Annulment process possibly frustrating\hurful

[henryg]

I was married to my wife for 7 years, and recently divorced.

Without going into the details, the many reason for the issues within the marriage was a personality disorder…

I am answering the questions, and I need to fill out a section on her family. Over the years I was provided with information from her family about situations that arose even after divorce. I need to provide this information in the paper, information that is unknown to her. She will have a chance to read the things I share in my paperwork. Providing this information, I am not only betraying the trust in others and possible information information that will hurt her emotionally.

How is the annulment process fair to anyone in this regard? The is not in physical not knowing this information but may send her back to counseling and push her further away from people she probably needs in life. Not sharing this information hurts my chance for having the annulment granted.

 

[1ke]

I am answering the questions, and I need to fill out a section on her family. Over the years I was provided with information from her family about situations that arose even after divorce. I need to provide this information in the paper, information that is unknown to her. She will have a chance to read the things I share in my paperwork. Providing this information, I am not only betraying the trust in others and possible information information that will hurt her emotionally.

This is something to discuss with both your advocate and the family members who told you the information. You do not say if they asked for confidentiality or if that is merely an assumption on your part.

How is the annulment process fair to anyone in this regard?

A decree of nullity must be based on evidence. Producing evidence is neither “fair” nor “unfair”. It simply is.

The is not in physical not knowing this information but may send her back to counseling and push her further away from people she probably needs in life. Not sharing this information hurts my chance for having the annulment granted.

I’m sure that’s difficult. I suggest that you talk to your advocate about options and reach out to her family members if you are on good terms.

 

[henryg]

I have reached out to my advocate that they said I need to share the information, just as it is.

I have little communication with my ex(it was an abusive situation to the very end), and I never formed a good relationship with you family. I also wanted to be she would not allow it.

When I talked to a counselor whom my wife and I both spoke to, I was told it was best I do not reach out to her family. Although the understand the situation.

Some of her family demographics are what lead to issues within the marriage, from childhood.

 

[1ke]

I have reached out to my advocate that they said I need to share the information, just as it is.

I have little communication with my ex(it was an abusive situation to the very end), and I never formed a good relationship with you family. I also wanted to be she would not allow it.

When I talked to a counselor whom my wife and I both spoke to, I was told it was best I do not reach out to her family. Although the understand the situation.

Some of her family demographics are what lead to issues within the marriage, from childhood.

Then I would talk MORE with my advocate and follow their advice. I would not have any contact with her or her family and let everything go through the tribunal.

 

[EvelynEVF]

When I looked into confidential testimony, I was told that it is valued much less because it can’t necessarily be corroborated, nor can the respondent counter it. If you have more than one witness that can discuss these issues, perhaps they could confidentially corroborate each other and leave you out of it.

 

[Eliza10]

I hope this isn’t trite - I don’t mean it to be - but the often times the truth hurts. Reality can hurt. You can’t change that. However, I always remember that the truth sets you free in the end. It always seems to work that way; it always has in all the cases I have noticed, even when the truth at first was awfully hard to bear. So hopefully this would be true in this case for your ex-wife too.

 

[Rau]

I hope this isn’t trite - I don’t mean it to be - but the often times the truth hurts. Reality can hurt.

This is true in many spheres. How far can we go in being refused or being expected not to say something (truthful and with good intention) because it might upset another person?

 

[EvelynEVF]

Truth is important, but we’re talking about a person with a personality disorder here! That means Borderline, Narcissist, Antisocial territory. Keeping hard truth from them is sometimes as much about self-preservation as being kind.

 

[Eliza10]

This is true in many spheres. How far can we go in being refused or being expected not to say something (truthful and with good intention) because it might upset another person?

I think people have a right to be upset by a truth they don’t like. Its okay for them to experience their natural reaction. Which also might be denial. I don’t like to hurt feelings, either. But most often in important matters I go with “the truth will set you free”. Because after the initial reaction of denial or anger, the truth can do its work. Also, if you don’t tell people how they offended you, then they don’t learn, and they go commit the offense on someone else. If you say the truth, it might make her think twice before she repeats it in the future. Or, someone else will later tell her the same thing, and she will think, “I have heard that before…”…

Of course if she is a narcissist she is just manipulating everything. I feel more “right” stating the truth, but I don’t expect it to change a narcissist.

It is confusing addressing this when its so vague. If you want better advice from people perhaps you could make up a fake scenario somewhat related to the real one, to give us some direction for replies. Or give us a hint that does not include detail.

 

[Rau]

It is confusing addressing this when its so vague. If you want better advice from people perhaps you could make up a fake scenario somewhat related to the real one, to give us some direction for replies. Or give us a hint that does not include detail.

My question was purely rhetorical. I am reminded of the direction of anti-discrimination laws which in some jurisdictions threaten to outlaw speech because it might “offend” someone. I don’t think this strikes the right balance.