Another "camp" type question

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KimberlyAnn0218

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I know I posted something about our 11 year old but now I have a question about the almost 14 year old. again, we are only over a year into faithfull MAss attendance and living as Catholics instead of just doing almost nothing.

The youth ministry of our church is taking a trip to the Stuebenville Youth Conference this summer. Even when we were not good Catholics, our oldest son always had a beautiful faith. We had sent him to an incredible Catholic preschool inside a Catholic grade school ( we did this becuase we thought we were moving to that city for my husband’s job but that changed-it was well recommended and had extended childcare available). Anyway, that laid a nice foundation for him. Throughout his young life we are approached about his geat potential for being a Priest-imagine our reaction as non-attenders to Mass:o W e just kind of ignored it. He would talk about helping people, winning money adn donating it, he would doodle the Navity at Christmastime at his public school. He took pride in his knowledge of his faith. Now he is a typical teenager bucking everything spiritual at the exact time we are trying to practice our faith. Bad timing or maybe perfect timing-I am not sure!

Should we encouarge him to go to the youth conference knowing how he feels?

Kim
 
KimberlyAnn0218 said:
I know I posted something about our 11 year old but now I have a question about the almost 14 year old. again, we are only over a year into faithfull MAss attendance and living as Catholics instead of just doing almost nothing.

The youth ministry of our church is taking a trip to the Stuebenville Youth Conference this summer. Even when we were not good Catholics, our oldest son always had a beautiful faith. We had sent him to an incredible Catholic preschool inside a Catholic grade school ( we did this becuase we thought we were moving to that city for my husband’s job but that changed-it was well recommended and had extended childcare available). Anyway, that laid a nice foundation for him. Throughout his young life we are approached about his geat potential for being a Priest-imagine our reaction as non-attenders to Mass:o W e just kind of ignored it. He would talk about helping people, winning money adn donating it, he would doodle the Navity at Christmastime at his public school. He took pride in his knowledge of his faith. Now he is a typical teenager bucking everything spiritual at the exact time we are trying to practice our faith. Bad timing or maybe perfect timing-I am not sure!

Should we encouarge him to go to the youth conference knowing how he feels?

Kim
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You can encourage him, but you can’t force him. Has he got an interest in the March for Life in Washington DC? That might be another thing to consider if you want him to be in the company of other Catholic young people.
 
I would respectfully disagree with “The Real Julian” on this one. Yes you can force him. He’s 14 years old. Those Steubeville Camps/retreats ARE AWSOME:thumbsup:👍👍

My daughter was struggling a couple of years ago. Sent her to “Stubie” for a retreat, She ended up going to college there the next year, now she’s a “Sister” in The Servants of the Lord and Our Lady of Matara. I give a whole lot of credit to that retreat. Why? Because the kids (18-21) and the staff Live, eat and breath JESUS!

Get him there if he wants to go or not. If he’s human, the Lord will show up at “Steubi U” and have a little chat with your son.😃
 
KimberlyAnn0218 said:
I . He took pride in his knowledge of his faith. Now he is a typical teenager bucking everything spiritual at the exact time we are trying to practice our faith. Bad timing or maybe perfect timing-I am not sure!

Should we encouarge him to go to the youth conference knowing how he feels?

Kim
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two suggestion come to mind
one, first thank him for evangelizing you in those years when he was the one expressing these desires to grow closer to God, because his faith helped stimulate yours. Don’t do this in a context of trying to persuade him to do something. Have the talk about the summer conference some other time. Sit down, show him the registration materials, go on line and look at the videos, testimonies and other things they have and ask him to consider it as a chance to be with other kids his age, who are asking the same questions and facing the same challenges his is. He will have to decide but give him as much information as you can to help the decision. It can be life changing.
 
As a recently former teenager 😛 who also had a beautiful faith as a child, then leaned towards spiritual sloth as a teen, I can say that he might seem to be “bucking everything spiritual” but in the right environment, and through the right presentation, he will likely have fun at this camp, even if he doesn’t think so at first.

To quote Bishop Fulton J. Sheen:
“There are not one hundred people in the United States who hate The Catholic Church, but there are millions who hate what they wrongly perceive the Catholic Church to be.”
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This camp will help your son to better perceive his beautiful Catholic Faith.
 
My oldest went to Steubenville for 2 summers. He absolutely LOVED it. I would strongly encourage him to attend.
 
FatherOfTwelve said:
I would respectfully disagree with “The Real Julian” on this one. Yes you can force him. He’s 14 years old. Those Steubeville Camps/retreats ARE AWSOME:thumbsup:👍👍

My daughter was struggling a couple of years ago. Sent her to “Stubie” for a retreat, She ended up going to college there the next year, now she’s a “Sister” in The Servants of the Lord and Our Lady of Matara. I give a whole lot of credit to that retreat. Why? Because the kids (18-21) and the staff Live, eat and breath JESUS!

Get him there if he wants to go or not. If he’s human, the Lord will show up at “Steubi U” and have a little chat with your son.😃
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Thanks for the strong advice. I waffle a lot to be honest. Trying to find that balance between encouragement and pushiness that drives him away is difficult.
 
Catholic90 said:
My oldest went to Steubenville for 2 summers. He absolutely LOVED it. I would strongly encourage him to attend.
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If you don’t mind me asking…was he aprehensive at all about going? Or did he want to go initially?

Kim
 
Stuebenville is awesome, and it is only a long weekend. My kids have both been. I will say that my son, who is relatively quiet, did not like the crowds and Christian-pop that gets played almost constantly. But the message is very clear and very Catholic. Since you have been up and down in your faith, he might be very encouraged to see so many other teens who are obviously Catholic and happy about it. Since he’s relatively young (9th grade?) will he be going with a group from your parish? I wouldn’t send him by himself at that age and considering that he’s not excited to go.
 
He is 14. You fill out the form and pay the fee, pack him a duffle bag and put him on the bus to the Stuby conference.
 
I’ve gone to Steubenville conferences three times (once summer after freshmen, sophomore, and junior year). I loved it! Even if he walks away and doesn’t personally change any habits, he’ll at least have witnessed how much joy others find in their faith.

I’m 18, so still a bit young so I hope you don’t mind my (name removed by moderator)ut.

But I don’t see why you’re so aprehensive about it? Have you asked if he’s interested in going? He might surprise you and actually want to go. Is he invovled with the youth ministry at church? If he is, chances are they’ll make a big deal out of it and make him feel invited. Either way, I strongly recommend that he goes.
 
Flamingo said:
I’ve gone to Steubenville conferences three times (once summer after freshmen, sophomore, and junior year). I loved it! Even if he walks away and doesn’t personally change any habits, he’ll at least have witnessed how much joy others find in their faith.

I’m 18, so still a bit young so I hope you don’t mind my (name removed by moderator)ut.

But I don’t see why you’re so aprehensive about it? Have you asked if he’s interested in going? He might surprise you and actually want to go. Is he invovled with the youth ministry at church? If he is, chances are they’ll make a big deal out of it and make him feel invited. Either way, I strongly recommend that he goes.
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I DO appreciate an 18 year old’s (name removed by moderator)ut…VERY much!

I am aprehensive beause I am afraid of pushing him in his faith in a way that is harmful…you know like driving him away? I want to encourage him. I did ask him about going and we looked at a promo and he is not super keen on big crowds and thought it didn’t look interesting to him.

We did ahve him go to a middle school day camp this summer and apparently he kept his b-ball cap on the whole time and sunglasses unles he HAD to remove them. He had some positive things to say but not many and did NOT want to go back. This was an outdoors place with a lake and he is a big time camper!

I am a convert and my husband is a cradle Catholic. Of his 5 siblings 3 left the Catholic church. They were Catholic school educated ( grade school) and everything. He told me his parents were pretty strict Catholic growing up and now they have backed off as they got older.

I am stuck between " no risk, no reward" and “don’t push him”
 
KimberlyAnn0218 said:
I DO appreciate an 18 year old’s (name removed by moderator)ut…VERY much!

I am aprehensive beause I am afraid of pushing him in his faith in a way that is harmful…you know like driving him away? I want to encourage him. I did ask him about going and we looked at a promo and he is not super keen on big crowds and thought it didn’t look interesting to him.

We did ahve him go to a middle school day camp this summer and apparently he kept his b-ball cap on the whole time and sunglasses unles he HAD to remove them. He had some positive things to say but not many and did NOT want to go back. This was an outdoors place with a lake and he is a big time camper!

I am a convert and my husband is a cradle Catholic. Of his 5 siblings 3 left the Catholic church. They were Catholic school educated ( grade school) and everything. He told me his parents were pretty strict Catholic growing up and now they have backed off as they got older.

I am stuck between " no risk, no reward" and “don’t push him”
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I was thinking about this more today. I remember attending a weekend retreat (not Steubenville) for kids in my diocese sometime before high school I think the summer after 7th grade. I know that I was a bit younger than your son, but I remember going that specific weekend had no immediate impact on me at the time. But looking back, what it did do was show me that Catholicism is still very much alive today and kids my own age do have strong faith.

Even if you son were to go to Steubenville and hates it, he would at least be witnessing the faith that other students, young adults, and staff have. It plants a seed about that Catholicism is very much something that is alive today not just at your local parish but shared by an incredible amount of people.

Is he currently involved with the youth ministry at all? What grade is he in?

Additionally, if you don’t feel like the youth ministry program at your parish is a good fit for him or isn’t where it should be, then check out other local parishes if possible. I know that it might seem strange, but that is the absolute biggest piece of advise I can give you. My parish actually didn’t have a youth program when I started high school, so I went to a neighboring parish (that I’ve fallen in love with! completely different atmosphere!) and have been there for 4 years and am currently finishing senior year. At the end of my junior year, my parish has started a youth program but I remained at the neighboring parish I started at. Not only would it be weird to say goodbye to my youthgroup I’ve spent 3 years at, I honestly don’t fancy their set up. A lot of parishes try to make their youth groups fun and all about lazer tag and pizza. That’s not to say lazer tag and pizza are bad, youth groups can have those too, but a youth group that is truely going to impact kids has to be serious about their faith too. That’s a huge reason why I love my youth ministry group. We do fun stuff like movie nights and lock-ins, but we also go to Adoration and Confession together. It’s a great balance. If the youth program at your parish isn’t quite cutting it and isn’t going to change, don’t be afraid to look elsewhere.
 
Exactly as the above poster says. It is a few days out of his life. If he hates it he never has to attend another one. We as parents today are far too afraid of our kids.
 
KimberlyAnn0218 said:
Thanks for the strong advice. I waffle a lot to be honest. Trying to find that balance between encouragement and pushiness that drives him away is difficult.
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I still would not force him to go. I went through this with my younger son from age 14-17 so I know how difficult it is to watch a teenager walk away for a little while. But your son had faith before, and he will again. Does he go to a school where Kairos retreats are held? That is another option. Both of my sons have attended and have led Kairos, and they loved it. It really helped their faith.

I am not afraid of my son, but there does come a time in every parent’s life when the kid says, “No, I won’t!” and the choice has to be made as to how to approach it. We chose not to make that another battleground, and I do not regret it.
 
KimberlyAnn0218 said:
I DO appreciate an 18 year old’s (name removed by moderator)ut…VERY much!

I am aprehensive beause I am afraid of pushing him in his faith in a way that is harmful…you know like driving him away? I want to encourage him. I did ask him about going and we looked at a promo and **he is not super keen on big crowds **and thought it didn’t look interesting to him.

We did ahve him go to a middle school day camp this summer and apparently he kept his b-ball cap on the whole time and sunglasses unles he HAD to remove them. He had some positive things to say but not many and did NOT want to go back. This was an outdoors place with a lake and he is a big time camper!

I am a convert and my husband is a cradle Catholic. Of his 5 siblings 3 left the Catholic church. They were Catholic school educated ( grade school) and everything. He told me his parents were pretty strict Catholic growing up and now they have backed off as they got older.

I am stuck between " no risk, no reward" and “don’t push him”
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Since you say he’s not super keen on big crowds, I recommend that you don’t force him. My son is the same way and did go to a Stubenville conference last summer, but we have said we will not force him to go to large events again. There are other ways to nuture his faith.

If you already know he does not like events like this (last summer’s camp as an example), then there is less reason for him to try it out. Look around for other, smaller events that your diocese may be doing. Or try taking a family pilgrimage to a local Catholic shrine or site. We often go to special Masses and events at the National Shrine as a family and my son gets a lot out of it.

Here’s an example: emmitsburg.net/grotto/

I remember that Faith and Family magazine used to highlight several US pilgrimage spots in each issue.
 
Castello said:
Exactly as the above poster says. It is a few days out of his life. If he hates it he never has to attend another one. We as parents today are far too afraid of our kids.
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It is not at all being afraid of your child to discern what is best for them. One size does not fit all, and even as a young teen, he may not gravitate to a big, loud event. We all have our own charisms or ways to approach the Lord. This child may be more contemplative or philisophical - not characteristics that Stuebenville conferences are know for. There are bound to be several other choices for retreats or family events that the OP’s son could attend instead. A little research will probably turn up quite a few.
 
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