Another baby!!!

[Lexee15]

Lexee,

I’m not going to say I know what it is you’re going through, but I have lived in a situation like this as the daughter of a woman who got cheated on many times. My mother married my biological father when she was 19. He kept her isolated at home and never let her work. She had my sister at 20, me at 23 and my brother at 26. Right before my brother turned 1, my mom found pictures of my so-called dad in the car. She couldn’t believe what she was looking at! The pictures were of a Church wedding and my dad was the groom (with another woman!!!).

Before she found these pics, she had received many calls from other women telling her my dad was having sex with them and that he didn’t care about her. She didn’t listen, she never did until she found the heart breaking pictures. My parents were married in the CC, and here she found pics of him and that … woman (she doesn’t even deserve to be called woman, but for respect of CAF rules, I keep mean comments to myself), the pics were of a Catholic wedding!!! The worst part was that this woman was very pregnant in the pics.

We moved to a different state, and my mom filed for divorce but he didn’t want to sign the papers, he said he loved them both (can you believe this man??). As time passed, we didn’t hear of him, maybe once every 2-4 yrs, then it was 6, now it’s been 15 yrs since I last saw him.

But let me tell you this Lexee, my mom, just got her MA in business management, my dad never let go to school or work, my mom works for a big HMO and is very successful, my dad works in a laundry, my mom has her own house, my dad rents a 2 bedroom house, my mom has kept the same job for yrs and is growing a lot w/in the company, my dad can’t even hold a job for a year. My mom is happily remarried w/a man who loves all her 3 children as if we were his own, my dad’s wife cannot even prove her 1st daughter is my dad’s. My dad’s family still likes my mom and love us (even though we don’t see them much), and they can’t stand his wife or kids.

He had everything going for him and he messed it up. What goes around comes around. My mom loved him w/all her heart and gave everything to him, and now she is so successful and doing great. My dad gave us nothing, he even starved us when we lived w/him (our neighbors basically fed us every day, the Drs paid our medical bills) and worse of all, his marriage to that woman isn’t valid neither civilly nor through the CC. You get at the end what you give at the beginning.

You will get rewarded by God, while he might never be happy or have peace of mind again. Let God be the judge of him and let God be your guidance. Give yourself to God as my mom did, and offer everything you do and have to your son and late daughter. God will reward you! God will judge him for his actions. You have everything to gain, you can build yourself a great future, while he is being adulterous and doesn’t have place to call home. Be strong for your son and for yourself. If it weren’t for my mom, we’d be in the streets of Mexico (probably doing something I’d be ashamed of) but she pulled it together and held God’s hand all the way thru and all her 3 children have gone to college, 2 of us are married, 1 w/a child, 1 is in the Navy, 1 already has a house of her own, and one is still working to get her MA. Do you want to know what the bad part of all this is? He (my dad) is missing out on all this, he missed out on 3 children’s lives and the lives of his future grandkids, he missed our weddings, he missed graduations, bdays, xmas, etc… you on the other hand will be there and that is priceless…

May God bless you… You are in my prayers.

Thank you for your story and I am also sorry that you had to go through this, God bless you for coming out of this such a sweet person. I am very happy for your mother too, what a strong woman, God certainly did bless her. It is a shame that a parent chooses to miss out on the life of their child(ren), I do think that, to a certain extent, like you, my son will be better off without his father.

He didn’t even call to wish my son a happy birthday, he’s never given him a birthday gift or Christmas present, etc. He’s just a pathetic excuse for a human being (I know, not very charitable…just venting a bit), he probably doesn’t even remember when his b-day is and personally I don’t care, my son has a great Father that will never let him down:thumbsup:!!!

 

[Lexee15]

I’m so sorry you’ve had to suffer through these things I will be praying for you and your family. Remember, it’s when God seems furthest away that He’s actually the closest to us.

Thank you so much, your prayers are needed and greatly appreciated.

 

[Lexee15]

Lexee what you are feeling is normal. I know that you are hurting but just think that you are better off now without him.

I always say that you can never base your happiness on somebody else’s misery, pain, suffering and tears. That women is now feeling exactly what you felt. You may think that she does not care. But she must be going through a tough time right now. What you do unto others has such a funny way of coming back to haunt you. What your ex is doing to her now is exactly what he was doing to you with her. That is enough torture for anybody to know that how they were sneaking around behind your back he is now doing the same thing to her and on top of that she is pregnant and she has no security that he is going to be with her for ever and ever Amen.

I can gaurantee you this that women is miserable right now where she is because he is not even married to her and there is is expecting her 2nd child and the man is busy with other women. Your ex has issues and he needs to sort them out.

You are not a cry baby what you are feeling right now is normal and it is okay. You have every right to feel that way. But also don’t allow yourself to get upset about it. This man was not good enough for you and does not deserve you. God has other plans for you.

I should know it if you have read my threads you will know that my soon to be ex and I were married for 12 years had two kids together. And he left me for a 20 year old girl who is 14 years younger than him. When I found out about the affair in I fell apart tried committ suicide. And two months later when I found out she was pregnant I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in hospital and had to undergo shock treatment to get me out of the terrible depression state I was in.

One years later and I am so much better and realise that my ex and I were just not meant to be. He did not deserve me and little Miss Teenager can have me. Guess what he care hardly support the two kids we have together now. Miss Teenager left the baby when he was 4 months old with her mother thousands of miles away to come and stay with a married man who was not divorced yet. Left her baby to follow a man she will soon found out about the man she has gotten herself involved with. First of all he used verbally and physically abuse me, he is a a very jealous and possessive man, very insecure, unreliable, can hardly support his existing kids. And she was a very young, insecure, drug addict, unstable young girl. If he can abandoned, abuse, deceive, lie, cheat on me after so many years how does she know that he will not do the same to her one day when she reaches her expiry date. My ex looks like a very young man and soon those looks of his are going to catch up on him.

But I can say that God has blessed me in so many ways that I do not cry about this man anymore. Whatever feelings and emotions I had for him turned into ashes and dust. And what he did to me has just become a memory.

You need to just let it go it is not worth the pain and suffering. Your ex must grow up and what he is not realising that sleeping around in this day and age is very dangerous. And one day when he decides to wake up it will be too late. As for the Pregnant Women don’t even bother yourself with her. Her day came sooner than she thought and getting pregnant for the 2nd time “shame poor her” from a man that runs away from committment.

I do remember reading your story, I am so glad you are doing much better. Thank you for your comforting words and good luck with all you do, God bless you.

 

[Lexee15]

Please forgive me for sounding harsh but it sounds like you’re well rid of him.

You’re not harsh…yes I am well rid of him. In a previous post I think I talked about this, I know I don’t want him back, I want what he took from me back. I think that’s what it is, he stole my hopes, dreams, security, etc. He’s making, for now, a life with someone else, a life that should have been mine and my son’s. It’s really hard to explain sometimes, the feelings are just hard to explain.

 

[Lexee15]

You definately DO NOT come across as a cry baby Lexee. You seem a wonderful, loving, kind and a very strong woman who’s had so much to contend with. Go easy on yourself.
You have suffered a great deal, God must love you very much. It’s not easy to move on, like I said, it took me 6 years.
There will come a day when nothing he does will bother you. It takes time.
Does he still see your son? Does he have to? Don’t you live quite a long distance from him now? It may be better for all if he had nothing to do with your son as well. He certainly wouldn’t be a good influence.
Praying for you. God bless

Hi Jules, thanks for your words. He doesn’t see my son much at all, he hasn’t seen him since before Thanksgiving, not because I don’t let him but because something always comes up and he can’t make it, whatever!!! We still live in the same area, I’m praying to see where God wants me to go, but if all goes well I plan on going back to California after the divorce is final, that’s where my support system is, all my family and friends. Then I will be in Cali and he’ll be here in Illinois, which will be good since he’ll have even less access to my ds.

I worry about the kind of influence he could have on my ds, I want to limit his exposure to such toxicity!!!

 

[Lexee15]

You are the more deserving of the good things, but God is choosing to let you suffer.
Maybe to teach you forgiveness, real forgiveness from the heart. If nothing else, I would pity them both for the empty, selfish lives they are living. No good can come of it, unless they see the error of their ways.

After reading this post it left me thinking, I really do feel that I have forgiven, real forgiveness, but then when I feel like this and I get angry and upset it makes me question that forgiveness.

When one forgives does that mean we can’t get upset anymore? Is the sign of total real forgiveness not getting angry, emotional, upset irritated, etc. with the person(s) or situation that has caused such pain and suffering? If that’s the case then I haven’t really forgiven, but I want to think that I did because I made the conscious decision to forgive and move on.

 

[cecilia97]

You’re not harsh…yes I am well rid of him. In a previous post I think I talked about this, I know I don’t want him back, I want what he took from me back. I think that’s what it is, he stole my hopes, dreams, security, etc. He’s making, for now, a life with someone else, a life that should have been mine and my son’s. It’s really hard to explain sometimes, the feelings are just hard to explain.

Hi Lexee,

You lost the hopes, dreams, and sense of security. But most of it was a dream…one that sadly was not going to come true with such a man, and now you know that. If the new gal has those same dreams, you know for sure she’s not going to have them fulfilled by him.

The pain does start to lessen after the legal stuff is done, I promise. Hang in there.

 

[Mograce]

I’m sorry that you & your son & angel daughter have been treated in such a despicable way. To desecrate your family that way is disgusting and pure evil.
I’d feel the same way. You’re normal. Pray harder for the ex & his mistress. See them as deluded children who need help. Plead Jesus’ mercy for them & mean it. It really diffuses anger.
My ex got himself “fixed” so when he abandoned myself & our three babies, I know that was all the pro-creating he’d be doing so I would never have to explain to my dear kids that they had half-siblings they’d never know because of his evil…
Blessedly,God gave me a new family and I married in the Church & my husband adopted my kids and we are happy together. My ex hasn’t seen or talked to his ex-kids in since 95 and they don’t even remember him!
How are you going to handle the fact that your son has siblings? Does your ex still see his son? Will they be a part of your lives?

What a mess! God will assist you in working it all out though! Ask the dear St. Joseph to restore you to happiness & bring about a new family for you. He came through for me.

God Bless!
Mograce

 

[Lexee15]

My ex got himself “fixed” so when he abandoned myself & our three babies, I know that was all the pro-creating he’d be doing so I would never have to explain to my dear kids that they had half-siblings they’d never know because of his evil…

I’m so sorry you had to go through this, this is always painful.

Blessedly,God gave me a new family and I married in the Church & my husband adopted my kids and we are happy together. My ex hasn’t seen or talked to his ex-kids in since 95 and they don’t even remember him!

I’m so happy for you, that certainly is a blessing…I’m so glad God put a good man in your life.

How are you going to handle the fact that your son has siblings? Does your ex still see his son? Will they be a part of your lives?

You know, I don’t know how I’m going to handle it yet, I don’t think you know my story so I’ll elaborate a little bit. He had other children before we met and married, he didn’t really see those kids so I can safely bet that he won’t see my ds very much either. The way he behaved with those other kids, always disappointing them and lying, I don’t want him to be in my son’s life very much. Visitation should be enough, and if possible supervised. He’s a terrible influence, to be honest, I have a feeling he has other kids out there that I don’t know about. I will tell my son someday that he has a bunch of half brothers and sisters and just leave it at that:shrug:, what else can I do? Those other children will not be a part of our lives, it’s just not healthy and I don’t think I’ll be living near any of them…not that I would know who they are anyway.

What a mess! God will assist you in working it all out though! Ask the dear St. Joseph to restore you to happiness & bring about a new family for you. He came through for me.

God Bless!
Mograce

Thank you so much, it is a mess a big mess, and he doesn’t even care or realize that he’s making this mess. I never thought I’d have as a husband a person with no conscious, he belongs in a mental institution:shrug:!!!

I will pray to St. Joseph, now there was a man a real man that all should aspire to. I pray that with his intercession God will put a good man in my life I just pray that I’m able to recognize him.

 

[jules11]

After reading this post it left me thinking, I really do feel that I have forgiven, real forgiveness, but then when I feel like this and I get angry and upset it makes me question that forgiveness.

When one forgives does that mean we can’t get upset anymore? Is the sign of total real forgiveness not getting angry, emotional, upset irritated, etc. with the person(s) or situation that has caused such pain and suffering? If that’s the case then I haven’t really forgiven, but I want to think that I did because I made the conscious decision to forgive and move on.

I’m not sure I really do understand forgiveness either. I think if you want good to happen to him, (like him converting and finding God, not that he lives happily ever after with this woman… oh but that may be part of it if he converts and she does too… who knows?)
And not wish bad upon him, then you have forgiven. It’s thinking that we all do wrong and knowing that if he were truly sorry, you would forgive him.
But he has done you a great wrong. You are entitled to feel upset by it. And he also has never been sorry or wanted your forgiveness either so that makes it a truly heroic thing to forgive. Forgiveness is also knowing you hold no anger to the point of wishing him evil or wanting revenge.
God’s forgiveness is always there for us if we want it and even if we don’t but He does not force anything on us.
Sorry if this is all just a big ramble. I have wondered about this myself as well.

 

[jules11]

I will tell my son someday that he has a bunch of half brothers and sisters and just leave it at that:shrug:, what else can I do? Those other children will not be a part of our lives, it’s just not healthy and I don’t think I’ll be living near any of them…not that I would know who they are anyway.

Lexee, you’ll just have to check the history and parentage of any girl your son goes out with! It would be awful if he fell in love with a half sister and it’s happened before!

 

[Lexee15]

Lexee, you’ll just have to check the history and parentage of any girl your son goes out with! It would be awful if he fell in love with a half sister and it’s happened before!

Oh yes, I have thought about this before. Isn’t it just terrible to have to even deal with such things:shrug: :nope:?

I will have to be very honest with my son about who his father is and what he’s done (or should I say who…I know, I know not very charitable) and then explain why we have to be so thorough and careful when it comes to girls in his life.

Maybe he’ll be a priest and I won’t have to worry about “girls” in his life:extrahappy:, yeah, wishful thinking…but ya never know:thumbsup:.

 

[Lexee15]

I’m not sure I really do understand forgiveness either. I think if you want good to happen to him, (like him converting and finding God, not that he lives happily ever after with this woman… oh but that may be part of it if he converts and she does too… who knows?)
And not wish bad upon him, then you have forgiven. It’s thinking that we all do wrong and knowing that if he were truly sorry, you would forgive him.
But he has done you a great wrong. You are entitled to feel upset by it. And he also has never been sorry or wanted your forgiveness either so that makes it a truly heroic thing to forgive. Forgiveness is also knowing you hold no anger to the point of wishing him evil or wanting revenge.
God’s forgiveness is always there for us if we want it and even if we don’t but He does not force anything on us.
Sorry if this is all just a big ramble. I have wondered about this myself as well.

I don’t wish him any ill will, I have no interest in revenge, I figure God will take care of him when it’s time…and besides life has a funny way of turning you upside down when you think everything is going good. His time will come whether it’s in this lifetime or the next.

I do pray for him, I pray that he will repent of all he’s done and stop hurting people, especially innocent children. I don’t wish her or any of his women any ill will, but I also don’t make an effort to wish them any good either. When say my prayers I pray for all those who have hurt me also, that must include them and that’s all I am willing to do for those women.

I think my anger has been because I have lost a lot, he has not he’s replaced me and my children with others. He hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over our separation, divorce or death of our little girl. He doesn’t lose a wink of sleep over my ds, if he’s okay or needs anything. I know he knows I will always take good care of my ds, but he still doesn’t really know that. He hasn’t seen ds since before Thanksgiving, that says a lot, like I said before, it’s better for me that way…but it’s that dream that never really was. I think this baby news evoked anger about not just losing that dream, but coming to a realization that I never had it and never would with this man:blush:.

 

[yessisan]

Thank you for your story and I am also sorry that you had to go through this, God bless you for coming out of this such a sweet person. I am very happy for your mother too, what a strong woman, God certainly did bless her. It is a shame that a parent chooses to miss out on the life of their child(ren), I do think that, to a certain extent, like you, my son will be better off without his father.

He didn’t even call to wish my son a happy birthday, he’s never given him a birthday gift or Christmas present, etc. He’s just a pathetic excuse for a human being (I know, not very charitable…just venting a bit), he probably doesn’t even remember when his b-day is and personally I don’t care, my son has a great Father that will never let him down:thumbsup:!!!

I’m sorry he didn’t even call your son, but you know, your son has the greatest mom ever and he will always appreciate all you do for him. When he’s old enough to understand the situation, he’ll love you even more for being such a strong woman! God bless you, your son and your angel in heaven!

 

[nana3]

I think my anger has been because I have lost a lot, he has not he’s replaced me and my children with others. He hasn’t lost a wink of sleep over our separation, divorce or death of our little girl. He doesn’t lose a wink of sleep over my ds, if he’s okay or needs anything. I know he knows I will always take good care of my ds, but he still doesn’t really know that. He hasn’t seen ds since before Thanksgiving, that says a lot, like I said before, it’s better for me that way…but it’s that dream that never really was. I think this baby news evoked anger about not just losing that dream, but coming to a realization that I never had it and never would with this man:blush:.

Reading your thread has helped me understand my sister’s feeling of anger toward her ex as well. What you say about replacement has also happened to her. Her ex has remarried to his mistress and when my sister’s kids go over there and come back with a family photo, she gets angry. He has replaced her and embraced his new wifes’ children as his own. They don’t get along anyway, two of them are teens. They fight constantly, but he deserves everything he gets. My sister did not lose a baby as you did and I could not imagine to understand your pain. I think it is okay for you to be angry. You are grieving over the divorce and death of your baby girl. It will take time. I don’t understand fully how you feel, but my sister would say she does. What I have read in this thread has helped me understand her feelings towards her ex. They go up and down. I know she doesn’t like the new wife at all. One time she wished something bad would happen to her and that very day, the woman was in the ER and getting ready for surgery. She realized she should not say such things, but she was angry. Her ex has not paid child support for months and paid only $80.00 this month. She asked him about it and he said he had barely enough to feed himself and that he could not pay anything else. Then her kids come back this weekend from their dads and tell her that they just bought a new house. He needs all the money to go towards that and never mind his kids. He is a mess financially. As far as having the dad in the kid’s life, in my sister’s case it is bad for the kids. I think my sister would love it if he didn’t have them every other weekend for it is not good for them. Every case is different. Her ex is like yours and rarely calls the kids except to see them every two weeks. He doesn’t seem to care except to screw my sister up. He should be happy with his new wife but he is not.

I know you pray for your ex and you should. He needs much prayer for conversion. It is not easy to pray for someone who treats you so badly or has treated you so badly. I will pray for you and all women who go through divorce, adultery and betrayal.

You are being a great mother and I agree with what someone else said, your son will realize you were there for him and that you were and are a strong woman.

 

[mesquite_magic]

:console: I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.

I can kind of understand. My ex messed around on me all the time. After our divorce he purposely got himself kicked out of the military so he wouldn’t have as much child support to pay. My son has autism and epilepsy and was left with no insurance. Thank God for Arizona Long Term Care. I don’t know how I’d pay for his medical needs without it.

My ex rarely pays child support, yet he finds ways to impress each girl friend who comes into his life. He’s now getting VA disabiliy because he’s a drunk ( oh, excuse me, he’s depressed) He’s even getting money for the kids from the VA. Do you think the kids see any of it? Now he’s trying to get extra for our son as a Helpless Child. I asked him not to because it will mess up Bug getting SSI. And do you think Bug will see that money anyway? No it will go to “The Man Who Thinks He’s a Daddy” for booze.

Am I sore? Heck yah. Will I begrudge his gf if she gets pregnant. Probably not, only because I’d pity the child too much. I’m not judging you at all. Your feelings are totally understandable. I’m sorry for all your losses.

Hope things get better for you. (((((((Lexee))))))

Kim

 

[Lexee15]

Reading your thread has helped me understand my sister’s feeling of anger toward her ex as well. What you say about replacement has also happened to her. Her ex has remarried to his mistress and when my sister’s kids go over there and come back with a family photo, she gets angry. He has replaced her and embraced his new wifes’ children as his own. They don’t get along anyway, two of them are teens. They fight constantly, but he deserves everything he gets. My sister did not lose a baby as you did and I could not imagine to understand your pain. I think it is okay for you to be angry. You are grieving over the divorce and death of your baby girl. It will take time. I don’t understand fully how you feel, but my sister would say she does. What I have read in this thread has helped me understand her feelings towards her ex. They go up and down. I know she doesn’t like the new wife at all. One time she wished something bad would happen to her and that very day, the woman was in the ER and getting ready for surgery. She realized she should not say such things, but she was angry. Her ex has not paid child support for months and paid only $80.00 this month. She asked him about it and he said he had barely enough to feed himself and that he could not pay anything else. Then her kids come back this weekend from their dads and tell her that they just bought a new house. He needs all the money to go towards that and never mind his kids. He is a mess financially. As far as having the dad in the kid’s life, in my sister’s case it is bad for the kids. I think my sister would love it if he didn’t have them every other weekend for it is not good for them. Every case is different. Her ex is like yours and rarely calls the kids except to see them every two weeks. He doesn’t seem to care except to screw my sister up. He should be happy with his new wife but he is not.

I know you pray for your ex and you should. He needs much prayer for conversion. It is not easy to pray for someone who treats you so badly or has treated you so badly. I will pray for you and all women who go through divorce, adultery and betrayal.

You are being a great mother and I agree with what someone else said, your son will realize you were there for him and that you were and are a strong woman.

Thank you for your prayers, they are appreciated. I’m glad I was able to help you understand your sister’s situation a little better. If she feels anything like I have…poor girl. I am so glad you’re there for her, a girl really needs to feel that support.

I try not to dwell too much on how I’m “feeling” cause I don’t want to burden anyone and because it’s not good for me, but it sure feels good to know I have my sister there ready to listen or offer a shoulder when I need one. Sounds like you’re doing that for your sister…you are a good sis!!!

 

[Lexee15]

:console: I’m so sorry for all you’ve been through.

I can kind of understand. My ex messed around on me all the time. After our divorce he purposely got himself kicked out of the military so he wouldn’t have as much child support to pay. My son has autism and epilepsy and was left with no insurance. Thank God for Arizona Long Term Care. I don’t know how I’d pay for his medical needs without it.

My ex rarely pays child support, yet he finds ways to impress each girl friend who comes into his life. He’s now getting VA disabiliy because he’s a drunk ( oh, excuse me, he’s depressed) He’s even getting money for the kids from the VA. Do you think the kids see any of it? Now he’s trying to get extra for our son as a Helpless Child. I asked him not to because it will mess up Bug getting SSI. And do you think Bug will see that money anyway? No it will go to “The Man Who Thinks He’s a Daddy” for booze.

Am I sore? Heck yah. Will I begrudge his gf if she gets pregnant. Probably not, only because I’d pity the child too much. I’m not judging you at all. Your feelings are totally understandable. I’m sorry for all your losses.

Hope things get better for you. (((((((Lexee))))))

Kim

Thanks for the hug. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. I tell you, I don’t know where these men come from…I guess we as mothers need to make sure we raise responsible men!!! I would be heart broken if my son EVER behaved the way his father has, the question is how to keep that from happening:shrug:? Any suggestions…anyone? I will pray that things get easier for you and your son…God bless both of you.

 

[LeahInancsi]

Lexee,

It’s easy for me to say, but forget about this idiot (ba***d). It’s easy to understand how you still love him because you vowed to love him until “death do you part.” You have a beautiful little boy that this unfortunate man gave you. Focus all you have on this fatherless little boy. He needs you more than ever.

I’ll admit that I didn’t read this thread, but I recall that you were thinking of moving to California after you lost your little girl. If you haven’t, then you should. Get as far away from this man as you can. Move one, find a worthy father for your son and husband for yourself.

God bless you.

(Will anyone really read this?) :nope:

 

[Island_Oak]

The episodes that surround Our Lady of Fatima is particularly interesting to me, largely because of the famous “miracle of the dancing sun” that occurred on Oct 13th, 1917.

This weekend is the anniversary of the first apparition (May 13th, 1917) and the feast day for Our Lady of Fatima. So, I would like to conduct this poll to see if people are intrigued by Fatima like the way I am.

I would especially like to hear from non-Catholics about their thoughts on this subject.

Hey Lexee…thinking and praying for you and your angel, Fatima, today, Mother’s Day.

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