Annulment

[krmtaylor]

Hello!

I realize there are likely dozens, if not hundreds, of threads on annulments on this forum already, but I feel my situation is unique enough to warrant a new thread.

I met my first wife at 19. She was 29. I was a baptised Catholic, she a Protestant. We married sooner than a year after we met for immigration purposes (I sponsored her). Our wedding was a civil one. We had a daughter together. I wasn’t faithful in the relationship, and well within two years of our wedding we were no longer living as husband and wife (although our official divorce would come many years later).

I met my current wife, who is a baptised Catholic, twelve years ago. We married (civil) in 2011 and had a son in January of this year. We have returned to the Church this year, although obviously neither of us take Communion.

We live in a country in Asia where previous marriages are routinely hidden from family. By my wife’s choice, we have never told her parents or other family members about my previous marriage. Her family is involved with the Church here (not our particular parish, though), and we are afraid that my going through the annulment process here may somehow come back to her family. As a result we’ve decided to wait until we return to Canada, my home country, to begin the process.

There are two obvious problems: 1) We’d like to be in Communion, and 2) We can’t have our son baptised until we are married in the eyes of the Church.

I have two questions:

1. If the annulment process is simply a “confirmation” by the Church that my first marriage is invalid, is it wrong for me to participate in the sacrament of Confession or take the Eucharist if I feel certain in my heart that my first marriage was never valid? In other words, while I wait to return to Canada to begin the official process.
2. Is there any possibility of going through the annulment process over distance, i.e. via a tribunal in Canada? My first wife lives there, in any case. And how kindly would the Church view my reasons for wanting to do so (i.e. hiding the past from my present wife’s family)?

Any compassionate advice is welcome. I’ve spoken a little with my parish priest, but not in all detail. Based on the limited details I gave him, he also recommended waiting until we return to Canada. However, I have a burning passion to resolve this and be in full Communion.

Thank you!

 

[joanofarc2008]

Speak to your priest. You would be looking at a lack of form decision. Any decision by a tribunal is sealed so no, it would not get back to the family. Yes it would be wrong to take part in Eucharist as you are currently married to your wife as you were not married by proper form.

 

[JRKH]

I know of no reason why you cannot have you son baptized…Your marital status should have nothing to do with this. Have you talked to your priest on this matter?

Beyond this, I’m afraid I cannot offer much advice…Annulment processes may vary somewhat from country to country and your priest, or someone in the bishops office might be able to advise you better.

While I cannot say for sure…I believe that you would be able to return to the Eucharist if you and your current wife, go to confession and agree to live together as “brother and sister” until the matter of your marital status is resolved…

Peace
James

 

[nodito]

1. If the annulment process is simply a “confirmation” by the Church that my first marriage is invalid, is it wrong for me to participate in the sacrament of Confession or take the Eucharist if I feel certain in my heart that my first marriage was never valid? In other words, while I wait to return to Canada to begin the official process.

Good for you for wanting to come back into communion with the Church!

I’m not too familiar with the actual annulment process and I don’t know how confidential it is in practice in other countries. But to speak to your first question, any baptized Catholic can receive the sacrament of Confession if he has contrition for his sins and a firm purpose of ammendment. In other words, you ask for forgiveness because you’re sorry for your sins and resolve not to commit them again. But the problem with your irregular marriage situation is that you’re not validly married to your current wife, and so every time you have sexual relations with her you are fornicating. Reconciliation is possible and available to you, but you would need to intend to live chastely until you were able to validly marry this woman in the Church. This is true regardless of whether or not your previous marriage was invalid.

 

[ChibiViolet]

If you and your wife abstain (before the annulment) than it should be fine to go to Confession and recieve the Eucharist.

 

[1ke]

Talk to your priest.

In the US and Canada, there is a formal process for lack of form decrees. Paperwork is collected and submitted to the tribunal. However, in Europe it is not that way. No sacramental record of marriage, no marriage. They do not do “lack of form” paperwork. It is worth checking on in Asia. So, you may not have any paperwork to do in order to convalidate your current marriage.

To answer your other question, yes you can petition the tribunal where you live, where your ex lives, where the marriage took place, or where the most evidence can be gathered.

Go talk to your priest. Do not delay.

 

[pmichaelson]

I recently went through the annulment process in the USA. I had been away from the church for many years and was also remarried for many years. The process took 15 months, mostly because my witnesses were slow in finishing their part. Our deacon had us write our narrative and was able to determine right away if it would qualify. Not all marriages can be annulled. The process is very private. My husband and I were able to receive the sacraments as long as we remained chaste in our relationship…a marriage outside of the church is NOT a valid marriage and sexual relations are seen as fornication, and adulterous. The grace that you receive by offering this up for the sake of returning to Christ’s church will make this part of the process an easy part!!! The whole process is a true lesson in humility. Be honest and “be not afraid!” I will pray for you…get the baby baptized!!!

 

[krmtaylor]

Speak to your priest. You would be looking at a lack of form decision. Any decision by a tribunal is sealed so no, it would not get back to the family. Yes it would be wrong to take part in Eucharist as you are currently married to your wife as you were not married by proper form.

Thank you for your response! The decision is sealed, but what about the process itself? Would it involve my present wife in any way?

 

[krmtaylor]

I know of no reason why you cannot have you son baptized…Your marital status should have nothing to do with this. Have you talked to your priest on this matter?

Beyond this, I’m afraid I cannot offer much advice…Annulment processes may vary somewhat from country to country and your priest, or someone in the bishops office might be able to advise you better.

While I cannot say for sure…I believe that you would be able to return to the Eucharist if you and your current wife, go to confession and agree to live together as “brother and sister” until the matter of your marital status is resolved…

Peace
James

Thank you! The priest at our first parish implied that it would be unusual for us to have our son baptized in front of the congregation if we hadn’t been married in the Church yet. We were also quite new at that particular parish. However, we’ve since changed parishes (the original parish didn’t offer Mass in English). I may bring this up again with our current priest.

The “brother and sister” option is something I’ve yet to bring up with my wife, but thank you for mentioning that.

 

[krmtaylor]

Good for you for wanting to come back into communion with the Church!

I’m not too familiar with the actual annulment process and I don’t know how confidential it is in practice in other countries. But to speak to your first question, any baptized Catholic can receive the sacrament of Confession if he has contrition for his sins and a firm purpose of ammendment. In other words, you ask for forgiveness because you’re sorry for your sins and resolve not to commit them again. But the problem with your irregular marriage situation is that you’re not validly married to your current wife, and so every time you have sexual relations with her you are fornicating. Reconciliation is possible and available to you, but you would need to intend to live chastely until you were able to validly marry this woman in the Church. This is true regardless of whether or not your previous marriage was invalid.

Thank you…this is a great explanation. Initially, I thought there wouldn’t be any harm in me attending Confession and taking the Eucharist. But the intention to live chastely until we marry validly would be prerequisite. This is something my wife and I have to consider seriously.

 

[krmtaylor]

Talk to your priest.

In the US and Canada, there is a formal process for lack of form decrees. Paperwork is collected and submitted to the tribunal. However, in Europe it is not that way. No sacramental record of marriage, no marriage. They do not do “lack of form” paperwork. It is worth checking on in Asia. So, you may not have any paperwork to do in order to convalidate your current marriage.

To answer your other question, yes you can petition the tribunal where you live, where your ex lives, where the marriage took place, or where the most evidence can be gathered.

Go talk to your priest. Do not delay.

Thanks for the advice. My priest told me that he had only been involved in one other annulment and admitted a general lack of experience in this area (although he was definitely willing to help us). He doesn’t speak the local language and probably relies on native clergy for assistance in this sort of situation. Unfortunately, his lack of confidence affected my own confidence to begin the process. Confidentiality is of such importance to my wife so long as we live here.

Your example of the lack of form process in Europe inspires hope, and I may bring this up with my priest.

I think I will follow your advice and contact someone back home in Canada to see if I can have a tribunal in Canada handle our case. However, do we not need a priest to “represent” (for lack of a better word) us? And isn’t a personal interview part of the process?

Thanks again for your help!

 

[Phemie]

Thanks for the advice. My priest told me that he had only been involved in one other annulment and admitted a general lack of experience in this area (although he was definitely willing to help us). He doesn’t speak the local language and probably relies on native clergy for assistance in this sort of situation. Unfortunately, his lack of confidence affected my own confidence to begin the process. Confidentiality is of such importance to my wife so long as we live here.

Your example of the lack of form process in Europe inspires hope, and I may bring this up with my priest.

I think I will follow your advice and contact someone back home in Canada to see if I can have a tribunal in Canada handle our case. However, do we not need a priest to “represent” (for lack of a better word) us? And isn’t a personal interview part of the process?

Thanks again for your help!

When a Catholic was married in a civil marriage, presenting

1. 
   *]a newly obtained Certificate of Baptism that shows “No recorded marriage”;
   *]a marriage certificate or record of marriage – one diocese I dealt with wanted certified copies of the Registration of Marriage from Vital Statisics rather than the Certificate of Marriage – that shows where you were married and who the officiant was;
   *]a copy of your divorce decree
   
   is usually enough to have the Tribunal says ‘yes, this guy is free to marry’. This is not an ‘annulment’ but rather an administrative action.
   
   Some dioceses don’t even require that these documents be submitted to the Tribunal if there is no record of a marriage in your baptismal record. Our last bishop had the priests who were doing the Prenuptial Investigation do all this.

 

[1ke]

I think I will follow your advice and contact someone back home in Canada to see if I can have a tribunal in Canada handle our case. However, do we not need a priest to “represent” (for lack of a better word) us? And isn’t a personal interview part of the process?

In a full tribunal case you have an advocat and interviews, etc. But yours is not a nullity case. It is a lack of form case. that is paperwork only and pretty straightfoward. Contact the judicial vicar in your Canadian diocesan office.

 

[joanofarc2008]

Thank you for your response! The decision is sealed, but what about the process itself? Would it involve my present wife in any way?

No your current wife has no standing. You are not in fact at this point in a true marriage, Church wise as you did not marry by valid form. You are still in need of convalidation but cannot do so until the finding of fact of your first marriage.

 

[ChibiViolet]

If you and your wife abstain (before the annulment) than it should be fine to go to Confession and recieve the Eucharist.

I meant to add, in the parenthesis, and after you’ve married you’re legal wife in the Church of course…