Annulment help for RCIA candidate

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Hello all, I am new to this forum and to the Catholic Church as well. A little back story, my husband and I are currently in the RCIA process to join the church, we have been married for 11 years and have 4 beautiful little boys. Neither my husband or I grew up Catholic, we were raised as luke warm Protestants at best. I was never baptized and my husband was but not in the Catholic Church. Recently my husband has felt drawn to the Catholic Church and while at first I was hesitant, I am now ready to join and want more than anything to join. There is one little hiccup, or two I should say. I’ve been married before, twice. 😊 my first marriage took place when I was 18 years old and it was to my high school sweetheart. Stupid stupid me. It didn’t last long and at 19 I left the marriage for another man, my second husband, that marriage only lasted a few months. Again, I look back on my past and all I can do is shake my head, pray for forgiveness , and feel such remorse for entering into the marriages in the first place and for the way they both ended, Adulterous behavior on my own part. I’m so afraid that my annulments won’t be granted that I can hardly function. What would happen to our family if they aren’t? I understand that my current marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church and that is so devastating to both my husband and I. We both want more than anything to make our marriage a sacramental one. Any comforting words or advice would be so appreciated.
 
Hello all, I am new to this forum and to the Catholic Church as well. A little back story, my husband and I are currently in the RCIA process to join the church, we have been married for 11 years and have 4 beautiful little boys. Neither my husband or I grew up Catholic, we were raised as luke warm Protestants at best. I was never baptized and my husband was but not in the Catholic Church. Recently my husband has felt drawn to the Catholic Church and while at first I was hesitant, I am now ready to join and want more than anything to join. There is one little hiccup, or two I should say. I’ve been married before, twice. my first marriage took place when I was 18 years old and it was to my high school sweetheart. Stupid stupid me. It didn’t last long and at 19 I left the marriage for another man, my second husband, that marriage only lasted a few months. Again, I look back on my past and all I can do is shake my head, pray for forgiveness , and feel such remorse for entering into the marriages in the first place and for the way they both ended, Adulterous behavior on my own part. I’m so afraid that my annulments won’t be granted that I can hardly function. What would happen to our family if they aren’t? I understand that my current marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church and that is so devastating to both my husband and I. We both want more than anything to make our marriage a sacramental one. Any comforting words or advice would be so appreciated.
 
anp83 said:
…Any comforting words or advice would be so appreciated.
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Hello,

The most important piece of practical advice is this: if you have not already done so, bring your concerns–ASAP–to the local parish priest or whomever it is who is guiding you in the RCIA.

Your particular circumstances are open to several possible procedures, as far as the nullity process is concerned or even a dissolution process. Hopefully, your local priest/RCIA director will be able to assist you. If they can’t, call the diocesan tribunal.

Dan
 
anp83 said:
Hello all, I am new to this forum and to the Catholic Church as well. A little back story, my husband and I are currently in the RCIA process to join the church, we have been married for 11 years and have 4 beautiful little boys. Neither my husband or I grew up Catholic, we were raised as luke warm Protestants at best. I was never baptized and my husband was but not in the Catholic Church. Recently my husband has felt drawn to the Catholic Church and while at first I was hesitant, I am now ready to join and want more than anything to join. There is one little hiccup, or two I should say. I’ve been married before, twice. my first marriage took place when I was 18 years old and it was to my high school sweetheart. Stupid stupid me. It didn’t last long and at 19 I left the marriage for another man, my second husband, that marriage only lasted a few months. Again, I look back on my past and all I can do is shake my head, pray for forgiveness , and feel such remorse for entering into the marriages in the first place and for the way they both ended, Adulterous behavior on my own part. I’m so afraid that my annulments won’t be granted that I can hardly function. What would happen to our family if they aren’t? I understand that my current marriage is not valid in the eyes of the church and that is so devastating to both my husband and I. We both want more than anything to make our marriage a sacramental one. Any comforting words or advice would be so appreciated.
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First of all, WELCOME HOME!

Secondly, I agree with Dan that you should speak to your parish priest. (Dan is a canon lawyer and provides excellent advice on matters such as the nullity process.) If you’ve never been baptized there a few different ways that this could play out and your parish priest can help determine what’s required. Both marriages will probably have to be examined, especially if a formal nullity trial is required. (If your first marriage is found invalid, then you were free to marry your second husband, and that marriage will need to be investigated.)

The nullity process can take some time but it can also be very rewarding. My husband received a declaration of nullity for his marriage to his first wife. There are many factors that can affect the validity of a marriage. Meanwhile, I suggest that you and your husband pray fervently and I will pray also for you.

In the event that you are not granted a declaration of nullity your parish priest can advise you of your options. Depending on your situation one option may be for you to live together as “brother and sister”. Your priest will be able to recommend a pastoral solution in keeping with Church teaching.
 
My current husband would undoubtedly seek an annulment for our marriage if the latter was the case. Which I would completely understand. This is heartbreaking…
 
CajunJoy is right: talk to your priest. He can answer questions and guide you through the process.

I’ve been involved in RCIA for some time and trust me, marriage issues come up all the time! You’re definitely not alone and your situation is not unique. Your priest has seen it all before and knows how to deal with things.

Prayers and best wishes as you continue on your faith journey.
 
anp83 said:
My current husband would undoubtedly seek an annulment for our marriage if the latter was the case. Which I would completely understand. This is heartbreaking…
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Don’t assume the worst! Don’t worry about something that may never happen. Trust that the same Spirit that has led you this far will continue to lead you.

Start by talking with your priest to see what your options are and how you should proceed. Then follow his instructions and get things started.
 
OP, do not worry about your past. We are all sinners. The good news is that Christ is eager to forgive us.

There are, as another poster noted, several possible solutions to your problem of having your current marriage blessed by the Church. The chances, I would bet, are very high that this can be solved, although it may take some time to accomplish.
 
Welcome home sweetheart!

I would say first of all. Breathe.

and be patient. That might be the hardest thing to do, but in the end, I pray with all my heart, it will be worth it. I’ve had people in RCIA for a few years waiting on this type of thing, and BOY oh boy, the day of their entering the church was such a joy for everyone - priests, parish and them. It was so exciting!

I’m not a canon lawyer. I don’t think there’s many here who are… but if you were never married in a church at all (justice of the peace? or on the beach, or Vegas, etc) there’s a possibility that it would not be considered a valid marriage, a civil one, perhaps, but not considered valid in the eyes of the church?
 
Were the previous unions with baptized parties? If not, you are in luck. Pauline privilege, lickety split.

Is your current significant other in his first union? That matters too.

In any case, provided his side is ok, you should feel very optimistic about your situation. It seems like a quick case. But you will have to talk to your pastor and diocese about this.
 
marlap2 said:
I’m not a canon lawyer. I don’t think there’s many here who are… but if you were never married in a church at all (justice of the peace? or on the beach, or Vegas, etc) there’s a possibility that it would not be considered a valid marriage, a civil one, perhaps, but not considered valid in the eyes of the church?
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Non-Catholics are not bound by Catholic marriage laws. A justice of the peace, on the beach, in Vegas, all might be perfectly valid marriages. This is why the OP needs to speak with her pastor or someone knowledgeable about canon law.
 
OP please talk to your pastor about both the nullity path AND the dissolution path-- Pauline or Petrine Privilege-- if you are still unbaptized.
 
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