Annulment Questionnaire: Succint or verbose?

[AnotherChance]

I have read information on this forum and elsewhere that people wrote enormous amounts of information for their annulment questionnaires. One person said they wrote 30 pages. Another person said theirs was sent back for more detail. I have never heard anyone say that they had too much information.

With this in mind, my first draft of my answers was very long and detailed. When my priest read it over, he said it was way too much and I just needed to give very simple answers–one or two sentences for each question. Now I am going back and severely editing everything and cutting it down to the bare bones.

Has anyone had experience with this? I will follow what the priest says, but it is the only time I have heard that less information should be given instead of more. Perhaps it is a unique situation in this diocese?

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

I’m the one who wrote a whole lot of pages, but it was my narrative, not a questionaire, so I’m not sure what referring to…are you a petitioner or respondent? Someone I know who is a respondent had to do 13 pages of questionaire…and that person wrote a lot, even added additional pages to reference his answers, and the priest congratulated him on his thoroughness.

Every resource and priest I’ve communicated with has told me the more information I give them, the better. Otherwise, they have to send back requests for more information, delaying the process…in my case they STILL came back with a question regarding my ex’s previous marriages, but then I hadn’t covered that in my narrative much because I wasn’t thinking that was going to factor in…

So that’s my experience…

 

[AnotherChance]

I’m the one who wrote a whole lot of pages, but it was my narrative, not a questionaire, so I’m not sure what referring to…are you a petitioner or respondent? Someone I know who is a respondent had to do 13 pages of questionaire…and that person wrote a lot, even added additional pages to reference his answers, and the priest congratulated him on his thoroughness.

Every resource and priest I’ve communicated with has told me the more information I give them, the better. Otherwise, they have to send back requests for more information, delaying the process…in my case they STILL came back with a question regarding my ex’s previous marriages, but then I hadn’t covered that in my narrative much because I wasn’t thinking that was going to factor in…

So that’s my experience…

I am the petitioner. The part I am calling a “questionnaire” is really the “Resume of the Marital Relationship”. I think it is the same thing as the narrative you refer to, since there is nothing else called the narrative. It contains 35 questions, some of which have to be answered twice (once in reference to myself and once in reference to my former spouse). I had 8 pages just on questions 1-16, until I went to review it with the priest. Now I am trying to cut it down.

For example, one question says “Description of your childhood up to age 18? Were most memories happy Any significant problems in your life to age 18?” I had gone into some detail about my brother’s murder and my hospitalization due to anorexia, etc. The priest said just to mention that these things had happened, but not go into any detail.

He also said that it was probably not significant that my husband was high on marijuana on the day of the wedding, since he smoked pot every day and thus was habituated to its effects. So he said I didn’t have to mention that either. I am still going to mention it, because I think marijuana does impair judgment, even if you use it all of the time.

I am going to trust the priest, but keep my original very detailed responses, in case more information is requested.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Hopefully you have the long version printed out or saved. That way if it turns out you need to elaborate on your answers it will already be done.

 

[dulcissima]

I wrote 45 pages and my priest, who is a canon lawyer, said it was excellent. He said too many people just write a couple of pages and it is not nearly enough information to go by.

I probably really did write more than what was needed, but I also just wanted to purge myself of everything and get it all out there.

I think a lot of times the small details are what paint the real picture. I would encourage you to write as much as you feel compelled to write.

I have already gotten back my first affirmative decision, by the way.

 

[lizaanne]

I certainly do not want to contradict what your priest has instructed you to do, but you did ask for opinions, so here is mine.

He’s wrong.

Give them as much detail and information as you can. The document even says - this is a “written interview”. You have to remember that they will not have an opportunity to ask you to clarify anything you write, so write it clearly and concisely the first time.

They are making an extremely important and life impacting decision BASED ENTIRELY ON WHAT YOU TELL THEM! So why in the world would you want to short change that exercise??!!

I wrote over 20+ pages for my petition - typed. Everything I thought was important I included - if they wanted to read it or not, it was there for THEM to make the decision.

I certainly do hope you saved the long version somewhere. This is not a resume for a job that you keep to one page - this is the rest of your life you are talking about. It’s important - and if YOU feel it was important enough to right down then it’s important enough to tell the Tribunal.

I’m a bit miffed actually that anyone would tell you to shorten up your petition. I think that is extremely poor advice.

~Liza

 

[AnotherChance]

I certainly do not want to contradict what your priest has instructed you to do, but you did ask for opinions, so here is mine.

He’s wrong.

Give them as much detail and information as you can. The document even says - this is a “written interview”. You have to remember that they will not have an opportunity to ask you to clarify anything you write, so write it clearly and concisely the first time.

They are making an extremely important and life impacting decision BASED ENTIRELY ON WHAT YOU TELL THEM! So why in the world would you want to short change that exercise??!!

I wrote over 20+ pages for my petition - typed. Everything I thought was important I included - if they wanted to read it or not, it was there for THEM to make the decision.

I certainly do hope you saved the long version somewhere. This is not a resume for a job that you keep to one page - this is the rest of your life you are talking about. It’s important - and if YOU feel it was important enough to right down then it’s important enough to tell the Tribunal.

I’m a bit miffed actually that anyone would tell you to shorten up your petition. I think that is extremely poor advice.

~Liza

OK, I kind of thought that, but I am pretty conflicted. He asked me to drop it off for him to read over after I edited it. Then I think he has to sign it. So if I go against his advice, I am not sure how it will go.

Like someone else said, I am sure some people don’t write very much. So perhaps he is going by what he has seen other people do in the past? I type very fast and it’s not hard for me to go into detail. It was also a very healing and purging experience that made me realize why I did make such foolish decisions! In fact, after I wrote the first draft I felt like I was a pretty lousy person!

 

[lizaanne]

OK, I kind of thought that, but I am pretty conflicted. He asked me to drop it off for him to read over after I edited it. Then I think he has to sign it. So if I go against his advice, I am not sure how it will go.

Like someone else said, I am sure some people don’t write very much. So perhaps he is going by what he has seen other people do in the past? I type very fast and it’s not hard for me to go into detail. It was also a very healing and purging experience that made me realize why I did make such foolish decisions! In fact, after I wrote the first draft I felt like I was a pretty lousy person!

If you tell him - well Father, I really thought that what I have to say about this is important, and I don’t want to leave out what I feel are relevant details. I can’t imagine he will still tell you to shorten it up. I’m sure it’s not as if he’s asking you to hide something.

I just can’t imagine what he’s trying to accomplish with short answers to such a very big question - whether or not a marriage is valid??

~Liza

 

[funnyyetsavvy]

The drug use on the day of the wedding would be a very important thing to talk about…he was impaired!

I would just ask him to submit it as is and explain that you feel it could all be relevant…

 

[shajek74]

Background: My dh and I were married four years ago in a civil ceremony and neither on of us had petitioned for an annulment. He had fallen away from the church because of a certain person influencing him and filling him full of bologna regarding the Church. It took me four long years of praying for him to come around and realize that we were sinning terribly and needed to fix things.

We met with our priest and started the process in March. Both of our petitions (very detailed and long) were submitted by Fr. to the Tribunal on April 10, 2008. He had his hearing with the Tribunal on June 20th and I had mine on June 27th. We both received our first affirmitave decision shortly after our hearings and await the second. It took a short amount of time to get to this point compared to the 12-18 months that we were told to expect.

My experience is more is better so the Tribunal is able to get a complete picture of everything. However, you are working with your priest so you should do as he asks. As another poster stated, SAVE YOUR ORIGINAL DRAFT and if the Tribunal needs it you are ready on a moments notice. I am praying for you!

 

[AnotherChance]

Background: My dh and I were married four years ago in a civil ceremony and neither on of us had petitioned for an annulment. He had fallen away from the church because of a certain person influencing him and filling him full of bologna regarding the Church. It took me four long years of praying for him to come around and realize that we were sinning terribly and needed to fix things.

We met with our priest and started the process in March. Both of our petitions (very detailed and long) were submitted by Fr. to the Tribunal on April 10, 2008. He had his hearing with the Tribunal on June 20th and I had mine on June 27th. We both received our first affirmitave decision shortly after our hearings and await the second. It took a short amount of time to get to this point compared to the 12-18 months that we were told to expect.

My experience is more is better so the Tribunal is able to get a complete picture of everything. However, you are working with your priest so you should do as he asks. As another poster stated, SAVE YOUR ORIGINAL DRAFT and if the Tribunal needs it you are ready on a moments notice. I am praying for you!

Thanks for your prayers. I can use them! I actually started the process back in February, but have kind of gotten stuck in this “resume” part.

I have appreciated all of the responses. I think what I will do is take a sort of middle ground and make it shorter than it was, but still elaborate a bit where I feel it is necessary.

Having to get an annulment was what kept us away from the Catholic Church for years. My current husband was baptized Catholic, but I just assumed that getting an annulment would be an insurmountable obstacle.

I finally took the plunge and met with the priest early this year. I told the priest that my former husband left us to join a New Age doosday cult, that I was pregnant and he was on drugs when we got married, etc. ,etc. he said we had a very good case. My former husband let my current husband adopt our child. So I am trying to do this for the sake of all of our children. I know it is best for them to be raised in the Catholic Church, and I know God wants me there too. It just seems like such a difficult process right now. I know I will really appreciate it when I am welcomed into the Church (if the annulment goes through.)

 

[Liberanosamalo]

I got the same advice from a priest who worked on the tribunal in my diocese: the more information you give, the better and more accurate the decision the tribunal can render. I had a friend who was told by the priest handling hers to just give the bare facts. Hers was stalled and she eventually had to restart the process with another priest.

My 35 questions translated to 123 pages of answers. Some sections had pages of answers… like detailing abuse.

I got my decree of nullity.

I’m with those who say write as much as you can (and smile and tell father it will be less work for him in the future if they don’t have to keep sending it back and forth for clarification.)

Keep the long answers in case you need them. But I’d try to be as thorough as possible. The details of your brother’s death may not be as important as the drug abuse of the xh. Someone who shows up for his own wedding who is not completely sober probably invalidated the consent. It’s not for the priest to decide how impaired he was. Let the experts decide that. It certainly relates to a pattern of drug abuse predating the wedding and on the day, implying a lack of discretion and a lack of consent. I mean, you’re not even allowed to drive a car in that situation! Why would anyone think you have the judgment to get married!

Good luck!