angry at GOD

[mikeshelah]

I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.

 

[Della]

First of all, accept my sincere sympathy for the loss of your mother. I know how hard it is. Both my parents died very, very young, as well. My father was only 35 and my mother was only 59. They have missed out on a lot of things they would have liked to have been here for, too, but I believe they ARE with us at these occasions and that they are praying for us.

It seems to me you ought to be directing your anger at the doctors who dawdled and didn’t pursue your mother’s complaints until it was too late.

We cannot know when we will die. No one ever guaranteed any of us a long life filled with nothing but happiness. That’s simply not what real life is like, is it?

Instead of blaming God, turn to him and let him know what is truly in your heart. And by all means baptize your child. Your current feelings have nothing to do with your child’s spiritual life. In the long run you will regret it if you let your grief influence such important things.

Ask yourself this: Would your mother want you to react this way? If you have to admit she wouldn’t, why wouldn’t she? Are you really upset for your mother or for yourself?

 

[vluvski]

**You say you would trade it all to see your mother hold your son. **

Mike, I am certain you know in your heart that Catholicism is the one true church. I am certain you have a working knowledge of Church teaching on salvation. I am certain the wonderful things you say about your mother are true. I am deeply sorry for your loss, not only of your mother, but of your faith as well.

I will pray that you take comfort in the fact that you will be able to see your mother hold your son when all three of you are happily joined in the communion of saints. I realize this is not how you envisioned it, but I promise this way will be even more glorious.

Please, Mike, you don’t even have to trade everything; all you have to trade is your anger toward God. It is OK to be angry, and it is OK not to understand God’s will and plan for us. For the sake of your son, and your daughter, and in hope and faith that one day you will see your wish come true, just let it all go. You know what they say, “Fake it til you make it.”

I plan to be there to watch you when you see your mother hold your son. Have peace!

 

[aimee]

I wish I could say something to ease your pain…I will remember you and your mother in prayer.

God Bless you

 

[JimO]

I understand how you feel. My Mom died of cancer at 64 when I was in college. My wife and none of my children ever knew her. I don’t understand God’s Will when it comes to the death of loved ones. I also lost a sister when I was very young (5 yrs) and my closest brother died 3 years ago of liver cancer. I too was angry at God, but I did learn something that is summarized in my signature, which is my favorite Scripture verse. Where else can I turn? There is no peace, no hope, no joy, no life without God. When I turned from God, I turned to darkness.

Can I be blunt? Does your son deserve to have baptism withheld because you are angry with God? Does it please your mother that you might jeopardize your soul and eternally separate yourself from her and God because you are angry? You see, there is a lot more hinging on your relationship with God than yourself. It’s okay to be angry with God, He can take it. But, separating yourself from His grace will only prolong the pain and will hurt others as well. This is one of those times in life where we have to set aside what we want and do what is right. This is one of those moments where courage is required. It is a turning point for you, your son, your wife, your family and all those whom God has planned to be touched by your witness. It is an eternal turning point.

One last thing, giving up your anger is an exercise of the will, not a feeling. It is like true love or forgiveness. The will must act first before the feelings come. If in your pain you tell God that even though you don’t feel it you make a decision of your will to forgive Him for taking your mother, the healing will begin. It will take time before your feelings change and you may have to remind yourself periodically that you have made this decision, but eventually you will have peace. Nothing will ever completely fill the void. I still miss my mother after 25 years, but I have had peace all these years.

 

[LSK]

mikeshelah:

I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.

I wish I could fix your pain. I cannot, but I do have a question for you…what do you think your Mom is wanting you to do right this very minute? Because surely you don’t think your mother has ceased to exist, do you? Surely, someone who loved you as much as she did, and who inspired such love and devotion in you for her as she did is standing right NOW in the presence of Our Lord, right?
So ask yourself, my brother in Christ - Ask yourself, truly ask yourself…what does your MOTHER want you to do? Would she want you to continue this horrible suffering that has turned you inward and away from your family and your community? Because it has, honey. You may not think it has but it has…or would she want you to start praying with her, asking her to take your petitions to Our Lord HERSELF…
MY GOD, Man…you are so BLESSED!!! You have your very own SAINT right now, standing there with JESUS…and, baby, she is holding your son…she will hold him forever and ever and ever…just as my father is always holding his grandchildren in his arms…

What would she have YOU DO???

 

[banjo]

mikeshelah:

I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.

I’m sorry about the death of your mother, Mike. I have a book wirtten by Fr Benedict J. Groeschel, C.F.R. entitled "Arise from Darkness, Ignatius Press…the following is from that book, I hope it helps in some way.
“Death Is Not Forever…As you consider the death of those dear to you, keep in mind that death does not rob us forever. It does rob us now of someone we love and need very much. We can be very angry at death and at a God who allows it to rob us. Recall That God himself came and took up the heavey burden of a painful, miserable, horrible death by torture. While we complain, we know that he has suffered this before us. It does not answer all the questions, but the Cross does put them in perspective.”

My prayers are all I have to offer, but prayers are powerful, they are our conversations with God. He knows how you feel. Talk to him about it.

 

[JGheen]

I’m very sorry for your loss.

I could see how people would try to comfort you by saying good with come of your mother’s death. I can also see how this does not comfort you and how you would probably willingly exchange any good for her life back.

Basically, it sounds like you let your faith die with your mother. Something to consider, when you are ready, is that faith is part of the legacy your mother left you. You are free to leave it or take it, but if you take it, that part of her will no longer be dead to you. Perhaps this is why your Dad has found some comfort there.

Another thing to consider, when you are ready, is the Catholic belief on communion. Not only do we believe that it is the actual Body and Blood of Christ but because of this we believe that Catholics receiving communion in a state of grace (which should be the only time they receive communion) are in union with the entire Church – living and deceased. If you are able to recover your faith and return to confession / communion, you have this sacred opportunity to be spiritually united with your mother. And, of course, the best reunion of all is still to come – in heaven. I’m sure she is waiting for you there and praying for you. Perhaps that is what prompted your post . . .

 

[Gwyn]

mikeshelah:

I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.

Looks like many of us have similar experiences.
My Mom died at 47, I was 18, my sister 14. It was ovarian cancer that spread to the intestines. Even her Oncologists were surprised when she passed away as she was responding beautifully to chemo. Well it is God’s plan for each of us. Not what we will or the Doctors expertise.
Last year MIL died of lymphoma, the doctors tried everything and then since she was not responding to all the treatments gave her 3 months. DH just could not accept it. He went to another Oncologist for a 2nd opinion. Tried to get her on a medical test program for a new drug. Well she died in 3 weeks.
2 years ago my Grandma (my Mom’s Mum) had a stroke and we thought we were loosing her, well she pulled through then this April she was again very serious and we thought this was it. Once again she pulled through. Over the summer, she was doing very well and no warning I get a call one August morning, that she died in her sleep.
It is all God’s plan.
Each of these experiences has only brought us closer to God as well made us appreciate life and our loved ones more. When my Mum died a priest friend told us with all her suffering with the cancer, Mum was already in heaven and we should ask her to intercede for us.

I will pray for you and your family and hope that you will come to terms with your Mum’s death and not be angry at God and for your return to Church. God Bless you and your family.

 

[Celia]

mikeshelah:

I am 33 years old and born Catholic. 2 years ago my mother died from pancreatic cancer. I have not recovered from this. The diagnosis came very quickly and her death shortly there after. MY father has taken comfort in GOD and the Church. I have not. Shortly after my mothers death, I stopped attending mass. I go with my father on Christmas and Easter but no other times. I now have a 7 month old son and my father will surely question when his baptism is coming. My father has been very respectful regarding my decision to stop going to church. But I struggle almost every day with GOD. I do not feel I can openly attend service and say “thanks be to GOD” when I am not thankful. I am angry. My mother died far too young ( 62) she was emphatic abour her regular Dr vistis and was told repeatedly by Doctors that “whatever” was wrong with her was no a major threat. Only after my mothers insistance did they do surgery and then, it was too late, she died 5 months later. My mother was a very christian woman who not only went to church and conducted herself as a Christian, but was very active in the local church and participated any way she could. I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward? I was a longstanding Catholic who believed ( and still largely do) you do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do? I do not expect a hand to come down and bring a calm into my life. But no one has offered me any comfort. My 4 year old daughter has only a vague memory of her Grandma and my son will never know her, other than the stories we tell. Its not fair! I know life is not fair in general, but this has just struck me. A good loving woman who did the right thing, has been taken from us and right now, no one has convinced me that something good has come out of her death. People tell me I am very fortunate and succesful. I would trade it all to see my mother hold my son. I welcome your thoughts. Please, if you intend to bring fire and brimstone, it will fall on deaf ears. If you have words that may renew my faith in GOD and the goodness I believed for a very long time. Please respond.

I’m so sorry for your loss. Things happen and…we don’t know why, but they happen for a reason. My friend died at age 23 when someone smashed into her car going 60 miles an hour. She was bright, beautiful and had her whole life ahead of her. Her parents and her sister (my best friend) are left with a hole in their life. They will not see their daughter and sister again until some day they join her in heaven. Both my aunts died of cancer in their 50’s. They also have grandchildren they will never see -here on earth, anyway.
God does things for a reason. Your mother’s death was not senseless. There is a plan for everyone. There is a plan for you. And your kids, and your wife. And we don’t know what that is. But if we cannot take comfort in the wisdom of God, than life has no meaning. No one knows why people die when they do. It’s not for us to know - that’s what God is there for. You ask what your mother’s reward was for being a good Christian woman - I assure you, her reward is being enjoyed now in heaven in the very presence of our Lord.

Others have given excellent advice…what would your mother want you to do? Withhold the sacrament from your son because you have some terms you need to come to with her death? I doubt it. Someday, you will regret not doing it. Don’t let your grief (though understandable) come in the way of your duties as a parent.

I would urge you at this point to speak with a priest or Catholic therapist about this matter. Try going to mass again, spend some time in adoration. Pour out your feelings in your heart to the Lord, and let him comfort you and guide you.

(((hugs))) and God bless.

 

[Dandelion_Wine]

Mike,

All I can really say is that I feel your pain.

My mom died in a car accident last year and I’m still in shock. There are so many moments that I miss - her interaction with my two youngs sons are on the top of that list.

I’m angry at God too. I don’t understand how He could have taken a young women (she was 60) who was so active doing volunteer work. It seems like a slap in the face to her, my dad, myself.

So I guess I don’t have any words of encouragement for you. Maybe just to know that you’re not alone.

I’ve dealt w/ my pain a bit different though. I stll go to Church. I think I’m hoping that if I keep going through the actions that it will somehow make sense to me or change me in the right ways.

God bless you.

 

[Jennifer123]

dear mikeseleah,

I don’t really have anything to offer other than that be assured we will all pray for you and your family. I hope you can take some comfort in that. I think the responses have ben very thoughtful and I hope that with some reflection and introspection you too can see the wisdom.
This isn’t a Catholic source and I can’t vouch for the other information from this site, but I thought the essay might be of interest:
agapeindia.com/bible_study_14.htm

 

[Didi]

I’m so sorry for your loss and your pain. Your anger, I think, is natural and a part of the grieving process. It’s OK to tell God that you’re angry at Him – He knows anyway!

Just think of this. You obviously love your mother very much and miss her on earth. Think also of the love she has for you, add to that the love of your father, your siblings, all your family and friends. As large as this love is, it’s only a small drop in the huge ocean of the Love of God for each of us.

Your Heavenly Father loves you more than you could ever imagine. He wants to help you through your pain. He wants you to receive His Son and His Holy Spirit through the sacraments to strengthen you, encourage you, and hold you close to Him.

It sounds as though your mother was a very prayerful woman, close to God on earth. She is even closer to Him now! And while you can’t see her or touch her as you used to, she is still with your family for we are never separated from our family in Christ. Your separation from her (with God’s grace) is only temporary. We are really all just temporary residents of earth; it is not our permanent home.

At last night’s Mass for All Saints Day, our pastor reminded us during his homily that there are many more celebrating Mass with us than we can see with human eyes. That is our ultimate goal. Your Mom made it through this hard journey of life; she may have suffered much more if she had lived longer. Only God knows why she was taken to heaven when she was. He’s asking you to trust Him, come to Him, talk with Him, and ask Him for whatever it is you need to get through this difficult time.

You are in my prayers.

 

[Arlene]

My faither died at age 66. I met my husband- to- be 6 months after he died. I regret that he was not there to give me away at my wedding. I regret that my children never met him. I regret that there was a lot of unfinished business between us.

But this is what my faith gives me:
I KNOW that the eternal life to come will make all the earthly regrets pale in comparison.
I KNOW that this lifetime on earth is just the blink of an eye compared to what will come.
I KNOW that I will see my father again, and our relationship will be perfected.
I KNOW that my father is in heaven with my son. My daughters on earth do not know their grandfather, but my son in heaven does.
I KNOW that someday we will all be together, the whole family. .
I KNOW that all this is waiting for me, but I have to earn it by living a good life until it is my time.

God knows our pain, he hears our cries. I don’t know why your mother died when/how she did. But I know you will see her again. I know she is waiting for you, just like someday you will be there waiting for your own children.

Why do babies die? Why do people die in the prime of their life? Why do people drown as they are stranded in their homes after a hurricane? I don’t know.

Your mother raised a good son. She left stories to tell about her to her grandchildren. Honor her life, create a scrapbook, pass on the family lore. But it sounds like your mother loved her Faith. Don’t let that part of her life be in vain. It is part of her legacy to you and future generations.

I am sorry for you loss. You will be in my prayers.

Arlene

 

[StratusRose]

I’m not going to sit here and tell you that I understand how you feel because I don’t. I have no idea what it’s like to lose a parent but I know it will happen. It won’t be under my control, but God’s. Our ways are not God’s ways and I think it’s important to remember that.

It’s ok to be mad at God. Tell him you are angry, but please, don’t turn away from him. You can’t run away from your problems no matter how hard you try.

Try this one on for size…Imagine you are a young child and you lose your mother, then you get a little older and you lose your older brother, then a few years later you lose your dad. By the time you are in your early 20s, you have NO immediate family. Not only that, but you are forced to work in a rock quarry to avoid Nazi concentration camps… This is what happened to John Paul II. Could you imagine what would have happened if he told God no? Can you imagine what God would have in store for you if you turned your anger over to Him?

I am so sorry for your loss. But as others have said, What would your mother have you do? Talk to your father, he seems to have great faith. Ask him why he turned his sorrow over to God. Dads know best!

The fact that you asked this question tells me that you want to get over your obstacle with God. Take that as a grace from him.

 

[paramedicgirl]

mikeshelah:

I look at what my mother did for the church and I ask what was the reward?

Mike, trust in God’s mercy and justice. Your mother’s reward is known only to God, and you might try reading Matthew 25:21

“His Lord said to him: Well done my good and faithful servant, because you have been faithful over a few things, I will place you over many things, enter into the joy of the Lord.”

What greater reward than to hear those words? You will never forget your mother, no matter how much time passes. Your father has set a very good example for you to follow. Try asking God to ease your anger, and ask God to give you faith and understanding that He took your mother at the time that would merit her the greatest heavenly reward.

 

[AquinasXVI]

Mike:

Sorry for your loss. I think your post is courageous since it is sincere. But let it not stop there.

My $ 0.02:

Instead of rebellion towards God, investigate the inverse—offer it up to Him, the way Christ offered his body as a sacrifice. Place your broken and bitter heart at the altar during the offertory and ask him in humility to heal. See yourself in the bread and the wine that is being brought up and then leave the rest to him.

May God grant you courage to humbly surrender to his will. For all you know, your beloved mother’s passing is his way of showing us that he wants her at his side. And that from there, she can love you and the rest of your family in a more intimate way.

When my grandfather died I felt deep pain but also flashes of my childhood waking up from siesta and seeing him pray the rosary would come up and I felt peaceful. Now, I talk to him even more than when he was around. I know he’s there and waiting to be with us.

in XT.

.

 

[puzzleannie]

I am praying mightily for you. My own mother died of pancreatic cancer 7 months after diagnosis. Her suffering was horrendous, but her death and dying was beautiful. This was also true of my father’s death 20 years ago from lung cancer. (both were heavy smokers and both these cancers can be smoking related).

let me explain. briefly, our family experienced tremendous healing and spiritual gifts during their illnesses and following their deaths. Both during their suffering grew visibly holier, closer to God and used the time to reconcile with children and other family members. List is too long to go through but a brother returned to the family (and to the faith), and uncle ended a 30 year estrangement, a child came out of a downward spiral of self-inflicted misery, marriages healed, a laundry list of family healing.

Death comes to everyone, and Jesus warns us you will not know the day or the hour, so be prepared. They were given the chance to prepare for death, and to teach their children how to die a holy happy death, even in the presence of suffering, as they taught us how to live holy and happy lives in spite of suffering.

 

[Courtneyjo]

Dear Mike, I am so sorry that you lost your mother. You are hurting terribly. The unfairness of life suddenly hit where it hurt.

I see from your profile that you are the age of my DS and DIL. Two years ago I held my DIL while she cried rivers of tears. She’d just received a phone call that her mom had been diagnosed with terminal colon cancer. Her mom had done all the right things concerning her health. My DIL was furious that her children would never get to know their grandmother. She shook with anger and grief. Here’s what I said to her:

“Your children will know their grandmother. They will know her through you. Your mother lives on through you. They will know your mom’s love because she loved you. They will taste her cooking and sing her songs because she taught you. They will know her smile because you have her smile. You will tell them stories of her that begin not with, ‘Once upon a time…’ but ‘I remember the time…’ They will know her faith because she passed it on to you. They will know her determination and love for life because you have these too. They will know that you are your mother’s daughter.”

You look at what your mother did for the church and ask where is the reward. Her reward is in not only in Heaven, but in you, how you live your life in dignity and joy, and how you pass this on to her grandchildren.

Grief is a process and so is forgiveness. You will find yourself making the same small steps over and over again, and that’s okay. Please go Church and sit before the tabernacle. The Blessed Sacrament doesn’t have to be exposed. Talk to Jesus and tell him everything you’ve said here. Anger is okay; Jesus can take it.

 

[LSK]

I forgot to share with you, my brother. I married a wonderful man in April of 1987. By May I was pregnant. By June he had started a business with some friends of his. I had found a job that would bring in the money and benefits until the business ‘took off’. I got accepted in law school. I was going to be the company lawyer. We were the young yuppy couple on the rise. I had started to turn my life around. I had lost 2 other babies, this one was making it…in August I came home and found him unconcious at the bottom of the swimming pool in the backyard. I dove in and tried to save him…later that night, standing next to his body at the hospital, something happenned and I lost our son.

Do not, please, let yourself fall into the sin of despair as I did…the next five years saw me come as close to hell as possible. I committed mortal sins, I descended into alcoholism and drug addiction, I went from a vital, hope filled young woman to a wreck. It took a long time to fight my way back…and while HE remained ever faithful, as Father Corapi says, I came very close to killing my conscience and forever endangering my immortal soul.

Again, ask yourself what does your Mother want you to do. Pray to her and ask. You know she is right there with you, just waiting for you to turn to her for help. No one as wonderful as she was on this earth is anywhere but in the presence of God…you know that, I don’t have to tell you where your Mom is right now…so stop whining and turn to your Mom and ask her, “What do I do? I miss you so much I want to die…help me” and see what happens.