Another falling apart Catholic

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GreyRabbit

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I guess you guys get this all the time, and I’m pretty sure I’ve posted something like this before, at least once if not more.

It doesn’t take much to see that people have struggles far worse than my own, and I know that even if someone around us doesn’t seem like their struggling, that doesn’t mean nothing isn’t going on in their lives.

So what’s my deal? Well, I’m a cradle Catholic, in my last three weeks of a full college quarter, with only two more classes to take over the summer for graduation. I have loving parents–though one of them isn’t exactly practicing Catholic–a good boyfriend–though he’s struggling with practicing too–a roof over my head, and while there’s no food of mine in the fridge–cept one packet of tortillas–I can more or less get by with two meals a day–which I know is more than what some people get.

So, what. the. freakin. heck. is. wrong. with. me??

For the past month I’ve been feeling this incredible sensation of helplessness. I’ve got no special talent, no particular skills, I’m in a major I despise–I’m only taking it cuz it’s the easiest one at this point since I’ve failed in 4 others–I’ve got two loans, a two-bit job that only works me maybe 2 hours the whole week which is not enough, a period (sorry for all you males out there) that didn’t come though for some reason I’m feeling the pain of one–no I’m not pregnant–and when it does come I’ll be pretty much disabled and…and…why go on? There’s too much to say, and this is already getting long. I hate this world. I’m so sick and tired of battling against this secular environment. Practically every single one of my classes of late have been nothing but attacks on the faith, whether or not anyone of my peers realizes it. I’m tired of people whining about how unfair it is that “we don’t allow same-sex marriage,” I’m tired of seeing my friends and loved ones claim to be Catholic only they want to uphold same-sex marriage and abortion/contraception, etc. I’m tired of explaining things to brick walls.

I’m getting no where in my life. I want to run away. I’ve read some of the nice things people have been saying to others who are also in troubling situations, but… I don’t feel God. I don’t hear Him. My life feels so incredibly empty. And even though I know some of you are going to say “don’t give up,” “He loves you,” and all those kinds of nice–and true–things, I know nothing is going to change. I know all that is true in my head, but my head is not connecting to my soul or my heart.

I’m so close to graduation and yet I’m tripping at the finish line. I’ve no motivation, no goal, no focus. Which is extremely bad not just because of the obvious, but I’ve also got a Spanish test on three chapters tomorrow, of which I haven’t studied because I can’t focus etc etc.

I need to get out. But there’s no where to go. I’ve got no time for anything worthwhile because I always should be studying. The more I think about it, the more I just want to get into the car with some clothes, some money, and just drive away. Leave behind my phone, tell no one, and just leave. Well, maybe leave a note saying not to worry even though I know they would. But of course, that would probably be really really selfish, and we mustn’t have that!

I don’t have love, joy, peace, patience and all those things. I’m so annoyed at everyone and every little thing can set me off.

I know I’m pathetic, and feel free to remind me not to be so self-centered, self-focused, and overall selfish.

Sorry.
 
Dear Grey
It sounds like everything is just wrong in your life. And like you say. Some things are not going well while others are okay.
I hope you already feel better. Maybe it was just those few days before the period when everything can seem worse than it is. I certainly know how that feels. If you experience bad cramping maybe you should see a gyno? I would recommend NaProTechnology. I heard about women who had bad PMS and pain (sometimes endometriosis) and low energy lewels and taking progesterone helped them so much.
Sometimes God seems to be quiet. I think that when everything goes well we tend to think that He smiles at us all the time. But when things go bad the feeling sneaks in that God also went bad. I can’t really give you any advise. I would just tell you to pray. From the HEART. Sit down and tell God about what is going on and what you feel about your life, situation and Him. Let it just come out the good with the bad. Be completely honest. He can take it. I really think that this is the thing that works best if you want to get strength for your life. He waits.

I wish you all the best.
In Christ our Hope
A
 
You’re not so pathetic, you’re not self-centered nor self-focused nor selfish. There. I guess you were waiting for someone to say that. All humanity is like the one you just described and incredibly, the world gets by, thank you. Now make yourself useful. Greet the first person you meet, smile, chat. He/she could be in a worse situation than you have. Split the two meals you have with someone who doesn’t have one. Misery loves company and besides you could have a laugh or two to share! Go to your local Church, make confession, participate in a mass, seek out to be with cleaners, gardeners, cooks, be useful with anything you can lay your hands on, make yourself count and become a salt of the earth. Don’t wait when the “saltiness” is lost. You went to this forum, seeking to be helped; why not seek out to help? There are many others waiting out there, in a darker alley than you are in, waiting for a kind word that dignifies your worthiness as God’s child. Created in His image, you are worth to Him more than the birds who never sow yet fed or the grass of the fields, clothed better than Solomon’s, yet are here today and gone to the fire tomorrow. O you of little faith!
 
If you feel this way frequently, maybe you are suffering from depression? Have you considered talking to a professional about this?

I say this because I have been treated with antidepressants in the past, and the symptoms you describe (feeling empty, no motivation, no goals, desire to get away) sound like depression.

Stay strong, things can get better. Many of us have been in very dark places and made it through to enjoy happy and productive lives.
 
Dear Rabbit,

This too shall pass. You sound like you have a bad case of “Senioritis” compounded with “Spring Fever”.

You sound neither self-centered or too whiney to me. We have all been where you are, or will be at some point. My 18 year old has less than 2 weeks til he graduates from high school. So, what is his version of “Senioritis”? He would like to just drop out! I remember how badly I felt like quitting school just four weeks from graduation. My Mom told me to take a day off and just goof-off. It was Senioritis!

Now, the really rotten part of all of this, is that Senioritis usually occurs in the spring in this country, where school gets out for the summer. Spring Fever is a recurring illness. I get it at the ripe old age of 52. I am suffering from a really pronounced case of it this year, because I lost my job this January. So I am not able to spend any money just getting out and packing up, like you say. Boy! I sure want to, though. :rolleyes:

My advice is to hang in there. You will graduate soon, and have a totally different out-look. No, things won’t be rosy right away. But, you will not have Senioritis again. You may feel like you should just toss a hand grenade into the works, but don’t. Go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight. I suffer bad moods if I don’t get outside at least once a day. I didn’t realize what was wrong at first, but I was staying inside too much since I wasn’t running around outside catching buses to work and all.

Keep praying your Rosary. It helps me to calm down and not worry so much. See if you and your nice boyfriend can get together (even outside) to pray together. It might help your relationship. Stay connected with your family. My Mom has been calling me once a night, just to help me stay connected (they live 1,200 miles away). That has really helped me, and has taught me the value of family.

And, of course, on top of all of this, it would have to be *that *time of month! Sheesh! We gals never get a break, do we? Here I am, thinking I’m way past that time in my life, and bingo! I still get those mood swings and even some of the other symptoms. 🤷

I’m not making fun of you, just want to let you know that so many of us have gone through the same things and have had such similar feelings. I am glad you opened up to us. We all want to help you. Always know that you have friends here who care about you and are always willing to listen. 🙂

Peggy
 
you need to relax . your taking yourself way to seriously man. First off your not your clothes, your not the car you drive, your not how much money you have in the bank , your not your job, your not your damn khaki’s! Your a Freaking Man, made by almighty God, made in his image and likeness. Stop taking all this temporal stuff so seriously, like its going to matter in 80 years . Just live your faith the best you can man. I think you need to find a wife too.

Why dont you Join a Catholic dating website and meet some ladies . You seem too isolated .Get involved in church more.

Your a social being so be social. Dont stay home alot. Work out, study, Work, Go out with friends have a few beers at the pub. Its summer so you should be going to the beach , fishing, hiking. do stuff that gets your heart pumping. Dont stay on the computer too much or inside.

Again dont take yourself too seriously man, your bugging out. Just relax and enjoy life. Stop caring what people think as well.

God bless you and Enjoy the Summer
 
“For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” Jeremiah 29:11

“Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light” Mathew 11:28,30

" Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you" Hebrews 13:5 / Deuteronomy 31:6

God bless you
 
Hi Greyrabbit,
I’m a fellow finalist at the moment and I can really relate to how you’re feeling. It’s freaking me out that I’m at this point in my life where I could supposedly go anywhere, do anything but I don’t know what to do so I just end up worrying and being demotivated (which prevents me from working).
It sounds like you’re just feeling very stressed at the moment, unsure of where to go next, and maybe as a hangover from your previous unsuccessful attempts at your major, feeling a lack of achievement and self-confidence. You’re not a bad person or self-obsessed or anything like that, honestly. You’ve just yourself into a bit of a ‘down’ patch… it does sound to me like the symptoms of depression. Feeling helpless, hopeless or demotivated, bothered by everything… these are classic symptoms. When you describe yourself as lacking in joy, patience etc, the gifts that come from our relationship with God… it could be that depression is what’s getting in the way of this. You might well benefit from some kind of therapy, or medication, or a combination. I’m not giving medical advice just recommending that you see a doctor who might be able to point you in the right direction. It’s true that we all feel like this at times but if this is a common state of mind for you then that points towards it being an illness, which can be treated. You don’t need to feel like this!
Try not to get too frustrated with the secularity of the environment. Christianity has never been easy and in my opinion there have been far worse times to be Christian, when the prevailing culture has been completely pagan (e.g. Ancient Roman times) but… we have Jesus! We have the Holy Eucharist and God’s promise, and we’ve got through everything the world has thrown at us in the past and will continue to do so. You can’t expect the rest of the world to always agree, even with things that to a well-catechised Catholic seem perfectly obvious. There are so many conflicting messages out there that it’s no wonder people are confused. Just keep praying, trying to lead by example (there’s rarely any point in preaching) and trust God that it will be ok.
If you are concerned for your Catholic loved ones, do try to remember that few people are really taught the beauty of the faith that well, and in a way they probably aren’t personally culpable for being so mixed up.
You may also be able to fill in a mitigating circumstances form to help with your marks, because if you’re feeling depressed that is a genuine illness and should be taken into account.
It would also be a really great idea to try to connect with other young faithful Catholics, maybe at your nearby Chaplaincy or pro-life group or similar… that way you wouldn’t feel so alone and would benefit from a lot of extra support.
 
GreyRabbit said:
I guess you guys get this all the time, and I’m pretty sure I’ve posted something like this before, at least once if not more.

It doesn’t take much to see that people have struggles far worse than my own, and I know that even if someone around us doesn’t seem like their struggling, that doesn’t mean nothing isn’t going on in their lives.

So what’s my deal? Well, I’m a cradle Catholic, in my last three weeks of a full college quarter, with only two more classes to take over the summer for graduation. I have loving parents–though one of them isn’t exactly practicing Catholic–a good boyfriend–though he’s struggling with practicing too–a roof over my head, and while there’s no food of mine in the fridge–cept one packet of tortillas–I can more or less get by with two meals a day–which I know is more than what some people get.

So, what. the. freakin. heck. is. wrong. with. me??

For the past month I’ve been feeling this incredible sensation of helplessness. I’ve got no special talent, no particular skills, I’m in a major I despise–I’m only taking it cuz it’s the easiest one at this point since I’ve failed in 4 others–I’ve got two loans, a two-bit job that only works me maybe 2 hours the whole week which is not enough, a period (sorry for all you males out there) that didn’t come though for some reason I’m feeling the pain of one–no I’m not pregnant–and when it does come I’ll be pretty much disabled and…and…why go on? There’s too much to say, and this is already getting long. I hate this world. I’m so sick and tired of battling against this secular environment. Practically every single one of my classes of late have been nothing but attacks on the faith, whether or not anyone of my peers realizes it. I’m tired of people whining about how unfair it is that “we don’t allow same-sex marriage,” I’m tired of seeing my friends and loved ones claim to be Catholic only they want to uphold same-sex marriage and abortion/contraception, etc. I’m tired of explaining things to brick walls.

I’m getting no where in my life. I want to run away. I’ve read some of the nice things people have been saying to others who are also in troubling situations, but… I don’t feel God. I don’t hear Him. My life feels so incredibly empty. And even though I know some of you are going to say “don’t give up,” “He loves you,” and all those kinds of nice–and true–things, I know nothing is going to change. I know all that is true in my head, but my head is not connecting to my soul or my heart.

I’m so close to graduation and yet I’m tripping at the finish line. I’ve no motivation, no goal, no focus. Which is extremely bad not just because of the obvious, but I’ve also got a Spanish test on three chapters tomorrow, of which I haven’t studied because I can’t focus etc etc.

I need to get out. But there’s no where to go. I’ve got no time for anything worthwhile because I always should be studying. The more I think about it, the more I just want to get into the car with some clothes, some money, and just drive away. Leave behind my phone, tell no one, and just leave. Well, maybe leave a note saying not to worry even though I know they would. But of course, that would probably be really really selfish, and we mustn’t have that!

I don’t have love, joy, peace, patience and all those things. I’m so annoyed at everyone and every little thing can set me off.

I know I’m pathetic, and feel free to remind me not to be so self-centered, self-focused, and overall selfish.

Sorry.
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Dear Grey,
I have been there, I was in a depression for 4 years!
You heard it 4 years!
It all came about , when I helped my brother get out of his misery!
You ask how, well he had no job , no trade , and when he got married the bills piled up!
To cut a long story short , I got the rough end of the stick, and it hurt me , because it was from my brother.
It took me 4 years to get over it , having 5 kids , well it kept me going.
I had no motivation , no sense of life , no dream.
I woke up 1 day and took a long hard look at myself , I thought to myself " why am I so depressed?’ Get up , and start a new day! told my wife things will change here on!
Positive thoughts will help a lot! Forget about the past , forget about the hole that your in, chin up and get going! Believe me it won’t last, in the end you will win.

If you need advice , message me, I am all ears!
God Bless!👍
 
Personally, I think much in the previous posts is rather pointless or useless suggestions.

There are way too many “you need to”, or “do this or that”…

So… here is my (name removed by moderator)ut of two things you need to do :rolleyes:

… spend some time in Adoration… give it ALL to God… ALL of it. Even though He knows exactly where you are in life, and how it is affecting you… tell HIM.

… spend some time exercising… even just a walk, or a run. You can think of nothing while you walk, or you can think of God.

What you do after that will be what comes from His grace, even if it means more of the same.

Sometimes I even take my own advice, and I am always better off when I do.

God Bless, and be well - physically, and spiritually.

.
 
GreyRabbit said:
…I’m so sick and tired of battling against this secular environment. Practically every single one of my classes of late have been nothing but attacks on the faith, whether or not anyone of my peers realizes it. I’m tired of people whining about how unfair it is that “we don’t allow same-sex marriage,” I’m tired of seeing my friends and loved ones claim to be Catholic only they want to uphold same-sex marriage and abortion/contraception, etc. I’m tired of explaining things to brick walls.

…I’ve got no time for anything worthwhile because I always should be studying. …I know I’m pathetic, and feel free to remind me not to be so self-centered, self-focused, and overall selfish.
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:console:

I remember thinking when I attended college (longer ago than I care to admit) that it was a very self-focussed period of my life. While supposedly preparing for a career helping others, for years the focus seems to be on your classes, your school work, your grades, and basically yourself. I think most college students unconsciously recognize college is a time excessive self-focus, and many of them try to counter that by embracing causes to “help” people they think are oppressed. Unfortunately, many college students are simply naive pawns of the secularist that dominate teaching positions at most colleges and universities.

You are not one of those naive pawns, and that puts you in the awkward situation of taking posssitions that look “oppressive” to your peers and professors. Hang in there. College will be over soon. Maybe that scares you a little too.

Prayers for you during your tests and this final push to completing your degree. And I second the idea that you set aside your books for a moment and take some time to go to adoration or to pray while taking a walk.
 
Thank you so much you guys. Thank you for taking the time to read and then answer. I really appreciate it. I will do my best to follow your advices–I’m an English Major, is that even a word? advices?–and try to pick myself up a little more.

Thank you.
 
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