annulment questions

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kitka676

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Okay I wasn’t quite sure where to post this… But I am beginning RCIA in the fall and I’ve been advised to start the annulment process now, (I was married when I was 18 so that my husband could get financial aid for college he was physically and emotionally abusive so I divorced him after a year, and we had no children). I have never re-married and I don’t have any plans to do so any time soon, (I’m 30 now).
There are problems though, since he was abusive and my life spiraled out of control for a long time I have no information on him, I don’t have his SSN, Birth date, I don’t know anyone who knows where he is, the last address that I have for him is from about 12 years ago, I don’t have our marriage certificate or divorce papers,etc. Seriously nothing and his name is beyond common, the only way it could be more common is if it were John Smith…
I have been advised that if I cannot secure the annulment by getting in touch with him, (eep he left me for freaking dead once um even if I could contact him I don’t feel like it would be safe for ME to do so, for the church to do so sure but I don’t want him to know anything about me now), that I will not be allowed to be baptized, first off is this correct? second off does anyone have any advice for me?
thanks for reading my long post…
 
As far as I know there should not be an impediment to your being baptized, since you’re not remarried.

You’ll need to get your marriage certificate and divorce documents; you can get these at the courthouse/hall of records where you filed them at the time. (You will probably need these later in life, so you should have copies of them anyway.)

I know when I got my annulment, my ex had the choice of being involved or not. He was kind enough (seriously) to answer the historical questionnaire but did not want to be otherwise involved, and that was fine with the Tribunal. You will need to find witnesses – people who knew you, preferably both of you, during your marriage. But (again, as far as I know), not being able to find him shouldn’t result in an automatic denial of your petition.

You should go talk to your priest and see what he thinks your best next step is.

Good luck!

Francesca
 
I don’t have personal experience but I’m praying for you . You will not have to have direct contact with him. You will need to find those documents and have some witnesses to provide evidence for the tribunal . Start working on those things as soon as possible. I know its daunting but have faith . You will probably be able to proceed with entering the church but you will have to understand that unless this first marriage is declared null you will not be able to date and marry anyone else.
 
kitka676 said:
Okay I wasn’t quite sure where to post this… But I am beginning RCIA in the fall and I’ve been advised to start the annulment process now, (I was married when I was 18 so that my husband could get financial aid for college he was physically and emotionally abusive so I divorced him after a year, and we had no children). I have never re-married and I don’t have any plans to do so any time soon, (I’m 30 now).
There are problems though, since he was abusive and my life spiraled out of control for a long time I have no information on him, I don’t have his SSN, Birth date, I don’t know anyone who knows where he is, the last address that I have for him is from about 12 years ago, I don’t have our marriage certificate or divorce papers,etc. Seriously nothing and his name is beyond common, the only way it could be more common is if it were John Smith…
I have been advised that if I cannot secure the annulment by getting in touch with him, (eep he left me for freaking dead once um even if I could contact him I don’t feel like it would be safe for ME to do so, for the church to do so sure but I don’t want him to know anything about me now), that I will not be allowed to be baptized, first off is this correct? second off does anyone have any advice for me?
thanks for reading my long post…
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First to make sure I understand, you are NOT Baptized?

You have never re-married and do not intend to?

If this is the case it is not an impediment to you becoming a Catechumen or being Baptized.
 
If you definitely have decided to never seek another marriage, then talk with your pastor. You should not be prevented from being received into the Church.

But be aware that you can’t even date, because in the eyes of the Church, you are still married, unless and until your marriage is declared invalid by the Church (a diocesan Tribunal).

You are still so young, and may want to marry in the future. On the surface (from what you’ve shared with us) there seems to be grounds for a declaration of nullity. But what if it isn’t granted? Are you sure you want to embrace Catholicism, knowing you couldn’t re-marry? It would be prudent for you to resolve this issue prior to joining the Catholic Church.

You can obtain copies of your marriage certificate and divorce papers. As for your ex’s address, at least you have an address from 12 years ago – perhaps you can find his parents’ address? Call your diocesan Tribunal Office (or judicial vicar) for more advice on this.
 
Br.Rich_SFO said:
First to make sure I understand, you are NOT Baptized?

You have never re-married and do not intend to?

If this is the case it is not an impediment to you becoming a Catechumen or being Baptized.
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Br. Rich, if she is not baptized, wouldn’t it also be possible for the Bishop to dissolve her previous marriage using the Pauline privilege?

God Bless
 
bilop said:
Br. Rich, if she is not baptized, wouldn’t it also be possible for the Bishop to dissolve her previous marriage using the Pauline privilege?

God Bless
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If she were intending to enter a Marriage with a Catholic AND her previous husband was also NOT Baptized.
 
First, you absolutely can be baptized and enter the Church. Divorce is not an impediment, only if you had remarried would there be an issue. DO NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

Second, if you petition for a decree of nullity, simply provide the marriage/divorce info (which you can get from the county clerk in the place where you married/divorced) to the diocese and give them the info you have on your ex even if it’s from 12 years ago. DO NOT contact him. You do not need to have ANY contact with him, nor should you have any direct contact with him. The Tribunal will send paperwork, which he can respond to or not. Even if he doesn’t respond, you can still seek a decree of nullity.

And, since you are unbaptized, you can apply for either the Pauline Privilege or Petrine Privilege for dissolution of the bond if you want to marry a Catholic (depending on your ex’s baptismal status).

I suggest you get the book Annulment: The Wedding That Was by Michael Smith Foster. It will help you understand all this.

Meanwhile, talk to someone knowledgeable in canon law at your diocese if you get any pushback on being baptized.
 
thank you so much for the info everyone :)I was feeling very nervous and disheartened by the whole thing but now am comforted and resolved 🙂
 
kitka676 said:
…
I have been advised that if I cannot secure the annulment by getting in touch with him, (eep he left me for freaking dead once um even if I could contact him I don’t feel like it would be safe for ME to do so, for the church to do so sure but I don’t want him to know anything about me now), that I will not be allowed to be baptized, first off is this correct? second off does anyone have any advice for me?
thanks for reading my long post…
Click to expand...
been advised by whom? if not the priest who is preparing you for RCIA or the marriage tribunal, ask more questions–not of strangers, not of others who have had annulemnts, not the parish secretary. go to the source and get the proper info because this is simply not true.
 
puzzleannie said:
been advised by whom? if not the priest who is preparing you for RCIA or the marriage tribunal, ask more questions–not of strangers, not of others who have had annulemnts, not the parish secretary. go to the source and get the proper info because this is simply not true.
Click to expand...
Actually this was by the person who is teaching the RCIA class…
 
kitka676 said:
Actually this was by the person who is teaching the RCIA class…
Click to expand...
Talk about this **only **with your priest.

The person running RCIA, unfortunately, does not know what they are talking about. They shouldn’t be giving out information, because it’s misinformation. This is NOT their area of expertise. They have not been trained in Church marriage law.
 
1ke said:
Talk about this **only **with your priest.

The person running RCIA, unfortunately, does not know what they are talking about. They shouldn’t be giving out information, because it’s misinformation. This is NOT their area of expertise. They have not been trained in Church marriage law.
Click to expand...
thank you 🙂
 
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