Annulment Process - Does Anyone Else Have Same Feelings

  • Thread starter Thread starter knail
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

knail

Guest
I am currently going through the annulment process in our local diocese and was told yesterday that it takes about 3 years!
I am frustrated because I feel that the Church and the time period it takes the local diocese is alienating Catholics and non Catholics from the church with an unreasonable time frame after all God does not deal in time.
I need help because I want to do the right thing but I am really struggling with this issue.
 
I totally agree with you.

Take heart my friend. All things will be done in time.
 
3 years! :eek:

I received my annulment about 13 months after I submitted my petition. When I did, I was told it generally takes 18 to 24 months. It sounds to me like someone is giving you a worst-case time line.

Are you in a hurry? It takes time to recover from a failed attempt at marriage. Take some time and learn to live life as a single person again. You will make a better spouse that way.

As for the last sentence, that really does not apply. God’s time is not your time or the Church’s time. The Church is composed of people. As for discouraging some people, I would say it really only discourages the lazy and the impatient. Besides, the occasional phone call to the tribunal will help make sure your case is not “lost”.

Finally, it is important to remember that being granted an annulment is not guaranteed. An annulment is not a “Catholic divorce”. Not at all, it is an investigation as to whether the sacrament of matrimony actually took place. That requires gathering testimony, evaluating it, and, yes, a trial (you will not be there for that). Tribunals regularly determine that marriages were valid and do not grant an annulment. Marriage is supposed to be permanent.

Speaking as a divorced man, people should not complain when they treat marriage in the cavalier manner modern society does. The Church will not change, marriage is for life. It is up to you to provide evidence to the tribunal and it is they who will determine whether your marriage was valid.

That is why priests and religious, and most faithful lay people would suggest that until you have your annulment, you should not date. For example, Ave Maria Singles, an internet dating site known for promoting authentic Catholic teachings, discourages those who do not have an annulment from joining until they actually receive it.

Take the time and learn to be yourself again.
 
knail said:
I am currently going through the annulment process in our local diocese and was told yesterday that it takes about 3 years!
I am frustrated because I feel that the Church and the time period it takes the local diocese is alienating Catholics and non Catholics from the church with an unreasonable time frame after all God does not deal in time.
I need help because I want to do the right thing but I am really struggling with this issue.
Click to expand...
I know you are just venting, but let me give you some alternative food for thought:

I think that you need to take a step back and realize that the Church offering anyone and everyone who petitions the opportunity to have their marriage examined to determine whether or not it might be null is a great **MERCY **on the part of the Church.

You are acting like you are **entitled **to get a decree of nullity. You aren’t. The Church, because it has compassion, tries to give people the opportunity to have a decree so they are canonically free to pursue marriage (or a vocation to the priesthood or religious life).

If the Church weren’t providing this service for you-- you would be bound by your marriage until you or your spouse died and that would be that.

So, instead of complaining that they aren’t going fast enough to suit you, I think you should get down on your knees and say “thank you” that the Church even takes this task up with all the other more important things going on in the world-- like starving children.

The money the dioceses across the world spend on running a tribunal could be spent elsewhere. But, the Church wants to extend mercy and help to as many as She can. And so diocese have understaffed and overworked tribunals who will take your case. If it takes 3 years, you should be grateful it wasn’t 30, or never.

You should do the right thing for love of God. You are not free to marry until such time as the Church has had the opportunity to evaluate your situation. And, you should prepare yourself spiritually for the possibility that your marriage will be found valid, in which case you will need to “do the right thing” for many years to come.
 
That’s funny, I was on the phone with the Tribunal at my old diocese last week and I was told that even though I don’t have the money, it should not be a barrier to stop the process and then he said that the annulment process typically takes from 9 to 13 months! He stressed the 9 months more than anything, so I’m thinking typical non-problematic annulments take approximately 9 months. I guess I’ll see once I submit the paperwork, but that might take a while because for these next few months I have a legal problem I’m trying to work out.

I was actually expecting him to say up to 3 years because I’ve heard that before here on CA Forums, but he said 9 months - which made me feel a bit better. To me, though, it doesn’t matter how long it takes or if they even approve it, but at least I’m trying to get it done. I don’t plan on remarrying or dating again, and haven’t for about 8 years, so it doens’t matter to me but I’m concerned for my ex’s soul, which is why I’m pursuing it.

Perhaps it’s because each diocese is different and some may be short on resources and are spread thin in that department?

God Bless,
Snert
 
frustrated because I feel that the Church and the time period it takes the local diocese is alienating Catholics and non Catholics from the church with an unreasonable time frame after all God does not deal in time.
I need help because I want to do the right thing but I am really struggling with this issue.
Click to expand...
Frustrated…alienating…unreasonable…struggling…

Interesting word choices.

It’s funny that people want to hurry into a marriage,and then are surprised when it fails. They want the Church to hurry so what? They can repeat the pattern.

My annulment took 2 years. I’d rather they be careful and get it right than rush it through and make a wrong decision.

During that time one needs to follow the advice of the other posters. It’s a time of grace to get off the fast track emotionally and spiritually, to heal from the devastation of the marriage and to discern ones own goals and aims in life. That can’t be done with another person in the picture where we are altering our needs and desires to be available and pleasing to someone else.

The kind of person you are now, and who you are now may be very different than the person you will be after three years of prayerful patience as God uses HIS own time to make you who He wants you to be.

At the end of those three years, even in a worst case scenario, you will be a very different person and attract very different people than the impatient person who is rebelling against rules and authority and thinks everyone else is unreasonable. At this point, you will attract other frustrated alienating unreasonable struggling people. Do you really want that?

By now you know marriage is way too serious to rush into. What’s the rush to date? Take a breath. Regroup. Whatever you have been doing up till now has not worked. Time to work on God’s timetable, not yours. Time to surrender to HIS will, not yours.

Good luck. Find peace. You’ll attract peaceful people if you do.
 
Mankind waited patiently for hundreds if not thousands of years for Jesus to come.

For the last 2,000 years Christendom has waited patiently for Him to come again.

And you think three years is a long time? Time was when most ALL civil divorces required a separation period of at least two years or so - meaning it’d be around the three-year mark before the divorce became final.

Why are we all in such a rush?
 
It must be very trying! I am not married, but three years seems to be great in comparison to Italy who for some cannot get the divorce decree until 8-10 years pass. Impossible. Then they have to go through the process of the annulment which could take another five years. An Australian woman from another Catholic site was agitated about the very same thing, and I believe it could have been as lengthy as ten years, too. Woo!

So if in the states, it is only 6 months-2years for a legal divorce, and another1.5-3 years for the annulment, I consider it the best I have heard so far.
 
Jacob worked for fourteen years to get the spouse he wanted!
 
Just thought I would ask… do you have to have the actual divorce completed before you start the annulment process? I have been “legally separated” for almost 7 years now and just haven’t felt the need to spend the money on a divorce yet (I don’t date). The only reason I would need to move on it sometime is because I feel a call to the religious life. I have a lot of time yet, one of the reasons being my children are still at home and dependent.

I was told years ago that the priest who married us had doubts before our marriage and would support me with the application. There was also ample reason for the separation so I should have no problem being granted the annulment.
 
If you are sure the priest will live forever… well, maybe you have forever.

At least get a certified letter from him if you want to continue as things are. One of the reasons they tell people not to wait forever to apply for an annulment… witnesses disappear, move, die…forget…
 
That’s true. I will have to put a higher priority on it. It’s the $$ that has been the challenge being a single mother without support. Thanks for the reply.
 
TeresaAnn said:
Just thought I would ask… do you have to have the actual divorce completed before you start the annulment process? I have been “legally separated” for almost 7 years now and just haven’t felt the need to spend the money on a divorce yet (I don’t date). The only reason I would need to move on it sometime is because I feel a call to the religious life. I have a lot of time yet, one of the reasons being my children are still at home and dependent.

I was told years ago that the priest who married us had doubts before our marriage and would support me with the application. There was also ample reason for the separation so I should have no problem being granted the annulment.
Click to expand...
Yes, you need to get a divorce first before an annulment. Been there done that! :o
 
Three years does seem like along time to get a verdict from the church. I believe a document was put out during John Paul 2’s reign that the tribunals should make an effort to speed things up while maintaining the proper defense of marriage.

EDIT

Actually I think it was actually Benedict XVI who addressed the canon lawyers and Roman Rota with that advice.
 
Don’t despair! It is worth waiting for. Ours took about 6 months and that seemed like forever because we had to live as brother and sister during the time.
I think they were giving you a worse-case scenario because the tribunal had told us to give it about a year or 18 months, and then it was a lot quicker than we thought.
Use this time wisely to reflect on marriage and what it means in the Church. That helped us out tremendously.
 
Mine did take three years, for which I am very grateful. It was a time of great growth and healing.
 
My husband’s took 1 month, but since we had trouble finding the necessary documentation it caused my Sacraments to be delayed an extra year. I am thankful for the extra time for preparation, although it was difficult at the time. I appreciate what I have now.
 
1ke said:
I know you are just venting, but let me give you some alternative food for thought:

I think that you need to take a step back and realize that the Church offering anyone and everyone who petitions the opportunity to have their marriage examined to determine whether or not it might be null is a great **MERCY **on the part of the Church.

You are acting like you are **entitled **to get a decree of nullity. You aren’t. The Church, because it has compassion, tries to give people the opportunity to have a decree so they are canonically free to pursue marriage (or a vocation to the priesthood or religious life).

If the Church weren’t providing this service for you-- you would be bound by your marriage until you or your spouse died and that would be that.

So, instead of complaining that they aren’t going fast enough to suit you, I think you should get down on your knees and say “thank you” that the Church even takes this task up with all the other more important things going on in the world-- like starving children.

The money the dioceses across the world spend on running a tribunal could be spent elsewhere. But, the Church wants to extend mercy and help to as many as She can. And so diocese have understaffed and overworked tribunals who will take your case. If it takes 3 years, you should be grateful it wasn’t 30, or never.

You should do the right thing for love of God. You are not free to marry until such time as the Church has had the opportunity to evaluate your situation. And, you should prepare yourself spiritually for the possibility that your marriage will be found valid, in which case you will need to “do the right thing” for many years to come.
Click to expand...
This is a bit harsh IMO. The person is just a little frustrated. It happens. The OP didn’t say that “not fast enough to suit you” and “you feel you’re entitled” and “you should get down on your knees!” is over the top! Relax!🤷
 
kimbaichan said:
Jacob worked for fourteen years to get the spouse he wanted!
Click to expand...
Not everybody wants to be like Jacob! Abraham waited until he was like 90 years old to have kids, but I wouldn’t want that! And John the Baptist ate grasshoppers but no thank yuh! Apples and oranges…😉
 
gurneyhalleck1 said:
Not everybody wants to be like Jacob! Abraham waited until he was like 90 years old to have kids, but I wouldn’t want that! And John the Baptist ate grasshoppers but no thank yuh! Apples and oranges…😉
Click to expand...
Jacob didn’t necessarily “want” his situation; nor did Abraham or John the Baptist likely have their eventual paths in life outlined on some “to do” list before they unfolded.

It was what God chose for them, however . . . and in love, faith and obedience, they followed His will.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top