Annulment for my future children?

[Clementine2009]

Hello,
I am a 30 year old Catholic, and here is my story:
At the age of 25 I married under pressure (in a Catholic church), and less than one year later I knew it was not right for me, and finally had the inner strength to separate. A divorce followed soon after. Since then I have remarried (in a civil ceremony) another Catholic, and we are happily planning to start a family.
The issue is this: because of my previous divorce, we have not had our marriage blessed in the Church. Now that we are thinking of having children, I am concerned that in the future my children will not be able to receive sacraments (baptism, first holy communion etc) because our marriage has not been recognized by the church. Does anyone know if this is the case??
Is getting an annulment of my first marriage the only way to ensure that my future children are able to be fully practicing Catholics?
Any advice will help. My parish priest is not very approachable, and I don’t feel comfortable asking him without some idea of how things work.
Thank you.

 

[noclevername]

Your kids should not be held responsible for your sins. That being said, folks on the forum are going to tell you that you are living in sin because in the eyes of the Catholic church, you are still married to your first husband since you have not had that marriage annulled. I would suggest you go through the annullment process and have your marriage blessed in the Catholic church you and your marriage.

Read this thread. forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=330331 There is a lot of info about annullments and why you need to pursue it for your marriage.

 

[SpaceNeedle]

Hi Clementine-

Look in your parish bulletin, and see who assists annulments/declaration of nullity in your parish. Likely, it is your parish priest, so you’ll have to set up a time to speak with him (since he feels unapproachable to you, perhaps another person might be listed as an alternate). You need to get the ball rolling now, because this can be a long, time consuming process (personal experience).

Your future children probably won’t be denied the sacrament of baptism, but that’s depending how liberal your parish priest is in regards to that matter. What I can tell you is at the time you are taking a baptism class for “future baby” (or “just arrived” baby), you will very likely be strongly encouraged to rectify the situation in regards to your marriage, pronto. If you don’t express an interest in “making things right”, you may have an issue…instead of “wait and see” if you’ll have a problem, I would personally advise you begin the decree of nullity process now, before baby #1 arrives.

All of the above, for what it is worth, applies at my Parish. “Individual results may vary”, as the disclaimer goes.

 

[kage_ar]

Kids are a good reason, a better reason is so that you and your husband can come back to Christ, to Jesus in the Sacraments.

Pick up the phone and make an appointment with either your Priest or call the Diocese and speak to someone at the Tribunal. They will help you start the process of having the validity of your first marriage investigated.

Should that marriage be found to be null, your Pastor will help you prepare for your Convalidation, your wedding in the Church.

Jesus is waiting for you!

 

[agapewolf]

Hello,
I am a 30 year old Catholic, and here is my story:
At the age of 25 I married under pressure (in a Catholic church), and less than one year later I knew it was not right for me, and finally had the inner strength to separate. A divorce followed soon after. Since then I have remarried (in a civil ceremony) another Catholic, and we are happily planning to start a family.
The issue is this: because of my previous divorce, we have not had our marriage blessed in the Church. Now that we are thinking of having children, I am concerned that in the future my children will not be able to receive sacraments (baptism, first holy communion etc) because our marriage has not been recognized by the church. Does anyone know if this is the case??
Is getting an annulment of my first marriage the only way to ensure that my future children are able to be fully practicing Catholics?
Any advice will help. My parish priest is not very approachable, and I don’t feel comfortable asking him without some idea of how things work.
Thank you.

I really really don’t understand why you want your children to be practicing Catholics when you yourself don’t want to be. You might be able to get them to the sacraments, but if you aren’t living it, why should they?

I hope and pray that you will go through the process necessary to see if your first marriage is valid.

 

[Seatuck]

Hello,
I am a 30 year old Catholic, and here is my story:
At the age of 25 I married under pressure (in a Catholic church), and less than one year later I knew it was not right for me, and finally had the inner strength to separate. A divorce followed soon after. Since then I have remarried (in a civil ceremony) another Catholic, and we are happily planning to start a family.
The issue is this: because of my previous divorce, we have not had our marriage blessed in the Church. Now that we are thinking of having children, I am concerned that in the future my children will not be able to receive sacraments (baptism, first holy communion etc) because our marriage has not been recognized by the church. Does anyone know if this is the case??
Is getting an annulment of my first marriage the only way to ensure that my future children are able to be fully practicing Catholics?
Any advice will help. My parish priest is not very approachable, and I don’t feel comfortable asking him without some idea of how things work.
Thank you.

Please seek the annullment for yourself.To make things right with God and the Church. Don’t you miss the Sacraments yourself? Besides, you need to be a practicing catholic in order to teach your children to be practicing Catholics. How do you explain Mommy and Daddy can’t go to Communion or Confession because the church teaches that we are living in a sinful situation? At some point they are going to figure this out and there’s your credibility out the window. Or the churches credibility . So why bother trying to bring them up Catholic? Part of being a practicing Catholic is to obey the laws of the church which you obviously didn’t think was very important.Please don’t be the type of parent who tells their kids that they can do whatever they want and still be Catholic. It’s wrong.

As to whether you can have them baptized that might be possible depending upon the priest. Some priests will say no because you are not modeling a Catholic life. Other priests will be hopeful that you will correct your marriage situation and do the Baptism.

It’s a very difficult situation. Pray for God to guide you and give you strength to do his will. Go talk to a priest. He’ll be happy you are trying to make things right.

 

[ComputerGeek25]

You’re future children will be able to recieve the sacraments. The sins of you and your current husband are not held against your children.

However, please look into the annulment. There are several reasons for this. You do not know if your previous marriage was null or not, and since you went on to marry again in a civil ceremony, this objectively qualifies as grave matter (and mortal sin if you knew this was wrong and did it anyways). Secondly, you will set a good example for your children since you will be recieving the sacraments properly.

 

[pia]

I really really don’t understand why you want your children to be practicing Catholics when you yourself don’t want to be. You might be able to get them to the sacraments, but if you aren’t living it, why should they?

I hope and pray that you will go through the process necessary to see if your first marriage is valid.

I think you have got the wrong end of the stick agapewolf, when she says she got married under pressure (in the catholic church) i understand her to mean that she was pressurised into getting married. I take from what she says she feels because she is divorced she cannot get her marriage blessed, and i don’t see where she states that she does not want to practice her faith only that because she is divorced and has remarried in a civil ceremony she understands that she is unable to participate in some of the sacraments The fact she wants her furture children to be fully practising catholics and that she is trying to do the right thing i think should be encouraged.

 

[quiet52]

Not only are you not currently married to your current husband in the eyes of the church, but you will be out of communion with Christ and His Church as long as you and he have sexual relations. Seek a petition of nullity. If you were pressured into marrying your first marriage, then you most likely did not exercise full act of will to marry him, which is grounds for nullity. However, the Church (through the Tribunal) needs to determine this to be true, upon the evidence you provide.

Canon 1057.2 Matrimonial consent is an act of will by which a man and a woman by an irrevocable covenant mutually give and accept one another for the purpose of establishing a marriage.

Canon 1060 Marriage enjoys the favour of law. Consequently, in doubt the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.

Canon 1085.2 Even though the previous marriage is invalid or for any reason dissolved, it is not thereby lawful to contract another marriage before the nullity or the dissolution of the previous one has been established lawfully and with certainty.

Canon 1095.1 The following are incapable of contracting marriage:

Canon 1095.1.1 those who lack sufficient use of reason;

Canon 1095.1.2 those who suffer from a grave lack of discretionary judgement concerning the essential matrimonial rights and obligations to be mutually given and accepted;

Canon 1095.1.3 those who, because of causes of a psychological nature, are unable to assume the essential obligations of marriage.

Canon 1096.1 For matrimonial consent to exist, it is necessary that the contracting parties be at least not ignorant of the fact that marriage is a permanent partnership between a man and a woman, ordered to the procreation of children through some form of sexual cooperation.

more: catholicdoors.com/misc/marriage/canonlaw.htm

Apparently your Catholicism means something to you, because you are concerned about the spiritual upbringing of your children. Please let it mean everything to you.

Also, if you do petition for nullity and it is granted, your current marriage will not be “blessed.” Something that is invalid cannot be blessed. It will be “convalidated” – become a valid marriage – there will be a rite of Marriage (the sacrament).

 

[agapewolf]

I think you have got the wrong end of the stick agapewolf, when she says she got married under pressure (in the catholic church) i understand her to mean that she was pressurised into getting married. I take from what she says she feels because she is divorced she cannot get her marriage blessed, and i don’t see where she states that she does not want to practice her faith only that because she is divorced and has remarried in a civil ceremony she understands that she is unable to participate in some of the sacraments The fact she wants her furture children to be fully practising catholics and that she is trying to do the right thing i think should be encouraged.

I don’t have the wrong end of the stick. I got the fact that her first marriage is most likely invalid because of pressure. THat isn’t the point.

THe point here is that she is so concerned about the children practicing the catholics while making no mention of holding the same standard for herself. THere is a huge disconnect here.

 

[pia]

I don’t have the wrong end of the stick. I got the fact that her first marriage is most likely invalid because of pressure. THat isn’t the point.

THe point here is that she is so concerned about the children practicing the catholics while making no mention of holding the same standard for herself. THere is a huge disconnect here.

agapewolf, clementine came on here looking for advice and help, I just don’t see how in you’re original post you gave her any, again the fact that she is on here and wants to do the right thing and is asking for help in doing this should be be applauded instead of knocked. God bless

 

[Pug]

The issue is this: because of my previous divorce, we have not had our marriage blessed in the Church. Now that we are thinking of having children, I am concerned that in the future my children will not be able to receive sacraments (baptism, first holy communion etc) because our marriage has not been recognized by the church. Does anyone know if this is the case??
Is getting an annulment of my first marriage the only way to ensure that my future children are able to be fully practicing Catholics?

First, I’m assuming you are talking about infant baptism, and not baptism later on. Your status will have zero effect on the ability of your adult children to get baptized of their own volition. The only type of effect that comes to mind is that your children may be personally influenced by your lifestyle in how they make their own lifestyle choices.

About infant baptism, your mileage may vary. It will depend on your local priest and how he assesses the prospects of your child being raised in the faith. He may or may not seek to delay if you approach to have your children baptized. Some priests will delay until your marriage situation is regularized.

Concerning children, I feel that they have special child radar that picks up on the attitudes/beliefs of adults, even if the adults themselves don’t know their own minds. How do you feel about Catholicism for yourself?

 

[ComputerGeek25]

agapewolf, clementine came on here looking for advice and help, I just don’t see how in you’re original post you gave her any, again the fact that she is on here and wants to do the right thing and is asking for help in doing this should be be applauded instead of knocked. God bless

agapewolf does bring up a valid point. He’s getting at the “Children, we want you to respect and partake in the sacraments even though we don’t.”

Why set a double standard for your children? It’s like telling them to eat their veggies when you don’t yourself

The advice clementine is getting is to make things right with God before they have children for this very reson.

 

[agapewolf]

agapewolf, clementine came on here looking for advice and help, I just don’t see how in you’re original post you gave her any, again the fact that she is on here and wants to do the right thing and is asking for help in doing this should be be applauded instead of knocked. God bless

I wasn’t knocking anyone. She doesn’t have the intention of doing the complete right thing-the priorities are screwed up.

 

[iluvmybabies]

Good day, I don’t think the children are punished for whatever mistakes or sins the parents make, but then again I could be mistaken…I thought it has stated somewhere in the Bible that whatever mistakes from the “father” will be punishable up to 5 generations?! Maybe I have been misinformed??? But I don’t think the children should be punished for the sins or mistakes of parents…

Many are not very happy it seems to read that there seems to be no intentions of the OP trying to live rightfully as well…But I believe the OP was saying that she too is trying to annul or get information of the annulment process so that she can get her marriage blessed and be with GOD in sacrament of Holy Matrimony as well and try and live with GOD with her family? Maybe I am not reading correctlly here either…???

AND I think that’s the best thing she can do. SHE strayed for a bit, but now she’s trying to make things right…AND She wants her children to live with GOD as well…SO that’s definitely wonderful and we hope to have you back with GOD soon…

But first you must hurry and set up that appointment with your priest, he’s the only one to really guide you…You can try and speak with a tribunal assistance as well. I did that and she helped me get through the annulment or Defect of validity? process and before I knew it, it was done and over with…

If they can prove that there was no validity in your marriage, then they will most likely approve your annulity, and you will be more than able to get your new marriage blessed through Holy Matrimony…But don’t wait another minute…

May GOD bless, good luck and hope all turns out well for you!

 

[agapewolf]

Good day, I don’t think the children are punished for whatever mistakes or sins the parents make, but then again I could be mistaken…I thought it has stated somewhere in the Bible that whatever mistakes from the “father” will be punishable up to 5 generations?! Maybe I have been misinformed??? But I don’t think the children should be punished for the sins or mistakes of parents…

Many are not very happy it seems to read that there seems to be no intentions of the OP trying to live rightfully as well…But I believe the OP was saying that she too is trying to annul or get information of the annulment process so that she can get her marriage blessed and be with GOD in sacrament of Holy Matrimony as well and try and live with GOD with her family? Maybe I am not reading correctlly here either…???

AND I think that’s the best thing she can do. SHE strayed for a bit, but now she’s trying to make things right…AND She wants her children to live with GOD as well…SO that’s definitely wonderful and we hope to have you back with GOD soon…

But first you must hurry and set up that appointment with your priest, he’s the only one to really guide you…You can try and speak with a tribunal assistance as well. I did that and she helped me get through the annulment or Defect of validity? process and before I knew it, it was done and over with…

If they can prove that there was no validity in your marriage, then they will most likely approve your annulity, and you will be more than able to get your new marriage blessed through Holy Matrimony…But don’t wait another minute…

May GOD bless, good luck and hope all turns out well for you!

In the OP, there was no such intent voiced. All that was asked is how can they get the sacraments for their kids WITHOUT the regularizing the marriage.

That is the issue I have with this whole thing.

 

[iluvmybabies]

In the OP, there was no such intent voiced. All that was asked is how can they get the sacraments for their kids WITHOUT the regularizing the marriage.

That is the issue I have with this whole thing.

Really I thought she said she wanted to get annulment information for her own marriage?

 

[agapewolf]

Really I thought she said she wanted to get annulment information for her own marriage?

Nope…read the OP again.

 

[lizaanne]

Nope…read the OP again.

Come one - even YOU were not born with the knowledge of the annulment process coded into your DNA, you had to learn it at some point.

Cut her some slack - she’s asking questions, she’s trying to do the right thing. I think this is much more of an issue of just plain not knowing how it all works than a lack of desire to live her Faith.

Millions of Catholics have been poorly catechized over the last 40+ years. THIS is a place for people to come and learn how to live that Faith more fully and completely. To automatically, after ONE POST from this woman, you are ready to say that she does not have her priorities in line is just shocking, …though not surprising.

This could very well be the begining of her bringing herself and her husband back in line with the Church. I pray that is the case, and folks like you don’t push them ever farther away than they already are when all she does is ask simple questions about something she clearly does not understand.

Sheesh.

~Liza

 

[Seatuck]

Really I thought she said she wanted to get annulment information for her own marriage?

No, I don’t see that at all.She said she wanted to get one if she had to so her kids could be baptized. Perhaps you read it between the lines. I want Clementine to know that God loves her and wants her to have a relationship with him in the Sacraments. I didn’t say it very gracefully the first time. The Holy Spirit is prompting her with concerns about her children but he must also be speaking to her own salvation and that of her husband’s as well and I really hope she doesn’t ignore that.Marriage and raising children go much better with God’s grace flowing .

We should all pray for her and encourage her to pray for guidance and strength.