Anglican Plans to Apologize....

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Anglican Church Plans to Apologizes to Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah

Canterbury, England - The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowen Williams officially announced today that the Anglican Church would be issuing a posthumous apology on behalf of “all Christians everywhere” to the Biblical character of Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah. As the story goes from Joshua chapter 7, Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah sinned when Israel entered and conquered Jericho by taking some of the “accursed things” that God had “devoted to destruction.” When Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah was discovered he, his entire family and all his possessions were stoned and burned.

“We really feel like he got too hard of a punishment,” commented Williams. “Who among us hasn’t been tempted to steal at one point and time or another. Sure, he deserved to be punished in some way for what he did, but I don’t think stoning him and his family was the right thing to do; it was rather extreme in my opinion. Joshua and Israel could have used a bit more discretion.”

TBNN was able to obtain a portion of the statement which reads,

“Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah: Several thousand years after your death, the Church of England on behalf of all Christians everywhere owes you an apology for misunderstanding you and, by getting our first reaction wrong, encouraging others to misunderstand you still, and for stoning and burning you and your whole family. We try to practise the old virtues of ‘faith seeking understanding’ and hope that makes some amends for depicting you as a sinner all of these years. We know that the God of the New Testament would not have done such a thing to you.”

The full statement is set to be released this Friday.
 
TriuneUnity said:
Anglican Church Plans to Apologizes to Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah

Canterbury, England - The Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowen Williams officially announced today that the Anglican Church would be issuing a posthumous apology on behalf of “all Christians everywhere” to the Biblical character of Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah. As the story goes from Joshua chapter 7, Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah sinned when Israel entered and conquered Jericho by taking some of the “accursed things” that God had “devoted to destruction.” When Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah was discovered he, his entire family and all his possessions were stoned and burned.

“We really feel like he got too hard of a punishment,” commented Williams. “Who among us hasn’t been tempted to steal at one point and time or another. Sure, he deserved to be punished in some way for what he did, but I don’t think stoning him and his family was the right thing to do; it was rather extreme in my opinion. Joshua and Israel could have used a bit more discretion.”

TBNN was able to obtain a portion of the statement which reads,

“Achan, the son of Carmi, the son of Zabdi, the son of Zerah, from the tribe of Judah: Several thousand years after your death, the Church of England on behalf of all Christians everywhere owes you an apology for misunderstanding you and, by getting our first reaction wrong, encouraging others to misunderstand you still, and for stoning and burning you and your whole family. We try to practise the old virtues of ‘faith seeking understanding’ and hope that makes some amends for depicting you as a sinner all of these years. We know that the God of the New Testament would not have done such a thing to you.”

The full statement is set to be released this Friday.
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Cantebury seems to have ceased to speak for Chrisitanity quite some time ago.

But the final comment seems to indicate that he wants to speak for Marcion.
 
Isa_Almisry said:
Cantebury seems to have ceased to speak for Chrisitanity quite some time ago.

But the final comment seems to indicate that he wants to speak for Marcion.
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Ask St. Gregory the Great to intercede on behalf of the Church in England he founded and ask St. Augustine of Canterbury to intercede on behalf of the Office and Chair he occupied.

It is this kind of stuff that makes me more and more want to become Roman Catholic. On Friday, I may meet with the local Director of RCIA to began that process.
 
nsper7 said:
Ask St. Gregory the Great to intercede on behalf of the Church in England he founded and ask St. Augustine of Canterbury to intercede on behalf of the Office and Chair he occupied.

It is this kind of stuff that makes me more and more want to become Roman Catholic. On Friday, I may meet with the local Director of RCIA to began that process.
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I’m on the Bosphoros (actually the Orontes, Antioch), but better to swim the Tiber than drown in the Thames.
 
Isa_Almisry said:
I’m on the Bosphoros (actually the Orontes, Antioch), but better to swim the Tiber than drown in the Thames.
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Well, as one who will probably swim the Tiber and who desires Holy Orders (this predates my interest in Roman Catholicism), I can always hope that they will clean up the Thames so I can swim in it again. 🙂
 
I mean come on. What are they smoking over there? Where are our Anglicans?
 
ralphinal said:
Good. Please explain. I am confused on this one. What is the point? What is the thought process? What are we missing?
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Let me understand. You want me, a traditional Anglican, to explain something Rowan Cantaur did?

Insert hysterical laughter soundtrack here.

GKC
 
GKC said:
Let me understand. You want me, a traditional Anglican, to explain something Rowan Cantaur did?

Insert hysterical laughter soundtrack here.

GKC
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Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

For a second there, I lost my head. 😉

Can you guess? Or is it just more of the same goofiness?
 
ralphinal said:
Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Maxima Culpa.

For a second there, I lost my head. 😉

Can you guess? Or is it just more of the same goofiness?
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Yes to the last. But also, maybe, consider the apologies issued for this and that by JPII. Maybe +Rowan spread a wide net, to find something to emulate him, along those lines. And seized on the schizoid nature of the OT/NT God, as he saw it. Sort of a one-upsmanship, apologising not for the Church, but for God, as he reads it.

Or, one can fall back on the assumption that Rowan is a steampowered yoyo. It is a catch-all explanation.

GKC
 
Ask St. Gregory the Great to intercede on behalf of the Church in England he founded
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You know that Pope St. Gregory the Great did not found the protestant Church of England. He brought the Catholic Church to England.
 
GKC said:
Yes to the last. But also, maybe, consider the apologies issued for this and that by JPII. Maybe +Rowan spread a wide net, to find something to emulate him, along those lines. And seized on the schizoid nature of the OT/NT God, as he saw it. Sort of a one-upsmanship, apologising not for the Church, but for God, as he reads it.

Or, one can fall back on the assumption that Rowan is a steampowered yoyo. It is a catch-all explanation.

GKC
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Stempowered yo-yo! I love it :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

You might be on to something. It is “news” of sorts, and it shows that he is “thinking outside of the box” like so many other yo-yos want.
 
Good grief, I can’t believe some people here think this is an actual press release from the Archbishop!

Its satire!

Its funny, and like all good satire, there is an element of truth to it, but please, take it for the joke it is!

The same website had this press release from the Vatican -

tominthebox.blogspot.com/2007/09/vatican-announces-plans-for-vatican-iii.html

Vatican Announces Plans for Vatican III

Vatican City - An official statement from the Vatican was released on Tuesday announcing the Holy See’s preliminary plans to hold a third Vatican council in the year 2962. Due to take place exactly 1000 years after the second Vatican council in 1962, early plans for Vatican III foresee possible changes taking place within the Roman Catholic Church.

“We are excited about these preliminary plans” stated Cardinal Benito Cuilasso, a spokesperson for the Vatican. We know that we are some time away from the actual date of this event, but in the Roman Catholic Church we think not in terms of today or tomorrow, but in terms of centuries for changes to take place.

Issues already slated to be discussed at the council include the possibility of delaying the subject of married priests until a fourth council can be convened, the question of whether or not Protestants can truly be saved, and the question as to whether or not Purgatory has ever really been an official doctrine of the church. Other issues that are still being examined are whether or not restrictions on eating meat should be reinstated for Fridays, the pay scale for priests, and possibly expanding church parishes to other currently “closed countries.”

“Part of the difficulty of such a task as this is that one cannot predict the future” stated Cuilasso. “We know that some things will remain the same. Everyone will be wearing the same outfits, of course, and I’m sure the same furniture will still be here, but one cannot say what the world will be like.”

Many have wondered, though, why the church is already looking forward to a third Vatican council when questions surrounding the the second council still remain.

“It’s too soon for this” stated one priest who wished to remain anonymous. “Vatican II was only 45 years ago, and it’s still being worked out even as we speak. I’m just very apprehensive as to whether we will be ready for another council in 955 years.”

Others, though, see this as a step in the right direction.

“I’m glad we’re thinking ahead” said Rev. Mark Anthony Hodges, of St. Isaac’s Parish in Newport Beach, Virginia. “I really was expecting them to schedule the next council for sometime around the year 3500. I’m glad it’s going to be sooner so that some of these other issues can be resolved more quickly.”
 
Here’s another good one:

tominthebox.blogspot.com/2007/03/roman-catholic-church-experiments-with.html

Roman Catholic Church Experiments with “Pre-Confession” Cards

VATICAN CITY

From the Vatican came a new directive on Thursday that many hope will bolster the faith of Roman Catholics worldwide. Though the number of Catholics around the world stands at over one billion, there has been a growing concern over the lack of “firm commitment to the faith.” Many Catholics attend mass infrequently, and even fewer regularly attend confession. So in an effort to increase interest in the faith the Roman Catholic Church will begin experimenting with Pre-Confession cards in a number of parishes around the world.

“The concept is a very simple one.” Said Fr. Giralamo Francisco, a Vatican spokesperson. “Parishioners may now confess their sins in advance and avoid the problems of trying to make it to confession.”

In about 2 minutes, and for a “small fee” a parishioner can simply go online and fill out a short questionnaire stating which sins he or she wishes to confess in advance. Once pre-confessed, he or she is given penance to do and, after a “small fee” is paid, the parishioner will be able to download and print out his or her pre-confession card. The parishioner then keeps the card and simply punches out or scratches out one of the spaces when a sin is committed.

“Cards will be available in amounts of 5, 10, 20, & 25.” Said Francisco. “There will be a ‘small fee’ for the cards, but the higher amount that one buys the lower cost it will be per confessed sin.”

If the idea is received well the Vatican hopes to explore more opportunities for “simplifying the faith.”

“We’ve also toyed with the idea of shipping holy water directly to people’s front door, and even Eucharist delivery for a ‘small fee’ of course.” Said Francisco. “We believe that the practice of the faith should not be a hindrance to one’s faith.”
 
IowaJay said:
Good grief, I can’t believe some people here think this is an actual press release from the Archbishop!

Its satire!

Its funny, and like all good satire, there is an element of truth to it, but please, take it for the joke it is!

The same website had this press release from the Vatican -

tominthebox.blogspot.com/2007/09/vatican-announces-plans-for-vatican-iii.html

Vatican Announces Plans for Vatican III

Vatican City - An official statement from the Vatican was released on Tuesday announcing the Holy See’s preliminary plans to hold a third Vatican council in the year 2962. Due to take place exactly 1000 years after the second Vatican council in 1962, early plans for Vatican III foresee possible changes taking place within the Roman Catholic Church.

“We are excited about these preliminary plans” stated Cardinal Benito Cuilasso, a spokesperson for the Vatican. We know that we are some time away from the actual date of this event, but in the Roman Catholic Church we think not in terms of today or tomorrow, but in terms of centuries for changes to take place.

Issues already slated to be discussed at the council include the possibility of delaying the subject of married priests until a fourth council can be convened, the question of whether or not Protestants can truly be saved, and the question as to whether or not Purgatory has ever really been an official doctrine of the church. Other issues that are still being examined are whether or not restrictions on eating meat should be reinstated for Fridays, the pay scale for priests, and possibly expanding church parishes to other currently “closed countries.”

“Part of the difficulty of such a task as this is that one cannot predict the future” stated Cuilasso. “We know that some things will remain the same. Everyone will be wearing the same outfits, of course, and I’m sure the same furniture will still be here, but one cannot say what the world will be like.”

Many have wondered, though, why the church is already looking forward to a third Vatican council when questions surrounding the the second council still remain.

“It’s too soon for this” stated one priest who wished to remain anonymous. “Vatican II was only 45 years ago, and it’s still being worked out even as we speak. I’m just very apprehensive as to whether we will be ready for another council in 955 years.”

Others, though, see this as a step in the right direction.

“I’m glad we’re thinking ahead” said Rev. Mark Anthony Hodges, of St. Isaac’s Parish in Newport Beach, Virginia. “I really was expecting them to schedule the next council for sometime around the year 3500. I’m glad it’s going to be sooner so that some of these other issues can be resolved more quickly.”
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Oh, dear. It just goes to show how hard it is to convincingly satirize a steam-powered yoyo.

I feel better. Not much, but a little.

GKC
 
TU,
Did you fall for a fast one?

How unlike you?

WHat made this one so good, assuming it is false, is that we can see it happen.
 
GKC said:
Oh, dear. It just goes to show how hard it is to convincingly satirize a steam-powered yoyo.
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I suppose it’s too much to hope that you might question whether you view the Archbishop fairly?

It was obvious to me that the thread was a satire. But then, I find the Archbishop’s actual words and actions to be generally reasonable and orthodox (as opposed to the frequent misrepresentations of him).

Edwin
 
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