Annulment of my Parents’ Marriage

[celisabethp17]

There’s something that has bothered me for a while.

I was raised Catholic and am thus still Catholic. My parents were divorced when I was a child as a result of adultery in my fathers part. The Catholic Church annulled my parents marriage and my father subsequently married the other woman a year or so later in the church.

I always believed that a marriage can only be annulled.if not consummated. In this situation, my brother and I exist, so clearly it was consummated. How would an annulment be granted in this case? I’m assuming some money or favors changed hands, but you never know.

Anyways, I’m interested in hearing your thoughts.

Thanks!

 

[Lou2U]

Why be so quick to assume something nefarious? Not consummating the marriage is one reason for an annulment to be granted.

Here’s a good article from Catholic Answers:

What Are Grounds for Annulment? | Catholic Answers Magazine

When a couple exchanges nuptial consent, either a valid marriage comes into existence at that moment or it does not. If it does not, it is because something necessary for a valid marriage is lacking. Some of these necessities are based in natural law; the Church’s authority imposes others. Either way, if even one thing is lacking, a marriage will be declared null.

Catholic canon law generally recognizes three areas in which a wedding may fail to bring about a valid marriage: lack of capacity, lack of consent, and lack of form. We will take a brief look at all three areas and point out some of the more common practical grounds a marriage tribunal may declare a marriage to be null. Of course, this is not an exhaustive treatment of the subject but it might be helpful for understanding annulments in the Catholic Church.

I notice either you or your sister asked this question back in 2007 and then again in 2008. Was the advice and links provided to you unhelpful then? I hate to think that all this time you’ve assumed your parents were granted an annulment because of a bribe.

This has obviously been upsetting you for a long time @celisabethp17. Have you talked to your Priest about it? Your parents?

 

[celisabethp17]

I don’t have a sister.

Anyways, my father was abusive to both my mother as well as myself and my brother. He is likely also abusive to his current wife. I no longer speak with him. I’m just trying to decide whether to stay in the Catholic Church.

I will take a look at the article you provided.

 

[Lou2U]

I’m sorry, I misread your post! I hope the article helps.

Please be at peace. Don’t assume something bad about the annulment when there is nothing to indicate what happened. Could you talk to your mother about it?

 

[Irishmom2]

I always believed that a marriage can only be annulled.if not consummated

This is not true.

And honestly, you would leave the Church because your parent’s marriage was granted an annulment?
It is wrong for you to assume that you know the full reason, or that you know every detail of your parents marriage. To assume that money or favors exchanged hand is wrong and a bit distasteful.

The best thing you can do is move on and not try to lay blame on anyone. If, after 18 years you are still bothered by this, I think you should make an appointment with your priest and discuss this.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I always believed that a marriage can only be annulled.if not consummated.

This is incorrect. There are a number of grounds on which a marriage can be annulled.

In this situation, my brother and I exist, so clearly it was consummated. How would an annulment be granted in this case? I’m assuming some money or favors changed hands, but you never know.

You’re jumping to a very biased conclusion based on your initial erroneous assumption.

Is it possible for you to simply ask your mother for the true facts of the situation? I realize that it might not be possible, but it would be the quickest way for you to learn what the actual basis was for the annulment.

If you can’t talk to your mother about this for some reason, then I would recommend you talk to your priest about it.

I also am not understanding why this would cause you to leave the Catholic Church. You state your father was abusive, so I would think you would be glad that you and your mother got out of the abuse situation and that the Church helped with that. I could understand more if you wanted to leave because the Church somehow didn’t annul the marriage, so you and your mother were stuck in the bad situation.

 

[celisabethp17]

I realize there are many reasons. After reading the article suggested by another replay it seems that my parents were married in an episcopal church which is probably what happened. I didn’t know that fact until recently.

There are more reasons than this. But it was something I was curious about. I don’t currently have a priest I trust that I can talk about things with. I appreciate your guidance.

 

[Irishmom2]

Is it possible for you to simply ask your mother for the true facts of the situation?

I don’t think that is really any of the OP’s business. No one has a right to know their parents private life. What happened was between the husband and wife. But I do agree she needs to talk to a priest to help accept what happened and to be able to move on.

 

[celisabethp17]

Well my mother didn’t want out, that was the main problem. Stockholm syndrome I guess. Ultimately it benefited me that the divorce and annulment happened. But being forced to be in my fathers subsequent wedding was traumatizing, esp since the same priest I had previously trusted presided over it. If I leave the Catholic Church I would be considering E Orthodox instead, I’m not abandoning my belief in God.

 

[celisabethp17]

Unfortunately I’ve learned way more than I ever want to know about their marriage and my fathers personal life.

 

[Irishmom2]

Just let it go then.

 

[1ke]

The Catholic Church annulled my parents marriage

Actually, the Church cannot annul a marriage. Meaning, make it null. The Church examines the evidence to determine whether a valid marriage took place or not when the vows were exchanged. If the tribunal finds that no valid marriage occurred, it issues a declaration of nullity. This is a finding of fact about the state of a marriage, not an act of the Church that makes the marriage null.

I always believed that a marriage can only be annulled.if not consummated.

I think you are confusing a declaration of nullity with a dissolution of the bond.

How would an annulment be granted in this case? I

You would have to ask your parents on what grounds your father petitioned for a decree of nullity and what the facts were in the case. We cannot tell you this. And, your parents may not be willing to talk about it.

I’m assuming some money or favors changed hands, but you never know.

If you are accusing the Church of something, you are barking up the wrong tree.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I don’t think that is really any of the OP’s business. No one has a right to know their parents private life. What happened was between the husband and wife.

That’s why I asked “is it possible”.

Arguably, she has some right to know as the situation affected her very significantly. But I realize that some mothers might not want to talk about it because it’s too painful to remember, or might feel as you do that it’s not something to be shared with the children.

On the other hand, some mothers would be willing to tell an adult child enough of what happened so that they’d understand why the parents got the annulment. Especially if this is troubling the child to the point of their considering leaving the Church. I know my own mother would have pretty much done anything to keep me from leaving the Church.

We should not assume that every person on earth feels the same way about what they do and don’t tell their kids. Also, it’s not a horrible crime to ask your parent these questions when it’s something that affected the whole family. If the parent says “I don’t want to talk about it” or “It’s better off not discussed” then one must accept that answer, but it’s not like the child, an immediate member of the family whose life is profoundly changed when its parents split up, commits a horrible breach of privacy by asking.

 

[celisabethp17]

I don’t feel I can trust the Church. So I let the church go? That’s where I’m at. I guess I don’t really know what I’m looking to find here but I appreciate your replies.

 

[1ke]

Not consummating the marriage is one reason for an annulment to be granted.

Actually, not a decree of nullity but rather a dissolution of the bond in such a case.

 

[Irishmom2]

I think you need to examine your reasons for not trusting the Church, and see if there is any merit to your feelings. You can discuss this with a different priest or a Catholic counselor. No, I do not think you should let the Church go. Let the “involvement” with your parents marriage go, and then maybe you will find some peace.

 

[1ke]

I don’t feel I can trust the Church.

You have zero facts about what happened with your parents’ marriage and yet you can’t trust the Church. That seems a bit disingenuous to me.

I understand you are carrying this around for some reason, I don’t know why.

If your parents were Catholic (or one of them was) and they married outside the Church without the proper dispensation – as you indicate they were married in an Episcopal church-- then the marriage was NOT valid. Nothing nefarious or underhanded about it. It is simply a fact that they didn’t marry validly if that is how they married.

Which would be why your parents received a declaration of freedom to marry. Because they were never validly married.

 

[celisabethp17]

I have a lot of facts about their marriage but they’re very private and not something I want to discuss on the internet with all of you. I was raised being told a lot of things about the church which aren’t true. I’m here trying to sift through what is and isn’t true, so I can decide whether to stay or not.

 

[Irishmom2]

Oh, I know some parents are all too willing to discuss things. But that isn’t always the best course of action. It becomes a burden they do not need to bear.

I also think that since this marriage was dissolved so long ago, that if the mom had wanted to go into detail, she would have probably done so already. So I am thinking the mom is not comfortable with disclosing anything.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I see, so it sounds like the issue is more that the Church then remarried your dad and you were forced to be a part of this. I can see that being very upsetting.

However, after the annulment your dad did have a right to remarry in the Church, and your dad was likely the one in control of who was going to be in his wedding. The Church doesn’t have any control over that, and since you gritted your teeth and went along with it, the priest probably presumed you were accepting of the situation.

I don’t think you can or should blame the Catholic Church for the fact that your parents’ marriage was annulled and that your dad was abusive. I also doubt that anything shady happened with respect to your parents’ annulment, so if you are looking to “get something” on the Church, there simply isn’t anything.

Sometimes we just have to accept the things we can’t control, such as the parents we get and their issues and behaviors. It is what it is. You are free to live your own life in a different and better way. I don’t see how joining a different church because you’re unreasonably mad at/ blaming the first church is going to help. Just my opinion. God bless and I hope you find peace with this issue.