F
fastenatingguy
Guest
My best friend of 55 years was divorced from his wife three years ago. Both cradle Catholics who were completely involved in the faith-- from birth until about three years before the divorce. In other words, regular confessors, attended mass on Sundays and all holy days, raised their dauthers similarly, Catholic education through college, etc. The divorce was just horrible for my friend, watching his anguish.
My friend and I go back to the tender of age of 9 months when our parents met at Mass while on vacation. Our older sisters are the same age and are also good friends, just not as close as the boys are. He and I met his wife-to-be in our kindergarten class 50 years ago. In some ways they were destined to get married.
Skip ahead to 9 months ago. He has been immersed in his law practice even more so than before the divorce (that was his wife’s claim, that he was a workaholic). One of his partners convinces him to go to a Halloween party for fun. Feeling like a fifth wheel, he finally is introduced to a charming, beautiful, Catholic woman (also an attorney). They talk for hours. He is too timid to ask for her phone number, not having dated for thirty two years. Plus she is seventeen years younger. But she did mention that her firm is located in the same building as his firm.
He mentions this to his brother and sisters at Thanksgiving. They encourage him “call her up and ask her out for dinner; the worst that could happen is she says NO!” Eventually he gets up the nerve and she accepts, but he tells no one, not even me (until last Sunday). So over the next six months, their relationship develops gradually, then gets serious–as in marriage serious–which is putting the cart before the horse. He expected that he would never date again, much less remarry. So he had never pursued an annulment.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse…they are very much in love, and begin a sexual relationship. She is now three months pregnant. They look for and buy a nice house in a family oriented neighborhood. She of course is free to marry in the Church, but he is not. So when he breaks this news to me, he says that they are now planning to “church shop for the closest thing to a Catholic church” in the area.
This way they can get married soon, etc.
How do I counsel him (them)? I want to get him to the archdiocese tribunal department for nullity. There is no “closest thing” and I am sure they both know that, but feel that is their best
option.
I will be meeting her for the first time this Sunday and don’t think it should be a part of the conversation with both of them (now), just him. Help. Prayers. Thanks, FG
My friend and I go back to the tender of age of 9 months when our parents met at Mass while on vacation. Our older sisters are the same age and are also good friends, just not as close as the boys are. He and I met his wife-to-be in our kindergarten class 50 years ago. In some ways they were destined to get married.
Skip ahead to 9 months ago. He has been immersed in his law practice even more so than before the divorce (that was his wife’s claim, that he was a workaholic). One of his partners convinces him to go to a Halloween party for fun. Feeling like a fifth wheel, he finally is introduced to a charming, beautiful, Catholic woman (also an attorney). They talk for hours. He is too timid to ask for her phone number, not having dated for thirty two years. Plus she is seventeen years younger. But she did mention that her firm is located in the same building as his firm.
He mentions this to his brother and sisters at Thanksgiving. They encourage him “call her up and ask her out for dinner; the worst that could happen is she says NO!” Eventually he gets up the nerve and she accepts, but he tells no one, not even me (until last Sunday). So over the next six months, their relationship develops gradually, then gets serious–as in marriage serious–which is putting the cart before the horse. He expected that he would never date again, much less remarry. So he had never pursued an annulment.
Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse…they are very much in love, and begin a sexual relationship. She is now three months pregnant. They look for and buy a nice house in a family oriented neighborhood. She of course is free to marry in the Church, but he is not. So when he breaks this news to me, he says that they are now planning to “church shop for the closest thing to a Catholic church” in the area.
This way they can get married soon, etc.How do I counsel him (them)? I want to get him to the archdiocese tribunal department for nullity. There is no “closest thing” and I am sure they both know that, but feel that is their best
option.I will be meeting her for the first time this Sunday and don’t think it should be a part of the conversation with both of them (now), just him. Help. Prayers. Thanks, FG
