M
mikeshelah
Guest
I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.