Angry Feelings Toward MIL

[mom24boys]

I am stewing and not sure why I feel angry and what I should do about it. My very sweet MIL is staying with us for an extended stay until a couple of months after I have our next baby. She is very generous and a sweet natured lady. HOWEVER, she is a charismatic evangelical Christian and I find myself very annoyed and even angry when she speaks of her religious feelings and beliefs. I was raised an evangelical Protestant Christian and I used to think the way she does. She left the Catholic church to become Protestant. I think I wouldn’t be angry if she had never been Catholic. Isn’t anger a weird feeling to have about this?

A couple of examples… I believe she is disrespectful of Mary. She was participating in our family advent devotions and when my 6 year old spontaneously decided to say a Hail Mary prayer after reading the scripture passage in Luke where this prayer came from, my MIL walked away from the table. She didn’t have to say anything… I know that she walked away because she thinks praying to Mary is wrong. This offended me and blew my mind… there it was right there in scripture! She professes to believe what scripture says, yet the Hail Mary offends her. Also, she is very focused on who is a “true” Christian and who is not (if somebody hasn’t said the formulaic “sinner’s prayer” they are not a Christian and they are going to hell). To me, that is very presumptuous that she is judging other people’s souls.

I have kept my mouth shut. My husband thinks I should keep my mouth shut because saying something wouldn’t change her mind. I just wish I didn’t feel so darn angry. Should I speak to my priest? Should I find another convert to speak with who might be able to identify with me ? I feel like I need to get this off my chest before I say something to MIL that I regret.

 

[RSD]

First of all, if you are expecting another baby soon, some of your intense feelings are not about your MIL, but just the intensity of feelings that happens while you are pregnant. If you can separate yourself, your will, from the storm of emotions whirling around and in you, then maybe you can deal with the actual issues a little better.

Try to think about what you might want to say if you were not angry. Do you want to change her mind, or just her actions? If you want to change her mind, getting mad at her is probably not going to do it. (I bet you know this). Pray for her. Every time she does or says something that shows that she is missing out on receiving the full joy of the revelation that God gives us through His church, pray for her. Remember that by limiting herself to the tiny amount of revelation that the protestants have hung on to, she is missing so much. You can pity her.

If you want to change her actions, you could ask her calmly, respectfully, to humor you in certain things while she is staying with you. For instance, I would think that in the case you mentioned you could say that it is just more polite to your son for her not to walk away while he is praying.

 

[Teneas]

I allowed my MIL to live with us for a few months once. It was because she has lived her life horribly and had nowhere else to turn. That aside, she is a SB, and can’t stand the Catholic faith. It was a trying time, but in the end, I did the Christian thing…and the Christian thing of dusting the dust from my feet.

I will pray for you of course. MILs are easy to deal with anyway, let alone those that can’t stand your faith.

 

[adstrinity]

Assuming your handle here is to be read, “Mom to four Boys,” it seems you have quite a handful. Is this a reason why your MIL is staying with you? You did say it was to help you out. How far away does she live? Does she still attend her church every week while she’s with you or is there a church she goes to when she’s there? IF you perceive the situation correctly (and, I don’t know if you do or don’t; I don’t know how passionate you are and I don’t know the effects of pregnancy), understand that with the advent wreath situation your mother in law may have walked away because to stay there would cause her to say something uncharitable she may regret. Perhaps it would have been better she just said a silent prayer when she didn’t like what was going on, but, you can’t expect all humans at all times to be logical or polite, especially when it’s not agreed on what may be best in a certain situation.

I think it would be best if you talk to your MIL about it. She can probably tell that there is tension in the air and is not comfortable in the same room as you. This hardly helps you. Talking to others and not to her is not the best way to handle this. I know it’s hard, but, you need to communicate with your MIL about all this. I’m sure God is very important to her and wants you to be happy. I’m not stating discuss religion, but, discuss this situation (your discomfort at her actions); it is your house, but, she is doing this out of her heart. You said she is very sweet. I don’t think she wants to hurt you, BUT, she must live as her conscience tells her otherwise she would be a hypocrite. She loves both you and God, and guess who’s going to come first…that is IF how you view the situation is the actual case.

 

[mskejj]

If your Mother-In-Law is going to be with you for a couple of months, I would suggest leaving out some good Catholic books explaining our faith on the coffee table. Who knows…maybe she will pick them up when no one is listening. A good one is Catholic and Christian by Alan Schreck or Scott Hahn’s Rome Sweet Rome.

My friend had the same issue as you did except that her MIL who was Preb. was always making negative comments about the Catholic Church, priest scandals etc. My friend never expressed to her how upset that made her, but it hurt her terribly. Fast forward 20 years and on the last visit, her MIL asked her if she could go to go to church with her and thanked her for being the only one of her 4 children to raise their children in a faith She came out of the Mass with glowing compliments about what a lovely service it was and told her she wanted to go next week too. Miracles do happen