Annulments/support group

[ThePaw]

Dear Dan,
No I never joined the catholic church, as far as the baptism issue , I don’t remember if he even asked. The priest that married us did a full communion and I received communion at that time. Which I question now. At the time I was only a teenager and just did what I was told. With no knowledge of any church or the christian faith much less the catholic doctrine I had no idea what i was doing. I just wanted to get married and out of the house . and of course have a fun party.

 

[dans0622]

I thought you would like to know despite my previous post My advocate then asked for a death certificate which I provided and i received a letter from the diocese to say the case had been concluded. So that as they say is that. The church tells us the present situation in a marriage has no bearing on its validity what is important is the situation when the marriage ceremony took place except it seems when one of the members has died.

“Concluded” has a particular meaning in a nullity process (it means that the case is awaiting a decision). Apparently, however, it means something more like “dismissed” in your case… If so, that’s too bad. It doesn’t really mean anything about the validity of the marriage, though. It means (in my estimation) that the Court does not want to (or it thinks it is unable to) spend any more time on the case.

Dan

 

[dans0622]

…

It’s been a weird year. I’ve got a general canon law question: My ex-wife talked to a priest and told him that I was forcing my daughter to receive communion. In front of all my kids, on the speaker phone, the priest said I was no longer allowed to receive communion. Now my ex-wife is suing me in court for interfering with “her” right to arrange all religious events even though our parenting plan explicitly says she isn’t allowed to violate the plan for religious purposes. The really sad part is that it’s illegal for my ex-wife to have even held the conversation with the priest in front of my kids … but now I’ve got scandal on my hands. My daughter even left a voice message for the priest, and told him that she asked to go to communion. She explained the situation; but the priest won’t write back and clear up the scandal even to say that I can go.

…

My understanding is that I am still considered the lawful father and husband as far as the church holds until the annulment is in place. The encyclical on chaste marriage re-iterates that church teaching is that the father (eg: “not the Husband”) has primacy over the children … unless the father abdicates. I’ve never shirked my duty … so I don’t see why the church allows priests to take divorce as a reason to elevate my wife above me with respect to the kids. They don’t have the right to do what they do.

Is there no real chain of authority that I can ask for relief from within the church?
Can I write someone at the Vatican?

What would you do?

First, I wouldn’t give that priest’s declaration (i.e., you can’t receive Communion) much weight since, based on the facts as you present them, he simply does not have the authority to say such a thing. The pertinent canon is c. 915 and it seems that you do not fall within its purview.

As for your rights as a father, the Church would recognize the arrangements made in the civil court. Also, whether or not there is a declaration of nullity, you are, in fact, the father of your children and that can never change.

If you are met with continual silence on the diocesan level, inform them that you are contemplating taking your concerns to the Holy See. You could then write a letter to the Apostolic Nuncio and ask that your concerns be forwarded to the appropriate Congregation in Rome.

Dan

 

[dans0622]

Dear Dan,
No I never joined the catholic church, as far as the baptism issue , I don’t remember if he even asked. The priest that married us did a full communion and I received communion at that time. Which I question now. …

Huh. Yeah, that’s odd. Anyway, it seems to me that you will need to present your case to a local priest/tribunal and just go through the regular, nullity process. I hope you are able to find competent assistance.

Dan

 

[AnchoredInHope]

I finally received my decision and it was affirmative that a sacramental marriage did not take place.

The process is long and, in my diocese at least, very cold and impersonal. I felt like I was treated like a number instead of a person. I think the Tribunal needs to remember that even though they may have 1000 cases in front of them, behind each of those cases is a human being who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect. I did not feel I was treated that way at all.

I realize it takes time, and I want them to take all the time they need to make a just decision, but I can also see how the way petitioners are treated needs some major improvement.

To those of you going through the process, hang in there and don’t get discouraged. I hope you are not treated the way I was, but if you are, please remember you ARE a person and God loves you very much (the Tribunal makes it very hard to remember that). Have courage and don’t give up. God bless you all

I popped back in here after about a year away from this thread and I just felt led to say that I agree with you 100% and I’m sorry that your experience was cold when it should have been handled with more compassion and understanding…especially when so much is asked of you to participate in this deeply personal matter.

 

[AppyCatholic]

I hope it’s ok to dig this thread up but I felt like I needed to make a post and this seemed like the most appropriate place. I’m 6 months into my annulment application, which is about how long I was told the process would take in my diocese. A few weeks ago I got a letter from the tribunal setting the grounds for my annulment breaking several months of silence. About a week later I received a letter about the publication of acts. From what I could gather this is to be one of the last steps in the process so my hopes were up to have a decision soon (the acts were to be published for 10 business days). Fast forward to today and I decided to call the tribunal office to find out what to expect next. Unfortunately I was told that I was in line to be sent to the defender of the bond and I needed to call back in 2 months to see where the case is at. That will put me at about 8 months which I realize isn’t that long compared to some of the stories in this thread. I guess I just got my hopes up that a decision would be coming soon only to find out it would be a couple more months out minimum. My spiritual advisor (and advocate) who recently passed away thought I have a strong case and figured the process would go by relatively fast but that apparently is not the case since I’m now blowing by the 6 month expected time frame. I just fill alone especially now that my spiritual advisor is no longer with me and the news today has made me feel hopeless. I long to return to the sacraments and my heart aches for the Lord. it’s so hard to go to mass and be so close to the Lord and not be able to receive him or go to the sacrament of confession. If you read this please say a prayer for me that my faith will endure. Like I said I feel like I’m totally on my own and no one to talk to about this since my mentor passed on. Thanks for reading this.

 

[CradleJourney]

I hope it’s ok to dig this thread up but I felt like I needed to make a post and this seemed like the most appropriate place. I’m 6 months into my annulment application, which is about how long I was told the process would take in my diocese. A few weeks ago I got a letter from the tribunal setting the grounds for my annulment breaking several months of silence. About a week later I received a letter about the publication of acts. From what I could gather this is to be one of the last steps in the process so my hopes were up to have a decision soon (the acts were to be published for 10 business days). Fast forward to today and I decided to call the tribunal office to find out what to expect next. Unfortunately I was told that I was in line to be sent to the defender of the bond and I needed to call back in 2 months to see where the case is at. That will put me at about 8 months which I realize isn’t that long compared to some of the stories in this thread. I guess I just got my hopes up that a decision would be coming soon only to find out it would be a couple more months out minimum. My spiritual advisor (and advocate) who recently passed away thought I have a strong case and figured the process would go by relatively fast but that apparently is not the case since I’m now blowing by the 6 month expected time frame. I just fill alone especially now that my spiritual advisor is no longer with me and the news today has made me feel hopeless. I long to return to the sacraments and my heart aches for the Lord. it’s so hard to go to mass and be so close to the Lord and not be able to receive him or go to the sacrament of confession. If you read this please say a prayer for me that my faith will endure. Like I said I feel like I’m totally on my own and no one to talk to about this since my mentor passed on. Thanks for reading this.

May God grant you peace of heart, peace of mind and peace of spirit. May He grant your advisor His ever faithful love and peace, and may He comfort you in your sorrow and dismay. I ask this in the most holy name of his Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ.

((HUGS))

 

[kristis524]

I hope it’s ok to dig this thread up but I felt like I needed to make a post and this seemed like the most appropriate place. I’m 6 months into my annulment application, which is about how long I was told the process would take in my diocese. A few weeks ago I got a letter from the tribunal setting the grounds for my annulment breaking several months of silence. About a week later I received a letter about the publication of acts. From what I could gather this is to be one of the last steps in the process so my hopes were up to have a decision soon (the acts were to be published for 10 business days). Fast forward to today and I decided to call the tribunal office to find out what to expect next. Unfortunately I was told that I was in line to be sent to the defender of the bond and I needed to call back in 2 months to see where the case is at. That will put me at about 8 months which I realize isn’t that long compared to some of the stories in this thread. I guess I just got my hopes up that a decision would be coming soon only to find out it would be a couple more months out minimum. My spiritual advisor (and advocate) who recently passed away thought I have a strong case and figured the process would go by relatively fast but that apparently is not the case since I’m now blowing by the 6 month expected time frame. I just fill alone especially now that my spiritual advisor is no longer with me and the news today has made me feel hopeless. I long to return to the sacraments and my heart aches for the Lord. it’s so hard to go to mass and be so close to the Lord and not be able to receive him or go to the sacrament of confession. If you read this please say a prayer for me that my faith will endure. Like I said I feel like I’m totally on my own and no one to talk to about this since my mentor passed on. Thanks for reading this.

You are in my prayers. Please know that the length of time your case takes has nothing to do with its strength. They review cases in the order they are received. Once your case comes up, things will happen relatively quickly. My case was a ‘slam dunk’ and I waited over a year (this was after the mandatory appeal was no longer required) for my case to reach the top of the pile. The communication from my diocese was non-existent. I was not even allowed to call to check on the progress of my case. I have not remarried, so I was able to receive sacraments, but the waiting was still hard and the lack of communication most frustrating. Hang in there and please remember you are NEVER alone

 

[JillyAnn]

I hope it’s ok to dig this thread up but I felt like I needed to make a post and this seemed like the most appropriate place. I’m 6 months into my annulment application, which is about how long I was told the process would take in my diocese. A few weeks ago I got a letter from the tribunal setting the grounds for my annulment breaking several months of silence. About a week later I received a letter about the publication of acts. From what I could gather this is to be one of the last steps in the process so my hopes were up to have a decision soon (the acts were to be published for 10 business days). Fast forward to today and I decided to call the tribunal office to find out what to expect next. Unfortunately I was told that I was in line to be sent to the defender of the bond and I needed to call back in 2 months to see where the case is at. That will put me at about 8 months which I realize isn’t that long compared to some of the stories in this thread. I guess I just got my hopes up that a decision would be coming soon only to find out it would be a couple more months out minimum. My spiritual advisor (and advocate) who recently passed away thought I have a strong case and figured the process would go by relatively fast but that apparently is not the case since I’m now blowing by the 6 month expected time frame. I just fill alone especially now that my spiritual advisor is no longer with me and the news today has made me feel hopeless. I long to return to the sacraments and my heart aches for the Lord. it’s so hard to go to mass and be so close to the Lord and not be able to receive him or go to the sacrament of confession. If you read this please say a prayer for me that my faith will endure. Like I said I feel like I’m totally on my own and no one to talk to about this since my mentor passed on. Thanks for reading this.

I’m not sure why anyone would tell you it takes 6 months.

The strength of your case is not reflected by time. ITts true. You are at the Mercy of your place in line and whatever HOLIDAYS roll around. My husband and I went through annulment together, interviews and all. Our process ran through Christmas and Easter and the dioceses were closed during that time. Our process took roughly a year, which I thought was really fast!
Don’t lose hope. You’re just waiting in line.
And, might I add, it is so worth waiting for! Holding That document was one of the best feelings of my life!

 

[AppyCatholic]

I’m not sure why anyone would tell you it takes 6 months.

The strength of your case is not reflected by time. ITts true. You are at the Mercy of your place in line and whatever HOLIDAYS roll around. My husband and I went through annulment together, interviews and all. Our process ran through Christmas and Easter and the dioceses were closed during that time. Our process took roughly a year, which I thought was really fast!
Don’t lose hope. You’re just waiting in line.
And, might I add, it is so worth waiting for! Holding That document was one of the best feelings of my life!

Thank you everyone for your replies and prayers they are greatly appreciated more than you know.

I’m pretty sure the brochure the tribunal gave me initially actually said 6 months was the general time frame in my diocese. I guess I wouldn’t be so discouraged if I had not got my hopes up it would be ending around this time. Today actually makes 6 months since I got the letter saying the tribunal was accepting my case. My diocese is small so I cant imagine they get very many cases a year but at the same time im sure that not having as many cases as larger diocese can slow the processs down to since we dont have the resources larger diocese have. Your continued prayers for my perseverance would be greatly appreciated.