masses for her could be applied by God at any time they are needed. A prayer for her after death could for example be applied by God to help her during her life, or help her with her struggles during her illness. It could even be applied to help her by helping her loved one on earth get to Heaven. What parent doesn’t want to see their beloved children make it to Heaven?

Speaking as someone who is racking up quite the list of deceased friends and loved ones, I am happy that the Church offers Gregorian Masses because then I can reasonably conclude I have done all I can for the person. It doesn’t mean I never pray or have a Mass said for them ever again after the Gregorian Masses, but it means I am not jolted awake at 3 am in fear that I haven’t prayed enough to actually get my husband to Heaven and what if he’s sitting in Purgatory just needing one more little prayer, etc. It also frees me to pray and have Masses said for others who might need it, rather than having to give all the prayers for my husband. And it allows me to trust God’s consolations should he send them to me to let me know that husband or mom or friend is okay.
 
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That’s a lovely way of putting it and probably something my mom would have said too! Thank you so much.
 
Yes we do offer Masses for her and continue to pray for her. Thank you
 
Thank you for this and I am sorry to hear of all you went through. That is a lovely way to look at it. Thank you.
 
Having lost my own mother, I concluded that there really isn’t a “right” thing to say.

Father Paul delivered an exceptional homily at his father’s (Judge Scalia) funeral. Perhaps it could help.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss.
It’s so hard to lose a mom and so hard to explain to people who haven’t.

You’re incredibly emotionally raw right now, totally normal. And your friends probably don’t have a lot of experience with howcto walk alongside a grieving person right now.

It’s okay to feel sad and angry and let down, but if they’re making an effort, try to focus on that, if you can, and if you need to take some space that’s okay too.

And try to find a competent real life person you can talk to.

I’ll remem you both in my prayers.
 
That’s true. I am just finding it difficult to cope with the disappointment in my friends on top of the loss of my mom. Feels like the world is falling apart!

Ah where would I find that homily?
 
Thank you. Some friends have been brilliant but yes I think some upset me too much though they may mean well because they haven’t been through anything like this before as you say. It might help to have some space from these friends. Thank you so much
 
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