Angry, Dejected, Lonely During Mass

[Epistemes]

First you should stop complaining & demanding/expecting too much.

When we reduce our self-esteem to that of an insect then we grow in humility and God’s grace pours forth in abundance. There is always someone - nay millions - worse off than ourselves.

I don’t have much self-esteem, but I readily acknowledge that my worst character trait is vanity. Having a low self-esteem but such a high sense of vanity is a rather self-destructive mechanism, I believe.

I know I demand too much right now. I seek solace when it might not be my turn to receive it; nonetheless, I find that I’m exceedingly dry, lonely, and confused as I re-embark upon this road which I stepped off of back in September. I want answers, a good feeling, and a cafe mocha latte, but that’s just my unsatiated vanity at work once again. At the same time, I’m frightened of what happens if I continue without confirming and re-confirming of exactly how frightened I am. Do I deserve any answers aside from the obvious ones?

I know that I feel hopeless and lost: that’s why I post, that’s why I complain, that’s why I continue to bemoan myself. It’s as if all the confusion and faith crises I experienced back in September have been picked up and transplated to right now, as if I never walked away to begin with.

How harrowing it is.

 

[catharina]

My penance was to read the Gospel of John and reflect on its meanings, which isn’t easy.

I probably should have completed the penance prior to Mass, but I’m not very good at penances. In fact, I’m quite sure there are a couple I neglected to do from months back - which is pathetic since I used to be quite zealous about performing my penances.

I’ll make sure to discuss this with my priest if time permits.

Hope you’ll reconsider and make the penance-issue a PRIOIRTY in your time to discuss things with a priest. Penances are not given to be done at your discretion. You can read the entire Gospel of John in one sitting and reflect on it as soon as your reading is done. I’m thinking that you’re feeling disconnected and at loose ends has something to do with “unfinished business” and ignoring the obligation to complete a penance is very unfinished business. I’m not criticizing you at all but it’s clear to see you’re floundering. On the one hand, maybe you should be a Franciscan but on the other hand you don’t do your penance?

Tilt? Cart before the horse?
Be sure we’re praying for you at CA.

 

[Epistemes]

Have you spoken to a physician or had a medical evaluation? Is it possible that your condition is medically related?

No, it’s definitely not medically-related – not anything like depression or low blood-pressure – I am positive.

It is the result of many other things, though, which have occurred to me along my faith journey…but I won’t even begin to list those here.

 

[Epistemes]

On the one hand, maybe you should be a Franciscan but on the other hand you don’t do your penance?

Tilt? Cart before the horse?
Be sure we’re praying for you at CA.

Glad to see you’ve found my wavelength.

 

[catharina]

Glad to see you’ve found my wavelength.

Indeed - and to insure that the priest can also find your wavelength, be sure to mention that you have a bit of a habit of not performing your penance after confession. The graces of the Sacrament are fully functioning AFTER we do our part: do the penance.

If you never knew this, no problem; now you do.

 

[grandfather]

I don’t have much self-esteem, but I readily acknowledge that my worst character trait is vanity. Having a low self-esteem but such a high sense of vanity is a rather self-destructive mechanism, I believe… Do I deserve any answers aside from the obvious ones?

I know that I feel hopeless and lost: that’s why I post, that’s why I complain, that’s why I continue to bemoan myself. It’s as if all the confusion and faith crises I experienced back in September have been picked up and transplated to right now, as if I never walked away to begin with.

How harrowing it is.

I wish I knew the difference between self esteem and pride.

The saints tell us that the mother of all virtue is humility. That makes sense if the root of all sin is pride. I am nothing. I have offended God. I deserve nothing.

In spite of that I am certain God loves me. Faith tells me this is true, despite what I might “feel”. If someone does not feel loved by God does that prove the person is not loved? You are God’s beloved creature. You know that not by what you feel, but by what He did.

In addition to being loved the purpose for which you are created is to love. You are made to love and be loved. Perhaps the cause of all of the anquish and loneliness you are feeling is your purpose is not being met.

 

[Epistemes]

I am so very spiritually jealous of your tenacity! **Do you know how wonderful you are?!?!?!?! **

I sit at Mass and (not always) but usually feel a wonderful sense of God’s presence, especially at the consecration. I feel that God is smiling on me when he sees me at Mass!

You sat at Mass and felt nothing, you felt uncomfortable, irritated, angry, bored and doubtful. I feel that God was smiling on you at Mass probably more than he ever smiled at me !!! You felt none of God’s love and yet you STAYED. That is a wonderful miracle.

You are the true definition of one who is showing love. Even though you don’t “feel” it you stuck it out anyway. Most people are not like this. Once their feelings are lukewarm they are out of there.

Give this time. Your doubts are ones that many people have had. You are seeking the truth and you sound like you are a very honest person when examining your own faults. I bet God is taking you places…I am happy to pray for you, thank you for sharing your story. God bless.

Please, do not be too jealous of me. There’s not much here to be jealous of!

I stayed, yes, but I’ve never walked out of Mass early for anything. I may have skipped for months at a time, but no, I’ve never walked out. While I’m sure that can easily be interpreted as a grace, I don’t see it as such – but rather, just a portion of my daily character.

 

[Epistemes]

I’m going to stop replying to everyone from now on.

Doing such is only making me more frustrated and confused since I lack answers – plus I’m tired of talking about myself.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

 

[utunumsint]

I’m going to stop replying to everyone from now on.

Doing such is only making me more frustrated and confused since I lack answers – plus I’m tired of talking about myself.

Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

Probably a good idea.

Praying for you.

God bless,
Ut

 

[MissSherri]

Me, too. I am sorry my husband won’t go with me. I feel lonely at Mass when I shouldn’t. God is with me. Who else do I need?

Listen to the homily. If possible, read the scripture readings ahead of time and “get in the mood.”

Be grateful that we all have the chance to go to Mass without peril. It is not the same all over the world.

Go into the Church with expectation and come out with satisfaction and happiness. Even if you have to kinda fake it. It will take over the rest of your day.

God bless you and I will think about you Sunday when I am weeping and sorrowful but then become glad.

Love is great. Live it.:byzsoc:

 

[Brian_Millar]

At mass, it’s between God and I more then anybody else there, I keep my ears opn listening to the residing Priest. I try to focus exclusively along the service and especially what we are learning.

The difference here now though, I left the church quite a few years ago, only to come back and see a rather dramatic change, a change towards protestantism that is quite clearly pronounced. I put up with rude ushers that bicker among themselves in the back, I even had one of them give me a peace sign instead of a hand shake, and another merely grunted at me instead. The very first one I ran into would not even acknoledge my greeting as I entered the church.

I do have a right to be angry, but you know what, I’m not, I sadened these people are there merely out of thinking they must go out of duty, out of being politically compliant, only there to follow some set of rules, some candy cutter system and their salvation is now earned.

I feel you are feeling the same way, that you don’t want to go back to your old way’s or your old way’s of thinking, that you desire something much deeper, something much more genuine and this thirst places you in a much better position then you can imagine. This is why it’s mentioned that being luke warm is a really bad place to be. Your anger is with the fact, you are angry with yourself for allowing yourself to “fit in” rather then take a serious step back and analyze what your heart truly feels. Pennance should not be done as an obligation, like you are going to fix the error of the past, it’s meant to give you a direction, or a tangent to follow to learn something, so please don’t consider it a chore, that’s what the hypocrytes do.

So, what do I do, I show up to mass “when I feel like it”, and I do not allow others to intefere with my peace and revernce wtih God. I feel sorry for these luke warm individuals, but I cannot do anything about them, they have their own lessons to learn and the only living individual I honestly care about, opinion wise is the priest who’m all seemed to be quite warm to me, for they have insight the congregation obviously does not have at all.

 

[myredeemerlives]

You could always try a pentecostal Christian church

God sees the hopelessness and frustration you feel, look to the cross.

 

[bullfrog543]

fustration can take many forms in some cases god sets missions for people ive wadered the questions why a many a times my final outcome is having faith in god is the best answer. i use my books to drain the power in the house for some books is where the power of the word of god should be. i agree pride isnt good but power is worse.