Another funeral question - hope it's not too weird

  • Thread starter Thread starter BJswife
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
B

BJswife

Guest
My father and husband and self are going to be buried in our church cemetery. My Mom who is Lutheran lives in the same city as my brother and his wife; they too will be buried in the Lutheran cemtery. It is sad that Mom and Dad can’t be buried together. Also Mom will be cremated after Baylor Medical School is finished with her. A possible solution would be to have her ashes divided and interred in both cemeteries. Can this be done? Will the Church allow it? I’ve never seen this issue discussed.
 
There is no reason why your mom’s ashes can’t be interred in your parish cemetery with your dad (if he has gone before). All he has to do is purchase a double plot, or a regular plot and a plot for ashes.

OTOH, the dividing of ashes, like their dispersal, is not something of which the Catholic Church would approve.
 
BJswife said:
My father and husband and self are going to be buried in our church cemetery. My Mom who is Lutheran lives in the same city as my brother and his wife; they too will be buried in the Lutheran cemtery. It is sad that Mom and Dad can’t be buried together. Also Mom will be cremated after Baylor Medical School is finished with her. A possible solution would be to have her ashes divided and interred in both cemeteries. Can this be done? Will the Church allow it? I’ve never seen this issue discussed.
Click to expand...
No, the remains cannot be divided. Why would she not want to be burried with your father?
 
There is no rule that a Catholic has to be buried in a Catholic cemetery. Many of my Catholic relatives are buried at Allegheny Cemetery, and I will probably be as well- even though Allegheny is adjacent to St. Mary’s.
 
Mom is Lutheran and lives in Houston, TX near my bro and SIL; they take care of her affairs. Dad lives with us in Cullman, adn we will all be buried in our Catholic Church cemetery. It’s not that they want to be buried separately, it’s the logistics of it all. They must live separately due to the myriad geriatric and other health issues they have. Mom can live at the independent living/assiosted care level in the faciliyt. Dad however, is frail and is slowly but surely head for a nursing home. They can’t be in the sames city - it’s not right for my bro to have to handle all the responsibilities. They did that for years and it’s no kind of life. I am disabled and cannot handle takihg care of myself and 2 other adults, hence the 2 locations, so as to divvy up the load more equitably.

Is there anything in church law that prohibits the ashes being divided and interred in 2 different places. It would comfort Dad to know she was being buried next to him. And my bro wants her buried down therebut would accept division of the ashes. This will determine the style of headstone and its inscription.
 
BJswife said:
Mom is Lutheran and lives in Houston, TX near my bro and SIL; they take care of her affairs. Dad lives with us in Cullman, adn we will all be buried in our Catholic Church cemetery. It’s not that they want to be buried separately, it’s the logistics of it all. They must live separately due to the myriad geriatric and other health issues they have. Mom can live at the independent living/assiosted care level in the faciliyt. Dad however, is frail and is slowly but surely head for a nursing home. They can’t be in the sames city - it’s not right for my bro to have to handle all the responsibilities. They did that for years and it’s no kind of life. I am disabled and cannot handle takihg care of myself and 2 other adults, hence the 2 locations, so as to divvy up the load more equitably.

Is there anything in church law that prohibits the ashes being divided and interred in 2 different places. It would comfort Dad to know she was being buried next to him. And my bro wants her buried down therebut would accept division of the ashes. This will determine the style of headstone and its inscription.
Click to expand...
I already answered that the remains CANNOT be divided or scattered. Even burial at sea requires that the ashes be enclosed together in one container and that container then dropped overboard. The ashes are to be treated like a body, think of it that way.
 
I can understand why they might need to be living apart right now. But I still don’t understand why they must be buried near where they live. Is it prohibitively expensive to transport ashes near where you and your brother live?

It seems more like this is an argument about who’s cemetery is better.
 
Brother Rich is correct in saying that the ashes cannot be separated if one wishes them to be interred in a Catholic cemetary. As far as the plot in the cemetary is concerned: many cemetaries will allow for an ashes filled urn to be buried above a casket in one plot. Therefore the purchase of a second plot would not be necessary. You would have to inquire of your cemetary if that is its’ policy or not. When one of my sisters died four years ago, we did exactly that. She was cremated and the ashes were buried above my father’s casket. As the headstone has the names of both my parents on it, we had a small marble marker with my sister’s name placed in the ground at the foot of the plot.
 
Mother wants to be buried in Minneapolis in the family plot there but that is not going to happen. Her money will run out before that and it would be prohibitively expensive. She doesn’t care about where Dad is buried. We (the family) thought it would be best if she’s buried in Houston where my brother and his wife live (and she does too) and since Dad lives with us he would be buried here. As it is it will cost around $7000 for a no-frills funeral: no viewing, closed casket, funeral Mass, interrment in the church cemtery, no flowers except the silk arrangements I will provide. If he dies on a Friday he will have to be embalmed because the funeral couldn’t be until Monday at the earliest. If he dies on another day of the week we could avoid the $1300 embalming cost and have “immediate burial”. We’re waiting to find out if we have to have a vault; if not we could avoid that $1100 cost. Otherwise it is around $7000 for the simplest possible funeral. The VA will provide free-of-charge a flag and bugler and an engraved bronze plaque because he is a WW2 vet. The bargain of the whole thing is the plot, only $500; they plan to raise the price so we got in by a whisker there. Dad doesn’t really know anyone so I don’t expect many to attend the funeral anyway. And there will be the obituary fee additionally.

Mom is deranged and mentally incompetant so she can no longer make decisions. Dad is still mentally with us, a blessing. Just thought that if it could be done my bro and his family could have part of Mome and we here could also have part of her. Oh well, we certainly will not do anything the Church forbids. Now we know. Thanks one and all - I think we can close this one up.
 
BJswife said:
Mother wants to be buried in Minneapolis in the family plot there but that is not going to happen. Her money will run out before that and it would be prohibitively expensive. She doesn’t care about where Dad is buried. We (the family) thought it would be best if she’s buried in Houston where my brother and his wife live (and she does too) and since Dad lives with us he would be buried here. As it is it will cost around $7000 for a no-frills funeral: no viewing, closed casket, funeral Mass, interrment in the church cemtery, no flowers except the silk arrangements I will provide. If he dies on a Friday he will have to be embalmed because the funeral couldn’t be until Monday at the earliest. If he dies on another day of the week we could avoid the $1300 embalming cost and have “immediate burial”. We’re waiting to find out if we have to have a vault; if not we could avoid that $1100 cost. Otherwise it is around $7000 for the simplest possible funeral. The VA will provide free-of-charge a flag and bugler and an engraved bronze plaque because he is a WW2 vet. The bargain of the whole thing is the plot, only $500; they plan to raise the price so we got in by a whisker there. Dad doesn’t really know anyone so I don’t expect many to attend the funeral anyway. And there will be the obituary fee additionally.

Mom is deranged and mentally incompetant so she can no longer make decisions. Dad is still mentally with us, a blessing. Just thought that if it could be done my bro and his family could have part of Mome and we here could also have part of her. Oh well, we certainly will not do anything the Church forbids. Now we know. Thanks one and all - I think we can close this one up.
Click to expand...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top