I would like to second all JimO has said…But first, let me tell you how sorry I am for the loss of your Mother. My own dear Mom died in May of 2000, and I miss her more all the time. Only one of my soon to be five grandchildren has any real memories of her, and one just might remember a little. I hate it that she wasn’t here for the rest, and for the weddings of two granchildren, and the births of three more great-granchildren…She would have loved them all.
Yes…It IS OK to be angry with God…He certanily can take it. But… You don’t need to be angry with Him…He didn’t cause your Mom to die, and it wasn’t hm who misdiagnosed her illlness…He was there with her, all the while…just as she knew He would be.
Your dear mother would not want you to suffer like this, nor would she want you to deny your precious son his baptism. As Scripture says…“Harden not your heart”…but allow God to begin healing your terrible wounds.
Mayve you could find a good priest to talk with, or failing that, another person of great faith that you trust. Allow the wall you have built around yourself with anger to come tumbling down, and begin to find the peace you so desperately want.
I will keep you in my prayers…I know the hurt of losing a mother, and I know that the hurt never really goes away…You only learn to live with it, and you try to live as she would have wanted you to live. With faith.