Annulment / Declaration of Nullity

[Run26point2]

Our marriage of 12 years recently ended in civil divorce. I made this difficult and unfortunate decision after seeking counseling and guidance from my parish pastor. Upon the conclusion of our meeting, he suggested I may also have a valid reason to file for Declaration of Nullity, if I so choose. While it was a relief to hear, I am praying over whether to do so as I’m conflicted if too much time has passed since the issue in question first became known.

Without revealing all the details, I became aware very early on in our marriage we weren’t going to live according to the foundations of a sacramental marriage. My wife suggested divorce then, and various other times over the remaining years, if I wasn’t happy with her intentions. To me, divorce meant failure & I was committed to staying married. I did not want to separate what God united. For the rest of the marriage, I held on for dear life hoping/praying she would have a change of heart. She never did, and after separation and soul-searching, we parted ways.

By fearing divorce years ago - and not actually doing so until now - would it be considered inappropriate to seek Declaration of Nullity based on something which first became evident a long time ago… had I not been so committed?

Thoughts?

 

[1ke]

By fearing divorce years ago - and not actually doing so until now - would it be considered inappropriate to seek Declaration of Nullity based on something which first became evident a long time ago… had I not been so committed?

No, it is not wrong or inappropriate.

A declaration of nullity is a finding of fact. If her consent or intent was defective, while yours was not, there was nothing you could do to make the marriage valid apart from what you did do-- attempt to change her mind so that she could form valid consent. If she never did, then certainly proceed with a nullity case.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

The marriage tribunal would look at the validity your marriage on the day of your marriage. What happened after does not affect that. Your effort to save/preserve your marriage is commendable.

 

[FCGeorge]

Run26,
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. The devil has so many lies in his play book that are designed to convince people their marriages have ended. Please, I pray, see that the civil divorce did not “end” your marriage. A civil divorce has no such power. If you are seeking seeking to love your Heavenly Spouse then I ask you to consider going to Mary’s Advocates website and spending $8 to purchase the book Gift of Self. It is an awesome resource to help us love our earthly spouse (and thereby love our Heavenly Spouse) during a separation.

Many priests are blessing civil divorces that our Catechism makes plain “cannot be tolerated” and do “constitute a moral offense.”

I pray you are sincerely seeking His will as He will certainly be a Witness between us and the spouses “of our youth.”

Also, please, I pray, if it does come to it… do not “seek a declaration of nullity.” Seek the truth as to whether there is a valid marriage. Provide all evidence, both for and against, and seek the truth. Then spend the little extra money to have the Roman Rota be the court of second instance. We are a souls and eternity resting on finding the correct answer here.

Bryan
LOVE SO AMAZING

 

[1ke]

Then spend the little extra money to have the Roman Rota be the court of second instance.

This is seriously bad advice.

The Rota is the court of appeals if the cout of first and second instance disagree. It should not be used as the court of second instance.

 

[gmarie21]

Run26,
I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. The devil has so many lies in his play book that are designed to convince people their marriages have ended.

And so many lies to make people think they should get married when they should not. Premarital sex and contraceptive use prior to and during marriage clouds the mind and judgement big time and sadly causes many to enter marriages they should not. The devil has learned to use his lies to destroy the institution of marriage before marriage has even been entered. The increase in cases for nullity is a reflection of this premarital breakdown and deception.

 

[chevalier]

No, it is not wrong or inappropriate.

A declaration of nullity is a finding of fact. If her consent or intent was defective, while yours was not, there was nothing you could do to make the marriage valid apart from what you did do-- attempt to change her mind so that she could form valid consent. If she never did, then certainly proceed with a nullity case.

+1

(Defective consent doesn’t mean poor consent, it really means either simulation (roughly comparable to lying during the vows but not as simple) or total incapacity due to grave psychic issues. An indecisive, faltering, undisciplined person doesn’t fall into these categories, it’s got to be really extreme.)