Annoyed about marriage and sex rules

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jmcrae said:
She doesn’t have to reach inside herself at all - just, when she is doing the natural thing, before throwing the toilet paper in, just look at it and see what’s on it. If there is some mucus there, then she is fertile, and if not, then no.
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OK…this is kinda embarrassing…I have to stick my finger in all the way now that I’m older b/c my body doesn’t produce as much egg white cervical mucus as it used to. Now my mucus pretty much hangs out on my cervix 😊

For me, toilet paper checking wouldn’t work sometimes. I mostly just scraped my cervix with my finger (which didn’t hurt at all).
 
I may be way off, but in reading your original post, I saw a few red flags in reference to your wife’s opinion on more children and birth control. As you said, she has mentioned wanting a sibling for your daughter, and wouldn’t mind another baby… and also that she does not want to take BC pills or learn NFP… it sounds to me that she may be more supportive of having another baby than you realize. Especially with her fertility issues, she may not want to completely squelch all chances of conceiving again, and just leave it up to God. My advice would be to really try and see eye to eye on this important decision, possibly even seek a priest/ spiritual director to help you communicate to each other your desires.
Congratulations on your baby girl! I have a 6month old and it sure is a lot of work…but worth it!
 
JMMagdalen said:
I may be way off, but in reading your original post, I saw a few red flags in reference to your wife’s opinion on more children and birth control. As you said, she has mentioned wanting a sibling for your daughter, and wouldn’t mind another baby… and also that she does not want to take BC pills or learn NFP… it sounds to me that she may be more supportive of having another baby than you realize. Especially with her fertility issues, she may not want to completely squelch all chances of conceiving again, and just leave it up to God. My advice would be to really try and see eye to eye on this important decision, possibly even seek a priest/ spiritual director to help you communicate to each other your desires.
Congratulations on your baby girl! I have a 6month old and it sure is a lot of work…but worth it!
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Yes there is some ambivalence with her regarding another kid. Her attitude can be described as “just see what happens.”

We are TRYING to see our rector- have left 3 messages over the last 6 weeks with no call beck. I know he is busy but I would feel funny saying on his voice mail "I have called before. . . " and frankly maybe he’s not worth talking to as he doesn’t seem responsive- I am trying to assume the the best however.

I asked my wife about the appearance of her mucus and she said “it always looks like egg whites.” At least she does seem open- I can say that I do not see her going to a class or doing anything more involved- I know her quite well 🙂

Regarding my reasons behind not really wanting another kid- I guess they may be kind of selfish. We both love to travel- and we want to move back to Boston and another kid would necessitate a bigger place and Boston is VERY VERY expensive.

Add to this that I am not one of those people who receives the highest level of fulfillment from going to soccer games, kid events and such. I think that traveling without a child would be better than traveling with one- I am being honest. I completely love and cherish my Daughter but at the same time I am not a person that finds their completion in their child . I like my own time. I like doing adult things.

I also suffer from depression- though it has been good for 3 years now. I have real problems with stress. I have been hospitalized before. I am afraid that I couldn’t handle it- that another child would destroy our relationship- which though sound- is in need of help- we are going back to counseling.

I hope this makes sense.
 
Dear Feanor2, the rules of the church are clear. However, conscience does play a part in this. Each individual situation is unique. Perhaps finding a priest or deacon of good reputation to help you both sort through the rules as they apply to you personally. Prayerful discernment with a reputable clergy member can help you both work through your fears regardless of the direction eventually chosen and lead the two of you to a deeper understanding of each other, which in turn leads to a deeper intimacy.
 
Feanor2 said:
Yes there is some ambivalence with her regarding another kid. Her attitude can be described as "just see what happens."

We are TRYING to see our rector- have left 3 messages over the last 6 weeks with no call beck. I know he is busy but I would feel funny saying on his voice mail "I have called before. . . " and frankly maybe he’s not worth talking to as he doesn’t seem responsive- I am trying to assume the the best however.

I asked my wife about the appearance of her mucus and she said “it always looks like egg whites.” At least she does seem open- I can say that I do not see her going to a class or doing anything more involved- I know her quite well 🙂

Regarding my reasons behind not really wanting another kid- I guess they may be kind of selfish. We both love to travel- and we want to move back to Boston and another kid would necessitate a bigger place and Boston is VERY VERY expensive.

Add to this that I am not one of those people who receives the highest level of fulfillment from going to soccer games, kid events and such. I think that traveling without a child would be better than traveling with one- I am being honest. I completely love and cherish my Daughter but at the same time I am not a person that finds their completion in their child . I like my own time. I like doing adult things.

I also suffer from depression- though it has been good for 3 years now. I have real problems with stress. I have been hospitalized before. I am afraid that I couldn’t handle it- that another child would destroy our relationship- which though sound- is in need of help- we are going back to counseling.

I hope this makes sense.
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BTW, for the first number of months after my first was born, I didn’t want another for quite a long while (I was Protestant then), however I desperately wanted one after a couple years (and was no longer able to carry it apparently)!
 
Call the Parish office during business hours. Ask the secretary to schedule an appointment with Fr. X for you.
 
first of all… try walking in and asking to see father… and saying “he doesnt seem to get my phone messages”
or try another parish

my local parish, well they NEVER return phone calls. i think they connect to a black hole! only sister returns phone calls… but if i leave a message in the office i get a call.
the university area parish returns phone calls…and emails. lol

as to Boston.
in the city? oh yes, VERY expensive. but there are some suburbs where its still reasonable. i have many friends in the area.
however. if you are prone to stress, and depression (as am i, although not to hospital levels) and have been “ok” for three years… ummmmmm… maybe living in the city isnt good for you? i mean assuming its been 3 years or more since you left Boston…

one of my friends lives in a house/trailer thing. its smaller than my house (we have no children) and she has three… so size is based on what YOU find livable.

as to travel. my mom and dad traveled with me a lot. but they also sent me to “camp Grandma” quite a bit. and when i was older i went to an actual summer camp. the only “kids travel” we ever did was some camping (we went to yellowstone!) and a trip to Disney world… notable… but not usual.
 
Feanor2 said:
Hi,

I am in a bit of a bind. My wife and I just had our first child (daughter) in May and we are very happy- there is of course some stress but things are great overall.

So the situation is that I don’t want any more kids. I think one is enough and that having a small family will best fit with our life situation, in so many ways. My wife says she wouldn’t mind having another child but isn’t really committed to it. In any case she has little or no opinion though she does say that she thinks that children can do best with a sibling and that when we die she is afraid that our daughter will be alone.

So my wife is Catholic but not against birth control (no need for for preaching here :)) but does not want to take Birth Control because she says she doesn’t like taking pills and thinks it gives her side effects.

I do believe that birth control is wrong- well I don’t necessarily agree but I won’t break the rules bying doing it. I also can’t do coitus interruptous because that is also a sin.

My wife is 36 and breast feeding so I know we are likely safe now but she also says she will not do NFP because it is a lot of time and effort and she doesn’t believe it works that well. She also has very irregular periods. She also has high protactin levels which also lessens fertility.

She my situation is that I am just hope that her age, plus her irregular periods, plus the prolactin will make conception unlikely.

This is an annoying position to be in for me. Of course if we do have another child I will accept it as a gift from God with love but I REALLY don’t want another kid.

Any help sans fierce doctrinal apologetic sermons?

Thanks,
Jeremy
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  1. You can have children and your complaining…:rolleyes:
  2. I don’t blame your wife for not wanting to take Birth Control…for me I wouldn’t touch the stuff even if it were considered ok by the Church. I’m against anything that messes with the natural processes of the body. :mad:
  3. It’s very selfish to deny your child a sibling just because you can’t be bothered about it. Also I happen to believe it’s healthier and less stressfull on a child if they have a sibling. 🤷
  4. I really think you need to open you heart to GODs will and not so much to convenience. As to the rest I can’t say. Right now I’m not married and it looks like kids aren’t in my future…just be happy with what you have. 👍
 
Feanor2 said:
Yes there is some ambivalence with her regarding another kid. Her attitude can be described as “just see what happens.”

We are TRYING to see our rector- have left 3 messages over the last 6 weeks with no call beck. I know he is busy but I would feel funny saying on his voice mail "I have called before. . . " and frankly maybe he’s not worth talking to as he doesn’t seem responsive- I am trying to assume the the best however.

I asked my wife about the appearance of her mucus and she said “it always looks like egg whites.” At least she does seem open- I can say that I do not see her going to a class or doing anything more involved- I know her quite well 🙂

Regarding my reasons behind not really wanting another kid- I guess they may be kind of selfish. We both love to travel- and we want to move back to Boston and another kid would necessitate a bigger place and Boston is VERY VERY expensive.

Add to this that I am not one of those people who receives the highest level of fulfillment from going to soccer games, kid events and such. I think that traveling without a child would be better than traveling with one- I am being honest. I completely love and cherish my Daughter but at the same time I am not a person that finds their completion in their child . I like my own time. I like doing adult things.

I also suffer from depression- though it has been good for 3 years now. I have real problems with stress. I have been hospitalized before. I am afraid that I couldn’t handle it- that another child would destroy our relationship- which though sound- is in need of help- we are going back to counseling.

I hope this makes sense.
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Many here are missing the bull in the China shop 🤷

Your reasons of taking vacations alone, liking freedom, money, space, etc…are all superficial things to me and are just part of today’s society of brainwashing us into believing that we need these things.

However, you made a VERY good point about your depression. Growing up with a mother who suffered from depression, I know how it can affect children. It was very difficult for me to endure. This is a valid reason for being afraid to have more children.

Everything is up to God if you let God be part of your plan too. I would offer up your anxiety and suffering to God and tell him that you trust Him.

I will pray that your depression doesn’t come back and that you ask God to help you figure things out. You sound like a very nice man, husband and father who just wants the best for his family. Prayers to you and God’s grace!
 
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